Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Problem/Solution Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: How does the way individuals dress influence their social identity, and what solutions can be suggested to overcome issues of stereotyping and discrimination based on fashion choices?

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i bleve the way people dress and style themselves influences their lives and their way of thought as such their social identity some might dress like a wannabe black guy without ever being from the hood or ever facing violence in their life but they still portray that image so they might get bulled for that cause so I think they should think hard and long about who they really are and if they really are that person then they should own up to it if not just drop the look. If you are a goth punk metalhead stereotyping is unavoidable as a goth is moody sad and dark or a punk is angry angry at the world angry at the government or angry at their parents and a metalhead is a devil worshiping blood drinker which is true but still a stereotype so for stereotyping I say ignore it or own up to it . Discrimination is unavoidable however you dress not everyone is gonna like you so unless the discrimination gets extreme or violent you should not act otherwise just ignore them ignoring is the best outcome such as no harm no fowl . For some people their way of dress is a part of their lifestyle such as their way of expression I think we should not judge each other depending on their way of dress but more on the person's character do they walk the walk and talk the talk

Submitted on April 7, 2024 at 8:37 AM

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Overall Evaluation

4 Bands

Your essay addresses the question of how dress influences social identity and touches on stereotyping and discrimination. However, there are several areas that need improvement for a higher IELTS band score. Firstly, your essay lacks structure; it would benefit from clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, supported by examples or further explanation. Secondly, your spelling and grammar need attention ('bleve' should be 'believe', 'bulled' should be 'bullied', and watch out for run-on sentences). Thirdly, the tone of your essay is somewhat informal and uses generalizations ('a goth is moody sad and dark', 'a metalhead is a devil worshiping blood drinker') which may not be appropriate for an academic essay. It's important to maintain a formal tone and avoid stereotypes in your discussion. To improve, consider using more academic language, providing evidence or research to support your points, and clearly outlining solutions to the issues of stereotyping and discrimination. Finally, while you suggest ignoring discrimination or stereotypes, it would be beneficial to explore more proactive solutions that address these issues at a societal level. Overall, focusing on these areas could significantly enhance the quality of your essay.

In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

3 Bands

In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow, making it difficult to follow your argument. The ideas seem to be presented in a stream-of-consciousness style rather than a structured argument. Band: 4.0

Bad Sentence(s)

i bleve the way people dress and style themselves influences their lives and their way of thought as such their social identity

Corrected Sentence:
I believe that the way people dress and style themselves significantly influences their social identity and perceptions.

Start with a clear thesis statement to introduce your argument.

so for stereotyping I say ignore it or own up to it

Corrected Sentence:
To address stereotyping, individuals should either confront these perceptions directly or choose to ignore them, depending on the context.

Clarify your argument with specific examples or explanations.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points before writing. Each paragraph should introduce a single idea, supported by examples or explanations, and conclude with a statement that ties back to your overall argument.

Paragraphing

The paragraphing in your essay is unclear, with ideas running into each other without clear separation or structure. Band: 3.5

Bad Sentence(s)

Your entire essay appears as a single paragraph.

Corrected Sentence:
Divide your essay into an introduction, several body paragraphs each discussing a specific point, and a conclusion.

Break your essay into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of your argument.

Suggestions

Focus on creating distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main idea, and the conclusion. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph’s main idea, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that ties the idea back to your overall argument.

Cohesive Devices

Your essay's use of cohesive devices is minimal, making it challenging to understand the connection between ideas. Band: 3.0

Bad Sentence(s)

so I think they should think hard and long about who they really are and if they really are that person then they should own up to it if not just drop the look.

Corrected Sentence:
Therefore, individuals should reflect deeply on their true selves; if their fashion choices align with their identity, they should embrace them. Otherwise, reconsidering these choices might be beneficial.

Use cohesive devices to better connect your ideas.

Suggestions

Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating linking words such as 'Furthermore,' 'However,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result.' These will help to connect your ideas more clearly and make your argument more coherent.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences lack clarity and specificity, making it challenging to understand the main ideas at first glance.

Bad Sentence(s)

i bleve the way people dress and style themselves influences their lives and their way of thought as such their social identity

Corrected Sentence:
The way individuals dress significantly influences their social identity and perceptions by others.

Consider revising for clarity and grammatical accuracy. A more direct and assertive approach could enhance the effectiveness.

If you are a goth punk metalhead stereotyping is unavoidable

Corrected Sentence:
Stereotyping is an unavoidable challenge for individuals identifying as goth, punk, or metalhead.

Clarify and refine the sentence structure to improve readability and impact.

Suggestions

Focus on clarity and specificity in your topic sentences. Start with a clear statement of the main idea, followed by a brief explanation or introduction to the supporting details. Avoid slang and ensure proper grammar to maintain academic tone.

Counter Points

Your essay struggles to effectively address contrasting viewpoints, often making broad generalizations without offering a balanced discussion.

Bad Sentence(s)

Discrimination is unavoidable however you dress not everyone is gonna like you

Corrected Sentence:
While it is true that discrimination can stem from fashion choices, acknowledging diverse perspectives reveals a complex interplay between personal expression and societal acceptance.

Acknowledge contrasting viewpoints more explicitly and provide a more nuanced discussion.

Suggestions

To better integrate counterarguments, first acknowledge the validity of opposing viewpoints. Then, use evidence or reasoning to explain why your perspective adds value or offers a more comprehensive understanding. This approach not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates critical thinking.

Task Achievement

4 Bands

Overall, your essay touches on the topic but lacks depth, structure, and formal language. It's important to avoid stereotypes, focus on clear arguments, and support your points with detailed examples. Improving spelling and grammar will also enhance your essay's clarity and professionalism.

In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

Your essay addresses the topic, but it could be more focused and structured to directly answer the question.

Bad Example(s)

i bleve the way people dress and style themselves influences their lives and their way of thought as such their social identity

This sentence has spelling errors and lacks clarity and formality.

Development of Position

Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks depth and structured development.

Bad Example(s)

so for stereotyping I say ignore it or own up to it

This sentence does not provide a clear or effective argument or solution.

Supporting Details

The examples used are overly general and sometimes reinforce stereotypes without offering insightful analysis or solutions.

Bad Example(s)

a metalhead is a devil worshiping blood drinker which is true but still a stereotype

This detail reinforces stereotypes and lacks sensitivity or a constructive viewpoint.

Conclusion

Your conclusion lacks a strong summarization of your points and does not effectively address the question.

Bad Example(s)

I think we should not judge each other depending on their way of dress but more on the person's character

While the sentiment is positive, this conclusion is too simplistic and does not tie back to the essay's arguments effectively.

Lexical Resources

4.5 Bands

Your essay demonstrates a basic level of lexical resource usage, with a conversational tone that may not be entirely suitable for an academic setting. There's room for improvement in word choice and variety to better meet the IELTS standards for a higher band score.

In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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4.5

Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

Mistake	Correction	Reason
bleve	believe	Spelling error.
wannabe black guy	individuals emulating urban culture	Inappropriate and potentially offensive phrasing.
bulled	bullied	Spelling error.
no harm no fowl	no harm, no foul	Incorrect idiom usage.

Repeated Words

Repeated Words	Alternative Words
angry 3 times	irate, furious, enraged

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase	Meaning
Social identity A person's sense of who they are based on their group membership(s).	A person's sense of who they are based on their group membership(s).
Stereotyping Having an oversimplified, standardized image or idea of a certain type of person or thing.	Having an oversimplified, standardized image or idea of a certain type of person or thing.
Discrimination The unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.	The unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.
Cultural appropriation The adoption of elements of one culture by members of another culture, which can be controversial when members of a dominant culture appropriate from disadvantaged minority cultures.	The adoption of elements of one culture by members of another culture, which can be controversial when members of a dominant culture appropriate from disadvantaged minority cultures.
Self-expression The expression of one's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, especially in writing, art, music, or clothing.	The expression of one's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, especially in writing, art, music, or clothing.

Out of Context

devil worshiping blood drinker

Corrected Sentence:
extreme enthusiast

Describing stereotypes associated with goths, punks, and metalheads.

Grammatical Range

4 Bands

Your essay demonstrates a need for improvement in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. The informal tone and frequent errors detract from the overall quality of your writing. Focusing on sentence structure, avoiding slang and informal phrases, and using proper punctuation will significantly enhance your essay. Additionally, adopting a more formal and respectful tone, especially when discussing sensitive topics, is crucial.

In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your essay lacks variety in sentence structure, primarily using simple sentences with few compound or complex sentences. This makes your essay less engaging and can impact the clarity of your arguments.

Bad Example(s)

i bleve the way people dress and style themselves influences their lives and their way of thought as such their social identity

This sentence is a run-on sentence and lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to understand.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is generally consistent, but the informal tone and occasional errors disrupt the flow and clarity.

Grammatical Errors

i bleve

Correction:
I believe

The first person pronoun 'I' should be capitalized, and 'bleve' is a misspelling of 'believe'.

wannabe black guy

Correction:
individuals aspiring to a certain stereotype

The original phrase is informal and could be considered offensive. It's important to use respectful and neutral language.

no harm no fowl

Correction:
no harm, no foul

The correct expression is 'no harm, no foul', and it needs proper punctuation.