Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the role of arts and creative subjects in fostering students' self-expression and imagination. How can schools integrate arts education into the curriculum?
In contemporary society, art has become an essential subject for the modern human's psyche. Undoubtly, art play a key role in elevating pupils creativity . Additionally it gives them a space to yelling their artistic madness. In this essay, I shall discuss revolving around how schools ought to provide curricula related to the art education.
There is a straighforward relation between art subjects and students creativity. For instance, by painting they can release their various types of feelings, or students can try different themes such as surreal theme. This is a greate opportunity for them to be abondoned from their mind's limits and boost their imaginations. Nowadays, this is a case that some psychologists in some schools, observe pupils artworks and give them analyses about their subconscious and this has become a new method for helping childeren. Furthemore, students will learn about how to look at problems with new perspectives.
The necessity of the persence of art subjects in the educational system is undeniable. Schools should dedicate a budget for these sections and hire experts art instructors. The should put related classes including; painting, music among others, in the pupils curricula and provide equipments for them such as brush, colors and etc. In my opinion, the government has a duty to subsidise art and creativity sections in the schools if they cannot offer initial investment for lunching art instructions.
Taking everything into account, art is crucial part of students progress .Pupils can improve their creativity in the light of art classes and feel free from their mind restrictions. Besides that they can boost their mental-health status and their imaginations which is profoundly vital for their future. The government and schools are responsibile to provide them these curricula.
There is a straighforward relation between art subjects and students creativity. For instance, by painting they can release their various types of feelings, or students can try different themes such as surreal theme. This is a greate opportunity for them to be abondoned from their mind's limits and boost their imaginations. Nowadays, this is a case that some psychologists in some schools, observe pupils artworks and give them analyses about their subconscious and this has become a new method for helping childeren. Furthemore, students will learn about how to look at problems with new perspectives.
The necessity of the persence of art subjects in the educational system is undeniable. Schools should dedicate a budget for these sections and hire experts art instructors. The should put related classes including; painting, music among others, in the pupils curricula and provide equipments for them such as brush, colors and etc. In my opinion, the government has a duty to subsidise art and creativity sections in the schools if they cannot offer initial investment for lunching art instructions.
Taking everything into account, art is crucial part of students progress .Pupils can improve their creativity in the light of art classes and feel free from their mind restrictions. Besides that they can boost their mental-health status and their imaginations which is profoundly vital for their future. The government and schools are responsibile to provide them these curricula.
Submitted on August 13, 2024 at 8:41 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, highlighting the importance of arts in fostering creativity and imagination among students. Your argument is structured around the benefits of integrating arts into the curriculum and the role of schools and governments in facilitating this. Strengths of your essay include clear examples and a strong conviction in the value of arts education. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar ('Undoubtly' should be 'Undoubtedly', 'greate' should be 'great', 'abondoned' should be 'abandoned', 'childeren' should be 'children', 'persence' should be 'presence', 'lunching' should be 'launching', and 'responsibile' should be 'responsible'). These errors can detract from your credibility and the overall clarity of your message. Additionally, consider diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Including more specific examples or studies could also strengthen your argument. Finally, a conclusion that not only summarizes key points but also reflects on the broader implications or offers a call to action could make your closing more impactful. Overall, your essay is on a good path, with a clear stance on the importance of arts in education. With refinement in language accuracy, structure, and depth of analysis, your essay could achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic with a logical flow of ideas. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. Overall, the structure supports the argument effectively. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
There is a straighforward relation between art subjects and students creativity.
This sentence effectively introduces the core argument about the positive impact of art on creativity.
Bad Sentence(s)
Additionally it gives them a space to yelling their artistic madness.
Corrected Sentence:
Additionally, it provides a space for them to express their artistic creativity.
Additionally, it provides a space for them to express their artistic creativity.
Clarify the meaning and improve the academic tone.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure each subsequent sentence builds on this topic. Also, employ transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, which is good. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to elaborate on points made. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
The necessity of the persence of art subjects in the educational system is undeniable.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main idea, emphasizing the importance of art in education.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea. Use examples and explanations to fully develop your arguments within each paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes use of cohesive devices, but at times, these could be employed more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Furthemore, students will learn about how to look at problems with new perspectives.
The use of 'Furthermore' effectively signals additional information supporting the argument on the educational benefits of art.
Bad Sentence(s)
The should put related classes including; painting, music among others, in the pupils curricula and provide equipments for them such as brush, colors and etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Schools should include related classes, such as painting and music, in the students' curriculum and provide necessary equipment like brushes and colors.
Schools should include related classes, such as painting and music, in the students' curriculum and provide necessary equipment like brushes and colors.
Revise for clarity and correct the grammatical errors.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by varying them more and ensuring they accurately reflect the relationship between ideas. Study the use of linking words that show cause and effect, contrast, and addition to diversify your writing.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion effectively but could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Good Sentence(s)
There is a straighforward relation between art subjects and students creativity.
This sentence effectively introduces the idea that art subjects have a direct impact on students' creativity, setting a clear direction for the argument.
The necessity of the persence of art subjects in the educational system is undeniable.
This sentence strongly asserts the importance of art in education, preparing the reader for arguments supporting the integration of art into curricula.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and specific language. Avoid vague terms like 'key role' or 'crucial part' without explaining why or how. Each topic sentence should offer a new idea or perspective that builds on the previous one to enhance the essay's logical flow.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the integration of arts in education.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences addressing counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that integrating arts into the curriculum diverts resources from core academic subjects, evidence suggests that arts education enhances overall student engagement and learning, including in those core subjects.
While some may argue that integrating arts into the curriculum diverts resources from core academic subjects, evidence suggests that arts education enhances overall student engagement and learning, including in those core subjects.
Consider adding a paragraph that discusses potential criticisms or limitations of integrating arts into the curriculum, then refute these points or propose solutions.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or possible criticisms of your position early in your planning. Include a dedicated paragraph after presenting your main arguments where you acknowledge these counterpoints and offer evidence-based refutations or compromises. This will strengthen your essay by showing you have considered multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job of addressing the question and providing a coherent argument. To improve, focus on directly linking your discussion to the role of arts in fostering self-expression, as well as enhancing your supporting details with more specific examples and evidence. Additionally, refining your conclusion to leave a lasting impression could make your essay more persuasive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing the importance of arts in fostering creativity and imagination among students, and how schools can integrate arts education. However, your essay could be enhanced by directly linking these discussions to self-expression, as mentioned in the question.
Good example(s)
For instance, by painting they can release their various types of feelings, or students can try different themes such as surreal theme.
This sentence effectively illustrates how art enables students to express themselves and explore their creativity.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you've made a strong case for the role of arts in education. However, the development of your position could be strengthened with more varied examples and a deeper exploration of how self-expression through art impacts students' overall development.
Good example(s)
Nowadays, this is a case that some psychologists in some schools, observe pupils artworks and give them analyses about their subconscious and this has become a new method for helping children.
This sentence showcases a practical application of art in education, supporting your position effectively.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but could be more detailed and specific to better support your argument. Including studies or statistics on the impact of arts education could enhance your essay.
Good example(s)
Schools should dedicate a budget for these sections and hire experts art instructors.
This detail supports the argument by offering a tangible solution for integrating arts into the curriculum.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points well but lacks a strong final statement that emphasizes the importance of arts education. A more compelling closing could elevate your conclusion.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of arts in education, showing an understanding of the subject matter. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and avoid repetition. Paying attention to word choice and avoiding informal expressions will contribute to a more academic tone.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| yelling their artistic madness | expressing their artistic passion | 'Yelling' is too informal and does not convey the intended meaning accurately. 'Expressing their artistic passion' is more appropriate and academic. |
| greate | great | Spelling error. |
| abondoned | freed | 'Abondoned' is a misspelling and may not convey the intended meaning. 'Freed' is more accurate in this context. |
| childeren | children | Spelling error. |
| lunching | launching | Incorrect word choice due to spelling error. |
| persence | presence | Spelling error. |
| equipments | equipment | 'Equipment' is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
art 15 times | fine arts, visual arts, creative disciplines |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| foster Encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good). | Encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good). |
| integrate Combine (one thing) with another to form a whole. | Combine (one thing) with another to form a whole. |
| curriculum The subjects comprising a course of study in a school or college. | The subjects comprising a course of study in a school or college. |
| innovation The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. | The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. |
| self-expression The expression of one's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, especially in writing, art, music, or dance. | The expression of one's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, especially in writing, art, music, or dance. |
| imagination The faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. | The faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. |
| creativity The use of imagination or original ideas to create something; inventiveness. | The use of imagination or original ideas to create something; inventiveness. |
| subconscious Of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings. | Of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings. |
| mental health A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. | A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar with minor errors. Focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of plurals, and avoiding spelling mistakes. Enhancing your sentence variety further and ensuring parallel structure in your sentences will make your writing more effective. Additionally, watch out for the correct use of articles and prepositions, as these small details can significantly impact the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a moderate variety in sentence structures, but there's room for improvement. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Good example(s)
For instance, by painting they can release their various types of feelings, or students can try different themes such as surreal theme.
This sentence effectively uses a compound structure to introduce examples, enhancing readability and interest.
Bad Example(s)
Additionally it gives them a space to yelling their artistic madness.
This sentence lacks parallel structure and clarity. A better structure would be, 'Additionally, it provides a space for them to express their artistic madness.'
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the essay's narrative style. However, careful review for tense agreement in complex sentences could improve clarity.
Grammatical Errors
Undoubtly, art play a key role in elevating pupils creativity .
Correction:
Undoubtedly, art plays a key role in elevating pupils' creativity.
Undoubtedly, art plays a key role in elevating pupils' creativity.
Spelling error corrected ('Undoubtly' to 'Undoubtedly'), subject-verb agreement ('play' to 'plays'), and possessive case added ('pupils creativity' to 'pupils' creativity').
This is a greate opportunity for them to be abondoned from their mind's limits and boost their imaginations.
Correction:
This is a great opportunity for them to break free from their mind's limits and boost their imaginations.
This is a great opportunity for them to break free from their mind's limits and boost their imaginations.
Spelling errors corrected ('greate' to 'great', 'abondoned' to 'break free'). 'Be abandoned from' is awkward and incorrect in this context.
The should put related classes including; painting, music among others, in the pupils curricula and provide equipments for them such as brush, colors and etc.
Correction:
They should include related classes such as painting and music among others in the pupils' curriculum and provide equipment for them such as brushes, colors, etc.
They should include related classes such as painting and music among others in the pupils' curriculum and provide equipment for them such as brushes, colors, etc.
Typographical error corrected ('The' to 'They'), plural and singular noun agreement ('curricula' to 'curriculum', 'equipments' to 'equipment'), and removal of unnecessary 'and' before 'etc.'