Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that the only purpose of working is to earn money. Others argue that work is about more than just financial gain and includes personal satisfaction and development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The world has become increadibly fast-paced and materialistic. This has led to some people thinking that the only motivation behind a career is to make more and more money, while others believe that the purpose of working goes beyond that; towards achieving personal satisfaction. This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal. Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurius lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loves ones. Along with that, the world has not just gotten fiercely competitive out there, but consumerism is also on the rise, which leaves an individial no choice but to make it all about the money, otherwise, he fears of getting left behind in the rat race. These reasons explain why some people concieve work only as a means to get richer.
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries. Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem. Without the sense of achievement, derived from a career, an individual can lose self-confidence by sitting idle at home. Futhermore, a job keeps a person active, physically and mentally. Therefore, ambitions and careers are bigger than money.
To sum up, To survive in today's world, it is important to stuggle towards being financially stronger, however, it is also crucial to keep in mind that our work is our sense of self and achievement, it makes us who we are. Therfore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal. Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurius lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loves ones. Along with that, the world has not just gotten fiercely competitive out there, but consumerism is also on the rise, which leaves an individial no choice but to make it all about the money, otherwise, he fears of getting left behind in the rat race. These reasons explain why some people concieve work only as a means to get richer.
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries. Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem. Without the sense of achievement, derived from a career, an individual can lose self-confidence by sitting idle at home. Futhermore, a job keeps a person active, physically and mentally. Therefore, ambitions and careers are bigger than money.
To sum up, To survive in today's world, it is important to stuggle towards being financially stronger, however, it is also crucial to keep in mind that our work is our sense of self and achievement, it makes us who we are. Therfore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
Submitted on July 28, 2024 at 8:09 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a balanced view on whether work is solely for earning money or encompasses personal satisfaction and development. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a concise conclusion summarizing your stance. However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar ('increadibly' should be 'incredibly', 'luxurius' should be 'luxurious', 'individial' should be 'individual', 'concieve' should be 'conceive', 'futhermore' should be 'furthermore', 'stuggle' should be 'struggle', 'therfore' should be 'therefore'). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism and readability of your essay. Additionally, while your arguments are valid, incorporating specific examples or evidence could strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive. Lastly, aim for more variety in sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the flow and interest of your writing. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with room for refinement in execution. Band score: 6.5.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. The logical flow from paragraph to paragraph is smooth, with effective use of transitional phrases such as 'Although' and 'Therefore' guiding the reader through your argument. However, to further improve, ensure each paragraph elaborates on its main point without introducing unrelated ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structure within paragraphs can enhance readability and engagement. Finally, a more explicit concluding sentence in each paragraph could strengthen the overall cohesion.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, effectively balancing both sides of the argument before concluding. The introduction sets up the discussion well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance. Overall, the logical organization is strong. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem.
This sentence effectively encapsulates the thesis of the essay, presenting a clear and concise argument that work serves a greater purpose beyond financial gain.
Suggestions
To further enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Using transitional phrases between paragraphs can also help in reinforcing the flow of your argument.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which aids in maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries.
This sentence effectively transitions from discussing the financial motivations behind work to exploring its deeper, more personal benefits, thereby maintaining the coherence of the paragraph.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, consider using more varied sentence structures and incorporating specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will not only enhance clarity but also make your arguments more persuasive.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to create a smooth flow between sentences and ideas. However, there's room for more varied usage to enhance coherence further. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal.
The use of 'Firstly' effectively signals the beginning of a new argument, guiding the reader through your essay's structure.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that not only indicate sequence (e.g., 'firstly', 'secondly') but also contrast ('however', 'on the other hand') and cause-effect ('therefore', 'as a result'). This will add variety to your writing and help clarify the relationships between your ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating the direction of your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
Although the above-stated arguments are justified, the purpose of a job equates to something much bigger and deeper for a person, working can mean more than just a way to pay bills and buy groceries.
This sentence effectively transitions to discussing the broader significance of work beyond financial gain, setting up the paragraph for a deeper exploration of personal development and satisfaction.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument or point. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey the significance of the point you're about to discuss.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints well by acknowledging the importance of financial gain before elaborating on the broader, more fulfilling aspects of work. This balanced approach strengthens your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, financial gains can be great motives for people wanting to achieve something in their lives, and it is smarter to work towards a goal.
This sentence effectively acknowledges the counterpoint that financial gain is a significant motivator for work, setting the stage for a nuanced discussion.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, consider directly engaging with potential objections to your viewpoint. After presenting a counterargument, immediately follow it with a rebuttal or further analysis that reinforces your main argument, using evidence or examples for support.
Task Achievement
7 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job of addressing the task, presenting a clear argument with a balanced view. To improve, consider adding more specific examples or data to support your points and make your conclusion more powerful. Your essay is coherent and well-structured, which makes your argument persuasive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question directly, presenting a balanced view on the topic. Your essay clearly outlines both perspectives before stating your own, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Good example(s)
This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
It clearly states your position and introduces the essay effectively.
Development of Position
Your argument is coherent and progresses logically. You've made your point clear by contrasting financial motivations with personal development and satisfaction.
Good example(s)
Our careers are not a way of blindly chasing money, rather, they help us develop a sense of self-worth, and to build self-esteem.
This sentence effectively captures the essence of your argument, showing the deeper value of work beyond financial gain.
Supporting Details
Your examples and arguments are relevant, but they could be strengthened with more specific examples or evidence to support your claims.
Good example(s)
Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loved ones.
This detail supports the financial motivation side effectively.
Bad Example(s)
These reasons explain why some people conceive work only as a means to get richer.
This statement is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth in supporting the argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main points well but could be more impactful by summarizing the implications of your argument more strongly.
Good example(s)
Therfore, ambitions and jobs give us much more than financial independence.
It effectively summarizes your position on the broader value of work.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with a clear attempt to use sophisticated expressions to convey your arguments. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to further enhance the lexical quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| incredibly | incredibly | Spelling mistake. |
| luxurius | luxurious | Spelling mistake. |
| individial | individual | Spelling mistake. |
| concieve | conceive | Spelling mistake. |
| Futhermore | Furthermore | Spelling mistake. |
| stuggle | struggle | Spelling mistake. |
| Therfore | Therefore | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
money 5 times | financial gain, earnings, income, financial rewards, compensation |
job 4 times | career, profession, occupation, vocation, position |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| materialistic Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. | Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. |
| personal development The process of improving oneself through such activities as enhancing employment skills, increasing consciousness, and building wealth. | The process of improving oneself through such activities as enhancing employment skills, increasing consciousness, and building wealth. |
| self-worth The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. | The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. |
| consumerism The protection or promotion of the interests of consumers; the preoccupation of society with the acquisition of consumer goods. | The protection or promotion of the interests of consumers; the preoccupation of society with the acquisition of consumer goods. |
| rat race A way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for wealth or power; an exhausting, usually competitive routine. | A way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for wealth or power; an exhausting, usually competitive routine. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, contributing to the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument. However, attention to spelling is necessary, as several errors were noted. Correcting these would enhance the professionalism and readability of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences demonstrate a good variety, incorporating both simple and complex structures effectively. This variety helps to maintain the reader's interest and clearly communicates your ideas.
Good example(s)
Working hard to be more and more financially strong translates to the pursuit of better and luxurious lifestyle, as well as spoiling your loved ones.
This sentence effectively combines complex ideas with clarity, showing a good command of sentence structure.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses throughout the essay is consistent and correct, effectively supporting the clarity and coherence of your argument.
Good example(s)
This essay will discuss why having a job is not just about earning money, but is much more than that.
The future tense is appropriately used here to outline the structure and purpose of your essay.
Grammatical Errors
The world has become increadibly fast-paced and materialistic.
Correction:
The world has become incredibly fast-paced and materialistic.
The world has become incredibly fast-paced and materialistic.
Spelling mistake: 'increadibly' should be 'incredibly'.
luxurius lifestyle
Correction:
luxurious lifestyle
luxurious lifestyle
Spelling mistake: 'luxurius' should be 'luxurious'.
an individial no choice
Correction:
an individual no choice
an individual no choice
Spelling mistake: 'individial' should be 'individual'.
some people concieve work
Correction:
some people conceive work
some people conceive work
Spelling mistake: 'concieve' should be 'conceive'.
it is important to stuggle towards
Correction:
it is important to struggle towards
it is important to struggle towards
Spelling mistake: 'stuggle' should be 'struggle'.
Therfore, ambitions and jobs
Correction:
Therefore, ambitions and jobs
Therefore, ambitions and jobs
Spelling mistake: 'Therfore' should be 'Therefore'.