Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In your opinion, what are the societal advantages and disadvantages of implementing measures to regulate and control the use of artificial intelligence and automation in the workforce?
Taking proper measures to control the advancement in artificial intelligence and automation has multiple benefits. Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity. This essay will explore these mega benefits of regulation that have potential to overshadow any drawback.
There are multiple advantages associated with this regulation and measure against the artificial intelligence. Firstly, by provinding the proper measure and regulation to use this technology in a proper place for a specific time, can save time of a person for other chores too. Due to availability of vast social media and automation, people become lazy to go out do exercise or to socialize in person. They are even unable to spare time for themselves. Therefore, some regulations and measures should be taken to save the time of public in general. A law has regulated in 2019 in China, to resist the excessive use of automation and modern technology. Thus, this mega benefit I believe has the potential to make this implementation a positive development.
Secondly, apart from saving time, saving money through these measures is also fueling factor to manage the usage of latest technology of modern era. As people by watching the advertisement of new available models or automations, have tendency to buy it at any cost to get an ease in their life. Sometimes, just for the sake of showoff, people buy heavily expensive things and millionaire companies are wasting large sum of money on these advancements. We can take an example of Iphone, Apple Company, every year they spend a huge amount of money and human resources just to remain in technology race. Hence, by regulations we can save these non-recoverable resources and can obtain significant advantage of spending it on the welfare of society.
Finally, by executing the ordinance against the excessive use of automation and latest technology, we can save thousands of lives who are wasting themselves in this dark pit. It can lead younger generation to distract them from their studies and career goals. Therefore, there should be a proper rules to take advantage of this technology.
In my opinion, regulation and measurements are for the betterment of humanity.
In conclusion, even though latest technology has great advantages, but we can get more benefits of saving time and money, even humanity, if we use it according to certain rules and regulations.
There are multiple advantages associated with this regulation and measure against the artificial intelligence. Firstly, by provinding the proper measure and regulation to use this technology in a proper place for a specific time, can save time of a person for other chores too. Due to availability of vast social media and automation, people become lazy to go out do exercise or to socialize in person. They are even unable to spare time for themselves. Therefore, some regulations and measures should be taken to save the time of public in general. A law has regulated in 2019 in China, to resist the excessive use of automation and modern technology. Thus, this mega benefit I believe has the potential to make this implementation a positive development.
Secondly, apart from saving time, saving money through these measures is also fueling factor to manage the usage of latest technology of modern era. As people by watching the advertisement of new available models or automations, have tendency to buy it at any cost to get an ease in their life. Sometimes, just for the sake of showoff, people buy heavily expensive things and millionaire companies are wasting large sum of money on these advancements. We can take an example of Iphone, Apple Company, every year they spend a huge amount of money and human resources just to remain in technology race. Hence, by regulations we can save these non-recoverable resources and can obtain significant advantage of spending it on the welfare of society.
Finally, by executing the ordinance against the excessive use of automation and latest technology, we can save thousands of lives who are wasting themselves in this dark pit. It can lead younger generation to distract them from their studies and career goals. Therefore, there should be a proper rules to take advantage of this technology.
In my opinion, regulation and measurements are for the betterment of humanity.
In conclusion, even though latest technology has great advantages, but we can get more benefits of saving time and money, even humanity, if we use it according to certain rules and regulations.
Submitted on June 25, 2024 at 7:49 AM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by discussing the societal advantages and disadvantages of implementing measures to regulate the use of artificial intelligence and automation in the workforce. You provide a clear stance and support your arguments with examples and explanations, which is good practice for IELTS essays. However, there are areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion by elaborating on specific disadvantages as well, as the prompt asks for both advantages and disadvantages. Secondly, pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence. For instance, 'provinding' should be 'providing', and be mindful of run-on sentences and proper punctuation. Thirdly, including a paragraph that contrasts the disadvantages directly against the advantages could provide a more rounded argument. Lastly, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes both sides of the argument, reinforcing your own viewpoint without introducing new information. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but refining these aspects could improve clarity and argumentative depth.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The flow of ideas is mostly logical, but there are moments where the connection between points could be strengthened. Overall, the essay maintains a coherent argument throughout. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
This sentence effectively introduces the multifaceted benefits of AI regulation, setting a strong foundation for the argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
Corrected Sentence:
It can not only prevent the wastage of time and reduce expenditures in the information technology sector but also regulate human behavior to prevent misuse against humanity.
It can not only prevent the wastage of time and reduce expenditures in the information technology sector but also regulate human behavior to prevent misuse against humanity.
Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph’s main point and concluding sentences to summarize or transition smoothly to the next point.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and mostly well-structured, each focusing on a different aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader more effectively. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Secondly, apart from saving time, saving money through these measures is also fueling factor to manage the usage of latest technology of modern era.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph’s main idea, clearly signaling a shift to discussing the financial benefits.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus by starting each with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph’s main idea. Ensure each sentence within the paragraph directly supports or expands on this idea.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there are instances where their use could be more precise to enhance clarity and coherence. Band: 6.0
Good Sentence(s)
Finally, by executing the ordinance against the excessive use of automation and latest technology, we can save thousands of lives who are wasting themselves in this dark pit.
The use of 'Finally' effectively signals the conclusion of the argumentative points, guiding the reader through the structure of the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
Corrected Sentence:
It can not only prevent the wastage of time and reduce expenditures in the information technology sector but also act as a driving force to regulate human behavior and prevent its misuse against humanity.
It can not only prevent the wastage of time and reduce expenditures in the information technology sector but also act as a driving force to regulate human behavior and prevent its misuse against humanity.
Revise the sentence to improve clarity and the effective use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, focus on varying your linking words and phrases to avoid repetition. Also, ensure that each device is correctly used to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally introduce the main ideas effectively, but they could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Good Sentence(s)
Secondly, apart from saving time, saving money through these measures is also fueling factor to manage the usage of latest technology of modern era.
This sentence clearly introduces the financial benefits of regulating AI and automation, making it effective.
Bad Sentence(s)
Finally, by executing the ordinance against the excessive use of automation and latest technology, we can save thousands of lives who are wasting themselves in this dark pit.
Corrected Sentence:
Finally, implementing strict regulations on AI and automation can prevent the negative social impacts, such as decreased physical activity and social isolation, thereby potentially improving public health.
Finally, implementing strict regulations on AI and automation can prevent the negative social impacts, such as decreased physical activity and social isolation, thereby potentially improving public health.
Clarify how lives are being 'wasted' and directly link this to the societal impact for stronger coherence.
Suggestions
For clearer and more impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the main idea followed by a brief hint at the reasoning. Avoid vague phrases and ensure each topic sentence directly supports your thesis.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively handle contrasting viewpoints. It focuses on the advantages of regulation without discussing potential disadvantages or counterarguments in detail.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge potential disadvantages of regulating AI and automation, such as stifling innovation or economic impacts. Then, refute these points or propose balanced solutions to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a commendable effort to argue the benefits of regulating AI and automation. However, to fully meet the task's requirements, you need to balance your essay by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. Your examples are relevant but require deeper analysis and critique. Additionally, your essay would benefit from clearer structure and more varied sentence construction to better engage the reader.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing the societal advantages of regulating AI and automation, but you could enhance your response by also explicitly discussing the disadvantages, as the question requires an examination of both.
Good example(s)
This essay will explore these mega benefits of regulation that have potential to overshadow any drawback.
This sentence sets a clear direction for your essay, indicating a focus on the benefits of regulation.
Bad Example(s)
Finally, by executing the ordinance against the excessive use of automation and latest technology, we can save thousands of lives who are wasting themselves in this dark pit.
This sentence is overly dramatic and lacks specificity about how lives are being 'wasted', which weakens your argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but leans heavily towards the advantages of regulation without adequately addressing the disadvantages, which makes your position unbalanced.
Good example(s)
A law has regulated in 2019 in China, to resist the excessive use of automation and modern technology.
This provides a concrete example of regulation, supporting your argument with real-world evidence.
Bad Example(s)
In my opinion, regulation and measurements are for the betterment of humanity.
This statement is too broad and lacks depth, failing to convincingly argue your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the law in China and the mention of Apple, are relevant but need to be more detailed and critically analyzed to strengthen your argument. Additionally, including examples or discussions on the disadvantages would provide a more rounded argument.
Good example(s)
We can take an example of Iphone, Apple Company, every year they spend a huge amount of money and human resources just to remain in technology race.
This example is good because it illustrates the economic implications of unchecked technological advancement.
Bad Example(s)
Sometimes, just for the sake of showoff, people buy heavily expensive things and millionaire companies are wasting large sum of money on these advancements.
This example is overly generalized and lacks a direct link to the regulation of AI and automation.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but lacks the punch of a strong, compelling closing argument. Including a brief mention of potential disadvantages, even if to downplay them, would provide balance.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, even though latest technology has great advantages, but we can get more benefits of saving time and money, even humanity, if we use it according to certain rules and regulations.
This sentence effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of artificial intelligence and automation. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to enhance clarity and avoid repetition. Paying attention to the context and accuracy of word choice will further strengthen your lexical resource score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| provinding | providing | Spelling error. |
| ordinance | regulations | Ordinance typically refers to a piece of legislation enacted by a city or town. 'Regulations' is more appropriate for the context of general rules. |
| measurements | measures | 'Measurements' refers to the act of measuring. 'Measures' is the correct term for actions taken. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
technology 9 times | innovations, advancements, digital tools |
regulation 5 times | controls, rules, guidelines |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| mitigate Make less severe, serious, or painful. | Make less severe, serious, or painful. |
| streamline Make (an organization or system) more efficient and effective by employing faster or simpler working methods. | Make (an organization or system) more efficient and effective by employing faster or simpler working methods. |
| oversight An unintentional failure to notice or do something. | An unintentional failure to notice or do something. |
| curtail Reduce in extent or quantity; impose a restriction on. | Reduce in extent or quantity; impose a restriction on. |
| foster Encourage the development of (something, especially something desirable). | Encourage the development of (something, especially something desirable). |
Out of Context
mega benefit
Corrected Sentence:
significant benefit
significant benefit
In the context of discussing the benefits of regulation.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar shows an understanding of basic structures but struggles with complexity and clarity in places. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be simplified for better readability. Focusing on clear, concise sentences and correct verb forms will help improve your writing. Additionally, paying attention to detail, such as spelling and article usage, will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable variety in sentence structures, with attempts at both complex and compound sentences. However, the complexity sometimes affects clarity, and there's room for improvement in sentence variety to enhance readability.
Good example(s)
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
This sentence attempts to use a complex structure to link multiple ideas, showing an effort to vary sentence structure.
Bad Example(s)
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
Despite its complexity, this sentence is awkwardly phrased and grammatically incorrect, making it hard to follow.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, sticking to the present simple to discuss general facts and opinions, which is appropriate for this kind of essay. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved for clarity.
Grammatical Errors
Not only because of, it can prevent the wastage of time and reduce the amount of expenditure use in information technology sector, but it can also be the driving force to regulate the manners of humans to prevent its usage against humanity.
Correction:
Not only can it prevent the wastage of time and reduce the expenditure in the information technology sector, but it can also regulate human behavior to prevent its misuse against humanity.
Not only can it prevent the wastage of time and reduce the expenditure in the information technology sector, but it can also regulate human behavior to prevent its misuse against humanity.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly structured. The correction simplifies and clarifies the statement.
provinding
Correction:
providing
providing
Spelling mistake.
use this technology in a proper place for a specific time, can save time of a person for other chores too.
Correction:
using this technology in the right place at the right time can also save people time for other chores.
using this technology in the right place at the right time can also save people time for other chores.
The original sentence is awkwardly structured and lacks clarity. The correction simplifies the idea and improves readability.
have tendency
Correction:
have a tendency
have a tendency
Missing article 'a' for the correct grammatical structure.