Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Double Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the rate of crimes is increasing and prisons are becoming overcrowded. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?
Um, bad people do bad things a lot now. In many places, more people are doing wrong stuff. So, the jails have too many people inside. Maybe they don't have enough rules or kids aren’t learning good things.
To fix it, we can teach kids nice things at school. Also, grown-ups can make better rules and help people find jobs. If people have jobs and friends, they might not do bad things. Jails can also try to help people change and be good again. That way, places aren’t so crowded and everyone can be happier.
To fix it, we can teach kids nice things at school. Also, grown-ups can make better rules and help people find jobs. If people have jobs and friends, they might not do bad things. Jails can also try to help people change and be good again. That way, places aren’t so crowded and everyone can be happier.
Submitted on January 21, 2025 at 9:37 AM
Overall Evaluation
4 Bands
Your essay addresses the question, but it lacks depth and complexity expected at the IELTS level. The introduction is too simplistic and informal, using phrases like 'Um, bad people do bad things.' This does not convey a strong understanding of the issue. The causes and solutions are mentioned, but they are not elaborated on with specific examples or detailed explanations. The essay needs more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures. Additionally, the argument could be strengthened by discussing more causes, such as socioeconomic factors, and more comprehensive solutions, like rehabilitation programs and community support initiatives. Aim to develop your ideas more fully and provide a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions. Overall, your essay needs significant improvement in terms of language, coherence, and development of ideas to achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4
Coherence & Cohesion
3 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. The introduction is vague, and the causes and solutions are not clearly separated or developed.
Bad Sentence(s)
Um, bad people do bad things a lot now.
Corrected Sentence:
In recent times, the incidence of crime has increased significantly.
In recent times, the incidence of crime has increased significantly.
Avoid informal language and provide a clear introduction.
In many places, more people are doing wrong stuff.
Corrected Sentence:
In many countries, more individuals are engaging in criminal activities.
In many countries, more individuals are engaging in criminal activities.
Be specific about the issue and avoid vague language.
Maybe they don't have enough rules or kids aren’t learning good things.
Corrected Sentence:
Possible causes include inadequate legal systems and insufficient moral education for children.
Possible causes include inadequate legal systems and insufficient moral education for children.
Clearly state the causes of the problem.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, clearly outline the causes and solutions in separate paragraphs. Use topic sentences to introduce each main idea.
Paragraphing
The essay lacks clear paragraphing. Ideas are not grouped logically, making it difficult to follow the argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
To fix it, we can teach kids nice things at school.
Corrected Sentence:
One solution is to implement educational programs in schools that focus on teaching moral values.
One solution is to implement educational programs in schools that focus on teaching moral values.
Introduce solutions in a new paragraph and expand on them.
Suggestions
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the problem.
Cohesive Devices
The essay uses few cohesive devices, resulting in a lack of connection between ideas.
Bad Sentence(s)
If people have jobs and friends, they might not do bad things.
Corrected Sentence:
Additionally, providing employment opportunities and fostering social connections can reduce the likelihood of criminal behavior.
Additionally, providing employment opportunities and fostering social connections can reduce the likelihood of criminal behavior.
Use cohesive devices to link this idea to the previous sentence.
Suggestions
Use linking words such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', 'however', and 'therefore' to connect ideas and improve the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences are not very effective. They lack clarity and specificity, which makes it difficult to understand the main points of your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Um, bad people do bad things a lot now.
Corrected Sentence:
The rising crime rates and overcrowded prisons are pressing issues in many countries.
The rising crime rates and overcrowded prisons are pressing issues in many countries.
Start with a clear statement about the increase in crime rates and overcrowding in prisons.
To fix it, we can teach kids nice things at school.
Corrected Sentence:
One potential solution is to implement educational programs that instill positive values in children.
One potential solution is to implement educational programs that instill positive values in children.
Clearly state the solution you are proposing.
Suggestions
Begin your paragraphs with clear and specific statements that outline the main idea or argument you will discuss. Avoid vague language and ensure your topic sentences directly relate to the question prompt.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively address contrasting viewpoints. It lacks a discussion of alternative perspectives or counterarguments.
Bad Sentence(s)
Also, grown-ups can make better rules and help people find jobs.
Corrected Sentence:
While creating better rules and job opportunities can help, some argue that these measures alone may not be sufficient to address the root causes of crime.
While creating better rules and job opportunities can help, some argue that these measures alone may not be sufficient to address the root causes of crime.
Introduce a counterargument about potential challenges in implementing these solutions.
Suggestions
To effectively address counterarguments, acknowledge opposing views and provide evidence or reasoning to refute them. This will strengthen your argument and show a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
3.5 Bands
Overall, your essay addresses the question but lacks depth, clarity, and formality. The ideas are too simplistic and need more development and support. Work on providing specific examples and elaborating on your points.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your response addresses the question but lacks depth and complexity. The causes and solutions are mentioned, but they are not elaborated upon effectively.
Bad Example(s)
Um, bad people do bad things a lot now.
This sentence is too simplistic and informal for an academic essay. It lacks specificity and detail.
Development of Position
Your argument is present but not well-developed. The points are too general and need more explanation and examples to strengthen them.
Bad Example(s)
Maybe they don't have enough rules or kids aren’t learning good things.
This statement is vague and lacks clarity. It does not provide a clear argument or explanation.
Supporting Details
The essay lacks sufficient supporting details. The ideas are mentioned but not supported with examples or evidence.
Bad Example(s)
If people have jobs and friends, they might not do bad things.
This is an oversimplified solution without any supporting evidence or examples.
Conclusion
The conclusion is present but lacks impact. It needs to summarize the main points more effectively and provide a stronger closing statement.
Bad Example(s)
That way, places aren’t so crowded and everyone can be happier.
The conclusion is weak and informal. It does not effectively summarize the essay or provide a strong final thought.
Lexical Resources
4 Bands
Your essay uses very simple vocabulary and lacks variety. The language is informal and not suitable for an academic essay. You need to use more precise and formal vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| Um, bad people do bad things a lot now. | Currently, the incidence of criminal activities is increasing. | The original phrase is informal and vague. The corrected phrase is more formal and specific. |
| doing wrong stuff | committing crimes | The phrase 'doing wrong stuff' is informal and not specific. 'Committing crimes' is more precise and formal. |
| nice things | moral values | The phrase 'nice things' is vague and informal. 'Moral values' is more specific and appropriate for the context. |
| grown-ups | adults | 'Grown-ups' is informal. 'Adults' is more appropriate for an academic essay. |
| help people change and be good again | rehabilitate offenders | The original phrase is informal and vague. 'Rehabilitate offenders' is more formal and precise. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
bad 2 times | criminal, unlawful, illegal |
people 3 times | individuals, offenders, citizens |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| incarceration The state of being confined in prison. | The state of being confined in prison. |
| recidivism The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. | The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. |
| deterrent A thing that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something. | A thing that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something. |
| socioeconomic factors Social and economic experiences and realities that help shape one's personality, attitudes, and lifestyle. | Social and economic experiences and realities that help shape one's personality, attitudes, and lifestyle. |
| preventive measures Actions taken to reduce the risk or severity of a problem or issue. | Actions taken to reduce the risk or severity of a problem or issue. |
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your grammar is generally correct, but the language is too informal for an IELTS essay. You should aim to use more formal vocabulary and complex sentence structures to better convey your ideas.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences are quite simple and lack variety. They are mostly short and do not demonstrate complex structures.
Bad Example(s)
Um, bad people do bad things a lot now.
This sentence is overly simplistic and lacks complexity. It does not use any conjunctions or clauses that could make it more sophisticated.
Tense Usage
The tense usage is mostly consistent, but the essay lacks depth in expressing ideas due to overly simple tense structures.
Bad Example(s)
Maybe they don't have enough rules or kids aren’t learning good things.
The use of 'don't' and 'aren’t' is informal and does not suit the academic tone required for IELTS essays.
Grammatical Errors
kids aren’t learning good things.
Correction:
children are not learning positive values.
children are not learning positive values.
The word 'kids' is informal, and 'good things' is vague. More formal language and specificity are needed.