Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you think entertainment plays a significant role in influencing cultural values and behaviors? Provide reasons and examples to support your perspective.
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
socitial rules and persons behaviours are highly impressed by the entertainment shown to them.
i am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.soo if we want our society to make awear of the values and attitudes of our culture then dramas and different stages shows are the best thing. as giving respect to our elders are the cultural norm nevertheless cartoons are the best entertainment when child watch a cartoon for fun beside the fun time he learn the socitial norm to rspect elders.
secondly we used to watch dramas and movies for luxury time but they effect us alot we learn from them about our cultural values and how we have to act in the situtaions.
so if i have to deliever our cultural norms and behaviours to the society then its easy to show in entertainments show.
socitial rules and persons behaviours are highly impressed by the entertainment shown to them.
i am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.soo if we want our society to make awear of the values and attitudes of our culture then dramas and different stages shows are the best thing. as giving respect to our elders are the cultural norm nevertheless cartoons are the best entertainment when child watch a cartoon for fun beside the fun time he learn the socitial norm to rspect elders.
secondly we used to watch dramas and movies for luxury time but they effect us alot we learn from them about our cultural values and how we have to act in the situtaions.
so if i have to deliever our cultural norms and behaviours to the society then its easy to show in entertainments show.
Submitted on March 13, 2024 at 8:22 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by stating that entertainment significantly influences cultural values and behaviors. You've provided a clear stance and supported it with the idea that entertainment, such as shows and cartoons, can effectively convey cultural norms. However, your essay would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of how entertainment shapes behaviors beyond the initial examples provided. Additionally, paying attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation will enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider organizing your ideas into more distinct paragraphs and using a variety of sentence structures to improve readability. Overall, you've made a good start, but refining your argument and writing style will strengthen your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear perspective on the importance of entertainment in shaping cultural values and behaviors. However, the flow of ideas could be more logically structured to enhance coherence.
Good Sentence(s)
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.
This sentence effectively introduces the idea that entertainment can be a powerful tool for education.
Bad Sentence(s)
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
Corrected Sentence:
It is essential to engage the population with cultural shows because individuals can learn their cultural values and behaviors from these forms of entertainment.
It is essential to engage the population with cultural shows because individuals can learn their cultural values and behaviors from these forms of entertainment.
Clarify and expand your introductory statement to provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start with a clear thesis statement, followed by supporting arguments, each introduced in its own paragraph. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay lack clear separation and thematic organization, making it difficult to distinguish between different points.
Bad Sentence(s)
i am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
Corrected Sentence:
I am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
I am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
Start a new paragraph with this sentence to clearly introduce your perspective and improve paragraph structure.
Suggestions
Focus on creating distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Begin with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph’s main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is minimal, which affects the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating transition words such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion'. Also, use pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and link ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need improvement to clearly present the main ideas of each paragraph.
Bad Sentence(s)
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
Corrected Sentence:
Entertainment, particularly through cultural shows, plays a crucial role in imparting cultural values and behaviors to the audience.
Entertainment, particularly through cultural shows, plays a crucial role in imparting cultural values and behaviors to the audience.
Clarify and specify the role of entertainment in cultural education.
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, individuals tend to absorb information more effectively when it is presented in an entertaining manner.
Firstly, individuals tend to absorb information more effectively when it is presented in an entertaining manner.
Rewrite for clarity and to correct grammatical errors.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main idea. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey your points.
Counter Points
You did not address contrasting viewpoints in your essay, which is a missed opportunity to strengthen your argument.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments effectively, acknowledge potential criticisms of your viewpoint, and provide reasoned responses to these. This approach will make your argument more robust and persuasive.
Task Achievement
5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the question but your essay needs improvement in structure, clarity, and detail. Your argument would benefit from clearer examples, better organization, and more careful attention to grammar and spelling. To achieve a higher band, focus on developing your ideas more fully and providing specific examples to support your points.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by stating that entertainment significantly influences cultural values and behaviors. However, your argument could be strengthened by providing more diverse examples and a clearer structure.
Good example(s)
as giving respect to our elders are the cultural norm nevertheless cartoons are the best entertainment when child watch a cartoon for fun beside the fun time he learn the socitial norm to rspect elders.
This sentence effectively illustrates how entertainment, like cartoons, can impart cultural norms to younger audiences.
Bad Example(s)
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
This opening sentence is vague and contains grammatical errors, weakening your introduction.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks depth. You've made a basic point about the role of entertainment in teaching cultural norms, but the argument would benefit from further explanation and analysis.
Good example(s)
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.
This sentence contributes to developing your position by explaining why entertainment is an effective medium for learning.
Bad Example(s)
i am going to write my perspective that entertainment plays a vital role in the learning of cultural rules and regulations.
This sentence is redundant and does not contribute to the development of your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need to be more detailed and specific to strengthen your argument. Including real-life examples or studies could enhance your essay.
Bad Example(s)
secondly we used to watch dramas and movies for luxury time but they effect us alot we learn from them about our cultural values and how we have to act in the situtaions.
This sentence is too general and lacks specificity about how dramas and movies influence cultural values and behaviors.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is implied rather than explicitly stated, making it weak. A strong conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly.
Bad Example(s)
so if i have to deliever our cultural norms and behaviours to the society then its easy to show in entertainments show.
This sentence does not serve as a strong conclusion because it merely restates one of the points without summarizing the entire argument.
Lexical Resources
5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but there are several areas where lexical resources could be improved to enhance clarity and effectiveness. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and paying attention to word choice and context can significantly elevate the quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| absorbe | absorb | Spelling error. |
| awear | aware | Spelling error. |
| socitial | societal | Incorrect word usage. |
| rspect | respect | Spelling error. |
| deliever | deliver | Spelling error. |
| situtaions | situations | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
entertainment 5 times | amusement, diversion, recreation |
cultural 4 times | societal, communal, traditional |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| influence The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. | The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. |
| norms Standards or patterns of social behavior that are typical or expected of a group. | Standards or patterns of social behavior that are typical or expected of a group. |
| depict Show or represent by drawing, painting, or other art forms. | Show or represent by drawing, painting, or other art forms. |
| instill Gradually but firmly establish an idea or attitude into a person's mind. | Gradually but firmly establish an idea or attitude into a person's mind. |
| perpetuate Make (something, typically an undesirable situation or an unfounded belief) continue indefinitely. | Make (something, typically an undesirable situation or an unfounded belief) continue indefinitely. |
Grammatical Range
4 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors, including misspellings ('becasue' instead of 'because'), incorrect word usage ('socitial' should be 'societal'), and punctuation issues (missing commas). Improving these aspects could significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity. They are mostly simple and straightforward, which might not fully demonstrate your ability to construct complex ideas.
Bad Example(s)
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
This sentence is overly simplistic and contains a spelling error ('becasue'). It could be made more complex by elaborating on how cultural shows contribute to learning.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is mostly consistent, but there are instances where the tense does not match the context, affecting the clarity of your statements.
Bad Example(s)
soo if we want our society to make awear of the values and attitudes of our culture then dramas and different stages shows are the best thing.
The phrase 'make awear' is incorrect and should be 'make aware'. The tense is not directly incorrect, but the sentence is awkward and unclear.
Grammatical Errors
it is necessary to entertain the population with the cultural shows becasue person can learn his cultural values and behaviours from the shows.
Correction:
It is necessary to entertain the population with cultural shows because a person can learn his cultural values and behaviors from the shows.
It is necessary to entertain the population with cultural shows because a person can learn his cultural values and behaviors from the shows.
Capitalization at the beginning of a sentence, 'because' was misspelled as 'becasue', and 'behaviours' is a less common spelling in American English.
socitial rules and persons behaviours are highly impressed by the entertainment shown to them.
Correction:
Societal rules and personal behaviors are greatly influenced by the entertainment shown to them.
Societal rules and personal behaviors are greatly influenced by the entertainment shown to them.
'Socitial' is a misspelling of 'societal', and 'persons behaviours' should be 'personal behaviors' for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
first of all the mind absorbe the thing more quickly and accuratly which is shown in the fun way.
Correction:
First of all, the mind absorbs things more quickly and accurately when they are presented in a fun way.
First of all, the mind absorbs things more quickly and accurately when they are presented in a fun way.
'Absorbe' and 'accuratly' are misspelled as 'absorbs' and 'accurately'. Also, the sentence structure was improved for clarity.