Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the significance of religious holidays and festivals in different cultures. How do they bring people together and foster a sense of unity?
The world consits of various of religions and which further involves various cultures and festivals associated to it. Each religion has its own significance and conveys numerous message or value to the society. This essay will explore the sognificance of religious holidays, festivals in different culture and how it fosters the sense of unity.
Religion is a system of belief in god that we as people have, for example there are various religions like Hinduisim, Christanity, Muslim, etc. Each religion have its own culture of believing in someone or doung things as according to their cultural belief and these cultures involves festivals to celebrate their religious days with their family and friends, prepare for it and follow their ritual beliefs. These festivals convey various essential message or value to the society and also depicts the history the event. For example the most famous festival of India named as "Dushera" is a festival in which the bad or the negative energy comes to an end some day which conveys that no negative energy can counter over the good energy, someday it has to come to an end. Inorder to celebrate these festivals with the friend and family, and to know about the history of the festival its important to have a religious holiday.
Additionally, the festivals or religions not only convey some valuable message to society infact they also foster the sense of unity among people as festivals are celebrated with happiness, with the family members, friends and the neighbours as well. It makes each of us feel special as we all togetger contributes in the celebration of the festivals and learn about our cultures.
In the end it can be concluded that each religion has its own significance and culture in the society which further contributes to value and unity among the people and can make a person to learn about their culture in detail. Every festival have its own rituals with different history associated with it and which we people cherish to this day.
Religion is a system of belief in god that we as people have, for example there are various religions like Hinduisim, Christanity, Muslim, etc. Each religion have its own culture of believing in someone or doung things as according to their cultural belief and these cultures involves festivals to celebrate their religious days with their family and friends, prepare for it and follow their ritual beliefs. These festivals convey various essential message or value to the society and also depicts the history the event. For example the most famous festival of India named as "Dushera" is a festival in which the bad or the negative energy comes to an end some day which conveys that no negative energy can counter over the good energy, someday it has to come to an end. Inorder to celebrate these festivals with the friend and family, and to know about the history of the festival its important to have a religious holiday.
Additionally, the festivals or religions not only convey some valuable message to society infact they also foster the sense of unity among people as festivals are celebrated with happiness, with the family members, friends and the neighbours as well. It makes each of us feel special as we all togetger contributes in the celebration of the festivals and learn about our cultures.
In the end it can be concluded that each religion has its own significance and culture in the society which further contributes to value and unity among the people and can make a person to learn about their culture in detail. Every festival have its own rituals with different history associated with it and which we people cherish to this day.
Submitted on July 11, 2024 at 8:18 AM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by discussing the significance of religious holidays and festivals in different cultures and their role in fostering unity. You provide examples and explain how these occasions bring people together. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your essay contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ('consits', 'involves various cultures and festivals associated to it', 'Each religion have its own culture of believing in someone or doung things as according to their cultural belief') that hinder clarity and coherence. Working on grammar and sentence structure will significantly enhance your essay's readability. Secondly, your argument would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of how exactly festivals foster unity among people. Lastly, ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, summarizing your main points effectively. Focusing on these areas could improve your essay's impact and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. Overall, the structure is adequate but lacks depth in analysis. Band: 6.0
Good Sentence(s)
This essay will explore the significance of religious holidays, festivals in different culture and how it fosters the sense of unity.
This sentence effectively sets up the essay's structure and topic.
Bad Sentence(s)
Religion is a system of belief in god that we as people have, for example there are various religions like Hinduisim, Christanity, Muslim, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Religion is a system of belief in a higher power, with various forms such as Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, etc.
Religion is a system of belief in a higher power, with various forms such as Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, etc.
Clarify and correct the spelling mistakes. Also, make the sentence more academic by specifying 'belief in a higher power' and listing religions more formally.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Additionally, linking words could be used more effectively to connect ideas between sentences.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, which is positive. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to enhance clarity and provide more detailed analysis. Band: 6.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Inorder to celebrate these festivals with the friend and family, and to know about the history of the festival its important to have a religious holiday.
Corrected Sentence:
In order to celebrate these festivals, it is important to have a religious holiday. This allows friends and family to gather and learn about the history of the festival.
In order to celebrate these festivals, it is important to have a religious holiday. This allows friends and family to gather and learn about the history of the festival.
Split complex ideas into more manageable sentences for clarity.
Suggestions
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and use clear topic sentences. Additionally, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next by using transitional phrases.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is basic but effective in some parts of the essay. There is room for improvement in using a wider range of devices to enhance the essay's overall cohesion. Band: 5.5
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms to avoid repetition, and using conjunctions to better link ideas. Additionally, consider using referencing words ('this', 'these', 'it') to refer back to previously mentioned ideas for smoother transitions.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally introduce the subject matter effectively but could be improved by being more specific and directly addressing how religious holidays and festivals contribute to unity across different cultures.
Good Sentence(s)
This essay will explore the significance of religious holidays, festivals in different culture and how it fosters the sense of unity.
This sentence effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the essay's main topics.
Bad Sentence(s)
Religion is a system of belief in god that we as people have, for example there are various religions like Hinduisim, Christanity, Muslim, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Various religions, including Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam, celebrate holidays and festivals that embody their beliefs and unite their followers.
Various religions, including Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam, celebrate holidays and festivals that embody their beliefs and unite their followers.
Refine to directly link to the essay's focus on holidays and unity.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly stating the main idea of the paragraph. Make sure it's specific and directly related to the essay question. Incorporate keywords from the question to ensure alignment with the topic.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterpoints, focusing instead on the positive aspects of religious holidays and their role in fostering unity.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments effectively, acknowledge potential criticisms or differing views on religious holidays, such as how they might exclude or alienate non-participants. Then, provide a balanced discussion by refuting these points or showing how the benefits outweigh the negatives.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a good attempt at addressing the task, but there is room for improvement in terms of depth and breadth of analysis, development of argument, and use of specific examples. Aim to provide a more detailed examination of how religious festivals foster unity among people from different cultures, and ensure your examples are varied and detailed to effectively support your points.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have addressed the question by discussing the significance of religious holidays and festivals in different cultures and their role in fostering unity. However, the depth of analysis and the range of examples could be expanded to fully hit the mark.
Good example(s)
For example the most famous festival of India named as "Dushera" is a festival in which the bad or the negative energy comes to an end some day which conveys that no negative energy can counter over the good energy, someday it has to come to an end.
This example effectively illustrates how a specific festival conveys a moral and cultural value.
Bad Example(s)
Religion is a system of belief in god that we as people have, for example there are various religions like Hinduisim, Christanity, Muslim, etc.
This sentence is overly simplistic and somewhat redundant, failing to add depth to the argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is generally clear but lacks strength due to the limited development of ideas and examples. More detailed analysis and a wider range of examples could enhance your position.
Bad Example(s)
These festivals convey various essential message or value to the society and also depicts the history the event.
This sentence introduces a potentially strong point but fails to develop it with specific details or examples.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but too general. Including more specific details and a broader range of examples could strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Inorder to celebrate these festivals with the friend and family, and to know about the history of the festival its important to have a religious holiday.
This statement is vague and doesn't effectively support the argument about the significance of religious holidays in fostering unity.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points but could be strengthened by a more impactful final statement that emphasizes the global importance of religious festivals in promoting unity.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic, with an attempt to use a range of vocabulary relevant to the subject of religious holidays and cultures. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and engagement. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding repetition could significantly elevate the quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| consits | consists | Spelling error. |
| sognificance | significance | Spelling error. |
| Hinduisim | Hinduism | Spelling error. |
| Christanity | Christianity | Spelling error. |
| doung | doing | Spelling error. |
| infact | in fact | Incorrect word usage; should be two separate words. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
culture 5 times | tradition, heritage, customs, way of life |
festival 6 times | celebration, observance, ceremony, holiday |
religion 5 times | faith, belief system, creed |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| commemorate To remember and show respect for someone or something in a ceremony. | To remember and show respect for someone or something in a ceremony. |
| solidarity Unity or agreement of feeling or action, especially among individuals with a common interest. | Unity or agreement of feeling or action, especially among individuals with a common interest. |
| intercultural Existing between, relating to, or involving one or more different cultures. | Existing between, relating to, or involving one or more different cultures. |
| ritual A religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. | A religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. |
| conviviality The quality of being friendly and lively; friendliness. | The quality of being friendly and lively; friendliness. |
| syncretism The amalgamation or attempted amalgamation of different religions, cultures, or schools of thought. | The amalgamation or attempted amalgamation of different religions, cultures, or schools of thought. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay shows a good effort in addressing the topic, but there are several grammatical errors that hinder its clarity and impact. Paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement, spelling, and sentence structure will greatly improve your writing. Additionally, incorporating a variety of sentence structures can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of sentence structure, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity. Many sentences follow a simple structure that could be enhanced with more complex constructions to better demonstrate your language abilities.
Bad Example(s)
The world consits of various of religions and which further involves various cultures and festivals associated to it.
This sentence is awkwardly structured and contains grammatical errors. It could be simplified and made more direct for clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent throughout the essay, sticking to the present simple to discuss general truths and current states. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved to better match the context of your statements.
Grammatical Errors
The world consits of various of religions and which further involves various cultures and festivals associated to it.
Correction:
The world consists of various religions, each with its own cultures and festivals.
The world consists of various religions, each with its own cultures and festivals.
Corrects spelling of 'consists', removes unnecessary words, and simplifies the structure for clarity.
Each religion have its own culture of believing in someone or doung things as according to their cultural belief and these cultures involves festivals to celebrate their religious days with their family and friends, prepare for it and follow their ritual beliefs.
Correction:
Each religion has its own culture of believing in someone or doing things according to their cultural beliefs, and these cultures involve festivals to celebrate their religious days with family and friends, preparing for them and following their ritual beliefs.
Each religion has its own culture of believing in someone or doing things according to their cultural beliefs, and these cultures involve festivals to celebrate their religious days with family and friends, preparing for them and following their ritual beliefs.
Corrects 'have' to 'has' for subject-verb agreement, 'doung' to 'doing' for spelling, and adjusts the sentence for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Inorder to celebrate these festivals with the friend and family, and to know about the history of the festival its important to have a religious holiday.
Correction:
In order to celebrate these festivals with friends and family, and to learn about the history of the festival, it's important to have a religious holiday.
In order to celebrate these festivals with friends and family, and to learn about the history of the festival, it's important to have a religious holiday.
Corrects 'Inorder' to 'In order', adds missing apostrophe in 'it's', and clarifies the sentence structure.