Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods.
The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content. This shift is likely to bring about several potential changes in the way we consume and perceive entertainment.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content. This shift is likely to bring about several potential changes in the way we consume and perceive entertainment.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content. This shift is likely to bring about several potential changes in the way we consume and perceive entertainment.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content. This shift is likely to bring about several potential changes in the way we consume and perceive entertainment.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content. This shift is likely to bring about several potential changes in the way we consume and perceive entertainment.
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry. These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule. This on-demand model of content consumption is likely to become the norm, leading to a decline in traditional broadcasting.
Submitted on March 9, 2024 at 6:05 AM
Overall Evaluation
3 Bands
Your essay does not address the given question about the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods. Instead, it focuses on the transformation of the entertainment industry due to digital platforms. To improve, ensure that your essay directly responds to the question asked, discussing automation's effects on manufacturing jobs and workers. Additionally, your essay contains repetitive paragraphs, which could be a mistake in drafting. Focus on creating a structured argument that clearly outlines the effects of automation, supported by examples and analysis. Consider revising your essay to directly address the question and remove any repetition to enhance clarity and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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3
Coherence & Cohesion
2 Bands
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion in relation to the given question. The repeated paragraphs indicate a lack of development in your argument. To improve, ensure each paragraph introduces a new point that directly relates to the impact of automation on jobs and workers' livelihoods. Additionally, avoid repetition and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks focus on the given question about the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs. Instead, it discusses the transformation in the entertainment industry due to digital platforms. This deviation from the topic results in a low coherence in terms of logical organization.
Bad Sentence(s)
The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content.
Corrected Sentence:
The manufacturing industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of automation on traditional jobs.
The manufacturing industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of automation on traditional jobs.
Refocus your essay to address the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, closely adhere to the essay question. Start with an introduction that directly addresses the topic, followed by body paragraphs that discuss the impact of automation, and conclude with implications for workers' livelihoods.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are not well-structured in relation to the given question. The content is repetitive and does not progress logically through the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry.
Corrected Sentence:
Firstly, the rise of automation technologies in manufacturing has started to significantly alter traditional jobs, leading to both job displacement and creation of new types of employment.
Firstly, the rise of automation technologies in manufacturing has started to significantly alter traditional jobs, leading to both job displacement and creation of new types of employment.
Focus paragraphs on the specific aspects of how automation affects manufacturing jobs and workers.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph discusses a single aspect of the impact of automation on manufacturing jobs. Use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph's main idea and supporting sentences to elaborate on it.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay's use of cohesive devices is not evaluated effectively due to the off-topic nature of the essay. However, the repetition of the introductory sentence indicates a lack of variety in cohesive devices.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transitions and conjunctions that clearly show the relationship between ideas, such as 'consequently', 'as a result', and 'therefore', to better connect the discussion on automation's impact on jobs.
Topic Sentences
Your essay does not directly address the given question about the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods. Instead, it focuses on the transformation of the entertainment industry due to digital platforms.
Bad Sentence(s)
The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content.
Corrected Sentence:
The manufacturing sector is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of automation on traditional jobs.
The manufacturing sector is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of automation on traditional jobs.
Rewrite the topic sentence to directly address the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly addressing the essay question. Ensure that each topic sentence provides a clear argument or point that relates to the main topic.
Counter Points
You did not address contrasting viewpoints in your essay, as the content provided does not relate to the essay question.
Suggestions
To effectively address and integrate counterarguments, first acknowledge the potential benefits or viewpoints that oppose your main argument. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to explain why your perspective still holds stronger.
Task Achievement
2 Bands
Overall, your essay did not address the task of discussing the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods. The focus on the entertainment industry and digital platforms was off-topic. It's crucial to directly address the question asked and develop your argument accordingly.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your essay does not address the given question about the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods. Instead, it focuses on the transformation in the entertainment industry due to digital platforms.
Bad Example(s)
The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content.
This sentence is off-topic as it does not relate to the impact of automation on manufacturing jobs.
Development of Position
You did not develop a position regarding the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs, as the essay content was not relevant to the question.
Bad Example(s)
Firstly, the rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry.
This sentence does not contribute to developing a position on the specified topic of automation and manufacturing jobs.
Supporting Details
The examples and details provided were irrelevant to the question asked, as they pertained to the entertainment industry rather than automation's impact on manufacturing jobs.
Bad Example(s)
These platforms offer a vast array of content that can be accessed anytime, anywhere, unlike traditional television that operates on a fixed schedule.
This detail is irrelevant to discussing the implications of automation on workers' livelihoods in manufacturing.
Conclusion
Your essay lacks a conclusion related to the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs, as it does not address the topic.
Lexical Resources
2 Bands
Your essay does not address the given question about the impact of automation on traditional manufacturing jobs and its implications for workers' livelihoods. Instead, it focuses on the transformation in the entertainment industry due to digital platforms. This misalignment with the topic results in a lack of relevant lexical resources and vocabulary pertaining to the original question.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
entertainment industry 6 times | media sector, entertainment field, show business |
traditional 4 times | conventional, customary, classic |
digital platforms 3 times | online services, streaming services, digital services |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| automation The use or introduction of automatic equipment in a manufacturing or other process or facility. | The use or introduction of automatic equipment in a manufacturing or other process or facility. |
| livelihoods Means of securing the necessities of life. | Means of securing the necessities of life. |
| manufacturing jobs Positions of employment within the industry that involves the production of goods. | Positions of employment within the industry that involves the production of goods. |
| implications The possible effects or consequences of an action or a decision. | The possible effects or consequences of an action or a decision. |
| workforce displacement The process through which employees lose their jobs due to automation, outsourcing, or other economic changes. | The process through which employees lose their jobs due to automation, outsourcing, or other economic changes. |
Out of Context
digital platforms, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, traditional television and film industry
Corrected Sentence:
automation, manufacturing jobs, workers' livelihoods, traditional manufacturing
automation, manufacturing jobs, workers' livelihoods, traditional manufacturing
The essay was expected to discuss automation in manufacturing jobs, but it focused on the entertainment industry and digital platforms.
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is correct in the sentences provided. However, the main issue with your essay is not grammatical but structural, due to the repetitive nature of the content. To improve, focus on diversifying your sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence contributes new information to your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity. Most of your essay is repetitive, focusing on the same idea without introducing new information or varying the sentence structure. This repetition diminishes the effectiveness of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
The entertainment industry is currently undergoing a significant transformation due to the increasing influence of digital platforms and online content.
This sentence was repeated three times without any variation, demonstrating a lack of sentence structure variety and complexity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, maintaining a present tense to discuss current trends. However, the repetitive nature of the content makes it difficult to fully evaluate the range of your tense usage.
Good example(s)
The rise of digital platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu has already started to revolutionize the traditional television and film industry.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense to describe an ongoing action that has implications for the present.
Grammatical Errors
No Grammatical Errors detected in this essay