Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Double Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the benefits of physical education in schools. Should schools prioritize academic subjects over physical education?
It has been generalized that the idea of physical education playing an essential role in education is exceptionally true. There's no doubt of maintaining great health even during school, whereas the education system might have paid more immense attention to academic subjects than to physical education. I believed that this idea is an insecurity of the education system and menace to the students dueto the indispensable benefits of physical education and my following explaination.
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities. This can be the key explaination of why physical education should take precedence among every education sectors: to stabilize the normal state of health in order to be able to participate in essential activies. Some of the most reverend philosophers has claimed the immense vitality of health and emphasized how health can serve people in taking advantages in several fields, such as sports and even education. Students can not take part in pursuing education without the normally stabilized health conditions. Furthermore, physical education classes can consolidate pupils broad mindset and logical reasoning. Take Chinese students as an epitome, they seperated their study sessions with exercises and warmups in order to keep the mind awake. As a result, they are assessed and ranked as one of the students groups with the best performance in school.
Physical education provides massive opportunities for students to perform better and remain energized. Therefore, the highly diverted attention towards academic subjects in education systems can be resulted as an issue. Many students, who have underwent the immersive expectations from the outer world and mountained amount of responsiblities at school, have neglected the importance of physical eduction in their schedules. Hence, they have shown the symptoms of weaknesses and inactivity from time to time, they have concluded into frequent sicknesses and unwell conditions. The occurence of physical education is always because of the maintanence in health for each individual and its effects on students' academic achievements ought not to be lowered and underestimated. The more educated in health furnishing students receive, the more excellent students will perform during school.
In conclusion, I always highly anticipated for the education system and students to always enhance health conditions and well-being by more addition of physical education into study schedules as it contributes in provision in energy and capability to think and work seamlessly.
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities. This can be the key explaination of why physical education should take precedence among every education sectors: to stabilize the normal state of health in order to be able to participate in essential activies. Some of the most reverend philosophers has claimed the immense vitality of health and emphasized how health can serve people in taking advantages in several fields, such as sports and even education. Students can not take part in pursuing education without the normally stabilized health conditions. Furthermore, physical education classes can consolidate pupils broad mindset and logical reasoning. Take Chinese students as an epitome, they seperated their study sessions with exercises and warmups in order to keep the mind awake. As a result, they are assessed and ranked as one of the students groups with the best performance in school.
Physical education provides massive opportunities for students to perform better and remain energized. Therefore, the highly diverted attention towards academic subjects in education systems can be resulted as an issue. Many students, who have underwent the immersive expectations from the outer world and mountained amount of responsiblities at school, have neglected the importance of physical eduction in their schedules. Hence, they have shown the symptoms of weaknesses and inactivity from time to time, they have concluded into frequent sicknesses and unwell conditions. The occurence of physical education is always because of the maintanence in health for each individual and its effects on students' academic achievements ought not to be lowered and underestimated. The more educated in health furnishing students receive, the more excellent students will perform during school.
In conclusion, I always highly anticipated for the education system and students to always enhance health conditions and well-being by more addition of physical education into study schedules as it contributes in provision in energy and capability to think and work seamlessly.
Submitted on April 3, 2024 at 10:45 AM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the importance of physical education in schools and argues convincingly for its prioritization alongside academic subjects. You provide strong arguments supported by examples and the potential benefits of physical education, such as improved health, better academic performance, and increased energy levels. However, your essay could benefit from more careful proofreading to correct minor grammatical errors and improve clarity in some sentences. Additionally, incorporating more diverse sources and evidence could strengthen your argument. Overall, your essay is well-structured and presents a clear and persuasive case for the value of physical education in schools.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, effectively discussing the benefits of physical education and arguing for its prioritization. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Physical education provides massive opportunities for students to perform better and remain energized.
This sentence effectively summarizes the core argument, linking physical education to improved student performance and well-being.
Bad Sentence(s)
I believed that this idea is an insecurity of the education system and menace to the students dueto the indispensable benefits of physical education and my following explaination.
Corrected Sentence:
I believe this idea reflects the education system's oversight and poses a threat to students, given the indispensable benefits of physical education, as I will explain.
I believe this idea reflects the education system's oversight and poses a threat to students, given the indispensable benefits of physical education, as I will explain.
Clarify the statement and correct the spelling errors for better readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help maintain focus and guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main idea, linking physical education to health benefits.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus by ensuring that each paragraph sticks to one main idea. Use transitions effectively to connect paragraphs and make your argument more coherent.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes good use of cohesive devices, helping to link ideas and paragraphs together. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
Therefore, the highly diverted attention towards academic subjects in education systems can be resulted as an issue.
The use of 'Therefore' effectively signals a conclusion drawn from the preceding argument, enhancing the logical flow.
Suggestions
To further improve your use of cohesive devices, consider varying them more and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that their use enhances clarity and does not obscure the meaning of sentences.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally establish the direction of each paragraph effectively, indicating a focus on the importance and benefits of physical education.
Good Sentence(s)
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities.
This sentence effectively introduces the argument that physical education is crucial for health and prevention of diseases.
Physical education provides massive opportunities for students to perform better and remain energized.
It clearly states the positive impact of physical education on students' performance and energy levels.
Bad Sentence(s)
It has been generalized that the idea of physical education playing an essential role in education is exceptionally true.
Corrected Sentence:
Physical education plays an essential role in education, offering numerous benefits to students.
Physical education plays an essential role in education, offering numerous benefits to students.
Clarify and assert your stance more directly to engage the reader from the beginning.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of your main idea. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey the paragraph’s focus.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the benefits of physical education.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks explicit counterpoints or contrasting viewpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue that academic subjects should be prioritized for future career success, the holistic benefits of physical education, including improved academic performance, cannot be overlooked.
While some argue that academic subjects should be prioritized for future career success, the holistic benefits of physical education, including improved academic performance, cannot be overlooked.
Introduce a paragraph acknowledging potential arguments for prioritizing academic subjects over physical education, then refute these points to strengthen your argument.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments effectively, identify common opposing viewpoints and address them directly in your essay. Use evidence and reasoning to refute these points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've made a compelling argument for the importance of physical education over academic subjects, supported by relevant examples. However, your essay could benefit from clearer comparisons, more specific evidence, and attention to grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing the benefits of physical education and arguing its importance over academic subjects. However, a more balanced comparison with academic subjects could enhance your argument.
Good example(s)
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities.
This sentence effectively highlights the health benefits of physical education, directly supporting your argument.
Bad Example(s)
I believed that this idea is an insecurity of the education system and menace to the students dueto the indispensable benefits of physical education and my following explaination.
This sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors, weakening your introduction.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you've made a strong case for the importance of physical education. However, further elaboration on how it directly compares to academic subjects in terms of priority could strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
Physical education classes can consolidate pupils broad mindset and logical reasoning.
This sentence effectively shows how physical education contributes to overall student development, supporting your argument.
Bad Example(s)
The more educated in health furnishing students receive, the more excellent students will perform during school.
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and vague, making your argument less convincing.
Supporting Details
Your examples and references to medical history and the performance of Chinese students are relevant and support your argument well. However, including more specific studies or statistics could further strengthen your case.
Good example(s)
Take Chinese students as an epitome, they separated their study sessions with exercises and warmups in order to keep the mind awake.
This provides a concrete example of how physical education can positively impact academic performance.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main points effectively but could be more impactful with a stronger call to action or a summary of the key benefits discussed.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, I always highly anticipated for the education system and students to always enhance health conditions and well-being by more addition of physical education into study schedules as it contributes in provision in energy and capability to think and work seamlessly.
This sentence effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates the importance of physical education.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and an attempt to use advanced lexical phrases. However, there are instances of incorrect word usage and some repetition that slightly hinder the overall clarity and richness of your lexical resource. Enhancing variety and accuracy in word choice could elevate the lexical quality of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| explaination | explanation | Spelling error. |
| reverend | revered | Incorrect word choice; 'revered' means greatly respected, while 'reverend' is a title used for a clergy member. |
| seperated | separated | Spelling error. |
| mountained amount | mounting amount | 'Mountained' is not the correct form; 'mounting' means increasing. |
| physical eduction | physical education | Spelling error. |
| occurence | occurrence | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
education 15 times | academic programs, schooling, instruction, educational system |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| integral Necessary and important as a part of a whole. | Necessary and important as a part of a whole. |
| cognitive development The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem solving, and decision-making. | The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem solving, and decision-making. |
| stamina The ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort. | The ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort. |
| holistic Characterized by the belief that the parts of something are intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole. | Characterized by the belief that the parts of something are intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole. |
| sedentary Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. | Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. |
Out of Context
menace
Corrected Sentence:
threat
threat
Describing the importance of health and exercise.
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite strong, with a good command of complex sentence structures and tense usage. However, there are minor errors, including typographical errors and verb-subject agreement issues, that slightly detract from the overall quality. Paying attention to these details could improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your argument.
Good example(s)
Throughout the medical history, one of the best advice in preventing ailments and strengthening immune system is to pursue an adequate amount of exercises and sports activities.
This sentence effectively combines complex ideas with clarity, showcasing your ability to construct well-thought-out sentences.
Bad Example(s)
I believed that this idea is an insecurity of the education system and menace to the students dueto the indispensable benefits of physical education and my following explaination.
The sentence is awkwardly constructed, with issues in clarity and coherence, particularly with the misplaced phrase 'dueto' which should be 'due to'.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, with a good understanding of when to apply past and present tenses in the context of your arguments.
Good example(s)
Physical education provides massive opportunities for students to perform better and remain energized.
This sentence correctly uses the present tense to describe ongoing benefits, effectively supporting your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Grammatical Errors
dueto the indispensable benefits
Correction:
due to the indispensable benefits
due to the indispensable benefits
The correct phrase is 'due to'. 'Dueto' is a typographical error.
has claimed the immense vitality
Correction:
have claimed the immense vitality
have claimed the immense vitality
The subject 'philosophers' is plural, so the verb should be 'have' instead of 'has'.
seperated their study sessions
Correction:
separated their study sessions
separated their study sessions
The correct spelling is 'separated'.