Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Comparison/Contrast Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that traditional games are more beneficial for children and adults than modern video games. Compare and contrast these two types of games and give your opinion.
Playing games plays a crucial role in the development of human beings. Some people believe that conventional pastimes are more important for children and adults. However, others believe that modern video games are significant in their lives. I agree with the second group due to some reasons that will be discussed in this essay.
On the one hand, traditional activities are an intergral part of the development of all age of groups. As these games provide players with face-to-face interaction, leading them to meet new poeple and form long-lasting relationships. Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and expressing their thought and feeling accurately. Consequently, both children and adults are encouraged to engage in their community positively and enhance their self-confidence and gratitude. Furthermore, the conventional entertainment represent vibrant culture thus participating in these pastimes, makes players not forget their ancestry and background.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video activities serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding. Individuals can socilalize with their peers from different background through virtual games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familiar with other cultures. Moreover, online video games provide opportunities to play throughout the year regardless of the weather and other conditions, as they do not need to leave their homes.
In conclusion, in my opinion, although traditional activities are valuable, virtual video entertainment are more appealing and influence people's lives. Because these games are more accessible and comfortable. They also offer opportunities to become familiar with various cultures and connect with others remotely.
On the one hand, traditional activities are an intergral part of the development of all age of groups. As these games provide players with face-to-face interaction, leading them to meet new poeple and form long-lasting relationships. Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and expressing their thought and feeling accurately. Consequently, both children and adults are encouraged to engage in their community positively and enhance their self-confidence and gratitude. Furthermore, the conventional entertainment represent vibrant culture thus participating in these pastimes, makes players not forget their ancestry and background.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video activities serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding. Individuals can socilalize with their peers from different background through virtual games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familiar with other cultures. Moreover, online video games provide opportunities to play throughout the year regardless of the weather and other conditions, as they do not need to leave their homes.
In conclusion, in my opinion, although traditional activities are valuable, virtual video entertainment are more appealing and influence people's lives. Because these games are more accessible and comfortable. They also offer opportunities to become familiar with various cultures and connect with others remotely.
Submitted on August 6, 2024 at 12:13 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the task, comparing and contrasting traditional games with modern video games and providing a clear opinion. Your introduction sets a good foundation for discussion, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint. However, there are areas for improvement to elevate your band score. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar ('intergral' should be 'integral', 'poeple' should be 'people', 'socilalize' should be 'socialize', and 'breeding' might not be the most appropriate word choice for development). Enhancing your accuracy in language use is crucial. Secondly, your essay would benefit from more detailed examples to support your claims, which would make your arguments more convincing. Lastly, ensure a balance in the comparison; while you've discussed both sides, diving deeper into how each type of game specifically impacts development could strengthen your essay. Aim for clarity and precision in your arguments to effectively communicate your perspective.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
7 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, effectively comparing and contrasting traditional games and modern video games. Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion succinctly presents your opinion. Overall, the organization is coherent, earning a score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and expressing their thought and feeling accurately.
This sentence effectively highlights the benefits of traditional games in developing interpersonal skills, contributing to the logical flow by contrasting these with the attributes of modern games.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider introducing a brief outline of your main points in your introduction. This will prepare the reader for what to expect and strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the comparison between traditional and modern games. The use of topic sentences is evident, and there is a logical progression from one paragraph to the next. Score: 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, traditional activities are an integral part of the development of all age groups.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on traditional games, clearly signaling the start of a new section of your argument.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph elaborates on the topic sentence without introducing new themes. Use the final sentence of each paragraph to subtly transition to the next point.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes good use of cohesive devices, linking ideas smoothly and helping to guide the reader through your argument. However, there is room for improvement in varying your cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Score: 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
However, others believe that modern video games are significant in their lives.
The use of 'However' effectively contrasts the perspectives on traditional versus modern games, aiding in the clear presentation of differing viewpoints.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider variety of transitions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'Conversely.' This will enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating the focus on comparing traditional games with modern video games and providing a basis for your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
On the one hand, traditional activities are an integral part of the development of all age groups.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on the benefits of traditional games, highlighting their importance in development.
On the other hand, in today's digital age, online platforms including social media and video activities serve as a remarkable aspect of breeding.
It contrasts the previous point by shifting the focus to modern video games, setting up a comparison that enriches the essay.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and include specific keywords that signal the contrast or comparison you will discuss.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints well by dedicating separate paragraphs to traditional games and modern video games, and by providing reasons for your preference towards modern video games.
Good Sentence(s)
Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and expressing their thought and feeling accurately.
This sentence effectively addresses a counterpoint by highlighting a specific benefit of traditional games, which strengthens the essay's argumentative balance.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, consider directly acknowledging potential criticisms of your preferred viewpoint and then refute them with evidence or further reasoning. This approach can make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
6 Bands
Overall, you have a good foundation for your essay. You've addressed the task by comparing traditional games and modern video games and providing your opinion. However, your essay would benefit from deeper analysis, more specific examples, and a stronger development of your arguments. Try to elaborate more on why you favor modern video games, including the benefits and impacts on players' lives compared to traditional games. Additionally, refining your conclusion to make a more memorable impact on the reader could elevate your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by comparing and contrasting traditional games and modern video games, and you provided your opinion as the question asked. However, your argument could be strengthened with more detailed comparisons and specific examples.
Good example(s)
As these games provide players with face-to-face interaction, leading them to meet new people and form long-lasting relationships.
This sentence effectively highlights a key benefit of traditional games, supporting your argument well.
Development of Position
Your position is clear, favoring modern video games, but the development of your argument lacks depth. Including more comparative analysis and examples would make your position stronger.
Bad Example(s)
Because these games are more accessible and comfortable.
This sentence is too vague and does not convincingly support why modern video games are preferred over traditional ones.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but lack specificity and depth. Elaborating on these examples and including more concrete details would enhance your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Individuals can socialize with their peers from different backgrounds through virtual games that may result in boosting their social skills and becoming familiar with other cultures.
While this is a valid point, it lacks specific examples or evidence to be convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion but lacks the impact of a strong closing argument. Reinforcing your stance with a compelling reason or summarizing key points could provide more punch.
Lexical Resources
7 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively communicating comparisons between traditional games and modern video games. However, there are opportunities to refine your word choice and avoid repetition to enhance clarity and precision.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| intergral | integral | Spelling error. |
| poeple | people | Spelling error. |
| socilalize | socialize | Spelling error. |
| breeding | upbringing or development | Incorrect context. 'Breeding' typically refers to the reproduction or cultivation of animals, not human development. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
games 15 times | pastimes, activities, entertainments, pursuits |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| cognitive development The process of growth and change in intellectual/mental abilities such as thinking, reasoning, and understanding. | The process of growth and change in intellectual/mental abilities such as thinking, reasoning, and understanding. |
| cross-cultural Involving or bridging the differences between cultures. | Involving or bridging the differences between cultures. |
| virtual interaction Interaction that occurs in a virtual environment, rather than face-to-face. | Interaction that occurs in a virtual environment, rather than face-to-face. |
| enhance social skills To improve the abilities that facilitate interaction and communication with others. | To improve the abilities that facilitate interaction and communication with others. |
| heritage preservation The act of maintaining and protecting cultural heritage. | The act of maintaining and protecting cultural heritage. |
Out of Context
breeding
Corrected Sentence:
development
development
In the context of discussing the benefits of video games for social interaction and cultural exposure.
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly solid with a few minor errors, primarily misspellings, that slightly detract from the professionalism of your essay. Paying closer attention to spelling and word choice can enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Additionally, watch out for awkward phrasing that can make some sentences difficult to understand.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity to make your writing more engaging.
Good example(s)
Additionally, individuals have opportunities to improve their communication skills such as understanding perspectives of people and expressing their thought and feeling accurately.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to convey multiple ideas smoothly, enhancing the clarity and depth of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
On the one hand, traditional activities are an intergral part of the development of all age of groups.
The phrase 'of all age of groups' disrupts the flow and clarity. Consider revising for smoother structure and clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the standard expectations for academic writing. You maintained a good balance between present simple for general truths and past simple for specific examples where necessary.
Grammatical Errors
intergral
Correction:
integral
integral
Misspelling of 'integral'.
poeple
Correction:
people
people
Misspelling of 'people'.
socilalize
Correction:
socialize
socialize
Misspelling of 'socialize'.
breeding
Correction:
upbringing or development
upbringing or development
'Breeding' is not the appropriate word choice for the context; 'upbringing' or 'development' would be more suitable.