Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Double Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Many young people today prefer to spend their vacations in exotic locations rather than exploring their own country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Additionally, with the rise of affordable air travel, is it better for tourists to visit many different places briefly or to spend a longer time exploring just a few destinations?
Many young people today prefer to spend their vacations in exotic locations rather than exploring their own country. Additionally with the rise of affordable air travel, is it better for tourists to visit many different places briefly or to spend a longer time exploring just a few destinations? In this essay, I will discuss both the positive and negative sides.
What are the advantages of younger people preferring other places that are much more different than their own country you say? There are many advantages but to name just a few. People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives. People who have gone out to many other places have seen how other people live, work, and reside, causing them to become much more understanding of others and forming them into much more considerate people. My uncle who has been to many different countries is noticeably more mature and wiser than people his age who have never been outside the country. But there are so many more advantages to one's psychology and character that I cannot list in the time I was given.
On the other hand, the disadvantages are that many of the younger generations who have gone to other countries for travel are compelled to stay there, becoming a giant cause of some countries losing a big scale of their younger generation. Another bad side of tourists is that some tourists do not respect the traditions and rules of the people and may become a headache for the locals. there are many cases of tourists leaving trash and destroying the natural environment of a place and the locals have started to refuse tourism. But travelers nowadays have become more responsible and some places have begun welcoming tourism back once again.
As the prices for aerial transport have become more affordable tourism will be on a broader scale. So as long as the people who are exploring foreign countries are respectful of the locals and follow the rules and regulations it is okay. For it will become a key factor in building personality and character.
What are the advantages of younger people preferring other places that are much more different than their own country you say? There are many advantages but to name just a few. People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives. People who have gone out to many other places have seen how other people live, work, and reside, causing them to become much more understanding of others and forming them into much more considerate people. My uncle who has been to many different countries is noticeably more mature and wiser than people his age who have never been outside the country. But there are so many more advantages to one's psychology and character that I cannot list in the time I was given.
On the other hand, the disadvantages are that many of the younger generations who have gone to other countries for travel are compelled to stay there, becoming a giant cause of some countries losing a big scale of their younger generation. Another bad side of tourists is that some tourists do not respect the traditions and rules of the people and may become a headache for the locals. there are many cases of tourists leaving trash and destroying the natural environment of a place and the locals have started to refuse tourism. But travelers nowadays have become more responsible and some places have begun welcoming tourism back once again.
As the prices for aerial transport have become more affordable tourism will be on a broader scale. So as long as the people who are exploring foreign countries are respectful of the locals and follow the rules and regulations it is okay. For it will become a key factor in building personality and character.
Submitted on April 9, 2024 at 11:12 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of young people preferring to vacation in exotic locations over exploring their own country. You present a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument and the impact of affordable air travel on tourism preferences. However, your essay could be strengthened by providing more specific examples to support your points and by exploring the question about the duration and breadth of travel in more depth. Additionally, paying attention to the structure of your essay, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, would enhance readability and coherence. Your language is clear and mostly well-structured, but watch out for minor grammatical errors and aim for a more varied vocabulary to achieve a higher band score. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but could benefit from further development and refinement.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with each paragraph logically flowing into the next. However, the connection between the advantages and disadvantages of traveling abroad and the impact of affordable air travel on travel preferences could be made clearer. Additionally, linking sentences could be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic with a logical flow from introduction to advantages and disadvantages, and finally to the impact of affordable air travel. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. Overall, your organization is good but has room for improvement. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives.
This sentence effectively introduces the advantage of international travel in broadening perspectives.
Bad Sentence(s)
But there are so many more advantages to one's psychology and character that I cannot list in the time I was given.
Corrected Sentence:
These experiences enrich travelers' psychology and character in numerous ways.
These experiences enrich travelers' psychology and character in numerous ways.
Avoid suggesting limitations within your essay. Instead, focus on summarizing key points more concisely.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and transitional phrases between paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, focusing on one main idea each. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more detailed development and clearer topic sentences. Band: 6.5
Bad Sentence(s)
On the other hand, the disadvantages are that many of the younger generations who have gone to other countries for travel are compelled to stay there, becoming a giant cause of some countries losing a big scale of their younger generation.
Corrected Sentence:
A disadvantage is that many young travelers are compelled to stay abroad, leading to a significant loss of the younger generation in some countries.
A disadvantage is that many young travelers are compelled to stay abroad, leading to a significant loss of the younger generation in some countries.
Split complex ideas into simpler, more focused sentences for clarity.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs with a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. Use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph's main idea and concluding sentences to summarize or transition smoothly to the next idea.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of devices to enhance coherence. Band: 6.0
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases that not only show sequence but also contrast, cause and effect, and addition. This will make your essay more fluid and easier to follow.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear direction for each paragraph, effectively setting up the discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of young people traveling abroad. However, they could be enhanced by directly addressing the second part of the question regarding the duration and breadth of travel.
Good Sentence(s)
People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives.
This sentence effectively introduces the advantages of traveling abroad, highlighting the personal growth and broader perspectives gained.
Bad Sentence(s)
As the prices for aerial transport have become more affordable tourism will be on a broader scale.
Corrected Sentence:
With the rise of affordable air travel, the decision between visiting many places briefly or spending more time in fewer destinations has become a significant consideration for tourists.
With the rise of affordable air travel, the decision between visiting many places briefly or spending more time in fewer destinations has become a significant consideration for tourists.
Clarify the focus of the paragraph to directly address the impact of affordable air travel on travel preferences, including the choice between visiting many places briefly or exploring a few destinations in depth.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly addressing the key aspects of the question. Make sure each topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph and how it relates to the essay question.
Counter Points
You have made an effort to address contrasting viewpoints, particularly in discussing the disadvantages of young people traveling abroad. However, integrating these viewpoints more seamlessly and directly contrasting them with the advantages could strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
But travelers nowadays have become more responsible and some places have begun welcoming tourism back once again.
Corrected Sentence:
Despite previous tensions, a growing awareness and responsibility among modern travelers have led to a renewed openness towards tourism in some areas.
Despite previous tensions, a growing awareness and responsibility among modern travelers have led to a renewed openness towards tourism in some areas.
Provide a more detailed examination of how and why attitudes towards tourists are changing, to more effectively contrast this point with the earlier mentioned disadvantages.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, consider directly contrasting them with the points you're making. After presenting a viewpoint, immediately follow it with a counterpoint and use evidence or examples to support why one perspective might be more valid or impactful than the other.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you've made a good attempt at addressing the topic, but your essay would benefit from a clearer stance and more detailed examples. Additionally, directly answering the question about travel preferences would improve task achievement. Consider structuring your essay to more directly compare the options of visiting many places briefly versus exploring a few in depth, and ensure your conclusion clearly reflects your viewpoint.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing both sides of the argument and the impact of affordable air travel. However, the question also asks for your opinion on whether it's better to visit many places briefly or explore a few in depth, which wasn't clearly stated.
Good example(s)
People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives.
This sentence effectively highlights the advantages of traveling abroad in terms of personal growth and understanding.
Bad Example(s)
But there are so many more advantages to one's psychology and character that I cannot list in the time I was given.
This sentence undermines your argument by suggesting there's more to say but not providing the information, which can weaken your position.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks a strong, definitive stance, especially regarding the comparison between visiting many places briefly or spending more time in fewer places.
Good example(s)
But travelers nowadays have become more responsible and some places have begun welcoming tourism back once again.
This sentence shows a positive development in the behavior of tourists, supporting the argument that travel can be beneficial if done respectfully.
Bad Example(s)
So as long as the people who are exploring foreign countries are respectful of the locals and follow the rules and regulations it is okay.
This sentence is too vague and does not provide a strong conclusion or stance on the issue, weakening your overall position.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the reference to your uncle, add a personal touch but lack depth and broader relevance. More diverse and detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
My uncle who has been to many different countries is noticeably more mature and wiser than people his age who have never been outside the country.
While personal, this example lacks the depth and broader applicability needed to convincingly support your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates points made earlier but fails to decisively answer the question posed about the preference between visiting many places briefly or exploring a few in depth.
Bad Example(s)
For it will become a key factor in building personality and character.
This sentence is too general and does not effectively conclude the essay or tie back to the question's focus on travel preferences.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively communicating advantages and disadvantages of young people traveling abroad. However, there's room for improvement in terms of avoiding repetition and enhancing precision in word choice to make your arguments more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| much more different | significantly different | 'Much more different' is redundant. 'Significantly different' is more concise and appropriate. |
| a giant cause | a significant cause | 'Giant' is informal and less precise. 'Significant' better conveys the intended meaning. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
many 5 times | numerous, various, a multitude of, several, a plethora of |
places 4 times | destinations, locales, sites, areas, regions |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| broaden one's horizons To expand one's range of interests, activities, and knowledge. | To expand one's range of interests, activities, and knowledge. |
| cultural sensitivity Awareness and understanding of the differences among cultures and the ability to behave respectfully and appropriately with people from other cultures. | Awareness and understanding of the differences among cultures and the ability to behave respectfully and appropriately with people from other cultures. |
| sustainable tourism Tourism that has a low impact on the environment and local culture, while helping to generate future employment for local people. | Tourism that has a low impact on the environment and local culture, while helping to generate future employment for local people. |
| brain drain The emigration of highly trained or intelligent people from a particular country. | The emigration of highly trained or intelligent people from a particular country. |
| environmental stewardship Responsible use and protection of the natural environment through conservation and sustainable practices. | Responsible use and protection of the natural environment through conservation and sustainable practices. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite solid with minor errors. Focusing on reducing redundancy and avoiding starting sentences with conjunctions like 'But' could enhance your writing. Additionally, pay attention to capitalization rules and strive for more concise expressions to improve readability and impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a decent variety in sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in making your writing more dynamic and engaging by incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying your sentence openings.
Good example(s)
People who have traveled far and wide have a broader horizon than citizens who have stayed in the same country for the entirety of their lives.
This sentence effectively uses a comparative structure to highlight differences in experiences and perspectives, making your argument stronger.
Bad Example(s)
But there are so many more advantages to one's psychology and character that I cannot list in the time I was given.
Starting a sentence with 'But' followed by a lengthy explanation makes the sentence appear cluttered and reduces its impact. Consider breaking it into more digestible parts.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the narrative and analytical style of the essay. You successfully maintain past and present tenses where appropriate, contributing to the clarity of your discussion.
Grammatical Errors
People who have gone out to many other places have seen how other people live, work, and reside, causing them to become much more understanding of others and forming them into much more considerate people.
Correction:
People who have visited many places have seen how others live, work, and reside, making them more understanding and considerate.
People who have visited many places have seen how others live, work, and reside, making them more understanding and considerate.
The original sentence is redundant and overly wordy. Streamlining the sentence improves clarity and readability.
there are many cases of tourists leaving trash and destroying the natural environment of a place and the locals have started to refuse tourism.
Correction:
There are many cases of tourists leaving trash and destroying the natural environment, leading locals to start refusing tourism.
There are many cases of tourists leaving trash and destroying the natural environment, leading locals to start refusing tourism.
The sentence should start with a capital letter. Additionally, simplifying the sentence structure improves flow and coherence.