Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?

Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.

Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.

Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:44 PM

Overall Evaluation

7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear argument that urban migration contributes to a rise in urban crime rates. Your structure is coherent, with a logical flow from introduction, through body paragraphs, to conclusion. However, there are areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, the generalization about the rural population being 'illiterate' and lacking 'manners' could be perceived as overly simplistic and potentially offensive. It's important to present arguments in a balanced and sensitive manner. Secondly, while your examples support your argument, incorporating evidence or studies could strengthen your claims. Additionally, paying attention to spelling ('illietrate' should be 'illiterate') and more varied sentence structures could enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay. Finally, exploring counterarguments or solutions could provide a more rounded perspective. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but refining your argumentation and expression could improve its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

6.5 Bands
Your essay maintains coherence and cohesion well, with each paragraph logically flowing from one to the next. The use of transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Another' helps in guiding the reader through your arguments. However, the essay could be improved by varying sentence structures and using more cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly. Additionally, directly addressing counterarguments would enhance the overall coherence by showing how your points fit within the broader debate.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas, effectively moving from an introduction of the topic to providing reasons and concluding with a summary. Overall, the organization supports your argument well. Band: 7.5

Good Sentence(s)

Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea, providing a smooth transition and supporting the essay's argument logically.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph introduces a new point clearly and relates directly back to your thesis statement. Using transitional phrases can also help in signaling the start of a new idea or argument.

Paragraphing

Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct, supporting the overall clarity of your essay. Band: 7.5

Suggestions

For more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph’s main idea. Follow this with evidence or examples, and conclude with a sentence that links back to your main argument.

Cohesive Devices

Your essay makes use of cohesive devices effectively, linking sentences and ideas smoothly. However, there's room for more varied use of these devices to enhance readability and coherence. Band: 7

Good Sentence(s)

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
This sentence effectively concludes the essay, summarizing the argument and reinforcing the essay’s position.

Suggestions

To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' and 'Conversely,' to introduce new ideas or contrast points. This will enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences effectively set up the main ideas of each paragraph, clearly indicating the direction of your arguments.

Good Sentence(s)

Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main argument by linking rural migration with the rise in urban crime, setting a clear path for the ensuing discussion.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
It clearly transitions to a new, yet related, cause of urban crime, maintaining the essay's focus and coherence.

Suggestions

To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph’s main argument. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey your point. Avoid vague statements and ensure each topic sentence links back to the essay question or thesis.

Counter Points

Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing solely on supporting the initial statement. Including counterpoints could strengthen your argument by showing a broader understanding of the issue.

Bad Sentence(s)

Your essay lacks sentences addressing counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While it is argued that urban crime rates are solely influenced by economic factors, the influx of rural populations lacking in urban survival skills also plays a significant role.
Consider including a paragraph that acknowledges potential counterarguments to your thesis, such as the role of other factors in urban crime rates, before refuting them or integrating them into your argument.

Suggestions

To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or possible opposing views on your topic. Acknowledge these views early in your essay, and then use evidence and reasoning to refute or integrate them into your argument. This approach not only demonstrates critical thinking but also strengthens your position by preemptively addressing potential criticisms.

Task Achievement

6.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of addressing the question and developing your position. However, your argument relies heavily on generalizations about rural migrants and could benefit from a more nuanced discussion that considers different perspectives and a wider range of factors influencing urban crime rates. Additionally, enhancing your essay with data or studies could strengthen your claims.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

You addressed the question directly and presented a clear stance agreeing with the statement. Your essay consistently maintains focus on the topic.

Good example(s)

Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades.
This sentence effectively sets the context for your argument.

Development of Position

Your argument is clear and follows a logical structure, but it could be strengthened by acknowledging counterarguments or providing a broader range of examples.

Good example(s)

As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
This sentence effectively establishes the basis for your argument about the link between education and crime rates.

Supporting Details

Your examples are relevant but somewhat simplistic. Including more nuanced examples or statistical evidence could enhance your argument.

Good example(s)

However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This detail supports your argument about the causes of increased crime rates effectively.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points well but could be more impactful by suggesting solutions or implications for the future.

Good example(s)

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
It effectively restates your position and the main reasons supporting it.

Lexical Resources

6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of urban migration and its effects on crime rates. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to enhance the overall clarity and impact of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

MistakeCorrectionReason
illietrate illiterateSpelling error.
ancestrol ancestralSpelling error.

Repeated Words

Repeated WordsAlternative Words
urban migrations, crimes, job(s) Multiple times
relocation, offenses, employment opportunities

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase
Demographic shift A change in the population structure.
Economic disparity The difference in wealth and resources between communities or populations.
Marginalized communities Groups that are excluded and disadvantaged in society.
Socioeconomic factors Social and economic experiences and realities that help shape one's personality, attitudes, and lifestyle.
Urban sprawl The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas.

Grammatical Range

7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with only minor errors in spelling and article use. Your ability to construct complex sentences and use varied structures effectively enhances the quality of your essay. However, attention to detail in spelling and the correct use of articles will further improve your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your sentences exhibit a good range of complexity and variation, contributing positively to the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Good example(s)

However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This sentence effectively combines multiple clauses to convey complex ideas clearly and concisely.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a clear narrative flow throughout the essay.

Good example(s)

This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities.
You've correctly used the present perfect tense to describe an ongoing situation that has implications in the present, which is appropriate for the context.

Grammatical Errors

the inhabitants are mostly illietrate.
Correction:
the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
The word 'illietrate' is misspelled; it should be 'illiterate'.
rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question.
Correction:
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question.
The word 'ancestrol' is misspelled, and 'out of question' is missing the article 'the' for correct grammatical structure.