Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Space tourism is becoming a reality, with private companies planning commercial spaceflights. Analyze the benefits and concerns associated with space tourism.
With the development of technology, space tourism has a high possibility to become a choice for holidaymakers in the upcoming years. This option would provide us an opportunity to have fun while exploring space, however, we cannot predict the type of danger we might encounter while travelling.
The outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on a vacation during their holidays. To witness things that we have seen only in space textbooks up-close would be a life changing experience. In addition to that, we would also be learning new facts as we get a chance to explore the vast space with our loved ones. Particularly, children who are curious and enthusiastic about the universe would enjoy this educational experience.
In contrast, there are disadvantages that we should be mindful of. The amount of energy sources and technology needed to travel to space will be extremely high and will result in exploitation of the environment. Furthermore, space is still a place of mysteries to scientists where many unknown dangers prevail and travelling there with children is not advisable. We would not be able to forecast the problems that might arise during the trip or how to handle them as there is very little knowledge about space presently. For instance, Kalpana Chawla, an astronaut sadly lost her life while travelling in space due to technical issues.
In conclusion, even though space tourism would make a memorable tour, the risks and damages that come along with it make it a questionable option.
The outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on a vacation during their holidays. To witness things that we have seen only in space textbooks up-close would be a life changing experience. In addition to that, we would also be learning new facts as we get a chance to explore the vast space with our loved ones. Particularly, children who are curious and enthusiastic about the universe would enjoy this educational experience.
In contrast, there are disadvantages that we should be mindful of. The amount of energy sources and technology needed to travel to space will be extremely high and will result in exploitation of the environment. Furthermore, space is still a place of mysteries to scientists where many unknown dangers prevail and travelling there with children is not advisable. We would not be able to forecast the problems that might arise during the trip or how to handle them as there is very little knowledge about space presently. For instance, Kalpana Chawla, an astronaut sadly lost her life while travelling in space due to technical issues.
In conclusion, even though space tourism would make a memorable tour, the risks and damages that come along with it make it a questionable option.
Submitted on July 24, 2024 at 7:59 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic of space tourism, presenting a balanced view of its potential benefits and concerns. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, a paragraph each for the benefits and concerns, and a concise conclusion that summarizes your stance. Your examples, such as the reference to Kalpana Chawla, add relevance and depth to your argument. However, to improve your essay, consider expanding on the specific benefits and concerns with more detailed examples or data. Additionally, enhancing the range of vocabulary and sentence structures could make your argument more compelling. Pay attention to the precision of language to avoid general statements that could be more impactful with specifics. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your arguments and language use could help in achieving a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with clear transitions between paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion wraps up the argument well. However, to improve, ensure that each paragraph delves deeper into the topic introduced by the topic sentence, providing more detailed examples and analysis. Additionally, linking words could be used more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, following a logical progression from introduction to conclusion. The flow of ideas from the potential of space tourism, its benefits, to its concerns and a final verdict is coherent. Overall, the organization of your essay is effective. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
To witness things that we have seen only in space textbooks up-close would be a life changing experience.
This sentence effectively encapsulates the allure and educational potential of space tourism, contributing to the essay's logical flow by highlighting a significant benefit.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider introducing a brief outline of your main points in your introduction. This will prepare the reader for the structure of your argument and make your essay even more coherent.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a distinct aspect of space tourism. The introduction, benefits, concerns, and conclusion are all given their own paragraphs, which helps in maintaining clarity. Band: 7.5
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices, such as contrastive conjunctions ('however', 'in contrast') and additive conjunctions ('in addition to that'), effectively connects ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for more sophisticated devices or varied expressions. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
In contrast, there are disadvantages that we should be mindful of.
This sentence effectively signals a shift from discussing the benefits of space tourism to its concerns, maintaining the essay's coherence.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'furthermore' for adding information, or 'as a result' to show consequence. This will enhance the connectivity of your ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, indicating both the benefits and concerns of space tourism.
Good Sentence(s)
The outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on a vacation during their holidays.
This sentence effectively introduces the positive aspect of space tourism, highlighting the unique experience it offers.
In contrast, there are disadvantages that we should be mindful of.
It clearly signals a shift to discussing the negative aspects, maintaining a balanced view.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and specific language. Consider the reader's curiosity by hinting at what they will learn or discover in the paragraph.
Counter Points
You have effectively handled contrasting viewpoints by presenting both the benefits and concerns of space tourism. However, the depth of analysis on each point could be improved to strengthen your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
In addition to that, we would also be learning new facts as we get a chance to explore the vast space with our loved ones.
This sentence effectively highlights a positive aspect of space tourism, emphasizing its educational value.
Bad Sentence(s)
Furthermore, space is still a place of mysteries to scientists where many unknown dangers prevail and travelling there with children is not advisable.
Corrected Sentence:
Furthermore, the unpredictable nature of space, underscored by the mysteries that even scientists have yet to unravel, poses significant risks, making it particularly advisable to reconsider space travel for families with children.
Furthermore, the unpredictable nature of space, underscored by the mysteries that even scientists have yet to unravel, poses significant risks, making it particularly advisable to reconsider space travel for families with children.
Provide a more detailed analysis or example to strengthen the argument against space tourism.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint fully before presenting your rebuttal or support. Use evidence or examples to back up your points, and try to show a deep understanding of the counterargument to strengthen your own position.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a commendable effort in addressing the topic. You have outlined both benefits and concerns of space tourism, though the essay would benefit from a more balanced analysis and stronger, more specific supporting details. Additionally, integrating more varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary could help to elevate your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have addressed the question by discussing both the benefits and concerns associated with space tourism. However, a more balanced analysis with equal emphasis on both aspects could enhance the response.
Good example(s)
To witness things that we have seen only in space textbooks up-close would be a life changing experience.
This sentence effectively highlights a significant benefit of space tourism, emphasizing its potential to offer unique and transformative experiences.
Bad Example(s)
however, we cannot predict the type of danger we might encounter while travelling.
This sentence is vague and lacks specificity about the potential dangers, making it a weaker argument against space tourism.
Development of Position
Your argument presents a clear stance, but it leans more towards the excitement and educational benefits of space tourism without equally robust discussion on the concerns.
Good example(s)
In addition to that, we would also be learning new facts as we get a chance to explore the vast space with our loved ones.
This sentence effectively contributes to developing your position by highlighting the educational value of space tourism.
Bad Example(s)
travelling there with children is not advisable.
This statement is abrupt and lacks elaboration, weakening your argument on the concerns associated with space tourism.
Supporting Details
Your examples and details add value to your essay, but they could be strengthened with more specific evidence or data to support your claims, especially on the environmental and safety concerns.
Good example(s)
For instance, Kalpana Chawla, an astronaut sadly lost her life while travelling in space due to technical issues.
This is a strong detail as it provides a real-world example to support the argument about the dangers of space travel.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more impactful by suggesting a balanced perspective or a call for further research into making space tourism safer and more sustainable.
Bad Example(s)
the risks and damages that come along with it make it a questionable option.
This conclusion is somewhat negative and dismissive without acknowledging the potential for future improvements in space tourism.
Lexical Resources
7 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of space tourism, with terms like 'holidaymakers', 'life changing experience', and 'exploitation of the environment' effectively conveying your ideas. However, there's room to enhance your lexical resource by varying your word choice more and avoiding repetition to make your argument more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
space 9 times | outer space, the cosmos, the universe, celestial spaces |
travel 4 times | journey, voyage, expedition |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| pioneering Involving new ideas or methods. | Involving new ideas or methods. |
| sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level without exhausting natural resources or causing severe ecological damage. | Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level without exhausting natural resources or causing severe ecological damage. |
| ecological footprint A measure of human impact on Earth's ecosystems. | A measure of human impact on Earth's ecosystems. |
| technological marvels Products of technology that are admired for their ingenious and innovative design. | Products of technology that are admired for their ingenious and innovative design. |
| astronomical costs Extremely high expenses. | Extremely high expenses. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite solid with minor errors that do not significantly detract from the clarity of your argument. Paying closer attention to article use and plural forms can help refine your writing. Additionally, varying your sentence structures more could make your essay even more engaging and dynamic.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences exhibit a good range of complexity and variation, contributing to a clear and engaging argument. However, incorporating more complex structures and varying sentence openings could enhance readability and engagement further.
Good example(s)
To witness things that we have seen only in space textbooks up-close would be a life changing experience.
This sentence effectively uses a conditional structure to describe a potential experience, adding depth to your argument.
Bad Example(s)
With the development of technology, space tourism has a high possibility to become a choice for holidaymakers in the upcoming years.
This opening sentence could be more engaging by directly stating the impact of technology on space tourism, rather than implying it.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a future perspective that aligns with the speculative nature of space tourism. However, attention to tense agreement in complex sentences could be improved.
Grammatical Errors
we cannot predict the type of danger we might encounter while travelling.
Correction:
we cannot predict the types of danger we might encounter while travelling.
we cannot predict the types of danger we might encounter while travelling.
The plural form 'types' is more accurate here, as it implies multiple possible dangers.
The outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on a vacation during their holidays.
Correction:
Outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on vacation during their holidays.
Outer space would make a beautiful destination for people who like to go on vacation during their holidays.
The article 'The' before 'outer space' is unnecessary, and 'on vacation' is a more natural phrasing than 'on a vacation.'