Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that the government should impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods and drinks to discourage consumption. To what extent do you agree with this approach?
Nowadays snacks and beverage items become very popular among the young generation,while a common opinion is that there are enormous negative effects of adverting unhealth products like chips,can food or drinking items and authorities should take some steps to alleviate the problem.I believe that the goverments should ban those advertisements for individuals’s health life.In this esssay I will examine both phenomena and provide my overall opinion.
There are several positive impactsof banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.First of all,it causes health issues such as diarrhea,choleraheart disease and so on.Even though,whenever people watch their favorite celebrity promote something and provide some information that it healthy,folks become more attracted towards the products.Consequencely,after consuming those types of unhealthy food face health problems.Secondly,young stars like to take snacks as chocolate,chips and cold drinks while watching their favorite television shows or movies,as ar result, lose their interest on homemade cuisines.For instance,the majority kids like those products ,which is manufacted through machine in a factory and do not listen to their parents advice in this particular segment.
On the other hand,there are few negative sides if the authorities ban those advertising then the companies would suffer due to the drawbacks of their businesses.Besides this,a vast amount of worker will lose their jobs.For example,people will take the wrong way for earning money and might be involved in crimes.
I feel that governments should ban those advertisements because of the negative impacts are far dangerous than losing profits or jobs.
To conclude,in this era snacks and can foods are a controversial topics in our society.So the authorities should emphasis on ban those advervisements to minimize the problems.
There are several positive impactsof banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.First of all,it causes health issues such as diarrhea,choleraheart disease and so on.Even though,whenever people watch their favorite celebrity promote something and provide some information that it healthy,folks become more attracted towards the products.Consequencely,after consuming those types of unhealthy food face health problems.Secondly,young stars like to take snacks as chocolate,chips and cold drinks while watching their favorite television shows or movies,as ar result, lose their interest on homemade cuisines.For instance,the majority kids like those products ,which is manufacted through machine in a factory and do not listen to their parents advice in this particular segment.
On the other hand,there are few negative sides if the authorities ban those advertising then the companies would suffer due to the drawbacks of their businesses.Besides this,a vast amount of worker will lose their jobs.For example,people will take the wrong way for earning money and might be involved in crimes.
I feel that governments should ban those advertisements because of the negative impacts are far dangerous than losing profits or jobs.
To conclude,in this era snacks and can foods are a controversial topics in our society.So the authorities should emphasis on ban those advervisements to minimize the problems.
Submitted on January 21, 2024 at 7:21 PM
Overall Evaluation
5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic of banning advertisements for unhealthy food and beverages, which is a relevant and significant issue. You have presented arguments for both sides, highlighting the positive impacts of such a ban on public health, as well as potential negative economic consequences. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your essay contains numerous spelling and grammatical errors ('adverting' should be 'advertising', 'goverments' should be 'governments', 'health life' should be 'healthy life', etc.) that hinder clarity and coherence. Secondly, your argument would benefit from more structured paragraphs and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your points. Thirdly, providing specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Lastly, consider refining your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Overall, with attention to detail and further development of your ideas, your essay has the potential to be more persuasive and coherent.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion in several areas. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Using linking words and phrases can help improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, ensure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea, which should be clearly stated in the topic sentence. Proofreading for typos and grammatical errors will also enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear stance and attempts to discuss both sides of the argument. However, the flow of ideas could be improved by better connecting your points and providing clearer transitions between them.
Good Sentence(s)
I feel that governments should ban those advertisements because of the negative impacts are far dangerous than losing profits or jobs.
This sentence effectively summarizes your main argument, showing a clear stance.
Bad Sentence(s)
There are several positive impactsof banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.
Corrected Sentence:
There are several positive impacts of banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.
There are several positive impacts of banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.
Clarify and separate your ideas more distinctly.
Consequencely,after consuming those types of unhealthy food face health problems.
Corrected Sentence:
Consequently, after consuming these types of unhealthy food, people face health problems.
Consequently, after consuming these types of unhealthy food, people face health problems.
Improve sentence structure for clarity.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, clearly outline your essay with an introduction that states your main argument, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a single point, and conclude with a summary that reinforces your stance. Use transitional phrases to link your ideas.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around different points, but some paragraphs could be more focused and coherent. Ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main idea would help.
Bad Sentence(s)
On the other hand,there are few negative sides if the authorities ban those advertising then the companies would suffer due to the drawbacks of their businesses.
Corrected Sentence:
On the other hand, banning these advertisements could have negative sides. Companies might suffer due to the drawbacks to their businesses.
On the other hand, banning these advertisements could have negative sides. Companies might suffer due to the drawbacks to their businesses.
Split complex ideas into more manageable sentences and ensure clarity in each paragraph.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs that each discuss a single, clear idea. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph’s main idea, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that ties back to your overall argument.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay uses some cohesive devices, but their effectiveness is sometimes diminished by unclear sentence structure or grammar issues.
Bad Sentence(s)
Even though,whenever people watch their favorite celebrity promote something and provide some information that it healthy,folks become more attracted towards the products.
Corrected Sentence:
Even though people may become more attracted to products promoted by their favorite celebrities as healthy, this can lead to health issues.
Even though people may become more attracted to products promoted by their favorite celebrities as healthy, this can lead to health issues.
Clarify the use of cohesive devices and improve sentence structure.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by first ensuring the clarity and correctness of your sentences. Then, use devices such as 'furthermore,' 'however,' and 'consequently' to better link your ideas. Practice varying your sentence structures to naturally incorporate these devices.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need improvement for clarity and directness. They should more precisely introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Bad Sentence(s)
There are several positive impactsof banning the advertising of unhealthy foods.
Corrected Sentence:
Banning the advertising of unhealthy foods has several positive impacts, including improved public health.
Banning the advertising of unhealthy foods has several positive impacts, including improved public health.
Clarify the main idea and correct the typo.
On the other hand,there are few negative sides if the authorities ban those advertising then the companies would suffer due to the drawbacks of their businesses.
Corrected Sentence:
However, banning these advertisements could negatively affect companies and lead to job losses.
However, banning these advertisements could negatively affect companies and lead to job losses.
Split the sentence for clarity and specify the negative sides.
Suggestions
Start each paragraph with a clear, concise sentence that directly states the main idea. Avoid vague language and ensure the topic sentence previews the argument or point you will discuss.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, but the integration and development of these points could be stronger. The transition between your views and the counterarguments is somewhat abrupt.
Bad Sentence(s)
Besides this,a vast amount of worker will lose their jobs.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, a significant number of workers in the snack and beverage industry could face unemployment, potentially leading to economic consequences.
Moreover, a significant number of workers in the snack and beverage industry could face unemployment, potentially leading to economic consequences.
Provide a more detailed explanation or example to strengthen the counterpoint.
Suggestions
To effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge them early in your essay, provide evidence or reasoning to show why they might be considered, and then clearly refute or reconcile them with your main argument. This will make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task but need to work on structuring your essay more logically, developing your arguments more fully, and providing more specific examples. Your position is clear, but the way you present your arguments and examples could be more compelling. Paying attention to grammar and punctuation will also help improve the clarity of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing the negative effects of advertising unhealthy products and suggesting a ban by governments. However, your argument could be more directly linked to the question's specifics for a clearer stance.
Good example(s)
I believe that the governments should ban those advertisements for individuals's health life.
This sentence directly responds to the task by stating your position clearly.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks depth and structure. The points made are relevant, but the development of your position could be stronger with more detailed explanations and a more logical flow.
Bad Example(s)
On the other hand, there are few negative sides if the authorities ban those advertising then the companies would suffer due to the drawbacks of their businesses.
This sentence introduces a counter-argument but fails to develop or integrate it effectively into your overall position.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but lack specificity and depth. Providing more detailed examples and explaining how they support your argument would strengthen your essay.
Bad Example(s)
First of all, it causes health issues such as diarrhea, cholera heart disease and so on.
This sentence lists health issues without explaining how they directly relate to the consumption of advertised unhealthy foods.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but lacks a strong, compelling final thought. It could be improved by summarizing your key points more effectively and providing a more persuasive closing statement.
Lexical Resources
5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of advertising and its effects on health. However, there are several instances of incorrect word usage and spelling errors that hinder the clarity and professionalism of your writing. To enhance your lexical resource score, focus on accuracy in spelling, appropriate word choice, and the use of a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| adverting | advertising | Spelling error. |
| goverments | governments | Spelling error. |
| esssay | essay | Spelling error. |
| impactsof | impacts of | Missing space between words. |
| choleraheart | cholera, heart | Missing space and comma between words. |
| Consequencely | Consequently | Spelling error. |
| manufacted | manufactured | Spelling error. |
| advervisements | advertisements | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
products 5 times | items, goods, merchandise |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| detrimental Causing harm or damage. | Causing harm or damage. |
| prohibit Formally forbid (something) by law, rule, or other authority. | Formally forbid (something) by law, rule, or other authority. |
| culinary Of or for cooking. | Of or for cooking. |
| implications The conclusion that can be drawn from something although it is not explicitly stated. | The conclusion that can be drawn from something although it is not explicitly stated. |
| advocate To publicly support or recommend a particular cause or policy. | To publicly support or recommend a particular cause or policy. |
Out of Context
choleraheart disease
Corrected Sentence:
cholera, heart disease
cholera, heart disease
Discussing the impact of banning advertisements on unhealthy food.
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors, including spelling mistakes, incorrect adjective forms, and punctuation issues. These errors make the essay difficult to read and understand. It's crucial to proofread your work for spelling, ensure proper adjective use, and maintain correct punctuation to improve clarity and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a need for improvement in sentence structure. The sentences are mostly simple and lack variety, making the essay less engaging.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays snacks and beverage items become very popular among the young generation,while a common opinion is that there are enormous negative effects of adverting unhealth products like chips,can food or drinking items and authorities should take some steps to alleviate the problem.
This sentence is overly long and convoluted, making it difficult to follow. It lacks proper punctuation and conjunctions to separate ideas.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, but there are instances where the tense does not match the context, leading to confusion.
Bad Example(s)
Even though,whenever people watch their favorite celebrity promote something and provide some information that it healthy,folks become more attracted towards the products.
The shift from 'watch' (present tense) to 'become' (present tense) is awkward and disrupts the flow. The sentence structure also implies a conditional situation that is not clearly expressed.
Grammatical Errors
adverting unhealth products
Correction:
advertising unhealthy products
advertising unhealthy products
Spelling mistake and incorrect adjective form.
goverments should ban
Correction:
governments should ban
governments should ban
Spelling mistake.
health issues such as diarrhea,choleraheart disease
Correction:
health issues such as diarrhea, cholera, heart disease
health issues such as diarrhea, cholera, heart disease
Missing commas and space between words.
Consequencely,after consuming
Correction:
Consequently, after consuming
Consequently, after consuming
Spelling mistake and missing space after a comma.
as ar result
Correction:
as a result
as a result
Typographical error.