Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people argue that preventive healthcare measures, such as regular check-ups, are more important than medical treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch individuals has become more educated, and learning a new language is essential for communication. While opponents claim that acquire a new language can cause social problems, proponents observed that it will be positive for various reasons. Therefore, I believe that acquiring a new language has a multitude of benefits such as finding a new job or study.
In the beginning, the world has become more interconnected and learning foreign languages will open the gate for self-development in various sectors. To illustrate, when people leave their hometown and travel to live in a foreign language nation to find a better job vacancy, they will get a new language which equal a new life. In addition, A good example is Egypt, where many Egyptians immigrate to first world countries, and knowing a plethora of languages can communicate easily with people and find a lot of job vacancies. Thus, what can be said is that equipped with foreign languages can add value and have a positive effect on people.
In addition, a lot of Arabs live in European countries and use the foreign languages in their daily transactions. To explain, if individuals learn another language before traveling and living in a foreign language country, they will create social relationships easier. For instance, adults who travel to the United Kingdom or the United States of America and know how to speak English, they will find life easier and can connect with people there. Hence, not only speaking a foreign language has a positive effect on people and society, but also can provide many job-offers and high-quality education.
In conclusion, after this essay has shown and discussed the previous points and knowing the importance of speaking a foreign language. I am of the belief that speaking a foreign language is essential in our life and can help us to raise our standard of living.
In the beginning, the world has become more interconnected and learning foreign languages will open the gate for self-development in various sectors. To illustrate, when people leave their hometown and travel to live in a foreign language nation to find a better job vacancy, they will get a new language which equal a new life. In addition, A good example is Egypt, where many Egyptians immigrate to first world countries, and knowing a plethora of languages can communicate easily with people and find a lot of job vacancies. Thus, what can be said is that equipped with foreign languages can add value and have a positive effect on people.
In addition, a lot of Arabs live in European countries and use the foreign languages in their daily transactions. To explain, if individuals learn another language before traveling and living in a foreign language country, they will create social relationships easier. For instance, adults who travel to the United Kingdom or the United States of America and know how to speak English, they will find life easier and can connect with people there. Hence, not only speaking a foreign language has a positive effect on people and society, but also can provide many job-offers and high-quality education.
In conclusion, after this essay has shown and discussed the previous points and knowing the importance of speaking a foreign language. I am of the belief that speaking a foreign language is essential in our life and can help us to raise our standard of living.
Submitted on May 12, 2024 at 11:04 PM
Overall Evaluation
3 Bands
Your essay does not address the given question about the importance of preventive healthcare measures versus medical treatments. Instead, it discusses the benefits of learning a new language, which is off-topic. It's crucial for a high-scoring IELTS essay to directly respond to the question asked. Your essay is well-structured and presents clear arguments on the importance of learning foreign languages, indicating good organizational skills and coherence in discussing an unrelated topic. However, to improve your score, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt provided. Focus on analyzing the statement given, and structure your essay around whether you agree or disagree with the notion, providing relevant examples and reasoning related to healthcare, not language learning. Paying close attention to the task requirement is essential for achieving a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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3
Coherence & Cohesion
2 Bands
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion in relation to the essay question about preventive healthcare and medical treatments. The content focuses on the unrelated topic of learning a foreign language, which does not contribute to a coherent argument on the stated question. To improve, ensure each paragraph directly supports your thesis related to the essay prompt. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, and make sure each part of your essay contributes to your overall argument or stance on the preventive healthcare versus medical treatments debate.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks alignment with the given question about preventive healthcare versus medical treatments, focusing instead on the benefits of learning a foreign language. This misalignment significantly impacts the logical organization, as the content does not address the prompt's topic.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch individuals has become more educated, and learning a new language is essential for communication.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch, individuals have become more health-conscious, emphasizing the importance of preventive healthcare measures for maintaining well-being.
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch, individuals have become more health-conscious, emphasizing the importance of preventive healthcare measures for maintaining well-being.
Align the essay with the topic of preventive healthcare and medical treatments.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure your essay directly addresses the question asked. Begin with a clear thesis statement that reflects your stance on the topic, followed by paragraphs that support your argument with relevant examples and explanations.
Paragraphing
The structure of your paragraphs is clear, but they are not aligned with the required topic. Each paragraph focuses on the benefits of learning a new language rather than discussing preventive healthcare or medical treatments.
Bad Sentence(s)
In the beginning, the world has become more interconnected and learning foreign languages will open the gate for self-development in various sectors.
Corrected Sentence:
In the contemporary world, the increasing interconnectivity highlights the importance of preventive healthcare measures in ensuring global public health.
In the contemporary world, the increasing interconnectivity highlights the importance of preventive healthcare measures in ensuring global public health.
Refocus paragraphs to discuss preventive healthcare and its importance over medical treatments.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs that each introduce a single main idea related to the topic. Start with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph’s main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on this idea with examples or arguments.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay demonstrates an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are employed to connect ideas about language learning rather than the intended topic of healthcare. This misapplication affects the effectiveness of your cohesive devices.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by ensuring they serve to connect ideas relevant to the essay's topic. Use devices such as 'furthermore,' 'for example,' and 'thus' to link ideas within and between paragraphs effectively, focusing on preventive healthcare and medical treatments.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences do not directly address the essay question about preventive healthcare versus medical treatments. Instead, they focus on the benefits of learning a foreign language, which is off-topic.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch individuals has become more educated, and learning a new language is essential for communication.
Corrected Sentence:
In the contemporary era, the emphasis on preventive healthcare measures, such as regular check-ups, has become paramount in maintaining public health.
In the contemporary era, the emphasis on preventive healthcare measures, such as regular check-ups, has become paramount in maintaining public health.
Rewrite the topic sentence to focus on preventive healthcare and its importance compared to medical treatments.
In the beginning, the world has become more interconnected and learning foreign languages will open the gate for self-development in various sectors.
Corrected Sentence:
As the world becomes more health-conscious, preventive healthcare measures are increasingly recognized as key to self-development and well-being.
As the world becomes more health-conscious, preventive healthcare measures are increasingly recognized as key to self-development and well-being.
Adjust the topic sentence to reflect the comparison between preventive healthcare and medical treatments.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly addressing the essay question or statement. Make sure your topic sentence provides a clear indication of your paragraph's argument or point in relation to the essay prompt. Use specific language and avoid broad or unrelated topics.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively handle contrasting viewpoints regarding preventive healthcare versus medical treatments, as it does not address the topic directly. Instead, it discusses the benefits of learning a foreign language, which is unrelated to the question.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, first, ensure you understand the essay question. Then, identify potential opposing viewpoints on that topic. Acknowledge these viewpoints in your essay before presenting evidence or reasoning to support your own position. This approach shows critical thinking and a balanced understanding of the subject.
Task Achievement
1 Bands
Overall, your essay did not address the task of discussing the importance of preventive healthcare measures versus medical treatments. Instead, it focused on an entirely different topic. It's crucial to read and respond to the essay question accurately to achieve a high score in task achievement.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your essay did not address the given question about the importance of preventive healthcare measures versus medical treatments. Instead, it focused on the benefits of learning a foreign language, which is unrelated to the original topic.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch individuals has become more educated, and learning a new language is essential for communication.
This sentence does not relate to the topic of preventive healthcare measures versus medical treatments.
Development of Position
Your argument was clear regarding the importance of learning a foreign language; however, it was off-topic. There was no development of position related to the original question about healthcare.
Bad Example(s)
In the beginning, the world has become more interconnected and learning foreign languages will open the gate for self-development in various sectors.
This develops a position unrelated to the healthcare topic.
Supporting Details
The examples and details provided were relevant to the benefits of learning a new language but did not support any argument related to preventive healthcare or medical treatments.
Bad Example(s)
To illustrate, when people leave their hometown and travel to live in a foreign language nation to find a better job vacancy, they will get a new language which equal a new life.
This detail is irrelevant to the discussion of healthcare measures.
Conclusion
Your conclusion was consistent with the rest of your essay in discussing the benefits of learning a foreign language but failed to conclude anything about the healthcare debate.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, after this essay has shown and discussed the previous points and knowing the importance of speaking a foreign language.
This does not provide a conclusion to the healthcare measures debate.
Lexical Resources
4 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of learning languages and its benefits. However, the essay does not address the given IELTS question about preventive healthcare versus medical treatments, which significantly impacts the relevance of your lexical resources to the expected topic. It's crucial to adhere to the topic provided to ensure your vocabulary and content are aligned with the task requirements.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| contemporary epoch | modern era | More natural and common expression. |
| acquire a new language can cause social problems | learning a new language can cause social problems | Clarifies the action to 'learning' which is more specific than 'acquire'. |
| a new language which equal a new life | a new language which equals a new life | Grammar correction for subject-verb agreement. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
foreign language 5 times | second language, another language, additional language |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| preventive healthcare Measures taken to prevent diseases or injuries rather than curing them or treating their symptoms. | Measures taken to prevent diseases or injuries rather than curing them or treating their symptoms. |
| regular check-ups Routine medical examinations or tests to assess a person's health. | Routine medical examinations or tests to assess a person's health. |
| medical treatments The management and care of a patient to combat disease or disorder. | The management and care of a patient to combat disease or disorder. |
| to what extent Used to ask or discuss how far something is true or the degree to which something is true. | Used to ask or discuss how far something is true or the degree to which something is true. |
| agree or disagree To have the same opinion about something or to have a different opinion. | To have the same opinion about something or to have a different opinion. |
Out of Context
learning a new language, social problems, job vacancies, social relationships
Corrected Sentence:
preventive healthcare measures, medical treatments, health check-ups, lifestyle diseases
preventive healthcare measures, medical treatments, health check-ups, lifestyle diseases
The essay was supposed to discuss the importance of preventive healthcare over medical treatments, but discussed the benefits of learning a new language instead.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay shows a good attempt at using complex grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors that impact readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of gerunds. Additionally, ensure that your sentence structures are not overly complicated, which can lead to clarity issues. Focusing on these areas can significantly improve the overall quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable variety in sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in complexity and variation to enhance readability and engagement.
Good example(s)
To illustrate, when people leave their hometown and travel to live in a foreign language nation to find a better job vacancy, they will get a new language which equals a new life.
This sentence effectively uses a subordinate clause to add information and complexity.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, in the contemporary epoch individuals has become more educated, and learning a new language is essential for communication.
The phrase 'in the contemporary epoch' is redundant with 'Nowadays', and 'individuals has' should be 'individuals have', making the structure awkward and grammatically incorrect.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, focusing on the present simple to discuss current and general actions. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved for clarity.
Grammatical Errors
individuals has become more educated
Correction:
individuals have become more educated
individuals have become more educated
The subject 'individuals' is plural, so the verb should be 'have' not 'has'.
acquire a new language can cause
Correction:
acquiring a new language can cause
acquiring a new language can cause
Gerund ('acquiring') is needed here as the subject of the sentence.
they will get a new language which equal a new life
Correction:
they will get a new language which equals a new life
they will get a new language which equals a new life
The relative clause 'which equals' refers to 'a new language', which is singular, hence 'equals' should be singular.