Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Comparison/Contrast Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that fashion is a significant part of expressing one's identity, while others argue that it is merely a superficial aspect of culture. Compare and contrast these views. To what extent do you agree with each perspective?
It is argued ocassionally that fashion is considered as a benchmark to prove one's personality, some others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition. In this esaay I will discuss about both views in detail and defend my stance with the latter notion.
One of the primary reason behind addiction to fashion is that of the substantial influence of internet and social media. Generally youngesters are inclined to move with varied fashion trends. As the world is getting smaller, they have vast array of sources to get access to the world of fashion. Everything is just under a fingertip. For instance, in many of our schools in India,during cultural events students wear modern dress styles of other countries in which they look stylish and fashionable.
Another reason for fashion trend is due to film industries. Some people are tempted to copy cat their favourite film stars' fashion outfits. They seem to look like those super stars when they wear such modern dresses. Even hairstyles of popular movie heroes are mimcked by a lot of younger generation. For example, after releasing a hit movie in my local language recently, I could watch many teenagers follow the hair style and dress code of the super stars in the movie.
I personally believe that these sort of fashion imitations do not express a person's true personality. All those are merely a superficial outlook of varied cultures. I strongly claim that, a human being is genuienly valued and respected only because of his moral values and good personality.
In conclusion, the fashion trend will not be considered as a measurement for identity expression,rather character traits should be considered to evaluate a person and his culture.
One of the primary reason behind addiction to fashion is that of the substantial influence of internet and social media. Generally youngesters are inclined to move with varied fashion trends. As the world is getting smaller, they have vast array of sources to get access to the world of fashion. Everything is just under a fingertip. For instance, in many of our schools in India,during cultural events students wear modern dress styles of other countries in which they look stylish and fashionable.
Another reason for fashion trend is due to film industries. Some people are tempted to copy cat their favourite film stars' fashion outfits. They seem to look like those super stars when they wear such modern dresses. Even hairstyles of popular movie heroes are mimcked by a lot of younger generation. For example, after releasing a hit movie in my local language recently, I could watch many teenagers follow the hair style and dress code of the super stars in the movie.
I personally believe that these sort of fashion imitations do not express a person's true personality. All those are merely a superficial outlook of varied cultures. I strongly claim that, a human being is genuienly valued and respected only because of his moral values and good personality.
In conclusion, the fashion trend will not be considered as a measurement for identity expression,rather character traits should be considered to evaluate a person and his culture.
Submitted on March 17, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay presents a clear structure and addresses both views on the topic. However, there are several areas for improvement.
1. **Task Response (Band 6.5):** You address the task by discussing both perspectives, but your argument is more focused on the view that fashion is superficial. To improve, provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on how fashion can express identity.
2. **Coherence and Cohesion (Band 6.0):** Your essay is generally coherent, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking words to connect your points more effectively. The conclusion could be more aligned with the essay's body by summarizing both perspectives before stating your opinion.
3. **Lexical Resource (Band 6.5):** You use a range of vocabulary, but there are some errors such as 'ocassionally' (occasionally), 'youngesters' (youngsters), and 'mimcked' (mimicked). Work on expanding your vocabulary and ensuring accuracy.
4. **Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Band 6.0):** There are several grammatical errors, such as 'in this esaay' (essay), 'reason behind addiction to fashion is that of' (reason for the addiction to fashion is), and 'these sort of fashion imitations' (these sorts of fashion imitations). Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar accuracy.
Overall, your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, but it would benefit from a more balanced discussion, improved coherence, and greater grammatical accuracy.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved by clearly distinguishing between the two perspectives and providing balanced arguments for each.
Good Sentence(s)
In conclusion, the fashion trend will not be considered as a measurement for identity expression,rather character traits should be considered to evaluate a person and his culture.
This sentence effectively summarizes the writer's stance and provides a clear conclusion to the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
It is argued ocassionally that fashion is considered as a benchmark to prove one's personality, some others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
Corrected Sentence:
It is occasionally argued that fashion is considered a benchmark to prove one's personality. Others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
It is occasionally argued that fashion is considered a benchmark to prove one's personality. Others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
Break this sentence into two separate sentences to improve clarity and coherence.
In this esaay I will discuss about both views in detail and defend my stance with the latter notion.
Corrected Sentence:
In this essay, I will discuss both views in detail and defend my stance that fashion is a superficial aspect of culture.
In this essay, I will discuss both views in detail and defend my stance that fashion is a superficial aspect of culture.
Clarify the sentence by specifying the 'latter notion' and correcting the spelling error.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific point and transitions smoothly to the next. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs are somewhat clear but could benefit from more distinct topic sentences and clearer transitions between ideas.
Good Sentence(s)
One of the primary reason behind addiction to fashion is that of the substantial influence of internet and social media.
This sentence effectively introduces the main idea of the paragraph, setting the stage for further elaboration.
Bad Sentence(s)
Another reason for fashion trend is due to film industries.
Corrected Sentence:
Another reason for the prevalence of fashion trends is the influence of the film industry.
Another reason for the prevalence of fashion trends is the influence of the film industry.
Clarify and expand on this sentence to provide a clearer transition and more context.
Suggestions
Focus on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph explores a single idea thoroughly before moving to the next.
Cohesive Devices
The use of cohesive devices is limited and could be improved to enhance the flow of the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Generally youngesters are inclined to move with varied fashion trends.
Corrected Sentence:
As a result, youngsters are generally inclined to move with varied fashion trends.
As a result, youngsters are generally inclined to move with varied fashion trends.
Use a cohesive device to link this sentence to the previous one.
Suggestions
Incorporate more cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for instance' to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences are somewhat clear but could be more directly aligned with the main argument of each paragraph.
Good Sentence(s)
One of the primary reason behind addiction to fashion is that of the substantial influence of internet and social media.
This sentence clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph about the influence of internet and social media on fashion.
Bad Sentence(s)
Another reason for fashion trend is due to film industries.
Corrected Sentence:
Another significant influence on fashion trends is the film industry.
Another significant influence on fashion trends is the film industry.
Clarify the connection between the film industry and fashion trends.
Suggestions
Ensure each topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph and directly relates to the essay question.
Counter Points
You have addressed contrasting viewpoints, but the integration of these points could be more balanced.
Good Sentence(s)
I personally believe that these sort of fashion imitations do not express a person's true personality.
This sentence effectively presents your personal stance, contrasting the view that fashion is a significant expression of identity.
Bad Sentence(s)
It is argued ocassionally that fashion is considered as a benchmark to prove one's personality, some others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
Corrected Sentence:
Some argue that fashion serves as a benchmark for expressing one's personality, while others believe it is merely a superficial aspect of culture.
Some argue that fashion serves as a benchmark for expressing one's personality, while others believe it is merely a superficial aspect of culture.
Separate the two contrasting views for clarity.
Suggestions
To better integrate counterarguments, present each view distinctly and provide evidence or examples for both sides before stating your position.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task by discussing both perspectives and stating your position. However, the essay could be improved by providing a clearer comparison of the two views, more detailed supporting examples, and a stronger conclusion. Additionally, attention to grammar and sentence structure would enhance clarity.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing both perspectives on fashion and expressing your agreement with the view that fashion is superficial. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer comparison and contrast of the two views.
Bad Example(s)
It is argued ocassionally that fashion is considered as a benchmark to prove one's personality, some others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. It should be split into two sentences for better understanding.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear, but it lacks depth. The essay primarily focuses on the superficiality of fashion without sufficiently exploring the opposing viewpoint.
Bad Example(s)
I personally believe that these sort of fashion imitations do not express a person's true personality.
This statement is clear but doesn't fully develop the argument. It would be stronger with more explanation or evidence.
Supporting Details
The examples provided are relevant but could be more detailed. They mainly focus on the influence of media and film without exploring other aspects of fashion as identity expression.
Bad Example(s)
For instance, in many of our schools in India,during cultural events students wear modern dress styles of other countries in which they look stylish and fashionable.
This example lacks depth and doesn't fully explain how this supports the argument about fashion being superficial.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your position but could be stronger by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, the fashion trend will not be considered as a measurement for identity expression,rather character traits should be considered to evaluate a person and his culture.
The conclusion is abrupt and doesn't effectively summarize the discussion or provide a strong closing statement.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors and some phrases that could be improved for clarity and precision. The use of vocabulary related to fashion and culture is appropriate, but there is room for more sophisticated lexical choices.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| ocassionally | occasionally | Spelling error. |
| esaay | essay | Spelling error. |
| youngesters | youngsters | Spelling error. |
| mimcked | mimicked | Spelling error. |
| genuienly | genuinely | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
fashion 5 times | style, trend, attire |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| ephemeral Lasting for a very short time, often used to describe trends. | Lasting for a very short time, often used to describe trends. |
| superficial Existing or occurring at or on the surface, often used to describe something that is not deep or meaningful. | Existing or occurring at or on the surface, often used to describe something that is not deep or meaningful. |
| cultural appropriation The unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc., of one people or society by members of another and typically more dominant people or society. | The unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc., of one people or society by members of another and typically more dominant people or society. |
Out of Context
addiction to fashion
Corrected Sentence:
interest in fashion
interest in fashion
The phrase 'addiction to fashion' is used in the context of discussing the influence of the internet and social media.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your grammar needs attention, particularly with spelling and sentence structure. There were several spelling errors that could be easily corrected with proofreading. Additionally, some sentences were run-ons or lacked clarity. Improving these areas would enhance the overall quality of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentence structures were mostly simple and could benefit from more variety and complexity. There were a few attempts at complex sentences, but overall, more varied structures would enhance the essay.
Bad Example(s)
It is argued ocassionally that fashion is considered as a benchmark to prove one's personality, some others counteract that it is only a superficial concept of culture and tradition.
This sentence is a run-on sentence. It should be split into two separate sentences or connected with a conjunction.
Tense Usage
Your tense usage was mostly consistent, but there were a few instances where it could have been clearer or more appropriate.
Good example(s)
I personally believe that these sort of fashion imitations do not express a person's true personality.
The present tense is correctly used here to express a general belief.
Bad Example(s)
In this esaay I will discuss about both views in detail and defend my stance with the latter notion.
The future tense 'will discuss' is correct, but 'defend my stance with the latter notion' is unclear. It would be better to say 'defend my stance supporting the latter notion.'
Grammatical Errors
ocassionally
Correction:
occasionally
occasionally
Spelling error.
esaay
Correction:
essay
essay
Spelling error.
youngesters
Correction:
youngsters
youngsters
Spelling error.
mimcked
Correction:
mimicked
mimicked
Spelling error.
genuienly
Correction:
genuinely
genuinely
Spelling error.
these sort of fashion imitations
Correction:
these sorts of fashion imitations
these sorts of fashion imitations
The phrase should use 'sorts' to agree in number with 'these.'