Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many parts of the world, people are increasingly choosing to wear Western-style clothes. This trend is believed to have significant implications for cultural identity and global diversity. Firstly, discuss why this trend might be happening. Secondly, evaluate the potential impacts of this trend on cultural identity and global diversity.
Western style fashion is famous globally as people tend to wear pant shirts or skirts as compared to their own cultural dress. It can represent the whole world as a global village where people of different countries are following the same dressing style. Due to this trend, cultural identity is fading away. This essay will explore why people are attracted to this fashion and how it can influence cultural values globally.
With the pace of technology advancement, every fashion or trend in the world is accessible to almost everyone and young generation is more attracted to what is latest trend in social media as compared to their heritage assests. Social media compaigns and advertisement of games, clothing and shoes or even latest technology through some famous people or celeberties are one of the major factors contributing to this trend. As people pscyclogically are more attracted to the fashion sense of famous player or actor, who wear all kinds of this fashion for the sake of money. But people choose to dress like them and living behind their own cultural values. We can an example of Christiano Ronaldo, a famous football player, in 2019 he worked for a famous clothing brand, and their whole stock was sold out within 24 hours. Thus, people have this urge to follow the fashion style of their hero as compared to their own values.
Although this can be great prespective for commonize the one fashion style globally but it can result as a threat to global diversity of different cultures and values. Every country have their own style of clothing, representing their religious value or heritage. But it can be vanished if people do not pay attention to this pressing issue. For instance, in South Korea, it is mandatory for common man to wear their traditional dresses on their special occasions to fimilarize the young generation with their own culture. It is reported that 57% of people want to revive their cultural trends as compared to follow blindly the fashion. Hence, following the western style fashion can impose a serious impact on the traditional values of a country, who is rich in heritage and custom values.
In conclusion, western style fashion can be easy to wear and mostly it is being followed by young adults through social media platforms and trends. It can affect the cultural values and essence of hertiage in a country. However, I believe that we can follow any fashion style without neglecting our own cultural and religious values.
With the pace of technology advancement, every fashion or trend in the world is accessible to almost everyone and young generation is more attracted to what is latest trend in social media as compared to their heritage assests. Social media compaigns and advertisement of games, clothing and shoes or even latest technology through some famous people or celeberties are one of the major factors contributing to this trend. As people pscyclogically are more attracted to the fashion sense of famous player or actor, who wear all kinds of this fashion for the sake of money. But people choose to dress like them and living behind their own cultural values. We can an example of Christiano Ronaldo, a famous football player, in 2019 he worked for a famous clothing brand, and their whole stock was sold out within 24 hours. Thus, people have this urge to follow the fashion style of their hero as compared to their own values.
Although this can be great prespective for commonize the one fashion style globally but it can result as a threat to global diversity of different cultures and values. Every country have their own style of clothing, representing their religious value or heritage. But it can be vanished if people do not pay attention to this pressing issue. For instance, in South Korea, it is mandatory for common man to wear their traditional dresses on their special occasions to fimilarize the young generation with their own culture. It is reported that 57% of people want to revive their cultural trends as compared to follow blindly the fashion. Hence, following the western style fashion can impose a serious impact on the traditional values of a country, who is rich in heritage and custom values.
In conclusion, western style fashion can be easy to wear and mostly it is being followed by young adults through social media platforms and trends. It can affect the cultural values and essence of hertiage in a country. However, I believe that we can follow any fashion style without neglecting our own cultural and religious values.
Submitted on July 4, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing the reasons behind the global trend of adopting Western-style clothing and its implications for cultural identity and global diversity. You provide clear examples, such as the influence of celebrities like Cristiano Ronaldo, to illustrate why this trend might be happening. Additionally, you touch upon the potential negative impacts on cultural diversity and suggest a balanced view in the conclusion, stating that it's possible to follow fashion trends without abandoning one's cultural and religious values. To enhance your essay further, consider providing more varied examples from different cultures to strengthen your argument about global diversity. Also, pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors ('pscyclogically' should be 'psychologically', 'prespective' should be 'perspective', 'commonize' is not a standard word, consider 'standardize' or 'homogenize') to improve clarity and professionalism. Overall, your essay is well-structured and presents a thoughtful analysis of the issue.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The flow of ideas is logical, moving from the reasons behind the trend to its implications. However, the connection between paragraphs could be strengthened to enhance coherence. Overall, your organization is effective but has room for improvement. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
With the pace of technology advancement, every fashion or trend in the world is accessible to almost everyone and young generation is more attracted to what is latest trend in social media as compared to their heritage assets.
This sentence effectively introduces the main reason for the trend, linking technology and social media influence with changing fashion preferences.
Bad Sentence(s)
As people pscyclogically are more attracted to the fashion sense of famous player or actor, who wear all kinds of this fashion for the sake of money.
Corrected Sentence:
People are psychologically more attracted to the fashion sense of famous players or actors, who wear all kinds of these fashions for the sake of money.
People are psychologically more attracted to the fashion sense of famous players or actors, who wear all kinds of these fashions for the sake of money.
Clarify the sentence structure and correct the spelling mistake to improve readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to more explicitly link your ideas between paragraphs with transitional phrases that highlight cause and effect or contrast. This will make the flow of your argument even clearer to the reader.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to immediately signal their main focus. Band: 7.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Although this can be great prespective for commonize the one fashion style globally but it can result as a threat to global diversity of different cultures and values.
Corrected Sentence:
Although this trend might be seen as a positive step towards a unified global fashion style, it also poses a threat to the diversity of different cultures and their values.
Although this trend might be seen as a positive step towards a unified global fashion style, it also poses a threat to the diversity of different cultures and their values.
Revise the sentence for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Suggestions
Improve your paragraphs by starting each with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea. This will help readers understand the main point right away. Additionally, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next by using transitional phrases or sentences.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally good, helping to link ideas and sentences. However, there are instances where the use of these devices could be more varied to improve the flow of the essay. Band: 6.5
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' 'Conversely,' and 'As a result.' This will not only enhance the flow of your essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language to the reader.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear direction for each paragraph, effectively setting up the discussion on why the trend towards Western-style fashion is happening and its potential impacts on cultural identity and global diversity.
Good Sentence(s)
Due to this trend, cultural identity is fading away.
This sentence effectively introduces the main argument of the essay, highlighting the potential negative impact of Western-style fashion on cultural identity.
With the pace of technology advancement, every fashion or trend in the world is accessible to almost everyone and young generation is more attracted to what is latest trend in social media as compared to their heritage assets.
This sentence successfully sets up the discussion on one of the main reasons behind the trend, linking technology and social media influence to changes in fashion preferences.
Suggestions
To further enhance your topic sentences, consider directly addressing how these trends and impacts relate to global diversity as well as cultural identity. Incorporating specific examples or statistics in your topic sentences can also make them more impactful.
Counter Points
Your essay primarily focuses on presenting a single viewpoint rather than exploring contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments. Including and addressing counterpoints could strengthen your argument by showing a more balanced perspective.
Bad Sentence(s)
Although this can be great perspective for commonize the one fashion style globally but it can result as a threat to global diversity of different cultures and values.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that a globalized fashion sense promotes unity and understanding, it also poses a significant threat to the diversity of cultures and their unique values.
While some may argue that a globalized fashion sense promotes unity and understanding, it also poses a significant threat to the diversity of cultures and their unique values.
Clarify and expand upon this sentence to introduce a counterpoint more effectively. Explain why some might see the globalization of fashion as positive, then contrast this with your argument.
Suggestions
To better integrate counterarguments, consider dedicating a paragraph to discussing potential benefits or reasons why people might favor Western-style fashion, followed by a rebuttal that reinforces your thesis. This approach can provide a more rounded perspective and demonstrate critical thinking.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a commendable job in addressing the task. You clearly understand the implications of the global trend towards Western-style clothing and have articulated the potential impacts on cultural identity and global diversity well. To further improve, consider incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points, and perhaps delve deeper into the nuances of how individuals and societies can navigate the challenges posed by globalization without losing their cultural identities.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have addressed the question directly by discussing the reasons behind the global trend of adopting Western-style clothes and its impact on cultural identity and global diversity. Your essay maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout.
Good example(s)
Due to this trend, cultural identity is fading away.
This sentence succinctly captures the essence of the essay's argument, directly linking the trend to its consequences.
Development of Position
Your argument is coherent and progresses logically, with each paragraph building upon the previous one to strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
Social media campaigns and advertisement of games, clothing and shoes or even latest technology through some famous people or celebrities are one of the major factors contributing to this trend.
This sentence effectively introduces a key argument about the influence of social media and celebrities on fashion trends.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the reference to Cristiano Ronaldo, are relevant and illustrate your points well. However, more diverse examples and evidence could provide a stronger base for your arguments.
Good example(s)
For instance, in South Korea, it is mandatory for common man to wear their traditional dresses on their special occasions to familiarize the young generation with their own culture.
This example effectively demonstrates an effort to preserve cultural identity amidst the trend of Westernization.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates the main points effectively but could be strengthened by suggesting specific solutions or expressing a clearer stance on the balance between adopting global fashion trends and preserving cultural identity.
Good example(s)
However, I believe that we can follow any fashion style without neglecting our own cultural and religious values.
This sentence provides a hopeful perspective, suggesting a compromise between global trends and cultural preservation.
Lexical Resources
7 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively communicating the impact of Western fashion trends on cultural identity and global diversity. However, enhancing your lexical resource with more varied expressions and avoiding minor errors could further strengthen your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| psyclogically | psychologically | Spelling error. |
| compaigns | campaigns | Spelling error. |
| prespective | perspective | Spelling error. |
| commonize | commonalize | Incorrect word usage; 'commonize' is not standard, 'commonalize' is more appropriate. |
| fimilarize | familiarize | Spelling error. |
| hertiage | heritage | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
fashion 9 times | style, trend, attire, dress code |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Global homogenization The process by which local cultures are becoming more similar to one another through influences such as Western fashion. | The process by which local cultures are becoming more similar to one another through influences such as Western fashion. |
| Cultural assimilation The process by which a person or a group's language and/or culture come to resemble those of another group. | The process by which a person or a group's language and/or culture come to resemble those of another group. |
| Cultural preservation The act of maintaining and preserving a culture or cultural identity among a group of people or in a society. | The act of maintaining and preserving a culture or cultural identity among a group of people or in a society. |
| Influence The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. | The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. |
| Erode To gradually destroy or be destroyed; used metaphorically to describe the loss of cultural identity. | To gradually destroy or be destroyed; used metaphorically to describe the loss of cultural identity. |
Grammatical Range
6 Bands
Your essay shows a good effort in grammar usage, but there are several areas that need attention. Spelling mistakes and incorrect word choices detract from the overall quality. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, affecting the clarity of your arguments. Paying closer attention to verb forms and the correct use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') will also improve your writing. Proofreading more carefully could help eliminate these errors and polish your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in terms of complexity and variety. While you have made an effort to vary your sentences, incorporating more complex structures could enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.
Good example(s)
Due to this trend, cultural identity is fading away.
This sentence effectively uses a simple structure to make a strong, clear statement, demonstrating good control over basic sentence construction.
Bad Example(s)
As people pscyclogically are more attracted to the fashion sense of famous player or actor, who wear all kinds of this fashion for the sake of money.
This sentence is awkwardly constructed and confusing, with misplaced modifiers and a lack of clarity in meaning. It could be simplified or broken into two sentences for better coherence.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the essay's analytical and discursive nature. However, vigilance is required to maintain tense consistency throughout.
Grammatical Errors
young generation is more attracted to what is latest trend
Correction:
the young generation is more attracted to the latest trend
the young generation is more attracted to the latest trend
Definite article 'the' is needed for specificity, and 'what is' is redundant in this context.
psyclogically
Correction:
psychologically
psychologically
Spelling error.
celeberties
Correction:
celebrities
celebrities
Spelling error.
people choose to dress like them and living behind their own cultural values
Correction:
people choose to dress like them, leaving behind their own cultural values
people choose to dress like them, leaving behind their own cultural values
Incorrect verb form and conjunction use; 'living' should be 'leaving' to convey the correct meaning, and 'and' should be replaced with a comma for clarity.
We can an example of Christiano Ronaldo
Correction:
We can see an example of Cristiano Ronaldo
We can see an example of Cristiano Ronaldo
Missing verb 'see' for clarity and completeness, and spelling error in the name 'Cristiano Ronaldo'.
commonize
Correction:
commonalize
commonalize
Incorrect word choice; 'commonize' is not a standard word, 'commonalize' or 'make common' would be more appropriate.
fimilarize
Correction:
familiarize
familiarize
Spelling error.