Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:43 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear argument that urban migration contributes to rising crime rates in cities. Your structure is logical, with an introduction, two body paragraphs detailing your reasons, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your argument. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, the assumption that rural migrants are mostly 'illiterate' and 'lack manners' could be seen as overly simplistic and potentially offensive. It's important to present arguments in a balanced manner and avoid stereotypes. Secondly, your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and demonstrate language proficiency. Additionally, providing specific examples or citing studies could strengthen your argument. Lastly, be mindful of spelling ('illiterate' was misspelled as 'illietrate') and ensure accuracy in your writing. Overall, your essay is on the right track but refining your argument and enhancing your language use could improve its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
7 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is logical, starting with the reasons for agreeing with the statement and then explaining the consequences. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more varied examples and evidence. Overall, the logical organization is good, but there's room for improvement in developing the argument further. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea, linking urban migration directly to crime through the issue of unemployment.
Bad Sentence(s)
As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate.
Corrected Sentence:
As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
Clarify and correct the spelling mistake to make the argument more credible.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to include more transitional phrases that connect your ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments and then refuting them can make your argument stronger and more nuanced.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and each serves a distinct purpose within the essay. The structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is well executed. However, some paragraphs could be further improved by refining topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Band: 7.5
Suggestions
For creating more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Then, ensure all subsequent sentences within that paragraph directly support or expand upon that idea. This will help maintain focus and coherence.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link sentences and ideas together. However, there's potential to use a wider range of devices to enhance the flow of your essay further. Band: 6.5
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases that not only show sequence (firstly, secondly) but also contrast (however, on the other hand) and cause and effect (as a result, therefore). This will make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating the direction of your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main argument by linking rural migration with the rise in urban crime, setting a clear path for the subsequent explanation.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
It clearly outlines the paragraph's focus on employment issues as a result of urban migration, preparing the reader for the argument that follows.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph’s main argument. Use active voice and ensure each topic sentence connects back to the essay question, showing how it supports your overall argument.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting your agreement with the statement.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks a section where counterpoints or opposing views are directly addressed.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that urban migration provides economic opportunities that could decrease crime rates, the reality is that the sudden influx of unprepared rural populations into urban areas exacerbates existing social and economic tensions, leading to an increase in crime.
While some may argue that urban migration provides economic opportunities that could decrease crime rates, the reality is that the sudden influx of unprepared rural populations into urban areas exacerbates existing social and economic tensions, leading to an increase in crime.
Consider adding a paragraph that acknowledges potential counterarguments to your position, then refute these points or explain why the benefits outweigh the negatives.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or plausible opposing viewpoints on your topic. Acknowledge these counterpoints early in your essay, then use evidence and reasoning to refute them or demonstrate why your argument is stronger. This approach will make your essay more balanced and persuasive.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job in addressing the task, presenting a coherent argument supported by relevant examples. To improve, consider integrating more varied sentence structures and incorporating evidence or studies to back up your claims. Also, be mindful of generalizations and strive for a more nuanced discussion of the topic.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have clearly addressed the question, presenting a strong agreement with the statement regarding urban migration and its impact on crime rates. Your stance is evident throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence effectively illustrates the direct correlation you're making between urban migration and increased crime rates.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and well-structured. You've successfully developed your position by discussing the lack of education and job opportunities as primary reasons for increased crime rates in urban areas.
Good example(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence expands your argument by connecting urban migration with the scarcity of jobs, which reinforces your position effectively.
Supporting Details
Your examples and explanations are relevant and support your argument well. However, incorporating data or studies could strengthen your points further.
Good example(s)
However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This detail supports your argument by providing a logical explanation for the rise in crime rates, making your argument more convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively but could be strengthened by suggesting possible solutions or implications for the future.
Good example(s)
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
It effectively encapsulates your argument, reinforcing the impact of urban migration on crime rates.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some complex sentence structures that enhance the argument. However, there's room for improvement in terms of accuracy and variety to achieve a higher band score. Paying attention to the correct use of words and phrases, and avoiding repetition, can make your essay more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
Mistake | Correction | Reason |
---|---|---|
illietrate | illiterate | Spelling error. |
ancestrol homes | ancestral homes | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
---|---|
urban migrations 3 times | urban movement, cityward migration |
crimes 5 times | criminal activities, offenses |
Vocabulary Suggestions
Word Phrase | Meaning |
---|---|
exacerbate To make a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling worse. | To make a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling worse. |
disenfranchised Deprived of power; marginalized. | Deprived of power; marginalized. |
socioeconomic Relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors. | Relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors. |
metropolitan Relating to a large city, its surrounding suburbs, and other neighboring communities. | Relating to a large city, its surrounding suburbs, and other neighboring communities. |
livelihood A means of securing the necessities of life. | A means of securing the necessities of life. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with only minor spelling errors ('illietrate' should be 'illiterate', 'ancestrol' should be 'ancestral'). These do not significantly detract from the clarity or professionalism of your writing. However, paying attention to such details can further polish your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your argument.
Good example(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to convey a nuanced point, integrating a subordinate clause smoothly to add depth to the argument.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a present tense to discuss current trends and implications effectively.
Good example(s)
This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense ('has led', 'have risen') to discuss events that started in the past but continue to affect the present.
Grammatical Errors
illietrate
Correction:
illiterate
illiterate
Spelling mistake.
ancestrol homes
Correction:
ancestral homes
ancestral homes
Spelling mistake.