Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that the only purpose of working is to earn money. Others argue that work is about more than just financial gain and includes personal satisfaction and development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The world has become incredibly fast-paced and materialistic. This has led to some people thinking that the only motivation behind a career is to make more and more money, while others believe that the purpose of working goes beyond that; towards achieving personal satisfaction. This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal. Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loves ones. Along with that, the world has not just gotten fiercely competitive out there, but consumerism is also on the rise, which leaves an individual no choice but to make it all about the money, otherwise, he fears of getting left behind in the rat race. These reasons explain why some people conceive work only as a means to get richer.
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries. Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem. Without the sense of achievement, derived from a career, an individual can lose self-confidence by sitting idle at home. Furthermore, a job keeps a person active, physically and mentally. Therefore, ambitions and careers are bigger than money.
To sum up, To survive in today's world, it is important to struggle towards being financially stronger, however, it is also crucial to keep in mind that our work is our sense of self and achievement, it makes us who we are. Therefore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal. Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loves ones. Along with that, the world has not just gotten fiercely competitive out there, but consumerism is also on the rise, which leaves an individual no choice but to make it all about the money, otherwise, he fears of getting left behind in the rat race. These reasons explain why some people conceive work only as a means to get richer.
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries. Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem. Without the sense of achievement, derived from a career, an individual can lose self-confidence by sitting idle at home. Furthermore, a job keeps a person active, physically and mentally. Therefore, ambitions and careers are bigger than money.
To sum up, To survive in today's world, it is important to struggle towards being financially stronger, however, it is also crucial to keep in mind that our work is our sense of self and achievement, it makes us who we are. Therefore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
Submitted on July 28, 2024 at 8:21 PM
Overall Evaluation
8 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a balanced view on the role of work in one's life. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument, and a concise conclusion that summarizes your stance. Your language is mostly clear and coherent, which is crucial for achieving a higher band score. However, to enhance your essay further, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic capability. Additionally, providing specific examples could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and aim to correct these in future writings. Overall, your essay is thoughtful and shows a good understanding of the topic.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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8
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, effectively presenting arguments for both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. The flow from financial motivations to deeper personal fulfillment is smooth, indicating a well-thought-out structure. Overall, the organization supports the essay's argument effectively. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem.
This sentence effectively transitions the discussion from financial motivations to personal development, highlighting the multifaceted nature of work.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider explicitly stating your thesis in the introduction and summarizing key points before the conclusion. This will reinforce your argument's structure and make your stance clearer from the beginning.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all distinct, facilitating easy navigation through your essay. Band: 8.5
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on financial motivation, setting up the discussion that follows.
Suggestions
For even more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each one begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the paragraph’s main idea. This practice will enhance readability and strengthen your argument's clarity.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly. However, there's room for more varied usage to enhance the flow further. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries.
This sentence effectively contrasts the preceding argument about financial motivation with the upcoming discussion on personal fulfillment, demonstrating skillful use of cohesive devices to introduce a counterargument.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider variety of transitions, such as 'furthermore' for adding information, 'consequently' for showing results, and 'for instance' for giving examples. This will enrich your essay's connectivity and readability.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating the direction of your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing financial motivations to exploring deeper, personal benefits of work, setting a clear direction for the argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey the argument or perspective you will discuss.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints well by acknowledging the importance of financial gain before elaborating on the broader, more fulfilling aspects of work.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal.
This sentence effectively acknowledges a common viewpoint before presenting your argument, showing a balanced approach.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, explicitly state the opposing viewpoint, then use evidence or reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more comprehensive understanding. This not only shows that you have considered other views but also strengthens your argument.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you did a good job of addressing the task, presenting a clear and coherent argument that work is not solely for financial gain but also for personal satisfaction and development. To improve, consider adding more varied and specific examples to support your points. Additionally, work on making your conclusion more impactful. Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question directly and presented a clear stance on the issue, effectively arguing that work encompasses more than just financial gain.
Good example(s)
This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
It clearly states your position and introduces the essay effectively.
Development of Position
Your argument is well-structured and progresses logically, reinforcing your viewpoint that work also contributes to personal development and satisfaction.
Good example(s)
Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem.
This sentence effectively encapsulates the essence of your argument, showing good development of position.
Supporting Details
Your examples and explanations are relevant and support your argument well. However, incorporating more specific examples or data could strengthen your essay further.
Good example(s)
Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loves ones.
It provides a concrete reason for financial motivation but also sets the stage for discussing deeper values of work.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the idea that work is about more than just earning money. However, a stronger call to action or a more profound closing thought could make it more impactful.
Good example(s)
Therefore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
It succinctly wraps up the essay's main argument.
Lexical Resources
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the IELTS task. You've managed to articulate your points with clarity, using a variety of lexical resources that are mostly relevant to the topic. However, there's room for improvement in terms of avoiding repetition and enhancing precision in word choice to better express your arguments.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| spoiling your loves ones | spoiling your loved ones | Typographical error. |
| financially strong | financially stronger | Consistency with the comparative context ('more and more financially strong' implies a comparative degree). |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
more and more 2 times | increasingly, progressively |
financial 3 times | economic, monetary |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| materialistic Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. | Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. |
| consumerism The protection or promotion of the interests of consumers; the preoccupation with and inclination toward buying consumer goods. | The protection or promotion of the interests of consumers; the preoccupation with and inclination toward buying consumer goods. |
| self-worth The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. | The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. |
| self-esteem Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. | Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. |
| financial independence The status of having enough income to pay one's living expenses for the rest of one's life without having to be employed or dependent on others. | The status of having enough income to pay one's living expenses for the rest of one's life without having to be employed or dependent on others. |
Grammatical Range
8.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, contributing to a clear and persuasive essay. The minor error with 'loves ones' instead of 'loved ones' was the only noticeable issue. Your control over grammar aids in effectively conveying your arguments and enhances the overall readability of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your argument.
Good example(s)
Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loved ones.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to convey a nuanced point about the motivations for financial gain, showing good control over sentence variety.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a clear narrative flow and making your arguments easy to follow.
Good example(s)
This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
The future tense is appropriately used here to outline the structure and purpose of the essay, guiding the reader on what to expect.
Grammatical Errors
as well as spoiling your loves ones
Correction:
as well as spoiling your loved ones
as well as spoiling your loved ones
The phrase should use 'loved' to correctly modify 'ones', indicating the people who are loved by the subject.