Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Cause/Effect Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In recent years, the rise of budget airlines has made international travel more accessible to the masses. Discuss the effects this has had on the countries that have seen a significant increase in tourists. Consider both the positive and negative impacts.
Nowadays, increasing number of the economy flights, gives the access to the countless people to travel effortless.This phenomenon has had a massive effect on tourism industry However there are some drawbacks for it. In this essay, I shall discuss the pros and cons of budget airlines and I will share my standpoint.
In contemporary society, tourism industry is one the main sources for earning huge amount of money. The financial status of every country can be elevated by enormous tourists and visitors. They can pay for monuments and museums entrances, buying suvenirs for their relatives and friends, purchasing local products, etc. All of these actions can enhance economical situations . Additionally, visitors can introduce our culture and traditions by social media to other nations. It is common thing nowadays to see videos of international and famous bloggers who are talking about a special place that they have travelled to on instagram. This method can draw more attentions to the separate countries and share data about their cultural backgrounds, history, amusements, famous buildings and structures . In the light of buget airlines, we have gained more tourists who can bring many advantages.
However, it ought to be mentioned that, the high numbers of flights will produce lots of emmissions which are deleterious for the environment. Airplanes usage of fossile fuels can increase the amount of dioxide-carbon in the air, subsequently we will face with air pollution concern. Besides that, plenty of tourists can make damage to cultural heritage. Many people can draw garaffitis on monument's walls and density of people in an area usually can bring devastation. Altough, the government should dedicate some part of tourism industry incomes to protect and preserve the old structures and solve environmental difficulties.
Taking everything into account, in my perspective economy airlines are useful and we can gain more visitors and tourists and boost our country's economy. However it is important to protect our environment and our old and valuable structures. But with a good economy. we can find solutions for these drawbacks.
In contemporary society, tourism industry is one the main sources for earning huge amount of money. The financial status of every country can be elevated by enormous tourists and visitors. They can pay for monuments and museums entrances, buying suvenirs for their relatives and friends, purchasing local products, etc. All of these actions can enhance economical situations . Additionally, visitors can introduce our culture and traditions by social media to other nations. It is common thing nowadays to see videos of international and famous bloggers who are talking about a special place that they have travelled to on instagram. This method can draw more attentions to the separate countries and share data about their cultural backgrounds, history, amusements, famous buildings and structures . In the light of buget airlines, we have gained more tourists who can bring many advantages.
However, it ought to be mentioned that, the high numbers of flights will produce lots of emmissions which are deleterious for the environment. Airplanes usage of fossile fuels can increase the amount of dioxide-carbon in the air, subsequently we will face with air pollution concern. Besides that, plenty of tourists can make damage to cultural heritage. Many people can draw garaffitis on monument's walls and density of people in an area usually can bring devastation. Altough, the government should dedicate some part of tourism industry incomes to protect and preserve the old structures and solve environmental difficulties.
Taking everything into account, in my perspective economy airlines are useful and we can gain more visitors and tourists and boost our country's economy. However it is important to protect our environment and our old and valuable structures. But with a good economy. we can find solutions for these drawbacks.
Submitted on August 8, 2024 at 1:35 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing both the positive and negative impacts of budget airlines on countries with increased tourism. You provide clear examples to support your points, such as the economic benefits of tourism and the environmental and cultural heritage concerns. However, there are areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your essay would benefit from a more structured organization, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each argument (pros and cons), and a conclusion that restates your standpoint more clearly. Secondly, pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'suvenirs' should be 'souvenirs', 'buget' should be 'budget', 'dioxide-carbon' should be 'carbon dioxide', 'emmissions' should be 'emissions', 'fossile' should be 'fossil', 'garaffitis' should be 'graffiti', 'Altough' should be 'Although'). These errors can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Thirdly, enhancing your argument with more specific examples and data could strengthen your essay. Finally, consider exploring the social impacts of increased tourism more deeply, such as on local communities and infrastructure. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but refining these areas could improve your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with paragraphs dedicated to discussing both sides of the argument. The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main points. However, coherence could be improved by better linking sentences within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. For instance, transitioning more smoothly between the benefits and drawbacks within the body paragraphs could enhance readability and argumentative impact. Additionally, paying closer attention to the precision of language and avoiding repetition could further improve coherence. For example, varying your vocabulary when discussing the economic benefits or environmental impacts could make the argument more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with a recognizable introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the flow between ideas could be improved for better coherence.
Good Sentence(s)
In contemporary society, tourism industry is one the main sources for earning huge amount of money.
This sentence effectively introduces the positive impacts of tourism, setting the stage for further explanation.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, increasing number of the economy flights, gives the access to the countless people to travel effortless.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, the increasing number of economy flights gives countless people effortless access to travel.
Nowadays, the increasing number of economy flights gives countless people effortless access to travel.
Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points before writing. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure each subsequent sentence builds on that idea. Transition words can also help in connecting paragraphs and ideas smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and focused on specific aspects of the topic. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more explicit topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
However, it ought to be mentioned that, the high numbers of flights will produce lots of emmissions which are deleterious for the environment.
Corrected Sentence:
However, it is important to mention the negative impacts. High numbers of flights produce significant emissions, which are harmful to the environment.
However, it is important to mention the negative impacts. High numbers of flights produce significant emissions, which are harmful to the environment.
Split complex ideas into multiple sentences for clarity and focus on a single idea per paragraph.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs with a single, clear idea. Start with a topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that reinforces the main idea and transitions smoothly to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices shows an understanding of their importance in essay writing. However, there's room for improvement in their variety and application to enhance the flow of ideas.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider variety of transitions, such as 'Furthermore' for adding information, 'Consequently' for showing results, and 'On the other hand' for contrasting ideas. Also, ensure that the devices you use accurately reflect the relationship between your ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the subject of each paragraph effectively, indicating a discussion on both the positive and negative impacts of budget airlines on countries.
Good Sentence(s)
In contemporary society, tourism industry is one the main sources for earning huge amount of money.
This sentence effectively introduces the positive impacts of increased tourism due to budget airlines.
However, it ought to be mentioned that, the high numbers of flights will produce lots of emissions which are deleterious for the environment.
This sentence successfully transitions the essay to discuss the negative consequences, providing a clear structure.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. Ensure it directly addresses the essay question and try to incorporate transition words for smoother progression between paragraphs.
Counter Points
You have addressed contrasting viewpoints by discussing both the positive and negative effects of budget airlines. However, the integration of these viewpoints could be deepened by directly comparing or contrasting them within the same paragraph to enhance the argument's complexity.
Bad Sentence(s)
Taking everything into account, in my perspective economy airlines are useful and we can gain more visitors and tourists and boost our country's economy.
Corrected Sentence:
Taking everything into account, despite the environmental concerns, the economic benefits and cultural exchange facilitated by budget airlines, if managed responsibly, can significantly outweigh the drawbacks.
Taking everything into account, despite the environmental concerns, the economic benefits and cultural exchange facilitated by budget airlines, if managed responsibly, can significantly outweigh the drawbacks.
To improve, directly address how the negatives can be mitigated or are outweighed by the positives, providing a more nuanced conclusion.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint within the same paragraph as your main argument. This can be achieved by presenting a counterpoint and then immediately offering evidence or reasoning that refutes it or suggests a compromise. This approach not only shows a comprehensive understanding of the issue but also strengthens your position.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a commendable effort in addressing the task, presenting both sides of the argument. However, your essay would benefit from clearer argumentation, more specific examples, and careful attention to grammatical accuracy and coherence. Enhancing these areas could significantly improve your task achievement.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have addressed the question by discussing both the positive and negative effects of budget airlines on countries with increased tourism. However, your essay could benefit from a clearer and more direct response to the question, specifically by explicitly stating the effects in your introduction.
Good example(s)
The financial status of every country can be elevated by enormous tourists and visitors.
This sentence effectively highlights a positive impact of increased tourism facilitated by budget airlines.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, increasing number of the economy flights, gives the access to the countless people to travel effortless.
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and contains grammatical errors, making it a poor introduction to the topic.
Development of Position
Your argument presents both sides but lacks depth in analysis and development. You've outlined the pros and cons but failed to delve into how these impacts interact or affect countries on a broader scale.
Good example(s)
Additionally, visitors can introduce our culture and traditions by social media to other nations.
This sentence shows a positive aspect of tourism that is often overlooked, contributing to a more nuanced argument.
Bad Example(s)
However, it ought to be mentioned that, the high numbers of flights will produce lots of emmissions which are deleterious for the environment.
This sentence introduces a critical argument but does so in a way that's vague and lacks specificity.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need further development and evidence to strengthen your argument. More specific examples or data would enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Good example(s)
This method can draw more attentions to the separate countries and share data about their cultural backgrounds, history, amusements, famous buildings and structures.
This detail supports the argument by showing how social media can amplify the benefits of increased tourism.
Bad Example(s)
Many people can draw garaffitis on monument's walls and density of people in an area usually can bring devastation.
This example is too general and lacks specificity. Providing data or a case study could improve its effectiveness.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint but lacks a strong final statement that encapsulates the overall impact of budget airlines on international tourism.
Bad Example(s)
But with a good economy. we can find solutions for these drawbacks.
This sentence is overly simplistic and does not effectively conclude the essay or the argument presented.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though it could benefit from more precise and varied language to enhance clarity and engagement. There are instances of awkward phrasing and some grammatical inconsistencies that impact the overall lexical resource score. Focusing on refining word choice and avoiding repetition will improve the effectiveness of your communication.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| economy flights | budget airlines | More specific to the context of affordable air travel. |
| suvenirs | souvenirs | Spelling error. |
| economical situations | economic situations | 'Economic' is the correct term when referring to the economy. |
| dioxide-carbon | carbon dioxide | Correct scientific term. |
| garaffitis | graffiti | Spelling error and 'graffiti' is both singular and plural. |
| Altough | Although | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
tourists 5 times | visitors, travelers, guests |
countries 3 times | nations, destinations |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| accessible Able to be reached or entered. | Able to be reached or entered. |
| boost Help or encourage (something) to increase or improve. | Help or encourage (something) to increase or improve. |
| sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level; especially without causing damage to the environment. | Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level; especially without causing damage to the environment. |
| mitigate Make less severe, serious, or painful. | Make less severe, serious, or painful. |
| heritage Valued objects and qualities such as historic buildings and cultural traditions that have been passed down from previous generations. | Valued objects and qualities such as historic buildings and cultural traditions that have been passed down from previous generations. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of English grammar, but there are several areas for improvement. The use of articles ('a', 'the'), correct plural forms, and adverbs ('effortlessly' instead of 'effortless') need particular attention. Additionally, sentence structure could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of your essay. Focusing on these areas will help in making your writing clearer and more engaging.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety in structure, but they could benefit from more complexity and variation to enhance readability and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Good example(s)
Additionally, visitors can introduce our culture and traditions by social media to other nations.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure by including additional information after the main clause, which enriches the content.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, increasing number of the economy flights, gives the access to the countless people to travel effortless.
This sentence is awkwardly structured and contains grammatical errors. It could be simplified and made clearer.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, focusing on the present simple to discuss current trends. However, attention to detail is required to ensure that tense usage accurately reflects the time frame of the actions or states being described.
Grammatical Errors
Nowadays, increasing number of the economy flights, gives the access to the countless people to travel effortless.
Correction:
Nowadays, the increasing number of economy flights gives countless people access to travel effortlessly.
Nowadays, the increasing number of economy flights gives countless people access to travel effortlessly.
Original sentence was awkwardly phrased and contained errors in article usage ('the' was missing), pluralization, and adjective use ('effortless' should be 'effortlessly').
All of these actions can enhance economical situations .
Correction:
All of these actions can enhance economic situations.
All of these actions can enhance economic situations.
The correct term is 'economic situations' when referring to the financial aspects.
Altough, the government should dedicate some part of tourism industry incomes to protect and preserve the old structures and solve environmental difficulties.
Correction:
Although the government should dedicate a portion of tourism industry income to protecting and preserving old structures and solving environmental difficulties.
Although the government should dedicate a portion of tourism industry income to protecting and preserving old structures and solving environmental difficulties.
Misspelling of 'Although' and incorrect use of 'some part of tourism industry incomes'. Also, the sentence structure was improved for clarity.