Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Comparison/Contrast Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that traditional games are more beneficial for children and adults than modern video games. Compare and contrast these two types of games and give your opinion.
Playing games plays a crucial role in the development of human beings. Some people believe that conventional games are more important for children and adults. However, others believe that modern video games are significant in their lives. I agree with the second group due to some reasons that will be discussed in this essay.
On the one hand, traditional games are an undetachable part of the upbringing all age of groups. As these games provide them with face-to-face interaction, leading to meet new poeple and form long-lasting relationships. Additionally, individulas have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and express their thought and feeling accuratelly. Consequently, both children and adults are encouraged to engage in their community positively and enhance their self-confidence and gratitude. Furthermore, the conventional games represent vibrant culture thus participating in these games, makes people not forget their ancestry and background.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video games serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding. People can socilalize with their peers from different background through online games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familier with other cultures. Moreover, online video games provide opportunities to play throughout the year regardless of the weather and other conditions, as they do not need to leave their homes.
In conclusion, in my opinion, although traditional games are valuable, online video games are more appealing and influence people's lives. Because these games are more accessible and comfortable. They also offer opportunities to become familiar with various cultures and connect with others remotely.
On the one hand, traditional games are an undetachable part of the upbringing all age of groups. As these games provide them with face-to-face interaction, leading to meet new poeple and form long-lasting relationships. Additionally, individulas have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and express their thought and feeling accuratelly. Consequently, both children and adults are encouraged to engage in their community positively and enhance their self-confidence and gratitude. Furthermore, the conventional games represent vibrant culture thus participating in these games, makes people not forget their ancestry and background.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video games serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding. People can socilalize with their peers from different background through online games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familier with other cultures. Moreover, online video games provide opportunities to play throughout the year regardless of the weather and other conditions, as they do not need to leave their homes.
In conclusion, in my opinion, although traditional games are valuable, online video games are more appealing and influence people's lives. Because these games are more accessible and comfortable. They also offer opportunities to become familiar with various cultures and connect with others remotely.
Submitted on August 6, 2024 at 9:06 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, comparing and contrasting traditional games and modern video games while providing a clear opinion. Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar ('individulas' should be 'individuals', 'socilalize' should be 'socialize', 'familier' should be 'familiar', 'accuratelly' should be 'accurately'). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Additionally, while you provide reasons for your preference for modern video games, integrating more specific examples and evidence could strengthen your argument. Consider discussing particular traditional and modern games, citing studies, or referencing expert opinions to add depth to your analysis. Finally, enhancing the structure of your paragraphs for coherence and transitioning smoothly between ideas can make your argument more compelling. Overall, your essay is on the right track but refining these aspects could improve its impact and potentially increase your IELTS score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas from traditional games to video games and then your opinion is logical. However, the transition between these sections could be smoother to enhance readability. Overall, your organization is good, but there's room for improvement in transitions and depth of comparison. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, traditional games are an undetachable part of the upbringing all age of groups.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on traditional games, highlighting their importance across all age groups.
Bad Sentence(s)
As these games provide them with face-to-face interaction, leading to meet new poeple and form long-lasting relationships.
Corrected Sentence:
These games provide players with face-to-face interaction, leading them to meet new people and form long-lasting relationships.
These games provide players with face-to-face interaction, leading them to meet new people and form long-lasting relationships.
Revise to clarify the subject and correct the spelling mistake.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, focus on creating stronger transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases that explicitly compare and contrast the two types of games. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your thesis statement.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the games. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more detailed examples and a clearer connection to your overall argument. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Furthermore, the conventional games represent vibrant culture thus participating in these games, makes people not forget their ancestry and background.
This sentence effectively ties the cultural importance of traditional games to the paragraph's main idea, showing their role beyond mere entertainment.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea. Follow this with evidence or examples, and conclude with a sentence that ties the paragraph’s idea back to your thesis. This structure will help maintain clarity and focus.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there are opportunities to use a wider range of devices to strengthen the connections between your points. Band: 6.0
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, traditional games are an undetachable part of the upbringing all age of groups.
The phrase 'On the one hand' effectively introduces a contrast that is continued later in the essay.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied expressions to show comparison, contrast, cause and effect, and addition. This will not only enhance the flow of your essay but also demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating the focus on traditional games versus modern video games and your stance on the matter.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, traditional games are an undetachable part of the upbringing all age of groups.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on the value of traditional games, highlighting their role in social interactions and cultural preservation.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video games serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding.
It contrasts modern video games with traditional ones, setting up the paragraph that discusses the benefits of digital gaming.
Suggestions
To strengthen your topic sentences, ensure they are specific and directly relate to the question. Start with a clear statement of comparison or contrast and follow with a concise explanation of what the paragraph will discuss.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints by dedicating separate paragraphs to traditional and modern video games, but could integrate counterarguments within each section to deepen the analysis.
Bad Sentence(s)
However, others believe that modern video games are significant in their lives.
Corrected Sentence:
However, proponents of modern video games argue their significant impact on lives through enhanced accessibility and the ability to connect with a global community.
However, proponents of modern video games argue their significant impact on lives through enhanced accessibility and the ability to connect with a global community.
Integrate a specific counterpoint here to immediately contrast the views on traditional games, making your argument more nuanced.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint within the same paragraph and then refute or support it with evidence. This approach will make your argument more balanced and persuasive.
Task Achievement
7 Bands
Overall, you have done a commendable job in addressing the task. Your essay compares and contrasts traditional and modern video games well and provides a clear opinion. To improve, consider offering a more balanced view by discussing potential negatives of each type of game and enhancing your conclusion with a summary of key points. Additionally, watch out for minor spelling and grammar errors ('individulas' should be 'individuals', 'socilalize' should be 'socialize', 'familier' should be 'familiar').
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have effectively addressed the question by comparing and contrasting traditional games and modern video games, and providing your opinion as requested.
Good example(s)
As these games provide them with face-to-face interaction, leading to meet new people and form long-lasting relationships.
This sentence effectively highlights a key benefit of traditional games, supporting your argument well.
Moreover, online video games provide opportunities to play throughout the year regardless of the weather and other conditions, as they do not need to leave their homes.
This sentence clearly outlines a significant advantage of modern video games, aligning with your stance.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and leans towards supporting modern video games, but it could be strengthened by addressing potential drawbacks of each type of game to provide a more balanced comparison.
Good example(s)
Furthermore, the conventional games represent vibrant culture thus participating in these games, makes people not forget their ancestry and background.
This sentence effectively develops your position by highlighting the cultural significance of traditional games.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your arguments well. However, incorporating specific examples or studies could further strengthen your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion effectively, but it could be enhanced by briefly summarizing the key points made in the essay to reinforce your stance.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, in my opinion, although traditional games are valuable, online video games are more appealing and influence people's lives.
This sentence effectively restates your opinion, making your conclusion clear.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying your arguments regarding traditional versus modern video games. However, there are areas where lexical precision could be enhanced to improve clarity and reduce repetition.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| individulas | individuals | Spelling error. |
| undetachable | integral | 'Undetachable' is less common in this context. 'Integral' more accurately conveys that traditional games are essential. |
| breeding | development | 'Breeding' is not appropriate in this context; 'development' is the correct term when referring to growth or progress. |
| socilalize | socialize | Spelling error. |
| familier | familiar | Spelling error. |
| accuratelly | accurately | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
games 15 times | activities, pastimes, sports |
people 8 times | individuals, participants, players |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| cognitive development The process of growth and change in intellectual/mental abilities such as thinking, reasoning, and understanding. | The process of growth and change in intellectual/mental abilities such as thinking, reasoning, and understanding. |
| interpersonal skills The skills used by a person to interact with others effectively. | The skills used by a person to interact with others effectively. |
| virtual platforms Online spaces that allow for interaction, gaming, and socializing in a digital environment. | Online spaces that allow for interaction, gaming, and socializing in a digital environment. |
| cross-cultural Involving or bridging the differences between cultures. | Involving or bridging the differences between cultures. |
| enhance Intensify, increase, or further improve the quality, value, or extent of. | Intensify, increase, or further improve the quality, value, or extent of. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly strong, but attention to detail is needed to correct spelling errors and improve sentence structure for clarity. Ensuring subject-verb agreement and using parallel structure in lists will also enhance your writing. Reviewing sentence fragments and ensuring each sentence is complete will further improve your essay's readability.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity to make your writing more engaging.
Good example(s)
Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and express their thought and feeling accurately.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to list the benefits of traditional games, enhancing the clarity and depth of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
As these games provide them with face-to-face interaction, leading to meet new people and form long-lasting relationships.
This sentence is a fragment. It lacks a main clause, making it incomplete and potentially confusing for the reader.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the standard expectations for academic essays. You successfully maintain a balance between present simple for general facts and present perfect for actions with relevance to the present.
Good example(s)
Playing games plays a crucial role in the development of human beings.
This use of the present simple tense is appropriate for stating a general fact, making your argument clear and authoritative.
Grammatical Errors
individulas have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and express their thought and feeling accuratelly.
Correction:
individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills, such as understanding the perspectives of people and expressing their thoughts and feelings accurately.
individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills, such as understanding the perspectives of people and expressing their thoughts and feelings accurately.
Spelling errors ('individulas', 'accuratelly') need correction. Additionally, parallel structure ('understanding... and expressing...') improves readability.
People can socilalize with their peers from different background through online games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familier with other cultures.
Correction:
People can socialize with their peers from different backgrounds through online games, which may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familiar with other cultures.
People can socialize with their peers from different backgrounds through online games, which may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familiar with other cultures.
Spelling errors ('socilalize', 'familier') need correction. 'Background' should be plural to match 'peers'. A comma before 'which' improves clarity.