Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that the conservation of endangered species should take precedence over human development projects. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.
It is argued by masses that we should provide more importance to take care of extinction species as compared to projects that designed solely for the purpose of human progress. This essay will explore both views, before reaching a logical opinion.
Food chain preservation is the basic necessity of human life. First and foremost reason to conserve the threaten species is that without having a single specie in ecosystem, a food chain would break and it will eventually effects the humainty in longer run. As every living organism depends on other kind of organisms from wild to human life. That is the main reason to preserve the extincting breed for the well being of future generations. Take an example of China, where in 1990 a regulation passed to build a scientific lab or farm houses to control the extinction of Panda and they successfully achieved their target by regulatory framework followed by common person too. People worked as a volunteer for to control this pressing issue. Thus, it is important to pay attention to species of every kind that are at risk of danger.
Secondly, human development projects mainly focused on the advancement of medicines and it's usage. DIfferent kinds of animals mostly used in these experiments that are essential element of their research and its impossible to carry out these activities without considering the importance of species. For instance, mices are used in worldwide laborateries to test different kind of vaccines and their side effects. If these mouses get extinct, we can imagine the effect of it on future developments. Thus, man should consider the importance of projects related to preservation of species alongside their projects that purposely fostered for human well being.
In my opinion, conservation of species and human development projects go hand in hand, without compromising the vital factors of each.
In conclusion, some people believe that we should pay more attention to species that are at risk of extinction as compared to those projects that prepared for the purpose of human progress only. But I would believe that according to ecosystem, we should pay keen observation to both views by taking in account their importance.
Food chain preservation is the basic necessity of human life. First and foremost reason to conserve the threaten species is that without having a single specie in ecosystem, a food chain would break and it will eventually effects the humainty in longer run. As every living organism depends on other kind of organisms from wild to human life. That is the main reason to preserve the extincting breed for the well being of future generations. Take an example of China, where in 1990 a regulation passed to build a scientific lab or farm houses to control the extinction of Panda and they successfully achieved their target by regulatory framework followed by common person too. People worked as a volunteer for to control this pressing issue. Thus, it is important to pay attention to species of every kind that are at risk of danger.
Secondly, human development projects mainly focused on the advancement of medicines and it's usage. DIfferent kinds of animals mostly used in these experiments that are essential element of their research and its impossible to carry out these activities without considering the importance of species. For instance, mices are used in worldwide laborateries to test different kind of vaccines and their side effects. If these mouses get extinct, we can imagine the effect of it on future developments. Thus, man should consider the importance of projects related to preservation of species alongside their projects that purposely fostered for human well being.
In my opinion, conservation of species and human development projects go hand in hand, without compromising the vital factors of each.
In conclusion, some people believe that we should pay more attention to species that are at risk of extinction as compared to those projects that prepared for the purpose of human progress only. But I would believe that according to ecosystem, we should pay keen observation to both views by taking in account their importance.
Submitted on June 26, 2024 at 5:28 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing both the importance of conserving endangered species and the significance of human development projects. You provide clear examples to support your arguments, such as the conservation efforts for pandas in China, which strengthens your essay. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, your introduction could be more engaging by directly stating the significance of the debate. Secondly, your essay would benefit from a more detailed analysis of how human development projects can be designed to minimize their impact on endangered species. Additionally, paying attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure would enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Overall, you demonstrate a good understanding of the topic, but refining your argumentation and writing style could improve your score. Your essay currently aligns with a Band 6.5, with potential to reach higher bands with further refinement.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a structured approach to discussing both the importance of conserving endangered species and the role of human development projects. Strengths include clear topic sentences and the logical flow of ideas. However, the essay could improve in coherence and cohesion by better integrating these viewpoints through comparison, contrast, or discussing potential compromises. Additionally, linking phrases could be used more effectively to connect ideas between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother reader experience. Providing specific examples to illustrate how conservation and development can coexist would also strengthen your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, effectively discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points. Overall, your organization is coherent, which aids in the reader's understanding. I would rate it a 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
First and foremost reason to conserve the threaten species is that without having a single specie in ecosystem, a food chain would break and it will eventually effects the humainty in longer run.
This sentence effectively introduces a key argument in support of species conservation, highlighting the long-term implications for humanity.
Bad Sentence(s)
It is argued by masses that we should provide more importance to take care of extinction species as compared to projects that designed solely for the purpose of human progress.
Corrected Sentence:
Many argue that conserving endangered species should be prioritized over human development projects.
Many argue that conserving endangered species should be prioritized over human development projects.
Revise for clarity and conciseness, avoiding passive voice.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that develop the idea and use transitional phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more explicit topic sentences to better guide the reader. Overall, I would rate the paragraphing a 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
Take an example of China, where in 1990 a regulation passed to build a scientific lab or farm houses to control the extinction of Panda and they successfully achieved their target by regulatory framework followed by common person too.
This sentence effectively provides a concrete example that supports the argument, making the paragraph's point clearer and more persuasive.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus and coherence by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the paragraph's main idea. Ensure all sentences within the paragraph directly support this main idea. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect paragraphs to each other.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs together. However, there's room for more varied and sophisticated use of these devices to enhance coherence further. I would rate it a 6.5.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that not only show sequence or addition but also contrast, cause and effect, and emphasis. This will make your essay more nuanced and easier to follow.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion points effectively, indicating a clear direction for each paragraph.
Good Sentence(s)
Food chain preservation is the basic necessity of human life.
This sentence effectively introduces the importance of conserving endangered species by linking it to the essential concept of the food chain and its impact on humanity.
Secondly, human development projects mainly focused on the advancement of medicines and its usage.
It clearly shifts the focus to the second view, discussing human development projects, and sets up a discussion on their importance.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument or point. Use active voice and specific language rather than general statements. Ensure each topic sentence links back to the essay question or your thesis statement, helping to maintain a coherent argument throughout.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints by discussing the importance of both conservation and human development projects. However, the integration of these viewpoints into a cohesive argument could be improved by more explicitly comparing and contrasting these perspectives within the body paragraphs.
Bad Sentence(s)
In my opinion, conservation of species and human development projects go hand in hand, without compromising the vital factors of each.
Corrected Sentence:
In my view, it is feasible to balance conservation of species with human development projects by implementing sustainable development practices that consider the preservation of biodiversity as a core component.
In my view, it is feasible to balance conservation of species with human development projects by implementing sustainable development practices that consider the preservation of biodiversity as a core component.
Clarify how these two viewpoints can be integrated in practice, providing specific examples or suggesting compromise solutions.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, explicitly acknowledge the validity of opposing viewpoints before presenting evidence or reasoning that supports your thesis. Use transitional phrases to smoothly navigate between contrasting ideas, and consider dedicating a paragraph to discussing potential compromises or solutions that address concerns from both sides.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of addressing the task, presenting a balanced view, and supporting your arguments with relevant examples. To further improve, focus on deepening your analysis and providing more explicit connections between your examples and the overall argument. Additionally, watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your argument's presentation.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing both views on the importance of conserving endangered species versus human development projects and provided your opinion, aligning with the task requirements.
Good example(s)
Take an example of China, where in 1990 a regulation passed to build a scientific lab or farm houses to control the extinction of Panda and they successfully achieved their target by regulatory framework followed by common person too.
This example effectively illustrates the successful conservation effort and its positive impact.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear, presenting a balanced view that both conservation and human development projects are important and can coexist. However, the development of this position could be strengthened with more detailed analysis and comparison.
Good example(s)
In my opinion, conservation of species and human development projects go hand in hand, without compromising the vital factors of each.
This sentence effectively summarizes your balanced viewpoint.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your arguments well. However, further elaboration on how these examples specifically relate to the broader argument could enhance your essay.
Good example(s)
For instance, mices are used in worldwide laboratories to test different kind of vaccines and their side effects.
This detail supports the argument about the importance of species in medical research.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your opinion and summarizes the essay effectively, but it could be more impactful by emphasizing the potential for balance and mutual benefit more strongly.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with an attempt to use more complex expressions and terminology specific to conservation and development themes. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to achieve a higher band score. Paying attention to the accuracy and context of word usage will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| argued by masses | widely believed | 'Argued by masses' is awkward and unclear; 'widely believed' is more appropriate. |
| extinction species | endangered species | 'Extinction species' is incorrect; 'endangered species' is the correct term. |
| threaten species | threatened species | Grammatical error; it should be 'threatened species'. |
| effects the humainty | affects humanity | Misuse of 'effects'; 'affects' is the correct verb here. Also, 'humainty' is a typo for 'humanity'. |
| extincting breed | species facing extinction | 'Extincting breed' is not correct; 'species facing extinction' is clearer and more accurate. |
| laborateries | laboratories | Spelling mistake. |
| mices | mice | 'Mices' is incorrect; the plural of 'mouse' is 'mice'. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
species 9 times | fauna, creatures, wildlife |
projects 5 times | initiatives, programs, endeavors |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| biodiversity The variety of life in the world or in a particular habitat or ecosystem. | The variety of life in the world or in a particular habitat or ecosystem. |
| sustainable development Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. | Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. |
| ecological balance A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species, and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. | A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species, and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. |
| conservation efforts Actions taken to preserve, protect, or restore natural environments and wildlife. | Actions taken to preserve, protect, or restore natural environments and wildlife. |
| endangered At risk of extinction. | At risk of extinction. |
Out of Context
mouses
Corrected Sentence:
mice
mice
Discussing the importance of animal species in research
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar shows a good understanding of basic structures, but there are areas for improvement. Pay attention to the correct use of terms (e.g., 'endangered species' instead of 'extinction species'), verb forms, and the agreement between subjects and verbs. Also, watch out for typos and minor errors that can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Enhancing your sentence variety further and avoiding awkward phrases will make your essay stronger.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences showed some variety, but there could be more complexity in structure to enhance readability and engagement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
Good example(s)
Take an example of China, where in 1990 a regulation passed to build a scientific lab or farm houses to control the extinction of Panda and they successfully achieved their target by regulatory framework followed by common person too.
This sentence effectively combines information about an action, its purpose, and its outcome, showcasing a good structure that supports your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Food chain preservation is the basic necessity of human life.
This sentence, while informative, is overly simplistic and could be integrated into a more complex structure to provide depth to your argument.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, with a good mix of present and past tenses that align with the context of the examples and arguments presented.
Grammatical Errors
It is argued by masses
Correction:
It is argued by many
It is argued by many
The phrase 'by masses' is awkward and less common in English; 'by many' is more appropriate and clear.
take care of extinction species
Correction:
take care of endangered species
take care of endangered species
The correct term is 'endangered species,' which refers to species at risk of extinction.
without having a single specie
Correction:
without having a single species
without having a single species
'Species' is both the singular and plural form of the word.
effects the humainty
Correction:
affects humanity
affects humanity
The correct verb is 'affect' when discussing influence or impact. Also, 'humainty' is a typo and should be 'humanity.'
DIfferent kinds of animals mostly used
Correction:
Different kinds of animals are mostly used
Different kinds of animals are mostly used
The sentence is missing the verb 'are' for it to be grammatically correct.