Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the increase in consumerism, which refers to the consumption of goods and services in large quantities, has led to a culture of overconsumption. This trend has significant environmental and social impacts. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, Individuals tend to consume a large number of products compared to the past. Overconsumption presents a mix of advantages and disadvantages for the environment and society. In my opinion, consumerism's potential drawbacks outweigh its positive impacts.
On the one hand, with rising shopping for goods, demand for a wide range of products will increase. As a result, the need for day-to-day goods leads to expand retail sectors and generates more job opportunities. Additionally, the growing tendency to overshop may lead to a competitive environment between businesses to implement innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a large number of people, increasing companies’ interest. For example, companies can offer a gift card to make it more appealing or provide individuals with high-quality products to encourage them to opt for their goods.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negative impacts on the environment. For instance, producing products has resulted in creating noise and contaminating the air. Additionally, the lack of water resources is another adverse aspect of consumerism. Companies consume considerable water stocks in production processes. Furthermore, industries utilize natural resources such as fossil fuels. Consequently, it not only results in the degradation of natural resources but also may lead to water pollution and soil erosion, leading to a low quality of life.
In conclusion, it is evident that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and the public. However, the negative impacts of consumerism cannot be denied. Because it degrades the environment and people's lives.
On the one hand, with rising shopping for goods, demand for a wide range of products will increase. As a result, the need for day-to-day goods leads to expand retail sectors and generates more job opportunities. Additionally, the growing tendency to overshop may lead to a competitive environment between businesses to implement innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a large number of people, increasing companies’ interest. For example, companies can offer a gift card to make it more appealing or provide individuals with high-quality products to encourage them to opt for their goods.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negative impacts on the environment. For instance, producing products has resulted in creating noise and contaminating the air. Additionally, the lack of water resources is another adverse aspect of consumerism. Companies consume considerable water stocks in production processes. Furthermore, industries utilize natural resources such as fossil fuels. Consequently, it not only results in the degradation of natural resources but also may lead to water pollution and soil erosion, leading to a low quality of life.
In conclusion, it is evident that overconsumption has advantages for both businesses and the public. However, the negative impacts of consumerism cannot be denied. Because it degrades the environment and people's lives.
Submitted on August 3, 2024 at 9:25 AM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism, and concluding with a personal opinion. Your structure is coherent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each side of the argument, and a conclusion. You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument. However, to improve, consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Also, be cautious of generalizations and ensure to back up claims with specific evidence or examples. To enhance your score, work on developing your ideas further and linking them more explicitly to the question. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and aim for precision in your language use. Overall, your essay is well-organized and addresses the topic, but there is room for linguistic improvement and depth in analysis.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
7
Coherence & Cohesion
7 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay is well-structured, presenting a clear introduction, discussion of advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Your ideas flow logically, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic. However, the transition between advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. Overall, your organization is strong, earning a band score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
Overconsumption presents a mix of advantages and disadvantages for the environment and society.
This sentence effectively introduces the main idea of the essay, setting a balanced tone for the discussion.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use more explicit transitional phrases that clearly signal shifts from discussing advantages to disadvantages. Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of each main body paragraph could help reinforce your points and improve flow.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a single main idea as expected in IELTS essays. The use of topic sentences is effective, and the paragraphs are logically ordered. Band score: 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, with rising shopping for goods, demand for a wide range of products will increase.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph discussing the advantages of consumerism, clearly indicating the paragraph's focus.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and ends with a sentence that summarizes or reflects on the paragraph's main idea. This structure reinforces coherence and aids in the reader's understanding.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally good, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in varying your cohesive devices and ensuring they are always used appropriately. Band score: 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
For example, companies can offer a gift card to make it more appealing or provide individuals with high-quality products to encourage them to opt for their goods.
This sentence effectively uses 'For example' to introduce a specific instance, illustrating the point about competitive business strategies.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of expressions to indicate contrast, cause and effect, and addition. Practice using phrases like 'in contrast,' 'as a result,' and 'furthermore' in different contexts to enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating whether the focus will be on advantages or disadvantages of consumerism.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, with rising shopping for goods, demand for a wide range of products will increase.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on the positive impacts of consumerism, specifically relating to economic growth and job creation.
On the other hand, overconsumption has negative impacts on the environment.
This sentence successfully transitions the essay to discuss the negative consequences of consumerism, setting a clear contrast from the previous points.
Suggestions
To further enhance your topic sentences, consider directly mentioning the environmental and social impacts in each. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your readers and strengthen the coherence of your essay.
Counter Points
You have effectively addressed contrasting viewpoints by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism. However, integrating more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Additionally, the growing tendency to overshop may lead to a competitive environment between businesses to implement innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a large number of people, increasing companies’ interest.
Corrected Sentence:
While the tendency to overshop encourages competition and innovation among businesses, it also raises questions about the sustainability of such consumer practices and their long-term effects on society and the environment.
While the tendency to overshop encourages competition and innovation among businesses, it also raises questions about the sustainability of such consumer practices and their long-term effects on society and the environment.
Clarify and directly link this sentence to how it addresses a counterpoint or integrates a contrasting viewpoint more effectively.
Suggestions
To better integrate and address counterarguments, consider presenting each advantage alongside its direct environmental or social consequence. This juxtaposition can make your argument more nuanced and compelling. Additionally, using transitional phrases like 'however,' 'yet,' or 'despite this' can help smooth the transition between contrasting viewpoints.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of addressing the question, providing clear examples, and stating your opinion. To improve, focus on deepening your analysis and providing more specific evidence to back up your claims. Additionally, consider exploring the broader implications of consumerism on society and the environment to provide a more comprehensive view.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consumerism and providing your own opinion. Your argument is clear and directly responds to the question.
Good example(s)
For example, companies can offer a gift card to make it more appealing or provide individuals with high-quality products to encourage them to opt for their goods.
This sentence effectively illustrates how businesses respond to increased consumerism with positive strategies, supporting your argument about the advantages.
Development of Position
Your position is developed with a clear stance that the disadvantages of consumerism outweigh its benefits. However, further elaboration on how these impacts compare could strengthen your argument.
Good example(s)
In my opinion, consumerism's potential drawbacks outweigh its positive impacts.
This sentence clearly states your position, providing a solid foundation for your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant, but you could enhance your essay by including more specific data or studies to support your claims about the environmental and social impacts of consumerism.
Good example(s)
producing products has resulted in creating noise and contaminating the air.
This detail supports the argument about environmental degradation due to overconsumption.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay well but could be strengthened by more explicitly stating the implications of your findings or suggesting solutions.
Good example(s)
However, the negative impacts of consumerism cannot be denied.
This sentence effectively emphasizes the critical stance of your essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of consumerism and its impacts. However, to enhance your lexical resource score, consider varying your sentence structures more and incorporating a wider range of complex vocabulary related to economic and environmental themes.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
overconsumption 4 times | excessive consumption, overspending, buying spree |
products 3 times | goods, items, commodities |
environment 3 times | ecosystem, natural world, surroundings |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sustainable consumption The use of services and related products which respond to basic needs and bring a better quality of life while minimizing the use of natural resources and toxic materials as well as the emissions of waste and pollutants over the lifecycle so as not to jeopardize the needs of future generations. | The use of services and related products which respond to basic needs and bring a better quality of life while minimizing the use of natural resources and toxic materials as well as the emissions of waste and pollutants over the lifecycle so as not to jeopardize the needs of future generations. |
| economic sustainability The ability of an economy to support a defined level of economic production indefinitely. | The ability of an economy to support a defined level of economic production indefinitely. |
| ecological footprint A measure of human demand on the Earth's ecosystems, representing the amount of natural capital used each year. | A measure of human demand on the Earth's ecosystems, representing the amount of natural capital used each year. |
| consumer culture A form of capitalism in which the economy is focused on the selling of consumer goods and the spending of consumer money. | A form of capitalism in which the economy is focused on the selling of consumer goods and the spending of consumer money. |
| resource depletion The consumption of a resource faster than it can be replenished. | The consumption of a resource faster than it can be replenished. |
Grammatical Range
8 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with sentences constructed clearly and effectively to convey your points. There is a good use of complex sentences and appropriate tense usage throughout the essay, which helps in presenting a coherent argument. No significant grammatical errors were detected that would detract from the overall quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences exhibit a good range of complexity and variation, effectively contributing to the clarity and development of your arguments.
Good example(s)
Additionally, the growing tendency to overshop may lead to a competitive environment between businesses to implement innovative systems to maintain current customers and attract a large number of people, increasing companies’ interest.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas and demonstrates complex structure through the use of additional clauses.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and appropriate, aligning well with the discussion of both current trends and ongoing impacts.
Good example(s)
For instance, producing products has resulted in creating noise and contaminating the air.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense to describe actions that have a present relevance.
Grammatical Errors
No Grammatical Errors detected in this essay