Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television.
Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport
themselves.
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television. Few people believe this as a negative development, as it disourage the youngsters to participate in any kind of sports personally. I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field. They are not able to focus on their game. Piblic are giving their own opinion and nagging them on their peformance. This all things demotivate the young players and athlete to talke participate in sports. They stop themselves to come infront to others and play.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier. But, many of the coaches and the senior players motivates the youngster's to come infront of the public and play. They believe that challenging problem will make them more stronger. Despite people judging on their game performance. They should neglete them and be focused towards their goals.
In conclusion, People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field. They are not able to focus on their game. Piblic are giving their own opinion and nagging them on their peformance. This all things demotivate the young players and athlete to talke participate in sports. They stop themselves to come infront to others and play.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier. But, many of the coaches and the senior players motivates the youngster's to come infront of the public and play. They believe that challenging problem will make them more stronger. Despite people judging on their game performance. They should neglete them and be focused towards their goals.
In conclusion, People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
Submitted on July 23, 2024 at 10:39 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing the impact of continuous sports coverage on television and its effect on young people's participation in sports. However, there are several areas that need improvement for a higher IELTS band score. Firstly, your introduction could be strengthened by clearly stating the essay's argument and outlining the points you will discuss. Your argument is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors that hinder comprehension. Secondly, your body paragraphs present ideas but lack depth and specific examples to support your claims. Additionally, the coherence of your arguments is affected by frequent spelling and grammatical errors ('apraid' instead of 'afraid', 'piblic' instead of 'public', 'neglete' instead of 'neglect'), which makes it challenging for the reader to follow your reasoning. Moreover, your conclusion is too brief and merely restates the introduction without summarizing the main points discussed or providing a strong final stance. To improve, focus on organizing your ideas more logically, using a wider range of vocabulary, and paying close attention to spelling and grammar. Also, try to include specific examples or evidence to support your arguments and make them more persuasive. Overall, your essay demonstrates an attempt to address the task but would likely fall around a band 4.0 to 5.0 due to the issues mentioned. Enhancing the clarity of your argument, coherence, and grammatical accuracy could significantly improve your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4.5 Bands
Your essay struggles with coherence and cohesion, primarily due to frequent grammatical errors and unclear progression of ideas. The transition between paragraphs is abrupt, and the connection between your main argument and the supporting details is weak. To improve, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs, such as using linking phrases that clearly relate back to your thesis. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to your overall argument. Proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring consistency in your argument's presentation will also enhance coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay's structure and idea flow are somewhat disjointed, leading to a lack of clear argument progression. Band: 5.0
Good Sentence(s)
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, sports are continuously broadcasted on television worldwide.
Nowadays, sports are continuously broadcasted on television worldwide.
Clarify and directly address the essay question in the introduction for a stronger start.
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Corrected Sentence:
I believe this view is incorrect, as televised sports can actually motivate people to participate more actively.
I believe this view is incorrect, as televised sports can actually motivate people to participate more actively.
Clarify your thesis statement and correct spelling errors.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start with a clear thesis statement, outline your main points in the introduction, and ensure each paragraph supports your overall argument. Use transitions to connect ideas smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and coherent development of ideas. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, youngsters are often afraid to perform in public spaces such as stadiums and fields.
Firstly, youngsters are often afraid to perform in public spaces such as stadiums and fields.
Start paragraphs with a clear topic sentence and correct spelling mistakes.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus by starting each with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is limited, affecting the overall coherence of the essay. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, players believe that public scrutiny will impact their career.
Moreover, players believe that public scrutiny will impact their career.
Use cohesive devices correctly to improve clarity and coherence.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, practice using a variety of linking words to show contrast, addition, cause and effect, and sequence. Ensure each device is used appropriately to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need improvement to clearly present the main idea of each paragraph and guide the reader through your argument effectively.
Bad Sentence(s)
Firstly, The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, the extensive coverage of sports on television may intimidate young athletes, making them hesitant to participate in public sports events.
Firstly, the extensive coverage of sports on television may intimidate young athletes, making them hesitant to participate in public sports events.
Clarify the main idea by focusing on how television coverage affects young people's willingness to participate in sports.
Moroeover, The players believes that this will impact their carrier.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, despite potential public scrutiny, there is a belief that overcoming these challenges can significantly benefit young athletes' careers.
Moreover, despite potential public scrutiny, there is a belief that overcoming these challenges can significantly benefit young athletes' careers.
Rewrite to directly link to the essay's argument about television's impact on sports participation.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument. Use active voice and ensure the sentence directly relates to the essay question. Avoid vague language and be specific about the point you will discuss.
Counter Points
Your handling of contrasting viewpoints is weak. The essay presents a one-sided argument without adequately discussing the opposing view that continuous sports coverage might discourage youth participation.
Bad Sentence(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue that continuous sports coverage discourages youth participation, I believe it actually serves as a motivation for many, as seeing professional athletes in action can inspire them to engage in sports.
While some argue that continuous sports coverage discourages youth participation, I believe it actually serves as a motivation for many, as seeing professional athletes in action can inspire them to engage in sports.
Introduce a counterpoint to strengthen your argument, such as acknowledging why some believe television discourages participation before refuting this with evidence or reasoning.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint explicitly and provide specific reasons or evidence why your perspective is more valid. This approach not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates your ability to engage with diverse perspectives.
Task Achievement
4 Bands
Overall, your essay struggles with clarity and coherence. There are significant issues with grammar and spelling that hinder understanding. Your argument is not fully developed, and the essay does not adequately address the task of discussing the given view and providing a reasoned opinion. To improve, focus on clearly stating your position, providing well-explained examples, and refining your grammar and spelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You partially addressed the question but did not fully develop your argument or discuss the view that television discourages young people from participating in sports. Your own opinion was stated, but the reasons behind it were not fully explored or explained.
Bad Example(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
This sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors, making it difficult to understand your position.
Development of Position
Your argument lacks clarity and depth. While you've attempted to make a point, the reasoning and logic behind your opinion are not well-developed, and the connection between television coverage and its impact on youth participation in sports is not convincingly made.
Bad Example(s)
The youngsters are more apraid to perform infront of the piblic in stadium, ground and in field.
This sentence introduces an idea that could support your argument but is poorly explained and contains multiple spelling and grammatical errors.
Supporting Details
The examples and arguments provided are weak and do not effectively support your viewpoint. There is a need for more concrete examples and a clearer explanation of how television coverage of sports can actually motivate young people to participate in sports.
Bad Example(s)
Piblic are giving their own opinion and nagging them on their peformance.
This sentence is vague and does not provide a clear or relevant example to support your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is weak and does not effectively summarize your argument or restate your position. It misses the opportunity to make a strong final impression.
Bad Example(s)
People will judge and speaks on our performance, but one should neglete it and should focused on their game only.
This sentence is repetitive and contains grammatical errors, weakening the impact of your conclusion.
Lexical Resources
5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic, but there are several areas where lexical precision and variety could be significantly improved. Frequent spelling and grammatical errors detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Enhancing your vocabulary and focusing on accuracy would greatly benefit your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| continous | continuous | Spelling error. |
| disourage | discourage | Spelling error. |
| apraid | afraid | Spelling error. |
| piblic | public | Spelling error. |
| peformance | performance | Spelling error. |
| talke participate | take part | Incorrect phrase usage. |
| carrier | career | Spelling error. |
| neglete | neglect | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
public 2 times | audience, spectators |
performance 3 times | game, play |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| motivate Provide incentive for action. | Provide incentive for action. |
| participate To take part or become involved in an activity. | To take part or become involved in an activity. |
| discourage Cause someone to lose confidence or enthusiasm. | Cause someone to lose confidence or enthusiasm. |
| focus The center of interest or activity. | The center of interest or activity. |
| judging Form an opinion or conclusion about. | Form an opinion or conclusion about. |
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your essay contains multiple spelling and grammatical errors that significantly impact readability. Consistent errors in word choice and spelling mistakes suggest a need for thorough proofreading and perhaps more practice with spelling and grammar rules. Additionally, sentence structure lacks variety, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that could be improved by revising for clarity and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity, which is essential for achieving a higher band score in IELTS writing. Most sentences are simple or compound, with limited use of complex structures.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, In every corner of our world, there is continous live stream available of every sports on television.
This sentence is overly long and could be made more complex by better integrating ideas or by varying structure for clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, but there are instances where the incorrect tense is used, affecting the clarity of your arguments.
Bad Example(s)
I believe it as a completely wrong decision, because people will motivate more after seeing our performana.
The tense usage here is awkward and incorrect. A better construction would be 'I believe this is a completely wrong assumption, as people are more motivated after watching performances.'
Grammatical Errors
continous
Correction:
continuous
continuous
Spelling mistake.
disourage
Correction:
discourage
discourage
Spelling mistake.
apraid
Correction:
afraid
afraid
Spelling mistake.
piblic
Correction:
public
public
Spelling mistake.
peformance
Correction:
performance
performance
Spelling mistake.
talke participate
Correction:
take part
take part
Incorrect word choice and grammatical structure.
Moroeover
Correction:
Moreover
Moreover
Spelling mistake.
carrier
Correction:
career
career
Wrong word choice.
neglete
Correction:
neglect
neglect
Spelling mistake.