Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Double Question Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work? In your opinion, what kind of work can be considered acceptable?

Nowdays, it is seen that, in lots of country, child are part of some kind of work that pays them. Why some thinks thats a very wrong idea, other beleive it can be seen as an oppurtunity for the child to gain something like working knowledge and to learn about taking responsiblility. This situation of child working have it's positives and negatives, which I will discuss below. Also, I will express what kind of work can be seen right for children.

On one side of the arguement, children doing work for money can learn much valuable lesson. It teaches them the value of hardworking and how to manage money from a very young age, which is very imprtant life skill. They learn to take responsiblity for their act and start appreciate the effort behind earning each penny. Additionally, sometimes these work experiences can spark the intrest in their future career path or help in developing skills that will be usefull later in their job life.

However, there're significent disadvantages when children are involved in paid work. Most importantly, it may affect their study time and their performance in school. They might feel too tired after work to concentrate on study, or might even skip school. There is also a high risk of exploitation where employer might use children to do hard labor because they can pay less salary compared to adults. Beside, too much of responsiblity at a tender age can steal away the joy and freedom associated with childhood, making them feel stressed and deprived of a normal childhood.

In my belief, not all work can be consider bad for children. Certain kind of work where the health and safety of the child is ensured and work load is not high can be beneficial. Like, small holiday jobs or part time jobs that doesn’t interfere with their study and gives them chance to learn something new can be considered. However, it is also important that these jobs don't come in the way of their learning and personal development.

In conclusion, while children engaging in paid labor can have advantages like learning the value of money and hardwork, the risks and downside cannot be ignore. It could possibly interfere with their studies and could place them in hazardous situation. Therefore, any acceptable work for children should be carefully chosen, ensuring that it is safe and provides a good learning experience without affecting their education and childhood.
Submitted on June 27, 2024 at 7:26 PM

Overall Evaluation

6 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument, and a reasoned conclusion. Your position is clear throughout the essay, and you have provided relevant examples to support your points. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar errors ('Nowdays' should be 'Nowadays', 'child are' should be 'children are', 'why some thinks' should be 'while some think', etc.) as these can hinder clarity and reduce the overall effectiveness of your argument. Additionally, working on the coherence of your ideas and the precision of your language will help strengthen your argument. Consider expanding on specific examples of acceptable work for children to provide a more detailed analysis. Overall, your essay is on the right track but refining your language skills and providing more detailed examples will improve its quality. Aim to proofread your work to catch and correct errors for a more polished submission.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

6.5 Bands

In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the flow between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability and coherence. Overall, your logical organization is decent but has room for improvement. Band: 6.5

Good Sentence(s)

It teaches them the value of hardworking and how to manage money from a very young age, which is very important life skill.
This sentence effectively summarizes the advantages of children doing paid work, encapsulating key points in a concise manner.

Bad Sentence(s)

Nowdays, it is seen that, in lots of country, child are part of some kind of work that pays them.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, in many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work.
Correct grammatical errors and improve clarity.
Why some thinks thats a very wrong idea, other beleive it can be seen as an oppurtunity for the child to gain something like working knowledge and to learn about taking responsiblility.
Corrected Sentence:
While some think that it's a very wrong idea, others believe it can be seen as an opportunity for the child to gain working knowledge and learn about taking responsibility.
Correct grammatical errors and clarify the sentence structure.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression in your future essays, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases that clearly indicate when you're presenting an opposing viewpoint or moving to a new aspect of the topic. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or further explanation.

Paragraphing

Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured around single themes. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to immediately indicate their main focus. Band: 6.5

Suggestions

For more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each one with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main idea. Then, ensure every following sentence directly supports or elaborates on that idea. Avoid introducing new topics that are not directly related to the paragraph's main focus.

Cohesive Devices

Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, helping to link ideas and paragraphs together. However, there's potential for more varied and sophisticated use of these devices to improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay. Band: 6

Suggestions

To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result.' Also, practice using synonyms to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging. Reviewing examples of high-scoring essays can provide good models of effective cohesive device use.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences provide a clear direction for each paragraph, effectively outlining the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work. However, they could be more impactful by directly addressing the essay question.

Good Sentence(s)

On one side of the argument, children doing work for money can learn much valuable lesson.
This sentence effectively introduces the positive aspect of the argument, making it clear that the paragraph will discuss the benefits of children engaging in paid work.
However, there're significant disadvantages when children are involved in paid work.
This sentence clearly transitions to the opposing viewpoint, setting up the paragraph to discuss the negatives of children in paid work.

Suggestions

To write clearer and more impactful topic sentences, ensure they are specific and directly related to the question. Start with a strong statement and follow with a concise explanation of what will be discussed in the paragraph.

Counter Points

You have handled contrasting viewpoints well by dedicating separate paragraphs to discuss the advantages and disadvantages. However, integrating these viewpoints more seamlessly could strengthen your argument.

Good Sentence(s)

Additionally, sometimes these work experiences can spark the interest in their future career path or help in developing skills that will be useful later in their job life.
This sentence effectively acknowledges a positive counterpoint within the discussion of advantages, suggesting long-term benefits beyond immediate work experience.

Suggestions

To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, consider using comparative phrases to directly contrast the advantages and disadvantages within the same paragraph. This approach can provide a more nuanced perspective and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.

Task Achievement

5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a fair attempt at addressing the task. You've covered the required aspects of the question but need to work on the clarity of your argument, the correctness of your grammar, and the depth of your examples. Enhancing these areas will significantly improve the effectiveness of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

You've addressed the essay question directly by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work and providing your opinion on acceptable work for children. However, the depth of analysis and the clarity of your stance could be improved.

Good example(s)

It teaches them the value of hardworking and how to manage money from a very young age, which is very important life skill.
This sentence effectively highlights a significant advantage of children engaging in paid work.

Bad Example(s)

Nowdays, it is seen that, in lots of country, child are part of some kind of work that pays them.
This opening sentence is grammatically incorrect and does not set a strong introduction to the essay.

Development of Position

Your argument is somewhat developed but lacks a clear, strong progression. You've outlined both sides but haven't deeply explored the implications or provided compelling evidence for your claims.

Bad Example(s)

However, there're significent disadvantages when children are involved in paid work.
This sentence introduces a key argument but fails to offer a detailed exploration or persuasive reasoning behind the statement.

Supporting Details

Your examples are relevant but need to be expanded upon to strengthen your argument. More specific examples or data could help illustrate your points more convincingly.

Bad Example(s)

Additionally, sometimes these work experiences can spark the intrest in their future career path or help in developing skills that will be usefull later in their job life.
This sentence introduces a potentially strong point but lacks specificity and detail to be persuasive.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points but lacks a strong final statement that reinforces your overall position. It could be more impactful with a definitive stance or call to action.

Bad Example(s)

Therefore, any acceptable work for children should be carefully chosen, ensuring that it is safe and provides a good learning experience without affecting their education and childhood.
While this attempts to conclude the essay, it feels somewhat weak and doesn't fully encapsulate the gravity of the argument presented.

Lexical Resources

6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though it could benefit from greater variety and precision in word choice to enhance clarity and impact. Some spelling and grammatical errors slightly hinder the overall readability and professionalism of your writing. Focusing on refining your lexical choices and avoiding repetition will strengthen your argument and make your essay more engaging.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

MistakeCorrectionReason
Nowdays NowadaysSpelling mistake.
child are children areGrammatical number agreement.
Why some thinks While some thinkIncorrect word usage and subject-verb agreement.
oppurtunity opportunitySpelling mistake.
arguement argumentSpelling mistake.
imprtant importantSpelling mistake.
intrest interestSpelling mistake.
usefull usefulSpelling mistake.
signifcent significantSpelling mistake.
Beside BesidesIncorrect word usage.

Repeated Words

Repeated WordsAlternative Words
work 15 times
employment, job, task, duty, labor
child 9 times
youngster, minor, youth

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase
exploitation The action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work.
monetary compensation Payment received for work or services in the form of money.
career aspirations The professional goals or ambitions a person aims to achieve in their career.
adolescent responsibilities Duties or tasks appropriate for young people in their teenage years.
personal development The process of improving oneself through activities that develop talents and potential.

Grammatical Range

5.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar needs attention to detail. Issues such as incorrect verb forms, pluralization, and possessive pronouns detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay. Focusing on subject-verb agreement, correct use of apostrophes, and spelling can significantly improve your writing. Additionally, avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring proper punctuation will enhance readability.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your sentences show some variety but could benefit from more complexity and variation in structure to enhance readability and engagement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.

Good example(s)

Additionally, sometimes these work experiences can spark the interest in their future career path or help in developing skills that will be useful later in their job life.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity, showing a good use of complex structure that adds depth to your argument.

Bad Example(s)

Nowdays, it is seen that, in lots of country, child are part of some kind of work that pays them.
The sentence structure is awkward and contains unnecessary commas, making it hard to read. Simplifying the structure could improve clarity.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is mostly consistent and correct, maintaining a balance between present and past tenses where appropriate to discuss current situations and general truths.

Grammatical Errors

Nowdays, it is seen that, in lots of country, child are part of some kind of work that pays them.
Correction:
Nowadays, it is seen that, in many countries, children are part of some kind of work that pays them.
Corrects spelling of 'Nowdays' to 'Nowadays', pluralizes 'country' to 'countries', and 'child' to 'children' for grammatical accuracy.
Why some thinks thats a very wrong idea, other beleive it can be seen as an oppurtunity for the child to gain something like working knowledge and to learn about taking responsiblility.
Correction:
While some think that's a very wrong idea, others believe it can be seen as an opportunity for the child to gain something like working knowledge and to learn about taking responsibility.
Corrects 'Why' to 'While', 'thinks' to 'think', 'thats' to 'that's', 'beleive' to 'believe', 'oppurtunity' to 'opportunity', and 'responsiblility' to 'responsibility' for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
This situation of child working have it's positives and negatives, which I will discuss below.
Correction:
This situation of children working has its positives and negatives, which I will discuss below.
Corrects 'child' to 'children', 'have' to 'has', and removes the incorrect apostrophe in 'it's'.