Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television.
Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport
themselves.
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television. Few people believe this as a negative development, as it disourage the youngsters to participate in any kind of sports personally. I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field. They are not able to focus on their game. Piblic are giving their own opinion and nagging them on their peformance. This all things demotivate the young players and athlete to talke participate in sports. They stop themselves to come infront to others and play.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier. But, many of the coaches and the senior players motivates the youngster's to come infront of the public and play. They believe that challenging problem will make them more stronger. Despite people judging on their game performance. They should neglete them and be focused towards their goals.
In conclusion, People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field. They are not able to focus on their game. Piblic are giving their own opinion and nagging them on their peformance. This all things demotivate the young players and athlete to talke participate in sports. They stop themselves to come infront to others and play.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier. But, many of the coaches and the senior players motivates the youngster's to come infront of the public and play. They believe that challenging problem will make them more stronger. Despite people judging on their game performance. They should neglete them and be focused towards their goals.
In conclusion, People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
Submitted on July 23, 2024 at 10:43 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic, but there are several areas that need improvement. Firstly, your introduction briefly mentions the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your position and the main points you will discuss. It's crucial to clearly state your opinion and how you plan to support it. Secondly, your argumentation is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. You mention that public scrutiny demotivates young athletes but fail to explore how continuous sports coverage on television plays into this. Expanding on how televised sports could either motivate or demotivate participation would strengthen your argument. Additionally, your essay has numerous spelling and grammatical errors ('apraid' instead of 'afraid', 'piblic' instead of 'public', 'neglete' instead of 'neglect', etc.), which significantly hinder readability and coherence. Working on sentence structure and punctuation will also improve the overall quality of your writing. Lastly, your conclusion reiterates your stance but misses an opportunity to succinctly summarize the key points made in your essay. Focusing on clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy will enhance your essay significantly. Aim to provide more concrete examples and a balanced discussion on how television coverage of sports might influence young people's participation in sports. Your essay currently would likely fall into a band score of around 4.0 to 5.0 due to these issues. Improving on the mentioned areas can help increase your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay's structure and idea flow are somewhat disjointed, leading to a lack of clear argument progression. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs do not effectively build upon your initial statement. Overall, the logical flow needs improvement to effectively convey your argument. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, live streams of various sports are available worldwide on television.
Nowadays, live streams of various sports are available worldwide on television.
Clarify the statement and correct spelling errors.
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Corrected Sentence:
I believe this view is incorrect, as watching sports on television can actually motivate people to participate.
I believe this view is incorrect, as watching sports on television can actually motivate people to participate.
Clarify the argument and correct spelling errors.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by clearly stating your main argument in the introduction. Each body paragraph should contain a single main idea that supports your argument, followed by examples or explanations. Use transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs. Conclude by summarizing your argument and restating why your opinion is justified.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are identifiable but lack clear topic sentences and coherent structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, many young athletes feel intimidated by the prospect of performing in public venues such as stadiums and fields.
Firstly, many young athletes feel intimidated by the prospect of performing in public venues such as stadiums and fields.
Start with a clear topic sentence and correct spelling errors.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph structure by starting each with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the idea, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main point or links to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Band: 4.5
Bad Sentence(s)
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, the players believe that public scrutiny could impact their career.
Moreover, the players believe that public scrutiny could impact their career.
Correct the spelling and clarify the transition between ideas.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, focus on using a variety of transition words and phrases that accurately reflect the relationship between ideas, such as 'furthermore' for adding information, 'however' for contrasting, and 'therefore' for showing consequence. Ensure each device is used appropriately to enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need refinement to better guide the reader through your argument and to clearly delineate your stance and reasoning.
Bad Sentence(s)
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, extensive sports coverage on TV may intimidate young athletes, making them hesitant to perform in public venues such as stadiums and fields.
Firstly, extensive sports coverage on TV may intimidate young athletes, making them hesitant to perform in public venues such as stadiums and fields.
Clarify the connection between TV coverage and young people's participation in sports, and correct spelling errors.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, players believe that public scrutiny can negatively affect their career.
Moreover, players believe that public scrutiny can negatively affect their career.
Specify what 'this' refers to and correct spelling and grammatical errors.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the main idea you plan to discuss in the paragraph. Ensure it directly addresses the essay question and logically connects to your thesis statement. Avoid vague language and spelling errors to maintain clarity and professionalism.
Counter Points
Your handling of contrasting viewpoints is minimal and lacks depth. Integrating counterarguments more effectively would strengthen your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Corrected Sentence:
I believe this view is mistaken, as televised sports can inspire young viewers to engage in physical activities by showcasing the excitement and rewards of athletic participation.
I believe this view is mistaken, as televised sports can inspire young viewers to engage in physical activities by showcasing the excitement and rewards of athletic participation.
Provide a clearer explanation or example of how television coverage can motivate young people to participate in sports.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, first acknowledge the opposing viewpoint clearly and respectfully. Then, use evidence or logical reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more compelling or comprehensive understanding of the issue. Including specific examples or citing studies can also help reinforce your argument.
Task Achievement
4.5 Bands
Overall, your essay attempts to address the task but is hindered by unclear arguments, lack of specific examples, and numerous grammatical errors. Focusing on clearer expression of ideas, providing concrete examples, and improving grammar would enhance your essay significantly.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your essay partially addresses the question but lacks a clear discussion on how continuous sports coverage might discourage or encourage youth participation in sports. You present a viewpoint but do not fully explore the relationship between media coverage and youth participation in sports.
Bad Example(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
This sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors, making it difficult to understand your stance.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat developed but lacks clarity and depth. You mention that public opinion and judgment can demotivate young athletes, but you do not convincingly argue how continuous sports coverage impacts this.
Bad Example(s)
The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
This sentence introduces an idea but fails to directly link it to the impact of sports coverage on television.
Supporting Details
Your examples and arguments are somewhat relevant but lack specificity and depth. More concrete examples or data would strengthen your position.
Bad Example(s)
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier.
This sentence is vague and contains spelling errors, which weakens your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your viewpoint but lacks a strong summarization of your arguments. It could be more impactful with a clearer statement of your overall position.
Bad Example(s)
People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
This sentence contains multiple grammatical errors and does not provide a strong or clear conclusion.
Lexical Resources
5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic, but it suffers from several inaccuracies and limited variety in word choice. To achieve a higher band, focus on expanding your vocabulary and paying attention to the accuracy of your language use.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| continous | continuous | Spelling mistake. |
| disourage | discourage | Spelling mistake. |
| apraid | afraid | Spelling mistake. |
| piblic | public | Spelling mistake. |
| peformance | performance | Spelling mistake. |
| talke participate | take part | Incorrect phrase usage. |
| Moroeover | Moreover | Spelling mistake. |
| carrier | career | Wrong word choice. |
| neglete | neglect | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
public 3 times | audience, spectators |
performance 3 times | execution, display |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| motivate Provide incentive for action. | Provide incentive for action. |
| participate Take part in an activity. | Take part in an activity. |
| discourage Cause someone to lose confidence or enthusiasm. | Cause someone to lose confidence or enthusiasm. |
| focus Pay particular attention to. | Pay particular attention to. |
| challenge A call to take part in a contest or competition. | A call to take part in a contest or competition. |
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your essay has several grammatical errors, including spelling mistakes and incorrect word usage, which significantly impact its readability and professionalism. It's crucial to proofread your work and possibly use tools or resources to check for and correct these errors. Additionally, working on sentence structure and tense consistency could greatly improve your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity. They are mostly simple and straightforward, which might not fully demonstrate your ability to use complex structures effectively.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television.
This sentence is overly long and could be made more complex with better punctuation and conjunctions.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is inconsistent. While you mostly attempt to use the present tense, there are instances where the tense does not match the context of the sentence.
Bad Example(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
The shift from present to future tense is awkward and unnecessary in this context.
Grammatical Errors
continous
Correction:
continuous
continuous
Spelling mistake.
disourage
Correction:
discourage
discourage
Spelling mistake.
apraid
Correction:
afraid
afraid
Spelling mistake.
piblic
Correction:
public
public
Spelling mistake.
peformance
Correction:
performance
performance
Spelling mistake.
talke participate
Correction:
take part
take part
Incorrect phrase usage and spelling mistake.
Moroeover
Correction:
Moreover
Moreover
Spelling mistake.
carrier
Correction:
career
career
Wrong word usage.
neglete
Correction:
neglect
neglect
Spelling mistake.