Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's digital age, governments and organizations are investing huge amounts of funds in space exploration. But a great number of the population is in favor of developing health, business, transportation, and other fields that benefit the public. Up to a certain extent, It is of paramount importance to explore space but it is not more crucial than human beings.
Firstly, technological advancement has skyrocketed in the past few decades. Every country's dream is to achieve more technological advancements to benefit the nation. They try to find new places outside the earth where life may be possible. For example, NASA, an American organization has found a planet where water is available hoping that life is possible on that planet. Furthermore, stars and galaxies can be used for history, and humans want to know who they are, so exploring the skies may be helpful.
On the other hand, education, food, shelter, and peace are the prime things society needs to get a quality life. People pay taxes to the governments so the system can construct infrastructure. For every person, health is the first priority. Society needs hospitals, schools, jobs, roads, and a natural environment more than visiting the stars. In 2005, the German local public criticized their government for spending their precious money in making a rocket that would visit the moon.
In my opinion, we need to be more healthy and smart rather than being poor and jobless. It is the responsibility of every government to facilitate the nation. They should use this money for the betterment of people and the community.
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
Firstly, technological advancement has skyrocketed in the past few decades. Every country's dream is to achieve more technological advancements to benefit the nation. They try to find new places outside the earth where life may be possible. For example, NASA, an American organization has found a planet where water is available hoping that life is possible on that planet. Furthermore, stars and galaxies can be used for history, and humans want to know who they are, so exploring the skies may be helpful.
On the other hand, education, food, shelter, and peace are the prime things society needs to get a quality life. People pay taxes to the governments so the system can construct infrastructure. For every person, health is the first priority. Society needs hospitals, schools, jobs, roads, and a natural environment more than visiting the stars. In 2005, the German local public criticized their government for spending their precious money in making a rocket that would visit the moon.
In my opinion, we need to be more healthy and smart rather than being poor and jobless. It is the responsibility of every government to facilitate the nation. They should use this money for the betterment of people and the community.
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
Submitted on April 3, 2024 at 7:56 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic with clear arguments on both sides of the space exploration debate. You have effectively used examples to support your points, such as the reference to NASA and the German public's criticism. However, there are some areas for improvement. Firstly, your introduction could more directly address the question of whether money spent on space exploration is a waste, setting a clearer stance from the beginning. Additionally, your conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing your main points more concisely and reaffirming your stance more clearly. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance readability. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your argument's clarity and structure could improve its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with clear transitions between paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences are overly complex or unclear, which can disrupt the reader's understanding. Simplifying these sentences and ensuring each paragraph's topic sentence clearly reflects its content will improve coherence. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between paragraphs will help in building a more cohesive argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and progression of ideas, effectively balancing the discussion between space exploration and its alternatives. The introduction sets the stage for the debate, followed by paragraphs that contrast the benefits of space exploration with the immediate needs of society, concluding with your stance. Overall, the logical flow is coherent, earning a band score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
For every person, health is the first priority.
This sentence effectively summarizes the core argument for prioritizing domestic issues over space exploration.
Bad Sentence(s)
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
Corrected Sentence:
In conclusion, we should prioritize modern and economical advancements; if the government addresses the nation's needs first before investing in space exploration, the public is likely to support such endeavors.
In conclusion, we should prioritize modern and economical advancements; if the government addresses the nation's needs first before investing in space exploration, the public is likely to support such endeavors.
Clarify and streamline the sentence for coherence.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, focus on creating a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your argument. Additionally, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of topic sentences is evident, and the content within paragraphs remains relevant to the central thesis. This aspect of your essay earns a band score of 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, education, food, shelter, and peace are the prime things society needs to get a quality life.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on the basic needs of society, contrasting with the previous paragraph's focus on space exploration.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea. Use examples and explanations to fully develop your arguments within each paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes a commendable effort in using cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in utilizing a wider range of devices for a smoother flow. Your current use of cohesive devices earns a band score of 6.5.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, technological advancement has skyrocketed in the past few decades.
This sentence effectively introduces a new paragraph and topic, signaling a shift from the general introduction to specific arguments.
Bad Sentence(s)
In my opinion, we need to be more healthy and smart rather than being poor and jobless.
Corrected Sentence:
Therefore, I believe that prioritizing health and intelligence over economic disadvantages is essential.
Therefore, I believe that prioritizing health and intelligence over economic disadvantages is essential.
Use a more effective transition to introduce your opinion, ensuring a smoother flow between the discussion and your viewpoint.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a variety of transitions that indicate comparison, contrast, cause and effect, and addition. This will not only enhance the flow of your essay but also demonstrate a higher level of writing proficiency.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally establish the direction of each paragraph effectively, but they could be more precise in outlining the specific argument or point you intend to discuss.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, technological advancement has skyrocketed in the past few decades.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on technological advancement and space exploration.
On the other hand, education, food, shelter, and peace are the prime things society needs to get a quality life.
It clearly signals a shift to discussing the necessity of basic human needs over space exploration.
Bad Sentence(s)
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
Corrected Sentence:
In conclusion, prioritizing national welfare and economy before space exploration can garner public support for future space missions.
In conclusion, prioritizing national welfare and economy before space exploration can garner public support for future space missions.
Clarify and streamline the sentence for better readability and coherence.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of the paragraph’s main idea. Then, if possible, briefly hint at how you plan to support or develop that idea within the paragraph.
Counter Points
You have addressed contrasting viewpoints by acknowledging the importance of space exploration before arguing for the prioritization of other areas. However, the transition between these viewpoints could be smoother to enhance the argument's effectiveness.
Good Sentence(s)
For every person, health is the first priority.
This sentence effectively contrasts the investment in space exploration with the fundamental need for healthcare, emphasizing the essay's main argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
It is the responsibility of every government to facilitate the nation.
Corrected Sentence:
Governments should prioritize facilitating basic societal needs over space exploration.
Governments should prioritize facilitating basic societal needs over space exploration.
While not incorrect, this sentence could be strengthened by directly linking government responsibilities to the essay's argument about spending priorities.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, explicitly acknowledge the benefits or arguments for space exploration before presenting your contrasting viewpoint. Use transitional phrases to smoothly shift from acknowledging these points to presenting your argument.
Task Achievement
6 Bands
Overall, you've made a commendable effort in addressing the task. Your essay presents a clear stance and attempts to support it with examples. However, the effectiveness of your argument is somewhat diminished by unclear expressions and a lack of detailed examples. Improving the clarity of your writing and providing more specific, balanced examples could enhance your essay significantly.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question directly, presenting a balanced view on the importance of space exploration versus the need for domestic development. Your stance is clear, showing your disagreement with excessive spending on space exploration.
Good example(s)
For every person, health is the first priority.
This sentence effectively highlights the importance of prioritizing domestic issues over space exploration.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
This sentence is confusing and contains a typo ('teat' instead of 'treat'), weakening your argument's clarity.
Development of Position
Your argument is well-developed, presenting a clear viewpoint that prioritizes domestic development over space exploration. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a clearer connection between your examples and your thesis.
Good example(s)
Society needs hospitals, schools, jobs, roads, and a natural environment more than visiting the stars.
This sentence clearly supports your position by emphasizing the importance of domestic needs.
Bad Example(s)
In my opinion, we need to be more healthy and smart rather than being poor and jobless.
This sentence is overly simplistic and does not directly support your argument with concrete examples.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the reference to NASA and the German public's criticism, are relevant but need to be more detailed and directly tied to your argument to strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
For example, NASA, an American organization has found a planet where water is available hoping that life is possible on that planet.
This detail supports the argument for space exploration but needs to be balanced with a similar level of detail for domestic priorities.
Bad Example(s)
In 2005, the German local public criticized their government for spending their precious money in making a rocket that would visit the moon.
While this example is intended to support your argument, it lacks specificity about the impact of this spending on domestic priorities.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but lacks a strong, compelling final thought to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
The conclusion is convoluted and weakens the overall impact of your essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of space exploration and its comparison with other national priorities. However, there are areas where lexical precision could be improved to enhance clarity and impact. Some phrases and word choices are slightly awkward or imprecise, affecting the overall coherence of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| teat the nation | treat the nation | Typographical error. |
| skyrocketed | increased dramatically | 'Skyrocketed' may be seen as too informal for academic writing. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
space 5 times | outer space, the cosmos, the universe |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| allocate To distribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose. | To distribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose. |
| sustainable development Economic development without depletion of natural resources. | Economic development without depletion of natural resources. |
| infrastructure The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society. | The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society. |
| prioritize Designate or treat (something) as more important than other things. | Designate or treat (something) as more important than other things. |
| innovation The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. | The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. |
Out of Context
modern and economical
Corrected Sentence:
prosperous and sustainable
prosperous and sustainable
Using 'modern and economical' in the conclusion.
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly good, but attention to detail is necessary to avoid minor errors and typos that can detract from the professionalism of your writing. Paying attention to capitalization rules and proofreading for typographical errors will improve the clarity and impact of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable variety in sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in making your sentences more varied to enhance readability and engagement.
Good example(s)
For example, NASA, an American organization has found a planet where water is available hoping that life is possible on that planet.
This sentence effectively combines information with an example, making the argument more vivid and engaging.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, we need to be modern and economical, if the government first teat the nation and then invests in visiting the space to explore their interest then the public will also be in favor to encouraging them.
This sentence is overly long and confusing, with unclear meaning due to poor structure and possible typographical errors.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the narrative and argumentative needs of the essay.
Grammatical Errors
Up to a certain extent, It is of paramount importance
Correction:
Up to a certain extent, it is of paramount importance
Up to a certain extent, it is of paramount importance
The word 'It' should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence unless it is a proper noun or at the beginning of a sentence.
in making a rocket that would visit the moon.
Correction:
in making a rocket that would visit the Moon.
in making a rocket that would visit the Moon.
The 'Moon' should be capitalized when referring to Earth's Moon.
if the government first teat the nation
Correction:
if the government first treat the nation
if the government first treat the nation
It seems like a typographical error; 'teat' should be corrected to 'treat'.