Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Encouraging physical education in schools can contribute to students' overall health. What strategies can schools adopt to promote physical activity, and how might it influence students' well-being?
Physical health is undeniably a crucial part of the over-all fitness of a person. Therfore, physical education should be focused on in scools as much as mental education. This essay will discuss the ways in which educational institutions can play a major part in physical development of students, along with the impacts it can have on them.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the over-all fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weeker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recogize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the over-all fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weeker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recogize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
Submitted on August 8, 2024 at 3:42 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, outlining both strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and the potential impact on students' well-being. Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points. However, there are some areas for improvement. Firstly, watch out for spelling errors ('scools' should be 'schools', 'weeker' should be 'weaker') and typographical errors ('over-all' is more commonly written as 'overall', 'therfore' should be 'therefore'). These mistakes can distract from your message. Secondly, your argument would benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support your claims, such as citing studies that show the positive impact of physical education on academic performance. Lastly, try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Overall, your essay is structured well and communicates a clear argument, but refining your accuracy and range of language could improve your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
Your essay maintains a good level of coherence and cohesion throughout, with each paragraph logically flowing into the next. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay's main points. However, to improve, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using more varied transitional phrases that not only signal the next point but also show the relationship between ideas. Additionally, be mindful of minor spelling errors ('scools' should be 'schools', 'weeker' should be 'weaker') as they can slightly distract from the overall coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The flow from introducing the importance of physical education to discussing strategies and impacts is smooth. Overall, the logical progression is strong. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence effectively outlines a specific, actionable strategy for schools to promote physical activity, contributing to the logical flow of the essay.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph introduces its main idea in the first sentence and uses the following sentences to expand on that idea. Using transitional phrases between paragraphs can also improve flow.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured, each serving a distinct purpose: introduction, strategies for physical education, impacts on students, and conclusion. Band: 8.5
Good Sentence(s)
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the over-all fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to exploring impacts, maintaining paragraph clarity and focus.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, consider starting each with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main point. Then, use the rest of the paragraph to elaborate on this point, ensuring all sentences contribute to the paragraph's main idea.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices effectively links ideas and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
This sentence effectively uses a cohesive device ('Not only... but also') to link two benefits of sports programs, enhancing coherence.
Suggestions
To further improve your use of cohesive devices, consider varying them more throughout your essay. For example, besides 'not only... but also', use 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'moreover' to introduce additional points, and 'consequently' or 'as a result' to show cause and effect.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively outline the main ideas you plan to discuss, setting a clear direction for each paragraph.
Good Sentence(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence clearly introduces the strategy of implementing physical education classes, highlighting both the educational and participatory aspects.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the over-all fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
It effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to exploring impacts on students' well-being, using a well-known maxim to underscore the importance of physical health.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main idea. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey the point. Avoid vague terms and ensure each topic sentence connects logically to the thesis of your essay.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the thesis with strategies and benefits. Including counterpoints could strengthen your argument by showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks a section that directly addresses counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that increased physical education takes away from academic learning time, research shows that students who are physically active tend to have better concentration and memory, which can enhance their academic performance.
While some may argue that increased physical education takes away from academic learning time, research shows that students who are physically active tend to have better concentration and memory, which can enhance their academic performance.
Consider adding a paragraph that acknowledges potential criticisms or limitations of emphasizing physical education in schools, such as time constraints or resource limitations, and then refute or mitigate these points.
Suggestions
To effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge potential criticisms of your main argument early in your essay. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to refute these points or show how they can be overcome. This approach not only strengthens your position but also demonstrates critical thinking and a balanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a commendable job in addressing the task. Your essay is well-organized, with clear arguments and relevant examples. To improve, consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Additionally, watch out for minor spelling errors ('weeker' should be 'weaker', 'scools' should be 'schools').
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have effectively addressed the question by discussing strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and its influence on students' well-being. Your essay stays on topic and provides a clear answer to the question.
Good example(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence clearly outlines a practical strategy for promoting physical activity in schools.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and well-structured. You've made your point effectively by outlining both strategies and impacts without diverting from the main topic.
Good example(s)
If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
This sentence effectively connects physical health with academic performance, strengthening your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples and supporting details are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. However, incorporating more specific examples or data could enhance your argument further.
Good example(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This detail provides a clear, actionable strategy that schools can use to promote physical activity.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces the importance of physical education. It could be strengthened by a more impactful final statement that leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
Good example(s)
By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
This sentence effectively wraps up your argument, emphasizing the holistic development of students.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying your arguments and ideas. However, there are areas where lexical precision could be enhanced to improve clarity and avoid repetition. Expanding your vocabulary with synonyms and more specific terms could also contribute to a more engaging and persuasive argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| Therfore | Therefore | Spelling error. |
| scools | schools | Spelling error. |
| weeker | weaker | Spelling error. |
| recogize | recognize | Spelling error. |
| pursure | pursue | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
physical 9 times | bodily, fitness, exercise, athletic |
schools 5 times | educational institutions, schools, academies |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| holistic development A process of self-improvement that involves all aspects of a person's growth, including physical, emotional, social, and intellectual. | A process of self-improvement that involves all aspects of a person's growth, including physical, emotional, social, and intellectual. |
| extracurricular activities Activities pursued in addition to the normal course of study, often providing opportunities for physical activity and personal growth. | Activities pursued in addition to the normal course of study, often providing opportunities for physical activity and personal growth. |
| cognitive function The mental processes involved in gaining knowledge and comprehension, including thinking, knowing, remembering, judging, and problem-solving. | The mental processes involved in gaining knowledge and comprehension, including thinking, knowing, remembering, judging, and problem-solving. |
| endorse To support, or approve of something, often used in the context of promoting ideas or policies. | To support, or approve of something, often used in the context of promoting ideas or policies. |
| vigor Physical strength, good health, or energy. | Physical strength, good health, or energy. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite strong, but attention to detail is necessary to avoid simple spelling mistakes and minor grammatical errors. These errors can detract from the professionalism and clarity of your essay. Proofreading more carefully could help enhance the quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences exhibit a good range of complexity and variation, contributing positively to the readability of your essay.
Good example(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas through the use of a complex structure, enhancing the flow of information.
Bad Example(s)
Tense Usage
The use of tenses in your essay was generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the standard academic writing requirements.
Good example(s)
If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
This sentence correctly uses the present tense to describe a general truth, which is appropriate for the context.
Bad Example(s)
Grammatical Errors
Therfore, physical education should be focused on in scools as much as mental education.
Correction:
Therefore, physical education should be focused on in schools as much as mental education.
Therefore, physical education should be focused on in schools as much as mental education.
Misspelled words ('Therfore' and 'scools') should be 'Therefore' and 'schools'.
he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weeker.
Correction:
he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
Misspelled word ('weeker') should be 'weaker'.
for some them it might be sports.
Correction:
for some of them, it might be sports.
for some of them, it might be sports.
Missing preposition ('of') and a comma for clarity.
pursure for higher studies,
Correction:
pursue higher studies,
pursue higher studies,
Misspelled word ('pursure') should be 'pursue' and 'for' is unnecessary.