Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the increase in consumerism, which refers to the consumption of goods and services in large quantities, has led to a culture of overconsumption. This trend has significant environmental and social impacts. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past. Overconsumption presents mix of advantages and disavantages on the environment and society. In my opinion, consumerism potential drawbacks outweight its positive impacts.
On the one hand, with rasing shopping goods, demand for wide range of products will increase. As a result, the need for day to day goods, leading to expand retail sectors and generate more job opportunities. Additionally, growing tendency in overshopping may lead to create competetive environment between businesses to impelement innovative system to maintan current costumers and attract large number of people, increasing companie's interest. For example, companies can offer gift card to make it more appealing or provide individulas with high quality products to encourage them to opt theri goods.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negetive impacts on environment. For instance, producing products has result in creating noise and contaminating air. Additionally, lack of water resources is another adveres aspect of consumerism. Companies consume conciderable water stocks in production processes. Furthermore, industries utelize natural resources such as fossil fules. Consequently, it not only has a result in degredation of natural resources but also may lead to water pollution and soil erosion, leading to low quality of life.
In conculsion, it is evidant that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and public. However, the negetive impacts of consumerism could not be denied. Becouse it degrades the environemnt and people lives.
On the one hand, with rasing shopping goods, demand for wide range of products will increase. As a result, the need for day to day goods, leading to expand retail sectors and generate more job opportunities. Additionally, growing tendency in overshopping may lead to create competetive environment between businesses to impelement innovative system to maintan current costumers and attract large number of people, increasing companie's interest. For example, companies can offer gift card to make it more appealing or provide individulas with high quality products to encourage them to opt theri goods.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negetive impacts on environment. For instance, producing products has result in creating noise and contaminating air. Additionally, lack of water resources is another adveres aspect of consumerism. Companies consume conciderable water stocks in production processes. Furthermore, industries utelize natural resources such as fossil fules. Consequently, it not only has a result in degredation of natural resources but also may lead to water pollution and soil erosion, leading to low quality of life.
In conculsion, it is evidant that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and public. However, the negetive impacts of consumerism could not be denied. Becouse it degrades the environemnt and people lives.
Submitted on August 3, 2024 at 9:03 AM
Overall Evaluation
5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism and providing your own opinion. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your introduction could be stronger by directly addressing the question and providing a clearer overview of your argument. In terms of coherence and cohesion, your ideas are generally well-organized, but the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and better transitions between paragraphs. Your examples are relevant, but expanding on them with more detail could strengthen your argument. On vocabulary and grammar, you have attempted to use a range of vocabulary, but inaccuracies in word choice and grammatical errors are noticeable and sometimes hinder comprehension. Paying attention to spelling ('negetive' should be 'negative', 'conciderable' should be 'considerable', etc.) and sentence structure will improve the clarity of your writing. Finally, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reiterates your stance without introducing new information. Aim to proofread your essay to catch and correct these errors. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing the topic, but refining your language skills and argument structure will enhance your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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5.5
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in its overall coherence and cohesion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the relationship between sentences within paragraphs needs to be clearer to enhance the flow of information. For example, the leap from discussing job creation to environmental degradation could be bridged with sentences that more explicitly connect these points, highlighting the complexity of consumerism's impacts.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, with raising shopping goods, demand for wide range of products will increase.
This sentence effectively introduces the advantages of consumerism, setting up the paragraph that follows.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, individuals tend to consume a larger number of products compared to the past.
Nowadays, individuals tend to consume a larger number of products compared to the past.
Clarify and directly address the essay question in the opening sentence.
In conculsion, it is evidant that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and public.
Corrected Sentence:
In conclusion, it is evident that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and the public.
In conclusion, it is evident that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and the public.
Correct spelling mistakes and clarify the statement.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, clearly state your main points in the introduction and use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and use transition words to connect paragraphs.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around clear themes, but some paragraphs could be developed further to enhance clarity and provide more detailed analysis.
Bad Sentence(s)
Additionally, growing tendency in overshopping may lead to create competetive environment between businesses to impelement innovative system to maintan current costumers and attract large number of people, increasing companie's interest.
Corrected Sentence:
Additionally, the growing tendency in overshopping may lead to a competitive environment between businesses. This competition encourages the implementation of innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a larger number of people, thus increasing a company's interest.
Additionally, the growing tendency in overshopping may lead to a competitive environment between businesses. This competition encourages the implementation of innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a larger number of people, thus increasing a company's interest.
Split complex sentences into simpler ones to improve clarity.
Suggestions
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and use clear topic sentences. Develop your paragraphs with examples, explanations, and analysis to support your points. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
Cohesive Devices
You have made some use of cohesive devices, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and accuracy.
Bad Sentence(s)
For instance, producing products has result in creating noise and contaminating air.
Corrected Sentence:
For instance, the production of goods results in noise pollution and air contamination.
For instance, the production of goods results in noise pollution and air contamination.
Improve the use of cohesive devices by ensuring they accurately connect ideas.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, vary your language more and ensure that devices such as 'for example,' 'for instance,' 'additionally,' and 'consequently' are used to accurately connect ideas. Practice using synonyms and parallel structures for smoother transitions between ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion points well, but they could be more specific to clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, with raising shopping goods, demand for wide range of products will increase.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on the economic benefits of consumerism, such as job creation and business competition.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negative impacts on environment.
It clearly transitions to discussing the disadvantages, specifically environmental issues, providing a balanced view.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past.
Corrected Sentence:
In recent years, the surge in consumerism has led to both positive and negative consequences for society and the environment.
In recent years, the surge in consumerism has led to both positive and negative consequences for society and the environment.
Clarify and directly relate the topic sentence to the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, directly state the main idea of the paragraph. Use specific language that relates to the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism. Avoid vague statements and ensure each topic sentence serves as a clear signpost for what the paragraph will discuss.
Counter Points
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good. However, integrating counterarguments more seamlessly and refuting them with evidence could strengthen your position.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint explicitly and then use evidence or reasoning to explain why your viewpoint is more valid or comprehensive. This could involve citing studies, providing specific examples, or drawing on logical reasoning.
Task Achievement
5 Bands
Overall, you have made an attempt to address the task by discussing both sides of the issue and stating your opinion. However, your essay would benefit from clearer argumentation, more specific examples, and attention to grammatical accuracy. Enhancing these areas would provide a more compelling and coherent response to the question.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have generally addressed the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism and providing your own opinion. However, your argument could be strengthened with clearer examples and a more detailed analysis.
Good example(s)
For example, companies can offer gift card to make it more appealing or provide individuals with high quality products to encourage them to opt their goods.
This sentence effectively illustrates how businesses adapt to consumerism by enhancing their appeal to customers.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past.
This sentence is vague and contains grammatical errors, making it a weak opening statement.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks depth. You have stated your opinion that the drawbacks of consumerism outweigh its benefits, but the development of this position could be more robust with additional evidence and analysis.
Bad Example(s)
In my opinion, consumerism potential drawbacks outweight its positive impacts.
This statement introduces your position but does not effectively develop or support it within the essay.
Supporting Details
The examples provided offer some support to your arguments but are too general. More specific examples and detailed explanations would enhance the effectiveness of your support.
Bad Example(s)
producing products has result in creating noise and contaminating air.
This detail is too vague and lacks specificity about how consumerism leads to environmental degradation.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points but lacks a strong final statement that reinforces your position. It could be improved by more decisively restating your opinion and suggesting potential solutions or future implications.
Bad Example(s)
In conculsion, it is evidant that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and public. However, the negetive impacts of consumerism could not be denied.
This conclusion is weak due to grammatical errors and a lack of a strong, concluding remark that encapsulates your stance.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of consumerism, though it could benefit from more precision and variety in word choice to enhance clarity and avoid repetition. Paying attention to spelling and grammatical structure will also help in conveying your ideas more effectively.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| conciderable | considerable | Spelling error. |
| negetive | negative | Spelling error. |
| adveres | adverse | Spelling error. |
| utelize | utilize | Spelling error. |
| fules | fuels | Spelling error. |
| conculsion | conclusion | Spelling error. |
| evidant | evident | Spelling error. |
| degredation | degradation | Spelling error. |
| costumers | customers | Spelling error. |
| companie's | companies' | Incorrect use of apostrophe for plural possessive. |
| individulas | individuals | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
overconsumption 5 times | excessive consumption, overspending, consumer excess |
environment 4 times | ecosystem, natural world, surroundings |
negetive 3 times | adverse, harmful, detrimental |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level without exhausting natural resources or causing severe ecological damage. | Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level without exhausting natural resources or causing severe ecological damage. |
| ecological footprint A measure of human demand on the Earth's ecosystems, representing the amount of natural environment required to sustain their lifestyle. | A measure of human demand on the Earth's ecosystems, representing the amount of natural environment required to sustain their lifestyle. |
| consumer culture A form of capitalism in which the economy is focused on the selling of consumer goods and the spending of consumer money. | A form of capitalism in which the economy is focused on the selling of consumer goods and the spending of consumer money. |
| economic growth An increase in the amount of goods and services produced per head of the population over a period of time. | An increase in the amount of goods and services produced per head of the population over a period of time. |
| resource depletion The consumption of a resource faster than it can be replenished. | The consumption of a resource faster than it can be replenished. |
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors that impact its clarity and professionalism. These range from missing articles and spelling mistakes to awkward phrasing and incorrect tense usage. Focusing on sentence structure, ensuring verb tense consistency, and proofreading for spelling and grammar will significantly improve your writing. It's also important to vary sentence structure to keep the reader engaged and to more effectively convey your points.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of sentence structure, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity. The sentences tend to be simple or compound, with limited use of complex or compound-complex sentences that could enhance the depth and clarity of your arguments.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past.
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity in meaning. A more structured approach could improve readability.
Tense Usage
The use of tenses in your essay is generally consistent, with most of the essay written in the present tense, which is appropriate for discussing current trends. However, there are instances where tense consistency is lost, impacting the overall coherence.
Bad Example(s)
producing products has result in creating noise and contaminating air.
The phrase 'has result' should be 'has resulted', to maintain proper tense consistency and grammatical accuracy.
Grammatical Errors
Individuals may tend to consume large number of production compare to the past.
Correction:
Individuals may tend to consume a large number of products compared to the past.
Individuals may tend to consume a large number of products compared to the past.
The original sentence is missing articles and proper comparative structures.
Overconsumption presents mix of advantages and disavantages on the environment and society.
Correction:
Overconsumption presents a mix of advantages and disadvantages for the environment and society.
Overconsumption presents a mix of advantages and disadvantages for the environment and society.
Missing articles and incorrect preposition usage; also, 'disavantages' is a spelling error.
with rasing shopping goods, demand for wide range of products will increase.
Correction:
With rising demand for goods, the demand for a wide range of products will increase.
With rising demand for goods, the demand for a wide range of products will increase.
Incorrect verb form and awkward phrasing.
growing tendency in overshopping may lead to create competetive environment
Correction:
A growing tendency in overshopping may lead to the creation of a competitive environment
A growing tendency in overshopping may lead to the creation of a competitive environment
Missing articles, and 'create competitive environment' is awkwardly phrased.
industries utelize natural resources such as fossil fules.
Correction:
Industries utilize natural resources such as fossil fuels.
Industries utilize natural resources such as fossil fuels.
Spelling errors and missing articles.