Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In your opinion, how has the rise of streaming platforms impacted traditional forms of entertainment like television and cinema?
In today's digital age, online platforms have affected conventional pastimes like cinema and television. In my opinion, digital apps and websites provide immediate access to any kind of music and movie through the internet. In addition, it offers an easy and personalized way to find individuals' interests.
In the beginning, people could listen to and watch the latest art through online platforms such as Netflix. The rapid development of industrialization has led to many people not having enough spare time to spend on traditional forms of entertainment. So, with the advancement of technology, individuals have opportunities to access the newest piece of art from everywhere and anytime. For example, companies' staff can watch the film during their lunchtime or listen to music while they are working through mobile apps.
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want. It allows the public to discover a wide range of music and films from past to new with one click. For instance, if you want to explore a specific song for a birthday party, you will just type birthday on the search bar on the steaming platform then you will be faced with a various array of songs associated with birthdays. Also, when your mode is watching a romantic movie, you can access most of the drama gens films by filleting the content of digital platforms for movies like Netflix.
Overall, it is evident that online platforms have impacted traditional forms of entertainment due to the immediate access to any arts and convenient and personalized ways for finding people's interests.
In the beginning, people could listen to and watch the latest art through online platforms such as Netflix. The rapid development of industrialization has led to many people not having enough spare time to spend on traditional forms of entertainment. So, with the advancement of technology, individuals have opportunities to access the newest piece of art from everywhere and anytime. For example, companies' staff can watch the film during their lunchtime or listen to music while they are working through mobile apps.
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want. It allows the public to discover a wide range of music and films from past to new with one click. For instance, if you want to explore a specific song for a birthday party, you will just type birthday on the search bar on the steaming platform then you will be faced with a various array of songs associated with birthdays. Also, when your mode is watching a romantic movie, you can access most of the drama gens films by filleting the content of digital platforms for movies like Netflix.
Overall, it is evident that online platforms have impacted traditional forms of entertainment due to the immediate access to any arts and convenient and personalized ways for finding people's interests.
Submitted on July 6, 2024 at 12:39 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question of how streaming platforms have impacted traditional forms of entertainment like television and cinema. You provide clear examples to support your points, such as the convenience of accessing entertainment online and the personalized options available through digital platforms. However, your essay could be strengthened by addressing a wider range of impacts, including negative aspects, and by providing a more detailed analysis of how these changes affect consumer behavior and the entertainment industry. Additionally, paying attention to the structure of your essay and ensuring a clear introduction, body, and conclusion can enhance readability and coherence. Consider revisiting your essay for minor grammatical errors and ensuring variety in sentence structure to improve the overall quality. Your argument is compelling, but a more balanced view and deeper analysis could provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, effectively outlining the impact of streaming platforms on traditional entertainment. The progression from general impacts to specific examples helps maintain coherence throughout the essay. However, there could be a stronger link between paragraphs to enhance the overall argument. Your score for logical organization would be around 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want.
This sentence effectively transitions to a new point while maintaining the essay's focus on the convenience of streaming platforms.
Bad Sentence(s)
The rapid development of industrialization has led to many people not having enough spare time to spend on traditional forms of entertainment.
Corrected Sentence:
The rapid pace of modern life, partly due to industrialization, has shifted people's preferences towards streaming platforms for their convenience and time-saving benefits.
The rapid pace of modern life, partly due to industrialization, has shifted people's preferences towards streaming platforms for their convenience and time-saving benefits.
Clarify the connection between industrialization and the preference for streaming platforms.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to explicitly state how each paragraph supports your main argument. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more clearly.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the impact of streaming platforms. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to better frame your argument and summarize your points. Your score for paragraphing would be around 6.5.
Bad Sentence(s)
Overall, it is evident that online platforms have impacted traditional forms of entertainment due to the immediate access to any arts and convenient and personalized ways for finding people's interests.
Corrected Sentence:
In conclusion, the rise of online platforms has significantly transformed traditional entertainment mediums by offering unparalleled access and personalization, underscoring a major shift in how we consume art and entertainment today.
In conclusion, the rise of online platforms has significantly transformed traditional entertainment mediums by offering unparalleled access and personalization, underscoring a major shift in how we consume art and entertainment today.
Expand on this conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and restate the significance of your argument.
Suggestions
Focus on developing each paragraph with a single main idea, supported by examples or evidence. Begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main point, and ensure that all subsequent sentences directly support that point.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to create a sense of flow and connection between your ideas. However, there is room for more varied and sophisticated use of these devices to enhance coherence. Your score for cohesive devices would be around 6.5.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that signal contrast, comparison, cause and effect, and addition. This will help to make the relationships between your ideas clearer and your argument more persuasive.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally introduce the subject well but could be more specific in guiding the reader through the essay's argument structure.
Good Sentence(s)
In the beginning, people could listen to and watch the latest art through online platforms such as Netflix.
This sentence effectively introduces the idea of accessibility and immediacy provided by streaming platforms.
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want.
It clearly introduces the paragraph on the ease of finding personalized content, setting the stage for further explanation.
Bad Sentence(s)
In today's digital age, online platforms have affected conventional pastimes like cinema and television.
Corrected Sentence:
The rise of streaming platforms has significantly transformed traditional entertainment mediums, such as cinema and television, by offering unparalleled convenience and personalization.
The rise of streaming platforms has significantly transformed traditional entertainment mediums, such as cinema and television, by offering unparalleled convenience and personalization.
Be more specific about how these platforms have impacted traditional media to immediately engage the reader.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by clearly stating the main idea of the paragraph. Follow this by a brief overview of how you will support this idea. Ensure each topic sentence links back to the question and your thesis statement, to maintain coherence throughout your essay.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on the benefits of streaming platforms without considering potential drawbacks or the impact on traditional media.
Bad Sentence(s)
Corrected Sentence:
To improve, try incorporating a paragraph that discusses potential negatives of streaming platforms or how they might coexist with traditional forms of entertainment.
Suggestions
Consider introducing a paragraph that acknowledges the ongoing value of traditional entertainment forms, such as the communal experience of cinema or the curated nature of television programming. This can be achieved by presenting a counterargument and then refuting it or by discussing how streaming platforms and traditional media can complement each other.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job of addressing the question and supporting your argument with relevant examples. To improve, consider adding more direct comparisons and potential implications for traditional forms of entertainment. Also, enhancing your essay with data or references could provide a more compelling argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question directly by discussing the impact of streaming platforms on traditional forms of entertainment. Your examples are relevant and support your opinion effectively.
Good example(s)
For example, companies' staff can watch the film during their lunchtime or listen to music while they are working through mobile apps.
This example effectively illustrates the convenience and accessibility of streaming platforms.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and follows a logical progression. However, it could be strengthened by comparing more directly with traditional forms of entertainment.
Good example(s)
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want.
This sentence effectively highlights the advantages of streaming platforms over traditional media.
Supporting Details
Your examples are clear and support your argument well. To enhance your essay, consider adding statistics or studies that demonstrate the decline in traditional media consumption.
Good example(s)
For instance, if you want to explore a specific song for a birthday party, you will just type birthday on the search bar on the steaming platform then you will be faced with a various array of songs associated with birthdays.
This detail effectively shows the personalized and user-friendly nature of streaming platforms.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well but could be more impactful by suggesting future implications for traditional media.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of streaming platforms and their impact on traditional forms of entertainment. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| mode | mood | 'Mode' refers to a way or manner in which something occurs. 'Mood' is the correct term when referring to an emotional state. |
| filleting | filtering | 'Filleting' refers to cutting fish or meat into fillets. 'Filtering' is the correct term for sorting through various options. |
| gens | genres | 'Gens' is incorrect. 'Genres' is the correct term for categories of art or entertainment. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
online platforms 5 times | streaming services, digital platforms, web-based apps |
music and film 3 times | audio and visual content, songs and movies |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| revolutionize To change something radically or fundamentally. | To change something radically or fundamentally. |
| accessibility The quality of being able to be reached or entered. | The quality of being able to be reached or entered. |
| on-demand Available whenever requested or required. | Available whenever requested or required. |
| curate Select, organize, and look after the items in (a collection or exhibition). | Select, organize, and look after the items in (a collection or exhibition). |
| ubiquitous Present, appearing, or found everywhere. | Present, appearing, or found everywhere. |
Out of Context
conventional
Corrected Sentence:
convenient
convenient
Discussing the convenience of streaming platforms.
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly good, but attention to detail is needed to correct minor errors and improve clarity. Paying closer attention to word choice ('filtering' vs. 'filleting') and ensuring pluralization matches the context (e.g., 'company staff can watch films') will help. Additionally, refining your sentence structures to include more complex and varied forms will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a moderate variety in sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in making your sentences more varied and complex to enhance readability and interest.
Good example(s)
Moreover, digital apps provide a conventional way to find any music and film that you want.
This sentence effectively combines a complex idea with clarity, showing good structure by introducing a point and elaborating on it.
Bad Example(s)
In the beginning, people could listen to and watch the latest art through online platforms such as Netflix.
The structure is somewhat simplistic and could be merged with another sentence to form a more complex, engaging statement.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the essay's requirements to discuss current trends and their impacts.
Grammatical Errors
companies' staff can watch the film
Correction:
company staff can watch films
company staff can watch films
The original sentence incorrectly uses the possessive form and singular 'film'. It should be plural to generalize the idea.
by filleting the content of digital platforms for movies like Netflix.
Correction:
by filtering the content on digital platforms for movies like Netflix.
by filtering the content on digital platforms for movies like Netflix.
The word 'filleting' is incorrect in this context; the correct term is 'filtering'.
mode is watching a romantic movie
Correction:
mood is to watch a romantic movie
mood is to watch a romantic movie
Incorrect word choice ('mode' instead of 'mood') and structure for expressing desire.