Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Problem/Solution Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Many young people are getting less physical exercise due to an increase in video game playing. What problems might this cause, and how can we encourage youth to participate more in physical sports and games?
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.younger are more inclined to spend time to computer rather to participate in the games . One if the reason young people are more interested in videos game it provides exciting challenge for them. Where to participate physical sport requires alot of practice,patience and hard work to exceeds in sport .In videos games we need to follow the basic rule it can be mastered by spending few hours.
The main problems young people gets while spending alot time in videos are lack of physical health. Due this they may face issue like obesity. As they are staying in one place of the time.Lack of burning calories cause increasing fats in the body. They feel they active and tiredness.
The main problems young people gets while spending alot time in videos are lack of physical health. Due this they may face issue like obesity. As they are staying in one place of the time.Lack of burning calories cause increasing fats in the body. They feel they active and tiredness.
Submitted on July 26, 2024 at 7:54 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic, but there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your introduction could be clearer and more engaging to effectively set up the discussion. The body of your essay identifies a key problem (lack of physical health due to video game playing), but your explanation lacks depth and specific examples. Additionally, your essay does not fully address the second part of the question regarding solutions to encourage youth participation in physical sports. Your writing would benefit from more careful organization and the use of paragraphs to separate ideas. There are also numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings ('videos games', 'younger are more inclined', 'alot of practice', 'exceeds in sport', 'spending alot time in videos') that hinder comprehension. Focusing on sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling will greatly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. To enhance your essay, consider including statistics, studies, or more varied arguments to support your points. Finally, a conclusion summarizing your arguments and reiterating the importance of finding a balance between video games and physical activity would provide a strong finish to your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks a clear structure and progression of ideas. The introduction, development of arguments, and conclusion are not distinctly separated, which makes it difficult to follow your line of reasoning. Overall, the logical organization needs significant improvement. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.younger are more inclined to spend time to computer rather to participate in the games .
Corrected Sentence:
Due to advancements in technology, video games have become increasingly popular among young people, leading them to spend more time on computers instead of participating in physical games.
Due to advancements in technology, video games have become increasingly popular among young people, leading them to spend more time on computers instead of participating in physical games.
Clarify and separate ideas for a smoother flow.
One if the reason young people are more interested in videos game it provides exciting challenge for them.
Corrected Sentence:
One reason young people are more interested in video games is that they provide an exciting challenge.
One reason young people are more interested in video games is that they provide an exciting challenge.
Correct grammatical errors and clarify the statement.
They feel they active and tiredness.
Corrected Sentence:
This leads to feelings of lethargy and fatigue.
This leads to feelings of lethargy and fatigue.
Correct grammatical errors and clarify meaning.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by clearly defining your introduction, argument development, and conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and ensure each subsequent sentence supports that idea.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are not clearly defined, making it difficult to distinguish between different sections and arguments in your essay. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Your entire essay appears as a single block of text.
Corrected Sentence:
N/A - This requires structural changes beyond a simple sentence correction.
N/A - This requires structural changes beyond a simple sentence correction.
Divide your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point or argument.
Suggestions
Start by organizing your essay into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument, supported by examples or evidence.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is minimal, making it challenging to understand the relationship between ideas. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks transitional phrases that connect ideas smoothly.
Corrected Sentence:
N/A - This requires adding new elements to the text.
N/A - This requires adding new elements to the text.
Incorporate transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'However,' 'As a result,' and 'In contrast,' to better link your ideas.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by including transition words and phrases that connect your ideas more clearly. Practice using a variety of these devices to show contrast, addition, cause and effect, and to summarize your points.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need to be clearer to effectively introduce the main idea of each paragraph. They should serve as a guide to what the paragraph will discuss.
Bad Sentence(s)
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.
Corrected Sentence:
The rising popularity of video games among young people, driven by technological advancements, is leading to a significant decrease in physical activity.
The rising popularity of video games among young people, driven by technological advancements, is leading to a significant decrease in physical activity.
Consider rephrasing to directly address the essay question by highlighting the problem and its implications.
The main problems young people gets while spending alot time in videos are lack of physical health.
Corrected Sentence:
Excessive video game play among young people primarily contributes to deteriorating physical health, including obesity and related issues.
Excessive video game play among young people primarily contributes to deteriorating physical health, including obesity and related issues.
Clarify and directly link the topic sentence to the problems caused by decreased physical activity.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. Ensure it directly addresses aspects of the question and guides the reader through your argument or discussion points.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively handle contrasting viewpoints. Including counterarguments can strengthen your essay by showing you have considered multiple perspectives.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, identify common or possible opposing viewpoints on your topic. Then, provide a balanced discussion by acknowledging these views before presenting evidence or reasoning that supports your position. This approach not only demonstrates your understanding of the topic but also your ability to engage critically with different perspectives.
Task Achievement
4 Bands
You need to work on structuring your essay more effectively, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. Address both parts of the question equally and provide specific examples or solutions to strengthen your argument. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You partially addressed the question, focusing more on the problems caused by less physical exercise rather than balancing this with solutions to encourage youth participation in physical sports.
Bad Example(s)
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.
This sentence is poorly structured and contains grammatical errors, which makes it hard to understand.
Development of Position
Your argument lacks clarity and depth. You have identified a problem but failed to develop a strong position on solutions.
Bad Example(s)
In videos games we need to follow the basic rule it can be mastered by spending few hours.
This sentence does not contribute to developing a clear position or argument, and it contains grammatical errors.
Supporting Details
Your essay lacks concrete examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments effectively.
Bad Example(s)
They feel they active and tiredness.
This sentence is confusing and grammatically incorrect, making it a poor supporting detail.
Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points or restates the importance of the issue.
Lexical Resources
5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic, but there are several areas for improvement. Enhancing your lexical resource involves not only correcting mistakes but also varying your word choice and avoiding repetition. Paying attention to the accuracy and context of word usage will make your argument more compelling and improve the overall readability of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| videos games | video games | Incorrect form; 'video games' is the correct compound noun. |
| younger | young people | Clarity; 'younger' is vague, while 'young people' clearly refers to the subject of the sentence. |
| to computer | to computers | Missing article and plural form; it should be 'to computers' to match the plural context. |
| exceeds in sport | excel in sports | Incorrect verb and plural usage; 'excel' is the correct verb when talking about performing well, and 'sports' should be plural. |
| videos | video | Consistency with the term 'video games'. |
| alot | a lot | 'Alot' is a common misspelling; 'a lot' is the correct form. |
| they active and tiredness | they feel inactive and experience tiredness | Clarity and grammatical accuracy; the original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
videos 5 times | gaming, electronic games, digital games |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity. | A way of life that involves little physical activity. |
| obesity The condition of being grossly overweight. | The condition of being grossly overweight. |
| excel To be exceptionally good at or proficient in an activity or subject. | To be exceptionally good at or proficient in an activity or subject. |
| physical endurance The ability to sustain a physical activity for extended periods. | The ability to sustain a physical activity for extended periods. |
| cognitive engagement The mental effort and concentration that a person devotes to an activity. | The mental effort and concentration that a person devotes to an activity. |
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors, including run-on sentences, typographical errors, and awkward phrasings. Punctuation is often missing or incorrectly used, leading to confusion and run-on sentences. It's crucial to proofread your work for these types of mistakes, as they can significantly hinder understanding. Additionally, your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures to make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity. Most of them are simple and straightforward, which can make your essay seem undeveloped. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.
Bad Example(s)
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.younger are more inclined to spend time to computer rather to participate in the games .
This sentence is a run-on sentence combining multiple thoughts without proper punctuation or conjunctions.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, focusing on the present simple to discuss current habits and situations. However, there are instances where tense usage could be more precise to enhance clarity.
Grammatical Errors
Based on changing technology videos games became more popular among young people.younger are more inclined to spend time to computer rather to participate in the games .
Correction:
With advancing technology, video games have become more popular among young people, who are now more inclined to spend time on the computer rather than participating in physical games.
With advancing technology, video games have become more popular among young people, who are now more inclined to spend time on the computer rather than participating in physical games.
Lack of punctuation, incorrect verb tense, and awkward phrasing.
One if the reason young people are more interested in videos game it provides exciting challenge for them.
Correction:
One of the reasons young people are more interested in video games is that they provide an exciting challenge for them.
One of the reasons young people are more interested in video games is that they provide an exciting challenge for them.
Typographical error ('if' instead of 'of'), missing conjunction, and awkward sentence structure.
Where to participate physical sport requires alot of practice,patience and hard work to exceeds in sport .
Correction:
Whereas participating in physical sports requires a lot of practice, patience, and hard work to excel.
Whereas participating in physical sports requires a lot of practice, patience, and hard work to excel.
Incorrect word usage ('alot' should be 'a lot'), missing article ('a' before physical sport), and spelling error ('exceeds' should be 'excel').
They feel they active and tiredness.
Correction:
This leads to them feeling inactive and tired.
This leads to them feeling inactive and tired.
Incorrect sentence structure and unclear meaning.