Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree that parents should limit their children's use of electronic devices in favor of encouraging more traditional play and interaction to promote healthier development?
Electronic devices are widely accepted in today's world and have a great significance in the society. These devices have outweight the traditional play in recent times and there are lot of arguments whether the parents should limit their children's use of electronic device in favour of encouraging more traditional play for the healthier developments of children. Today this essay will articulate some of the reasons that why should parents restrict their children's use of electronic devices for their enhanced development.
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects such as ranging from gaining insights about the devices, minimizing the distance between the people, providing medium to gain knowledge form the online world and a lot more. No doubt this greatest invention of digital devices have made the life of the human beings easier but it also consists of numerous drawbacks associated with it for example these devices makes people dependent on them always and also have the potential to harm an individual both physically and mentally. Such electronic devices are refered to as the detrimental concept for the children as they make them sedentary and discourage the children from intreracting more with the outside world rather they are just sticked to these instruments. The invention of these technological devices have acquired the traditional play which means that these invnentions have such an adverse effect on the children that they are always glued to technological devices which is not good for their healthy development rather they attract a lot of negative aspects related to it like lack of physical health, weak eye sights, lack of confidence, etc.
In order to reduce these potential harms to children the parents should limit the usage of electronical devices and try to encourage more traditional play to facilitiate them with more healthy development by playing with them outside making them learn about the world, involving them in physical acitivities and mental activities that allow them to play with their brain and build interactions with people which will eventually help them boost their confidence and various necessary skills for their development like all this will lead to their improvement in verbal skills and creative thinking and gaining insights about the outside environment. By all these measures the parents can help their children to reduce their dependancy on digital devices and preventing them from various problems caused by the usage of digital devices.
In the end it can be concluded that despite having many advantages of a digital devices it also produces some negative aspects too for the society. The childrens are more likely to get affected by these inventions however with the parents restrictions over these activities the children can be protected by encouraging more traditional play as well as outside involvements, they can help them in developing healthy mental and physical attributes.
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects such as ranging from gaining insights about the devices, minimizing the distance between the people, providing medium to gain knowledge form the online world and a lot more. No doubt this greatest invention of digital devices have made the life of the human beings easier but it also consists of numerous drawbacks associated with it for example these devices makes people dependent on them always and also have the potential to harm an individual both physically and mentally. Such electronic devices are refered to as the detrimental concept for the children as they make them sedentary and discourage the children from intreracting more with the outside world rather they are just sticked to these instruments. The invention of these technological devices have acquired the traditional play which means that these invnentions have such an adverse effect on the children that they are always glued to technological devices which is not good for their healthy development rather they attract a lot of negative aspects related to it like lack of physical health, weak eye sights, lack of confidence, etc.
In order to reduce these potential harms to children the parents should limit the usage of electronical devices and try to encourage more traditional play to facilitiate them with more healthy development by playing with them outside making them learn about the world, involving them in physical acitivities and mental activities that allow them to play with their brain and build interactions with people which will eventually help them boost their confidence and various necessary skills for their development like all this will lead to their improvement in verbal skills and creative thinking and gaining insights about the outside environment. By all these measures the parents can help their children to reduce their dependancy on digital devices and preventing them from various problems caused by the usage of digital devices.
In the end it can be concluded that despite having many advantages of a digital devices it also produces some negative aspects too for the society. The childrens are more likely to get affected by these inventions however with the parents restrictions over these activities the children can be protected by encouraging more traditional play as well as outside involvements, they can help them in developing healthy mental and physical attributes.
Submitted on July 12, 2024 at 10:09 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear stance on the importance of limiting children's use of electronic devices to promote healthier development through traditional play. Your argument is structured around the negative impacts of digital devices on children's physical and mental health, and the benefits of traditional play. However, there are areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your essay would benefit from more precise language and careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Additionally, incorporating specific examples or studies could strengthen your argument by providing concrete evidence to support your claims. To improve coherence, try to ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next, and use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Finally, consider a more varied vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining these aspects could make your argument more compelling and polished.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear position with a logical flow of ideas, particularly in outlining the drawbacks of electronic devices and advocating for traditional play. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Overall, your organization is effective but could benefit from more varied transitional phrases to better link sections. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects.
This sentence effectively introduces the topic and acknowledges the importance of digital devices, setting a balanced tone for the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Such electronic devices are refered to as the detrimental concept for the children as they make them sedentary and discourage the children from intreracting more with the outside world rather they are just sticked to these instruments.
Corrected Sentence:
Such electronic devices are referred to as detrimental for children. They encourage a sedentary lifestyle and discourage interaction with the outside world, as children become glued to these devices.
Such electronic devices are referred to as detrimental for children. They encourage a sedentary lifestyle and discourage interaction with the outside world, as children become glued to these devices.
Split complex ideas into simpler sentences for clarity, and correct spelling errors.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use a variety of transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, outline your main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported by examples or evidence.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and focused on individual aspects of the argument. However, some paragraphs are dense and could be broken down further to improve clarity. Band: 6.0
Bad Sentence(s)
The invention of these technological devices have acquired the traditional play which means that these invnentions have such an adverse effect on the children that they are always glued to technological devices which is not good for their healthy development rather they attract a lot of negative aspects related to it like lack of physical health, weak eye sights, lack of confidence, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
The invention of these technological devices has overshadowed traditional play. This shift has adverse effects on children, including promoting a sedentary lifestyle and contributing to negative health outcomes such as poor physical health, weak eyesight, and lack of confidence.
The invention of these technological devices has overshadowed traditional play. This shift has adverse effects on children, including promoting a sedentary lifestyle and contributing to negative health outcomes such as poor physical health, weak eyesight, and lack of confidence.
Break down the sentence into shorter, more focused sentences to improve clarity.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph’s main idea and concluding sentences to summarize or transition smoothly to the next point.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally good, helping to link ideas and sections of your essay. However, more varied devices could be used to enhance coherence. Band: 6.5
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases that not only show addition but also contrast, cause and effect, and sequence. This will make your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the argument that parents should limit children's use of electronic devices in favor of traditional play for healthier development. However, they could be more specific and directly state the main idea of each paragraph.
Good Sentence(s)
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects...
This sentence effectively introduces the significance of digital devices, setting the stage for discussing their drawbacks.
In order to reduce these potential harms to children the parents should limit the usage of electronic devices...
It clearly states the solution to the problem introduced earlier, guiding the reader towards the essay's proposed action.
Bad Sentence(s)
Today this essay will articulate some of the reasons that why should parents restrict their children's use of electronic devices for their enhanced development.
Corrected Sentence:
Parents should restrict their children's use of electronic devices to promote healthier development.
Parents should restrict their children's use of electronic devices to promote healthier development.
Make the sentence more direct and assertive by stating the reasons without announcing the essay's structure.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of the paragraph’s main idea. Avoid vague language and ensure each topic sentence directly supports your thesis. Use active voice for clarity and strength.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments. Including and refuting counterpoints could strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences that directly address counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While digital devices offer educational and social opportunities for children, the benefits of traditional play in developing physical health and social skills cannot be overlooked.
While digital devices offer educational and social opportunities for children, the benefits of traditional play in developing physical health and social skills cannot be overlooked.
Integrate a paragraph that acknowledges the benefits of digital devices for children's learning and social connections, then refute or mitigate these points by emphasizing the importance of balance.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint clearly and respectfully. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to explain why your argument still stands. This approach not only shows that you have considered various perspectives but also strengthens your position.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of arguing why parents should limit their children's use of electronic devices. Your essay is structured around a clear thesis and provides several reasons in support of your position. To improve, consider adding more concrete examples, such as research findings or expert opinions, to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and aim for more variety in sentence structures to enhance readability and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have clearly addressed the question by stating your agreement that parents should limit their children's use of electronic devices to promote healthier development. Your position is evident throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
The invention of these technological devices have acquired the traditional play which means that these inventions have such an adverse effect on the children that they are always glued to technological devices which is not good for their healthy development.
This sentence effectively highlights the core argument in favor of limiting electronic device usage among children.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you have made a strong case for the importance of traditional play over electronic device usage. However, the argument could be strengthened with more varied examples and a clearer structure.
Good example(s)
In order to reduce these potential harms to children the parents should limit the usage of electronical devices and try to encourage more traditional play to facilitate them with more healthy development.
This sentence clearly outlines the action parents should take and why, reinforcing your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples and reasons are on the right track but could be expanded for greater impact. Including specific studies or statistics could enhance your argument's credibility.
Good example(s)
Digital devices...have made the life of the human beings easier but it also consists of numerous drawbacks associated with it for example these devices makes people dependent on them always and also have the potential to harm an individual both physically and mentally.
This detail supports your argument by acknowledging the benefits of digital devices while emphasizing their drawbacks.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points well but could be more impactful by directly calling for action or highlighting the long-term benefits of traditional play.
Good example(s)
In the end it can be concluded that despite having many advantages of digital devices it also produces some negative aspects too for the society.
This sentence effectively wraps up your argument, though it could be stronger with a more decisive call to action.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of electronic devices and their impact on children's development. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be enhanced to strengthen your argument and clarity.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| outweight | outweigh | Typographical error. |
| electronical devices | electronic devices | 'Electronical' is not a standard adjective; 'electronic' is the correct form. |
| intreracting | interacting | Spelling mistake. |
| sticked | stuck | Incorrect past tense; 'stuck' is the correct form. |
| invnentions | inventions | Spelling mistake. |
| acquired | replaced | 'Acquired' is not the correct term in this context; 'replaced' better conveys the intended meaning. |
| childrens | children | 'Children' is already plural; 'childrens' is incorrect. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
devices 14 times | gadgets, tools, technology |
traditional play 5 times | conventional games, classic playtime, traditional games |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity. | A way of life that involves little physical activity. |
| cognitive development The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem-solving, and decision-making, from childhood through adulthood. | The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem-solving, and decision-making, from childhood through adulthood. |
| detrimental effects Negative impacts or consequences. | Negative impacts or consequences. |
| foster Encourage the development of something (e.g., 'foster creativity'). | Encourage the development of something (e.g., 'foster creativity'). |
| mitigate Make less severe, serious, or painful. | Make less severe, serious, or painful. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar demonstrates a good understanding of basic structures, but attention to detail is needed to avoid common errors such as subject-verb agreement mistakes, spelling errors, and correct word choices. Improving these areas will enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at varying sentence structure, but there is room for improvement in complexity and clarity. Some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken down into simpler, more concise statements.
Good example(s)
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas in a clear and structured manner.
Bad Example(s)
No doubt this greatest invention of digital devices have made the life of the human beings easier but it also consists of numerous drawbacks associated with it for example these devices makes people dependent on them always and also have the potential to harm an individual both physically and mentally.
This sentence is overly long and complex, making it difficult to follow. It could be split into multiple sentences to improve clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, with a good use of the present simple to discuss general truths and the present perfect for actions that have relevance to the present. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved.
Good example(s)
Digital devices are the man's greatest invention without any doubt that helped the population in many aspects.
This sentence correctly uses the present simple tense to state a general opinion.
Bad Example(s)
These devices makes people dependent on them always and also have the potential to harm an individual both physically and mentally.
The verb 'makes' should be 'make' to agree with the plural subject 'devices'. This is a minor tense agreement error rather than a tense usage issue, but it affects the sentence's correctness.
Grammatical Errors
These devices makes people dependent on them always
Correction:
These devices make people dependent on them always
These devices make people dependent on them always
Subject-verb agreement error; the plural subject 'devices' requires the plural verb 'make'.
outweight
Correction:
outweigh
outweigh
Spelling mistake.
childrens
Correction:
children
children
Incorrect plural form; 'children' is already plural.
refered
Correction:
referred
referred
Spelling mistake.
intreracting
Correction:
interacting
interacting
Spelling mistake.
acquired the traditional play
Correction:
replaced traditional play
replaced traditional play
Word choice error; 'acquired' does not convey the intended meaning.