Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television.
Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport
themselves.
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
In this modern era, youngers are more indulge with indoors rather than outdoors. Todays young generation, like to watch live sports on television which continuously display one by one, while other thinks that it has drawbacks as they they do not like to play by themselves.
There are several reason that people are watching sports on teleivision rather than playing it physically. Firstly, they have interest to only watch it than by playing. Another thing is that they can not able to play all the games, due to this reason they are like play only favourite one. Moreover, some want to indulge physically but due to physical disabilities they are not able to play some sports like Football or kabbadi, which are generally played by legs.
Furthermore, wathing on television with friend and family can create a different kind of spirit. Apart from this, audiance play a vital role to encouraging the playees.
However , from my negative view side , in some country government not encourage the child to take part in sports. As well as parents give pressure to their child to focus on study rather than sports and they allow them only to watch on T.V. for few time. it suppress the goowth of child.
To encapsule , it is necessery that to atleast participate in one activity and apart from this they can watch on television.
There are several reason that people are watching sports on teleivision rather than playing it physically. Firstly, they have interest to only watch it than by playing. Another thing is that they can not able to play all the games, due to this reason they are like play only favourite one. Moreover, some want to indulge physically but due to physical disabilities they are not able to play some sports like Football or kabbadi, which are generally played by legs.
Furthermore, wathing on television with friend and family can create a different kind of spirit. Apart from this, audiance play a vital role to encouraging the playees.
However , from my negative view side , in some country government not encourage the child to take part in sports. As well as parents give pressure to their child to focus on study rather than sports and they allow them only to watch on T.V. for few time. it suppress the goowth of child.
To encapsule , it is necessery that to atleast participate in one activity and apart from this they can watch on television.
Submitted on July 23, 2024 at 10:50 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic, but there are several areas that require improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance on the issue. It's important to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction. The body paragraphs discuss reasons why people prefer watching sports to participating, which is relevant, but your arguments are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. Additionally, there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that hinder clarity and coherence. Your conclusion attempts to summarize your viewpoint but does so in a vague manner. To improve, focus on clearly stating your opinion, organizing your essay into coherent paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples, and working on your grammar and sentence structure. Aim for clarity and precision in your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay's structure and idea flow are somewhat disorganized, leading to a confusing narrative at times. The transition between ideas is not smooth, and the argument lacks a clear progression. Overall, the logical organization needs improvement. Band: 4.5
Bad Sentence(s)
In this modern era, youngers are more indulge with indoors rather than outdoors.
Corrected Sentence:
In this modern era, young people are more indulged in indoor activities rather than outdoor ones.
In this modern era, young people are more indulged in indoor activities rather than outdoor ones.
Clarify the subject and correct grammatical errors.
Firstly, they have interest to only watch it than by playing.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, they are only interested in watching sports rather than playing them.
Firstly, they are only interested in watching sports rather than playing them.
Improve clarity and correct grammatical mistakes.
Moreover, some want to indulge physically but due to physical disabilities they are not able to play some sports like Football or kabbadi, which are generally played by legs.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, some people wish to participate in sports but are unable to do so due to physical disabilities, especially in sports like football or kabaddi that require leg strength.
Moreover, some people wish to participate in sports but are unable to do so due to physical disabilities, especially in sports like football or kabaddi that require leg strength.
Simplify and correct the sentence structure.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression in future essays, focus on creating a clear thesis statement that guides the essay's direction. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, and ensure each paragraph's content directly supports your overall argument. Transition words and phrases can also help to connect ideas more smoothly.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are not clearly defined or well-structured, making it difficult to distinguish between different points. The ideas seem to blend into one another without clear separation or focus. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Furthermore, wathing on television with friend and family can create a different kind of spirit. Apart from this, audiance play a vital role to encouraging the playees.
Corrected Sentence:
Furthermore, watching sports on television with friends and family can create a unique spirit of camaraderie. Additionally, audiences play a vital role in encouraging the players.
Furthermore, watching sports on television with friends and family can create a unique spirit of camaraderie. Additionally, audiences play a vital role in encouraging the players.
Separate ideas into distinct paragraphs and correct spelling errors.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, start by outlining the main idea of each paragraph before you begin writing. Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single idea, supported by examples or evidence. Use transition sentences to link paragraphs logically, and maintain a clear distinction between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect, which disrupts the flow of your essay. There are missed opportunities to link ideas effectively. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
However , from my negative view side , in some country government not encourage the child to take part in sports.
Corrected Sentence:
However, from a critical perspective, in some countries, governments do not encourage children to participate in sports.
However, from a critical perspective, in some countries, governments do not encourage children to participate in sports.
Use cohesive devices to better connect ideas and correct grammatical errors.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, familiarize yourself with a variety of linking words and phrases, such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' 'on the other hand,' and 'as a result.' Practice using these in sentences to ensure you understand their meanings and how they can connect ideas. Also, read well-written essays to see examples of effective use of cohesive devices.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need to be clearer to effectively introduce the main idea of each paragraph. They should directly address the essay question and clearly state your argument or point of discussion.
Bad Sentence(s)
In this modern era, youngers are more indulge with indoors rather than outdoors.
Corrected Sentence:
The widespread coverage of sports on television has led to a decrease in outdoor physical activity among the youth.
The widespread coverage of sports on television has led to a decrease in outdoor physical activity among the youth.
Clarify the sentence to directly address how television impacts young people's participation in sports.
Furthermore, wathing on television with friend and family can create a different kind of spirit.
Corrected Sentence:
Watching sports on television with friends and family, while enjoyable, may inadvertently reduce the motivation for young people to engage in physical sports themselves.
Watching sports on television with friends and family, while enjoyable, may inadvertently reduce the motivation for young people to engage in physical sports themselves.
Rewrite to make a clear connection to the essay's topic and argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly addressing the topic or question. Make sure each topic sentence clearly states the main idea of the paragraph and how it relates to your argument or discussion. Avoid vague statements and ensure the relevance to the essay's overall thesis is evident.
Counter Points
You attempted to handle contrasting viewpoints, but the integration and development of these viewpoints need improvement for a balanced discussion. Presenting both sides of the argument more clearly would strengthen your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
However , from my negative view side , in some country government not encourage the child to take part in sports.
Corrected Sentence:
However, it is argued that in some countries, governmental and parental emphasis on academics over sports discourages children from participating in physical activities.
However, it is argued that in some countries, governmental and parental emphasis on academics over sports discourages children from participating in physical activities.
Clarify and directly integrate the counterpoint to present a balanced view.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, clearly state the opposing viewpoint and then provide evidence or reasoning to explain why your viewpoint is stronger or more valid. Make sure to directly refute the counterargument by showing the limitations or flaws in its reasoning.
Task Achievement
4 Bands
Overall, your essay needs significant improvement in directly addressing the task, developing a clear position, and providing relevant examples and support. Your writing would benefit from clearer organization and more focused arguments. Pay attention to grammar and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You partially addressed the question, but your response lacked depth in discussing both views comprehensively and providing a clear personal opinion.
Bad Example(s)
In this modern era, youngers are more indulge with indoors rather than outdoors.
This sentence is too general and does not directly address the question.
Development of Position
Your argument's development was weak, lacking clear structure and coherence in presenting and supporting your views.
Bad Example(s)
Firstly, they have interest to only watch it than by playing.
This sentence fails to effectively develop or support your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples and supporting details were not entirely relevant or convincing. More specific examples and clearer explanations are needed to strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Moreover, some want to indulge physically but due to physical disabilities they are not able to play some sports like Football or kabbadi, which are generally played by legs.
This detail is too specific and does not broadly address the issue of television discouraging sport participation.
Conclusion
Your conclusion was too brief and did not effectively summarize your argument or restate your opinion.
Bad Example(s)
To encapsule , it is necessery that to atleast participate in one activity and apart from this they can watch on television.
This conclusion is vague and does not effectively encapsulate your argument or stance.
Lexical Resources
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary suitable for the task, though it suffers from inaccuracies and limited lexical variety. To enhance your score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoid repetition. Paying attention to the correct form of words and their appropriate context will also improve the clarity and precision of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| youngers | young people | 'Youngers' is not a correct term; 'young people' is the appropriate phrase. |
| teleivision | television | Spelling mistake. |
| wathing | watching | Spelling mistake. |
| audiance | audience | Spelling mistake. |
| playees | players | Incorrect term; 'players' is the correct word. |
| goowth | growth | Spelling mistake. |
| encapsule | encapsulate | Incorrect form of the word. |
| necessery | necessary | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
watch 5 times | view, observe, follow |
play 7 times | participate in, engage in, take part in |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity. | A way of life that involves little physical activity. |
| foster Encourage the development of something. | Encourage the development of something. |
| deter Discourage (someone) from doing something. | Discourage (someone) from doing something. |
| physical prowess Skill or expertise in physical activity. | Skill or expertise in physical activity. |
| catalyst Something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected. | Something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected. |
Out of Context
indulge with indoors
Corrected Sentence:
engaged in indoor activities
engaged in indoor activities
Discussing the impact of watching sports on participation.
like play only favourite one
Corrected Sentence:
prefer playing only their favourite ones
prefer playing only their favourite ones
Explaining reasons for watching sports.
Grammatical Range
4 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of grammatical rules, including issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and proper word choice. Additionally, spelling errors and awkward phrasing detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Focusing on these areas for improvement could significantly enhance the readability and coherence of your essays.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences lacked variety and complexity, often repeating similar structures and failing to use complex or compound sentences effectively. This made your essay somewhat monotonous and less engaging.
Bad Example(s)
Todays young generation, like to watch live sports on television which continuously display one by one, while other thinks that it has drawbacks as they they do not like to play by themselves.
This sentence is overly long and confusing, with issues in clarity and punctuation. It tries to convey too many ideas at once without proper structure.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses was inconsistent, leading to confusion about when events are happening. You often switched between present and past tense without a clear reason, which can distract the reader from your main points.
Bad Example(s)
they have interest to only watch it than by playing.
This sentence incorrectly mixes present tense ('have') with a gerund ('playing'), when it should maintain a consistent tense to clearly convey the action.
Grammatical Errors
youngers are more indulge with indoors
Correction:
youngsters are more indulged in indoor activities
youngsters are more indulged in indoor activities
Incorrect use of 'youngers' and 'indulge'. 'Youngsters' is the correct term, and 'indulged in' is the correct phrase.
teleivision
Correction:
television
television
Spelling mistake.
they can not able to play
Correction:
they are not able to play
they are not able to play
Incorrect modal verb usage. 'Can not able to' is redundant and incorrect; 'are not able to' is correct.
wathing on television
Correction:
watching on television
watching on television
Spelling mistake.
audiance play a vital role
Correction:
audience plays a vital role
audience plays a vital role
Spelling mistake and subject-verb agreement error. 'Audience' is singular and requires the verb 'plays'.
from my negative view side
Correction:
from my perspective
from my perspective
Awkward phrasing. 'From my perspective' is clearer and more idiomatic.
it suppress the goowth of child.
Correction:
it suppresses the growth of the child.
it suppresses the growth of the child.
Spelling mistake ('goowth' should be 'growth') and subject-verb agreement error ('suppress' should be 'suppresses').
to encapsule
Correction:
to encapsulate
to encapsulate
Spelling mistake. 'Encapsule' is not a word; 'encapsulate' is correct.