Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:29 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear agreement with the statement that urban migration contributes to a rise in urban crime rates. Your argument is structured around two main points: the lack of education among rural migrants and the scarcity of jobs in urban areas. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, the assertion that rural migrants are mostly illiterate and lack manners could be seen as overly generalized and potentially offensive. It's important to present arguments in a balanced manner and avoid stereotypes. Secondly, while your examples are relevant, incorporating specific studies or statistics could strengthen your argument. Additionally, paying attention to spelling ('illietrate' should be 'illiterate') and more varied sentence structures could enhance the readability of your essay. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your argumentation and expression could improve its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
7 Bands
Your essay maintains coherence and cohesion well, with each paragraph logically flowing to the next. The use of transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Another' helps in guiding the reader through your argument. However, the essay could be improved by varying sentence structure and using more precise vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, directly linking back to the thesis in the conclusion would strengthen the overall cohesion.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, effectively outlining the reasons behind your agreement with the statement. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs delve into specific reasons, followed by a concise conclusion. Overall, the logical organization is strong. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea with clarity, maintaining the essay's logical flow.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider explicitly linking your main points back to the thesis statement in each body paragraph and using more varied transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a distinct reason supporting your argument. The use of paragraphing effectively organizes the content, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
This sentence effectively concludes the essay, summarizing the main points discussed in a clear and concise manner.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea to be discussed. This will help in maintaining focus and coherence throughout.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to create a sense of flow and coherence in your essay. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision in their use. Band: 7.0
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions for adding information (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to this,'), contrasting ideas (e.g., 'However,' 'On the other hand,'), and showing cause and effect (e.g., 'As a result,' 'Therefore,'). This will enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set up the main ideas of each paragraph, clearly indicating the direction of your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main idea, linking urban migration with crime through the lens of education.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
It clearly transitions to a new, yet related, reason for the rise in crime, maintaining focus and coherence.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument or point. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey your argument. Ensure each topic sentence connects back to your thesis statement to maintain coherence throughout your essay.
Counter Points
Your essay did not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting your agreement with the statement. Including counterpoints could strengthen your argument by showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences that effectively address counterpoints or offer a balanced view.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that urban migration offers economic opportunities that can decrease crime, the reality is that the sudden influx of unprepared rural inhabitants into urban areas often leads to increased unemployment and, consequently, crime.
While some may argue that urban migration offers economic opportunities that can decrease crime, the reality is that the sudden influx of unprepared rural inhabitants into urban areas often leads to increased unemployment and, consequently, crime.
Consider including a paragraph that acknowledges potential arguments against your position, then refute these points or explain why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or possible opposing viewpoints related to your thesis. Acknowledge these viewpoints early in your essay, then use evidence and logic to refute them or to strengthen your own position. This approach not only demonstrates your understanding of the complexity of the issue but also reinforces the validity of your argument.
Task Achievement
7 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of addressing the question and developing your argument. Your essay is structured logically, with clear examples that support your points. To further improve, consider diversifying your examples and including counterarguments to provide a more rounded discussion. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'illietrate' which should be 'illiterate'.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have clearly answered the question by agreeing with the statement that urban migration contributes to a rise in urban crime rates. Your essay directly addresses the topic, and you maintain a consistent stance throughout.
Good example(s)
As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
This sentence effectively establishes a cause of urban migration and links it to the increase in crime rates.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and follows a logical structure. However, it could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments or providing a broader range of examples.
Good example(s)
However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This sentence effectively shows the consequences of urban migration, supporting your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your argument well. However, incorporating data or studies could enhance the credibility of your examples.
Good example(s)
Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well.
This detail vividly illustrates the desperation that can lead to increased crime, making your argument more persuasive.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points but could be enhanced by a stronger final statement that emphasizes the significance of the issue or suggests potential solutions.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of urban migration and its effects on crime rates. However, to enhance your lexical resource score, aim for greater precision and variety in your word choice. Avoid overgeneralizations and strive for accuracy in your descriptions.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
Mistake | Correction | Reason |
---|---|---|
illietrate | illiterate | Spelling error. |
ancestrol | ancestral | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
---|---|
cities 5 times | urban areas, metropolitan areas, towns |
crimes 4 times | criminal activities, offenses, unlawful acts |
Vocabulary Suggestions
Word Phrase | Meaning |
---|---|
urban sprawl The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. | The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. |
socioeconomic disparity Differences in income, status, and social class among different groups of people. | Differences in income, status, and social class among different groups of people. |
marginalized communities Groups of people that are excluded or disregarded within society. | Groups of people that are excluded or disregarded within society. |
integrate To combine one thing with another so that they become a whole. | To combine one thing with another so that they become a whole. |
deteriorate To become progressively worse. | To become progressively worse. |
Out of Context
manners of conducting themselves
Corrected Sentence:
ability to adapt or integrate
ability to adapt or integrate
Describing rural migrants' adaptation to urban life.
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite strong, with only minor errors in spelling and article use. These mistakes do not significantly hinder comprehension but correcting them would polish your essay further. Paying attention to spelling and ensuring the correct use of articles will enhance the overall quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show a good range of complexity and variation. You effectively use compound and complex sentences to convey your points, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Good example(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence is a good example of a complex sentence that effectively combines multiple ideas into one coherent thought, demonstrating a high level of language proficiency.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct throughout the essay. You successfully use the present simple tense to discuss general truths and the present perfect to refer to changes over the past few decades, which is appropriate for this type of essay.
Good example(s)
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades.
This use of the present perfect tense correctly indicates actions that started in the past and continue to the present, establishing a strong foundation for your argument.
Grammatical Errors
inhabitants are mostly illietrate
Correction:
inhabitants are mostly illiterate
inhabitants are mostly illiterate
The word 'illietrate' is a spelling mistake. The correct spelling is 'illiterate'.
resulting in increasing unemployment rate
Correction:
resulting in an increasing unemployment rate
resulting in an increasing unemployment rate
The phrase needs an article 'an' before 'increasing' to be grammatically correct.
rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question
Correction:
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question
The correct spelling is 'ancestral', and the phrase 'out of the question' needs the article 'the' to be grammatically correct.