Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people argue that governments should invest more in healthcare rather than defense. What is your opinion?
A society comprises of various sectors among which the two main sectors are the healthcare and the defense in which the government invests a lot for their smooth functioning. However there are a lot of arguments on whether the government should invest more in the heatlhcare or the defense, where some believe that the institutional body should fund more of the healthcare sector rather than the defense but according to me both sectors should be funded equally. This essay will demonstrate the points favouring my opinion with the conclusion at last.
Both the heathcare and defense sector plays a major role in the society, having their own significance as they directly or indirectly serve the nation. As a country can't go on working with only one functioning body under it because both of them are needed at their place and nothing can subsitute them. Defense act as protecting union safeguarding the lifes of people and the specific country from the invaders or the terrorists. For the safety or the betterment of the country one must have an army system of it and the government should initiate some programs for the funding of the system, not only the defence works as a pillar of the nation but healthcare is also as important as a defence system like healthcare is needed to save the lifes of the individuals from different types of diseases prevailing worlwide, also healthcare is the one that treat the injured soldiers and so both the system are somehow interlinked to each other and the absence of even one sector in the nation can cause harm to the entire population.
As both the category are essential for the teritorry the authority should establish some majors to fund both the institutions of the region for their own betterment and safety against all parameters like diseases, terrorist, etc. It is in fact the responsibility of the jurisdiction to spread awareness about the essential working of both the divisions so that individuals get to know about the role of both category in forming a peaceful society so that the administration can gain more funds from the society in the form of tax for the investment in these sectors. Such backing help them by providing with all the means to carry out their work, handle the operations efficiently, and allowing them the services that help them balance both tehir personal and proffesional life.For example if the government finance the defense sector their living conditions can be improved which will eventually encourage the soldiers for their work life and the backing help healthcare sector by allowing them with more efficient machines to treat people with atmost care.
At the end of this essay we can conclude that Healthcare and Defense are both an important pillar of the society, without any one of them the region can't function properly. The subsititution of such categories are very difficult or almost nill to find and these institutional body carry out their different activities which initially contribute for the betterment of the scoiety. Therefore it is important for the administration to back up both the zones for their working and benefits for the people serving the nation.
Both the heathcare and defense sector plays a major role in the society, having their own significance as they directly or indirectly serve the nation. As a country can't go on working with only one functioning body under it because both of them are needed at their place and nothing can subsitute them. Defense act as protecting union safeguarding the lifes of people and the specific country from the invaders or the terrorists. For the safety or the betterment of the country one must have an army system of it and the government should initiate some programs for the funding of the system, not only the defence works as a pillar of the nation but healthcare is also as important as a defence system like healthcare is needed to save the lifes of the individuals from different types of diseases prevailing worlwide, also healthcare is the one that treat the injured soldiers and so both the system are somehow interlinked to each other and the absence of even one sector in the nation can cause harm to the entire population.
As both the category are essential for the teritorry the authority should establish some majors to fund both the institutions of the region for their own betterment and safety against all parameters like diseases, terrorist, etc. It is in fact the responsibility of the jurisdiction to spread awareness about the essential working of both the divisions so that individuals get to know about the role of both category in forming a peaceful society so that the administration can gain more funds from the society in the form of tax for the investment in these sectors. Such backing help them by providing with all the means to carry out their work, handle the operations efficiently, and allowing them the services that help them balance both tehir personal and proffesional life.For example if the government finance the defense sector their living conditions can be improved which will eventually encourage the soldiers for their work life and the backing help healthcare sector by allowing them with more efficient machines to treat people with atmost care.
At the end of this essay we can conclude that Healthcare and Defense are both an important pillar of the society, without any one of them the region can't function properly. The subsititution of such categories are very difficult or almost nill to find and these institutional body carry out their different activities which initially contribute for the betterment of the scoiety. Therefore it is important for the administration to back up both the zones for their working and benefits for the people serving the nation.
Submitted on July 14, 2024 at 1:23 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay presents a balanced view on the allocation of government funds between healthcare and defense, which is a commendable approach. You successfully argue that both sectors are crucial for the functioning of a society and that their importance is interlinked, rather than favoring one over the other. However, there are areas for improvement to enhance your essay's effectiveness and coherence. Firstly, attention to spelling and grammar is necessary, as errors can detract from your argument's clarity ('heatlhcare' should be 'healthcare', 'teritorry' should be 'territory', 'majors' should be 'measures', 'tehir' should be 'their'). Secondly, your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, which would make your argument more persuasive. Additionally, the structure of your essay could be improved by more clearly defining paragraphs and ensuring each one focuses on a single main idea. Finally, a more detailed conclusion summarizing your argument and reiterating the importance of balanced funding could strengthen your essay's impact. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your writing and argumentation skills could improve your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
Your essay maintains a general sense of direction and attempts to balance the discussion between healthcare and defense. However, the coherence and cohesion could be improved by more clearly delineating paragraphs with specific topic sentences and by using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, directly addressing counterpoints within their own paragraphs could strengthen the overall coherence. Some repetition of ideas and a lack of specific examples to support claims also detract from the essay's effectiveness.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear stance on the topic, with a logical flow from introduction through to conclusion. However, the development of ideas could be more balanced and in-depth to strengthen the argument.
Good Sentence(s)
As both the category are essential for the teritorry the authority should establish some majors to fund both the institutions of the region for their own betterment and safety against all parameters like diseases, terrorist, etc.
This sentence effectively summarizes your argument, showing the necessity of funding both sectors equally.
Bad Sentence(s)
For the safety or the betterment of the country one must have an army system of it and the government should initiate some programs for the funding of the system, not only the defence works as a pillar of the nation but healthcare is also as important as a defence system like healthcare is needed to save the lifes of the individuals from different types of diseases prevailing worlwide, also healthcare is the one that treat the injured soldiers and so both the system are somehow interlinked to each other and the absence of even one sector in the nation can cause harm to the entire population.
Corrected Sentence:
For the safety and betterment of the country, it is essential to have a robust defense system. The government should initiate programs for funding this system. Not only does defense serve as a pillar of the nation, but healthcare is equally important. Healthcare saves lives by treating various diseases and also cares for injured soldiers. Thus, both systems are interlinked, and the absence of either can harm the entire population.
For the safety and betterment of the country, it is essential to have a robust defense system. The government should initiate programs for funding this system. Not only does defense serve as a pillar of the nation, but healthcare is equally important. Healthcare saves lives by treating various diseases and also cares for injured soldiers. Thus, both systems are interlinked, and the absence of either can harm the entire population.
Break down complex ideas into shorter sentences to improve clarity and coherence.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining the main points you plan to discuss. Use this outline to structure your essay, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Incorporate signposting language to guide the reader through your argument.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and structured around central ideas. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more focused development of ideas.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay occasionally suffers from overly long paragraphs that could be broken down for clarity.
Corrected Sentence:
N/A - General advice provided.
N/A - General advice provided.
Introduce clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea. Break down complex paragraphs into smaller, more digestible ones.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by evidence and examples to support your main idea. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next, with transitions that highlight the relationship between ideas.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for more varied and precise use of these devices to enhance coherence.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that not only show sequence but also contrast, cause and effect, and addition. Practice using these in sentences to see how they can subtly change the meaning and improve the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion well but could be more specific in directing the argument and outlining the essay's structure.
Good Sentence(s)
Both the healthcare and defense sector plays a major role in the society, having their own significance as they directly or indirectly serve the nation.
This sentence effectively introduces the idea that both sectors are crucial, setting a balanced tone for the discussion.
Bad Sentence(s)
However there are a lot of arguments on whether the government should invest more in the healthcare or the defense, where some believe that the institutional body should fund more of the healthcare sector rather than the defense but according to me both sectors should be funded equally.
Corrected Sentence:
There is ongoing debate about whether the government should invest more in healthcare or defense. I believe that both sectors should be funded equally.
There is ongoing debate about whether the government should invest more in healthcare or defense. I believe that both sectors should be funded equally.
Split this complex sentence into two simpler ones for clarity, and directly state your thesis.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of the main idea. Follow this by a brief outline of how you will support this idea in the paragraph. Avoid overly complex sentences.
Counter Points
You have acknowledged the existence of contrasting viewpoints but have not fully explored or refuted them, which weakens the argumentative impact of your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
However there are a lot of arguments on whether the government should invest more in the healthcare or the defense, where some believe that the institutional body should fund more of the healthcare sector rather than the defense but according to me both sectors should be funded equally.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue for increased funding in healthcare over defense, I believe an equitable investment in both sectors is essential for national well-being.
While some argue for increased funding in healthcare over defense, I believe an equitable investment in both sectors is essential for national well-being.
After presenting this viewpoint, directly address and refute counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, explicitly state opposing views and then use evidence or reasoning to explain why your viewpoint is more valid or beneficial. This will make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, your essay presents a balanced view but does not fully align with the task of arguing for more investment in healthcare over defense. Your essay would benefit from a clearer focus on the question, more developed arguments, and specific examples to support your stance. Consider directly addressing the benefits of prioritizing healthcare to more closely meet the task requirements.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by presenting a balanced view that both healthcare and defense are important and should be equally funded. However, the question asked for your opinion on whether more funding should go to healthcare rather than defense. Your argument for equal funding, while valid, slightly diverts from directly answering the question's focus.
Bad Example(s)
However there are a lot of arguments on whether the government should invest more in the healthcare or the defense, where some believe that the institutional body should fund more of the healthcare sector rather than the defense but according to me both sectors should be funded equally.
This sentence misses directly addressing the question by advocating for equal funding instead of choosing one over the other as the question suggests.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but lacks depth. You've stated that both sectors are equally important without delving into why one might deserve more funding than the other, according to the question's focus. Expanding on the implications of prioritizing one over the other could strengthen your position.
Bad Example(s)
As both the category are essential for the teritorry the authority should establish some majors to fund both the institutions of the region for their own betterment and safety against all parameters like diseases, terrorist, etc.
This sentence fails to develop a strong position on prioritizing healthcare over defense, as the question asks.
Supporting Details
Your examples and details tend to generalize the importance of both sectors without providing specific instances or data to support why more funding should go to one sector over the other. Including evidence or a hypothetical scenario demonstrating the impact of increased funding in healthcare could enhance your argument.
Bad Example(s)
For example if the government finance the defense sector their living conditions can be improved which will eventually encourage the soldiers for their work life and the backing help healthcare sector by allowing them with more efficient machines to treat people with atmost care.
This example is vague and does not clearly support the argument for prioritizing funding in healthcare over defense.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance that both sectors are equally important but fails to compellingly conclude why your position addresses the question effectively. A stronger conclusion might have summarized key points that show the potential benefits of prioritizing healthcare funding, even if your ultimate stance is for equal funding.
Bad Example(s)
Therefore it is important for the administration to back up both the zones for their working and benefits for the people serving the nation.
This conclusion does not effectively tie back to the question of whether more funding should go to healthcare rather than defense.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though it could benefit from more varied word choice to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Some spelling and grammatical errors slightly hinder the overall readability and effectiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| heatlhcare | healthcare | Spelling error. |
| heathcare | healthcare | Spelling error. |
| teritorry | territory | Spelling error. |
| majors | measures | Incorrect word choice. |
| subsitution | substitution | Spelling error. |
| scoiety | society | Spelling error. |
| tehir | their | Typographical error. |
| atmost | utmost | Incorrect word choice. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
sector 9 times | field, area, domain |
system 7 times | framework, structure, organization |
government 5 times | administration, authority, regime |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| allocate To distribute resources or duties for a specific purpose. | To distribute resources or duties for a specific purpose. |
| safeguard To protect something from harm or damage. | To protect something from harm or damage. |
| interlinked Connect or relate (things) closely. | Connect or relate (things) closely. |
| infrastructure The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society or enterprise. | The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society or enterprise. |
| paramount More important than anything else; supreme. | More important than anything else; supreme. |
| enhance Intensify, increase, or further improve the quality, value, or extent of. | Intensify, increase, or further improve the quality, value, or extent of. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of grammar, but there are several areas for improvement. Spelling errors and incorrect word choices are present throughout, which detract from the overall quality. Additionally, your sentence structure could be improved by breaking down complex ideas into shorter, more digestible sentences and by avoiding run-on sentences. Paying attention to plural forms and the correct use of words will also enhance your grammatical accuracy. Overall, focusing on these areas will significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variation in structure, but they often lack complexity and can be overly long and convoluted, making them hard to follow. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences could enhance readability and effectiveness.
Good example(s)
Defense act as protecting union safeguarding the lifes of people and the specific country from the invaders or the terrorists.
This sentence, despite its minor errors, attempts to combine multiple elements, showing an effort towards complexity.
Bad Example(s)
As a country can't go on working with only one functioning body under it because both of them are needed at their place and nothing can subsitute them.
This sentence is overly long and could be broken down into two or more sentences for clarity and effectiveness.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, sticking to the present simple to discuss general truths and opinions. However, there are instances where tense consistency is lost, impacting the overall clarity.
Grammatical Errors
heathcare
Correction:
healthcare
healthcare
Spelling mistake.
lifes
Correction:
lives
lives
Incorrect plural form of 'life'.
worlwide
Correction:
worldwide
worldwide
Spelling mistake.
teritorry
Correction:
territory
territory
Spelling mistake.
majors
Correction:
measures
measures
Wrong word choice; 'majors' does not fit the context.
tehir
Correction:
their
their
Typographical error.
atmost
Correction:
utmost
utmost
Incorrect word usage.
scoiety
Correction:
society
society
Spelling mistake.