Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Problem/Solution Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the rate of crimes committed by teenagers is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what measures can be taken to reduce these crimes?
Crime rate is one of the concerned activities in today's world. It is noticed that there is an increase in the crime rates committed by teenagers in many countries which is a cause of concern. This essay will examine the main causes of this trend and the possible solutions to this problem.
The two main problems of increasing criminal records of teenagers are influence of social media, movies and bad parenting. In recent times, 90% of the teens not only spend most of their time on social media like facebook, instagram, twitter, etc, but also spend time watching movies and web series which greatly affects the mental health of the youth. Most of them get inspired by watching the crime thriller and psycho thriller genres and try to implement them in real life scenarios. For instance, there has been an incident where a student had killed his teacher who bullied him in the same way as the hero had killed the villain in a movie. Also, parents give a lot of freedom to teengers and fail to correct their mistakes setting a bad example to them. Chidren donot fear their parents and instead take them for granted. For example, when a child steals someone's belongings, a parent must advice them and teach them not to do so which will instill a good behaviour in them.
To rectify these problems, some possible solutions are restriction on the movies which are inappropriate for this age group and awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government. Children or teenagers should be restricted from watching some of the movies which displays inappropriate content. Parents should spend good quality of time with teenagers and let them know the serious consequences of committing different crimes as mentioned by the government. Good behaviour should be taught to the youth and they should be made clear about the rules imposed. Also, children's screen time should be reduced. In this way, the rising criminal records can be reduced.
To conclude, impact of social media and movies and the improper teaching of moral values to the youth by parents creates an upward trend in the rate of crimes committed. However, this can be significantly lessened by the rules set by the country's government and also teaching children the important values of life by restricting them from watching unwanted visuals.
The two main problems of increasing criminal records of teenagers are influence of social media, movies and bad parenting. In recent times, 90% of the teens not only spend most of their time on social media like facebook, instagram, twitter, etc, but also spend time watching movies and web series which greatly affects the mental health of the youth. Most of them get inspired by watching the crime thriller and psycho thriller genres and try to implement them in real life scenarios. For instance, there has been an incident where a student had killed his teacher who bullied him in the same way as the hero had killed the villain in a movie. Also, parents give a lot of freedom to teengers and fail to correct their mistakes setting a bad example to them. Chidren donot fear their parents and instead take them for granted. For example, when a child steals someone's belongings, a parent must advice them and teach them not to do so which will instill a good behaviour in them.
To rectify these problems, some possible solutions are restriction on the movies which are inappropriate for this age group and awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government. Children or teenagers should be restricted from watching some of the movies which displays inappropriate content. Parents should spend good quality of time with teenagers and let them know the serious consequences of committing different crimes as mentioned by the government. Good behaviour should be taught to the youth and they should be made clear about the rules imposed. Also, children's screen time should be reduced. In this way, the rising criminal records can be reduced.
To conclude, impact of social media and movies and the improper teaching of moral values to the youth by parents creates an upward trend in the rate of crimes committed. However, this can be significantly lessened by the rules set by the country's government and also teaching children the important values of life by restricting them from watching unwanted visuals.
Submitted on June 28, 2024 at 4:47 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by identifying causes and suggesting measures to reduce crimes committed by teenagers. Your structure is clear, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. While you mention an incident inspired by a movie, more detailed statistics or studies could strengthen your argument. Additionally, consider diversifying your vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance your lexical resource score. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure your sentences are varied in structure to improve readability. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but could benefit from deeper analysis and more precise language to achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the flow between ideas could be improved for better coherence.
Good Sentence(s)
To rectify these problems, some possible solutions are restriction on the movies which are inappropriate for this age group and awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government.
This sentence effectively transitions from identifying problems to suggesting solutions, maintaining a logical progression.
Bad Sentence(s)
Chidren donot fear their parents and instead take them for granted.
Corrected Sentence:
Children do not fear their parents and instead, take them for granted.
Children do not fear their parents and instead, take them for granted.
Correct spelling and grammatical errors, and consider rephrasing for clarity.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to link ideas and paragraphs more clearly with transitional phrases that indicate relationships between concepts, such as cause and effect or contrast.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and mostly well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
To rectify these problems, some possible solutions are restriction on the movies which are inappropriate for this age group and awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government.
Corrected Sentence:
To rectify these problems, several measures could be taken: firstly, restricting access to movies that are inappropriate for this age group; secondly, increasing awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government.
To rectify these problems, several measures could be taken: firstly, restricting access to movies that are inappropriate for this age group; secondly, increasing awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government.
Although this sentence has good content, splitting it into more detailed points could improve clarity and impact.
Suggestions
Focus on developing one main idea per paragraph and use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph's main idea. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next with clear transitions.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision to enhance the flow of ideas.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of expressions to show contrast, addition, cause, and effect. Practice using synonyms and parallel structures to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally introduce the main ideas effectively, but they could be more specific to guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
Good Sentence(s)
The two main problems of increasing criminal records of teenagers are influence of social media, movies and bad parenting.
This sentence effectively introduces the main causes you will discuss, providing a clear direction for your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
To rectify these problems, some possible solutions are restriction on the movies which are inappropriate for this age group and awareness of the strict rules imposed by the government.
Corrected Sentence:
Implementing age restrictions on movies and increasing awareness of legal consequences can reduce teenage crime rates.
Implementing age restrictions on movies and increasing awareness of legal consequences can reduce teenage crime rates.
Make the topic sentence more direct by specifying the solutions you will discuss.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main idea. Use specific language rather than general terms, and directly address the essay question.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, which could strengthen your analysis by showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments effectively, identify common opposing views on your topic, and dedicate a sentence or two to acknowledge these views. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to refute or mitigate these counterpoints, which will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job in addressing the task. Your essay identifies clear causes and proposes viable solutions. To improve, consider incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points. Additionally, a deeper analysis of the implications of these crimes and solutions could provide a more comprehensive view. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure variety in sentence structures for a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question directly by identifying causes and suggesting measures to reduce crimes committed by teenagers. Your essay stays on topic and covers both parts of the question adequately.
Good example(s)
For instance, there has been an incident where a student had killed his teacher who bullied him in the same way as the hero had killed the villain in a movie.
This example effectively illustrates the negative influence of media on teenagers, directly supporting your argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and follows a logical structure. However, it could be strengthened by discussing alternative viewpoints or by providing a more in-depth analysis of the causes and solutions.
Good example(s)
Most of them get inspired by watching the crime thriller and psycho thriller genres and try to implement them in real life scenarios.
This sentence effectively develops your position by linking media consumption to criminal behavior.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your points well. However, adding statistical data or citing studies could enhance the credibility and impact of your arguments.
Good example(s)
Also, parents give a lot of freedom to teenagers and fail to correct their mistakes setting a bad example to them.
This detail supports the cause of bad parenting effectively, making your argument stronger.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay well but could be more impactful by including a call to action or highlighting the importance of addressing the issue for society's future.
Good example(s)
However, this can be significantly lessened by the rules set by the country's government and also teaching children the important values of life by restricting them from watching unwanted visuals.
This sentence effectively wraps up your essay, reiterating the solutions to the problem.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair use of lexical resources with some variety in vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and avoiding repetition to enhance the overall coherence and sophistication of your language use.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| teengers | teenagers | Spelling mistake. |
| Chidren | Children | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
movies 5 times | films, cinema |
parents 4 times | guardians, caretakers |
children 3 times | youth, youngsters |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| influence The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. | The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. |
| instill Gradually but firmly establish an idea or attitude into a person's mind. | Gradually but firmly establish an idea or attitude into a person's mind. |
| rectify Put right; correct. | Put right; correct. |
| improper Not suitable or appropriate in the circumstances. | Not suitable or appropriate in the circumstances. |
| significant Sufficiently great or important to be worthy of attention; noteworthy. | Sufficiently great or important to be worthy of attention; noteworthy. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly good, with only minor errors. Paying attention to spelling ('Children' not 'Chidren') and correct phrasing ('quality time' not 'good quality of time') will improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles can further enhance your grammatical accuracy.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable variety in sentence structures, with a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, to reach a higher band, incorporating more complex grammatical structures and varying your sentence openings could enhance readability and sophistication.
Good example(s)
For instance, there has been an incident where a student had killed his teacher who bullied him in the same way as the hero had killed the villain in a movie.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to provide a detailed example, enhancing your argument.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a balance between present simple for general facts and past simple for examples. However, be mindful of maintaining consistency, especially when discussing current trends versus specific past events.
Grammatical Errors
Chidren donot fear their parents
Correction:
Children do not fear their parents
Children do not fear their parents
Spelling mistake in 'Children' and 'do not' should be two separate words.
Parents should spend good quality of time with teenagers
Correction:
Parents should spend quality time with teenagers
Parents should spend quality time with teenagers
The phrase 'good quality of time' is awkward; 'quality time' is the correct term.