Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some argue that healthcare should be free for everyone, while others believe that individuals should pay for their own medical expenses. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Health is one of the most important thing for every living organisms.if a person is healthy then they can handle all the circumstances in life.there for healthcare is obligatory thing for every person.some people argued that healthcare should. E free for every person while other believe that individual should pay for their own medical expenses.in this essay we will discuss boyh points and give his own opinion.
To begin with we can do related to our health many things like walking,running,playing etc just because of our health.if a person become sick from some environmental issues then they will required healthcare .if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .but if the person are financially unstable and his treatment is not free then they will feel difficulties and his health become move toward more weakness.there are a lot of people in our many countires in the world that have the financial problems and they donot have any money hospitals for treatment and treat himself .so in this situation a lot of person becom led to death.And their death will occure because of money problem.so if the hospital treatment is free for every citizen then can do his treatment with out facing any difficulty.
But a person become ill and they are financially stable then they can do his treatment every where they want and purchase for himself some medical treatment.anther intrusting point is that in some modern and financially stable country have free treatment for all of his country people and so many expensive treatment tools like tablet syrup is free for every citizen of his country.
Overall,in my opinion if the healthcare is free for every person then they will not face any difficulty in illnes condition or any other condition for example accidents etc but if the treatment are by money then that will be very expensive for many people and at last they will cause death.
To begin with we can do related to our health many things like walking,running,playing etc just because of our health.if a person become sick from some environmental issues then they will required healthcare .if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .but if the person are financially unstable and his treatment is not free then they will feel difficulties and his health become move toward more weakness.there are a lot of people in our many countires in the world that have the financial problems and they donot have any money hospitals for treatment and treat himself .so in this situation a lot of person becom led to death.And their death will occure because of money problem.so if the hospital treatment is free for every citizen then can do his treatment with out facing any difficulty.
But a person become ill and they are financially stable then they can do his treatment every where they want and purchase for himself some medical treatment.anther intrusting point is that in some modern and financially stable country have free treatment for all of his country people and so many expensive treatment tools like tablet syrup is free for every citizen of his country.
Overall,in my opinion if the healthcare is free for every person then they will not face any difficulty in illnes condition or any other condition for example accidents etc but if the treatment are by money then that will be very expensive for many people and at last they will cause death.
Submitted on April 2, 2024 at 7:17 PM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion, which is good. However, there are several areas that need improvement. Firstly, your essay contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, 'Health is one of the most important thing' should be 'Health is one of the most important things'. Secondly, your argumentation would benefit from more structured paragraphs and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your discussion. Additionally, providing specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Lastly, your conclusion summarizes your stance but could be more impactful by succinctly restating the main arguments. Focusing on these areas could significantly improve your essay's effectiveness and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks clear logical organization, which affects the overall coherence. Ideas are presented in a somewhat random order without clear transitions or structure. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Health is one of the most important thing for every living organisms.if a person is healthy then they can handle all the circumstances in life.there for healthcare is obligatory thing for every person.
Corrected Sentence:
Health is one of the most important aspects for every living organism. A healthy individual can handle various life circumstances, making healthcare a necessity for everyone.
Health is one of the most important aspects for every living organism. A healthy individual can handle various life circumstances, making healthcare a necessity for everyone.
Consider breaking down the sentence for clarity and enhancing the logical flow by introducing the topic more formally.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your essay. Clearly define the introduction, body paragraphs (each discussing a specific point), and conclusion. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas.
Paragraphing
Paragraphs are not clearly defined, and ideas within them are jumbled, making it hard to follow your argument. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
To begin with we can do related to our health many things like walking,running,playing etc just because of our health.if a person become sick from some environmental issues then they will required healthcare .if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .but if the person are financially unstable and his treatment is not free then they will feel difficulties and his health become move toward more weakness.
Corrected Sentence:
To begin with, maintaining our health through activities like walking, running, and playing is crucial. However, when environmental issues cause illness, access to healthcare becomes essential. If healthcare were free, individuals would not face difficulties seeking treatment. Conversely, financial instability makes paid treatments a significant barrier, leading to deteriorating health.
To begin with, maintaining our health through activities like walking, running, and playing is crucial. However, when environmental issues cause illness, access to healthcare becomes essential. If healthcare were free, individuals would not face difficulties seeking treatment. Conversely, financial instability makes paid treatments a significant barrier, leading to deteriorating health.
Divide the content into separate paragraphs for each main idea. Start with an introductory sentence for each paragraph.
Suggestions
Focus on creating one paragraph for each main idea. Begin with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph or transitions to the next idea.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay shows an attempt to use cohesive devices, but their incorrect or repetitive use disrupts the flow. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .
Corrected Sentence:
If healthcare were free for everyone, individuals would not face any difficulties in seeking treatment.
If healthcare were free for everyone, individuals would not face any difficulties in seeking treatment.
Use a variety of cohesive devices correctly to improve clarity and flow.
Suggestions
Study and practice using a variety of cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'for instance', and 'in contrast'. Use them to connect ideas within and between paragraphs effectively.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need improvement for clarity and directness. They lack specificity and do not clearly outline the paragraphs' contents.
Bad Sentence(s)
Health is one of the most important thing for every living organisms.
Corrected Sentence:
The debate on whether healthcare should be universally free or paid for by individuals is crucial due to health's importance to life.
The debate on whether healthcare should be universally free or paid for by individuals is crucial due to health's importance to life.
Start with a clearer statement that directly addresses the essay question.
To begin with we can do related to our health many things like walking,running,playing etc just because of our health.
Corrected Sentence:
Engaging in activities like walking, running, and playing are vital for maintaining health, underscoring the importance of accessible healthcare.
Engaging in activities like walking, running, and playing are vital for maintaining health, underscoring the importance of accessible healthcare.
Rewrite for clarity and relevance to the essay's argument structure.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument or point. Use active voice and ensure it directly addresses aspects of the essay question.
Counter Points
You attempted to discuss contrasting viewpoints, but the integration and clarity of these counterpoints could be enhanced for a more balanced argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
But a person become ill and they are financially stable then they can do his treatment every where they want and purchase for himself some medical treatment.
Corrected Sentence:
Financially stable individuals have the freedom to choose their healthcare services, highlighting a disparity in access based on economic status.
Financially stable individuals have the freedom to choose their healthcare services, highlighting a disparity in access based on economic status.
Clarify and directly address the counterpoint to strengthen the argument.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, explicitly state the opposing viewpoint before offering evidence or reasoning against it. This structure helps in creating a balanced and persuasive argument.
Task Achievement
4 Bands
Overall, you've attempted to cover the task but with significant issues in clarity, grammar, and coherence. Your essay lacks depth in discussing both viewpoints and your opinion is not convincingly argued. Improving the structure, providing clearer examples, and correcting grammatical errors would greatly benefit your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion. However, the clarity and depth of your discussion could be improved.
Bad Example(s)
Health is one of the most important thing for every living organisms.
This sentence is too general and does not directly address the question.
Development of Position
Your argument's development is weak. The essay lacks clear structure and coherence, making it hard to follow your position.
Bad Example(s)
if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .
This sentence is confusing and poorly constructed, weakening your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but not well-explained or detailed. More specific examples and clearer explanations would strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
there are a lot of people in our many countires in the world that have the financial problems and they donot have any money hospitals for treatment and treat himself .
This sentence is vague and grammatically incorrect, making it a weak supporting detail.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your opinion but lacks a strong summarization of the discussion. It could be more impactful with a clearer summary and stronger statement.
Lexical Resources
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary suitable for the task, though it's hindered by numerous spelling and grammatical errors. Improving precision and variety in word choice could enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| there for | therefore | Incorrect spelling and usage; 'therefore' is the correct conjunction to show cause and effect. |
| boyh | both | Typographical error. |
| shoul | should | Typographical error. |
| goinv | going | Typographical error. |
| move toward more weakness | become weaker | Clarity and conciseness; the corrected phrase more directly conveys the intended meaning. |
| donot | do not | Incorrect spelling; 'do not' is the correct form. |
| becom led to death | lead to death | Grammatical accuracy; corrects verb form and tense. |
| anther intrusting point | another interesting point | Spelling and word choice errors. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
healthcare 9 times | medical care, health services, medical services |
person 11 times | individual, patient, someone |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| universal healthcare A health care system that provides health care and financial protection to all citizens of a particular country. | A health care system that provides health care and financial protection to all citizens of a particular country. |
| financially stable Having sufficient financial resources to comfortably meet needs and withstand unexpected expenses. | Having sufficient financial resources to comfortably meet needs and withstand unexpected expenses. |
| medical expenses Costs related to the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of disease, including the cost of drugs, medical services, and equipment. | Costs related to the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of disease, including the cost of drugs, medical services, and equipment. |
| socioeconomic disparities Differences in wealth, status, and access to resources among different social and economic groups. | Differences in wealth, status, and access to resources among different social and economic groups. |
| preventative measures Actions taken to prevent diseases or injuries rather than curing them or treating their symptoms. | Actions taken to prevent diseases or injuries rather than curing them or treating their symptoms. |
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fundamental understanding of grammar, but there are significant areas for improvement. Issues such as run-on sentences, lack of subject-verb agreement, and typographical errors detract from the overall quality of your writing. Focusing on sentence structure, correct tense usage, and proofreading for typos will greatly enhance your grammatical accuracy.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay lacks variety in sentence structure, relying heavily on simple sentences. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the readability and sophistication of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Health is one of the most important thing for every living organisms.if a person is healthy then they can handle all the circumstances in life.there for healthcare is obligatory thing for every person.
This sentence is a run-on sentence with multiple ideas that could be better expressed in separate sentences or with the use of commas and conjunctions to improve clarity and structure.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, focusing on the present simple to discuss general truths. However, there are instances where tense consistency is lost, affecting the clarity of your arguments.
Bad Example(s)
if the healthcare is free for every person then the shoul not face any difficulties and will be goinv for his treatment .
The shift from 'is' to 'will be goinv' is awkward and incorrect. 'Going' is misspelled, and the future tense 'will be going' disrupts the sentence's tense consistency.
Grammatical Errors
Health is one of the most important thing
Correction:
Health is one of the most important things
Health is one of the most important things
The subject 'thing' should be plural ('things') to agree with 'one of the'.
there for healthcare is obligatory thing
Correction:
therefore, healthcare is an obligatory thing
therefore, healthcare is an obligatory thing
Misuse of 'there for' instead of 'therefore' and missing article 'an' before 'obligatory thing'.
discuss boyh points
Correction:
discuss both points
discuss both points
Typographical error 'boyh' should be corrected to 'both'.
if the person are financially unstable
Correction:
if the person is financially unstable
if the person is financially unstable
Subject-verb agreement error; 'the person' is singular, so 'are' should be 'is'.