Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree that increasing urbanization, with more people moving from rural areas to cities, is a beneficial trend for society as a whole?
A large number of people are shifting from rural to urban areas, which is resulting in the rise of urbanization. This essay disagree with this trend because of the increase in population and possible threat to agriculture. Urbanization is an increasing trend, However the ongoing debate is; if its benefical for the society or the other way around.
Provided that this leads to the increase in population and creates n number of problems, I believe it to be disturbing due to the possible impact such as expanding the cities and destroying the nature. Firstly, it leads to deforestation and destruction of water areas which will eventually cause drought. Secondly, the acquiring of the villages will result in pollution and global warming. In times of india, the central unit of climate agency has reported that the ongoing trend of people shifting to the urban areas caused a rise in global warming, not only that they have predicted that if this goes on, there is a high chance of floods and earthquakes in coming years.
Likewise, the other reason is the possible threat to agriculture. Food is our main source and farmers play an important role in vegetation. if people are more attracted to the desk jobs, we might suffer food scarcity. Agriculture requires water, a good acres of land and most importantly an experienced labour. If the residents of rural shift to other places, it creates an imbalance in the society. For example, a farmer needs good support and funding from the government, if they are not satisfied with the state of living. Its mandatory that the residents look for a comfortable leaving else were. Hence creating a balance would require prohibiting the ongoing trend.
Finally, i conclude that moving to a urban city creates a disruptable problem and preventing the rise in urbanization can help the society in maintaining population and increase vegetation.
Provided that this leads to the increase in population and creates n number of problems, I believe it to be disturbing due to the possible impact such as expanding the cities and destroying the nature. Firstly, it leads to deforestation and destruction of water areas which will eventually cause drought. Secondly, the acquiring of the villages will result in pollution and global warming. In times of india, the central unit of climate agency has reported that the ongoing trend of people shifting to the urban areas caused a rise in global warming, not only that they have predicted that if this goes on, there is a high chance of floods and earthquakes in coming years.
Likewise, the other reason is the possible threat to agriculture. Food is our main source and farmers play an important role in vegetation. if people are more attracted to the desk jobs, we might suffer food scarcity. Agriculture requires water, a good acres of land and most importantly an experienced labour. If the residents of rural shift to other places, it creates an imbalance in the society. For example, a farmer needs good support and funding from the government, if they are not satisfied with the state of living. Its mandatory that the residents look for a comfortable leaving else were. Hence creating a balance would require prohibiting the ongoing trend.
Finally, i conclude that moving to a urban city creates a disruptable problem and preventing the rise in urbanization can help the society in maintaining population and increase vegetation.
Submitted on June 11, 2024 at 4:07 AM
Overall Evaluation
5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by clearly stating your disagreement with the trend of increasing urbanization. You've structured your essay into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice. However, there are several areas that could be improved for a higher IELTS score. Firstly, your argument would benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. Secondly, providing specific examples and data would strengthen your claims. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and the correct use of punctuation. Also, consider exploring both sides of the argument, even if you disagree, to show a well-rounded understanding of the issue. Finally, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position clearly. Improving these areas could significantly enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
5.5
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear stance against urbanization, but the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of ideas within the body paragraphs seems somewhat disjointed. Overall, your essay's structure is recognizable but lacks smooth transitions between points. Band: 5.5
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, it leads to deforestation and destruction of water areas which will eventually cause drought.
This sentence effectively introduces a new point with a clear, direct impact, showing a good organization of thought.
Bad Sentence(s)
Urbanization is an increasing trend, However the ongoing debate is; if its benefical for the society or the other way around.
Corrected Sentence:
Urbanization is an increasing trend; however, the ongoing debate is whether it is beneficial for society or not.
Urbanization is an increasing trend; however, the ongoing debate is whether it is beneficial for society or not.
Clarify the sentence structure and improve punctuation for better readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences and conclude each paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the point or connects to the next paragraph.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around distinct ideas, which is good. However, the clarity and depth of explanation within each paragraph could be improved. Some paragraphs seem to introduce ideas without fully exploring or concluding them. Band: 5.5
Bad Sentence(s)
Likewise, the other reason is the possible threat to agriculture.
Corrected Sentence:
Another significant concern is the threat urbanization poses to agriculture, as it reduces the available land for farming and draws labor away from rural areas, potentially leading to food scarcity.
Another significant concern is the threat urbanization poses to agriculture, as it reduces the available land for farming and draws labor away from rural areas, potentially leading to food scarcity.
Expand on this idea within the paragraph to clearly explain how urbanization threatens agriculture, providing more detailed examples or evidence.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs that start with a clear topic sentence, followed by evidence or examples to support your argument, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main point or links to the next idea.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices, such as transitions and conjunctions, is present but could be more varied and effectively used to improve the flow of ideas. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
Provided that this leads to the increase in population and creates n number of problems, I believe it to be disturbing due to the possible impact such as expanding the cities and destroying the nature.
Corrected Sentence:
Given that urbanization leads to population increase and numerous problems, I find it disturbing, particularly because of its impact on expanding cities and destroying nature.
Given that urbanization leads to population increase and numerous problems, I find it disturbing, particularly because of its impact on expanding cities and destroying nature.
Use a clearer and more direct way to connect your ideas.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that clearly show the relationship between ideas, such as 'furthermore' for adding information, 'consequently' for showing results, and 'for instance' for giving examples.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences could be more effective in clearly stating the main idea of each paragraph. They tend to be broad and do not always guide the reader through your argument effectively.
Bad Sentence(s)
Urbanization is an increasing trend, However the ongoing debate is; if its benefical for the society or the other way around.
Corrected Sentence:
This essay argues that urbanization, despite its popularity, poses significant threats to society, including environmental degradation and agricultural disruption.
This essay argues that urbanization, despite its popularity, poses significant threats to society, including environmental degradation and agricultural disruption.
Clarify the main argument and make it more specific to the paragraph's focus.
Provided that this leads to the increase in population and creates n number of problems, I believe it to be disturbing due to the possible impact such as expanding the cities and destroying the nature.
Corrected Sentence:
The surge in urban population exacerbates environmental issues, such as deforestation and water scarcity, undermining the sustainability of city expansion.
The surge in urban population exacerbates environmental issues, such as deforestation and water scarcity, undermining the sustainability of city expansion.
Start with a clear topic sentence that directly states the paragraph's main idea.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start each paragraph with a sentence that clearly states the main point you will discuss. Ensure it is specific and directly related to your thesis statement. Avoid vague language and make sure each topic sentence guides the reader to what they should expect in the paragraph.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively handle contrasting viewpoints. It presents a one-sided argument without acknowledging potential benefits of urbanization or considering how its negative impacts might be mitigated.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge potential benefits of urbanization, such as economic development and improved infrastructure, then provide reasoned arguments why these benefits do not outweigh the negative impacts. This will strengthen your essay by showing you have considered multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
You have addressed the task by presenting a clear position against urbanization, supported by reasons such as environmental concerns and threats to agriculture. However, your essay would benefit from more precise examples, better evidence, and addressing counterarguments to strengthen your case. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity in your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You clearly stated your disagreement with the trend of increasing urbanization, addressing the question directly.
Good example(s)
This essay disagree with this trend because of the increase in population and possible threat to agriculture.
It succinctly presents your main argument against urbanization.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but could be strengthened with more varied evidence and a deeper exploration of the issues.
Good example(s)
Firstly, it leads to deforestation and destruction of water areas which will eventually cause drought.
This sentence effectively introduces a major environmental concern related to urbanization.
Bad Example(s)
In times of india, the central unit of climate agency has reported that the ongoing trend of people shifting to the urban areas caused a rise in global warming, not only that they have predicted that if this goes on, there is a high chance of floods and earthquakes in coming years.
This example is vague and lacks citation for the information, making your argument less credible.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need to be more specific and supported by evidence or data to strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
Its mandatory that the residents look for a comfortable leaving else were.
This sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors, which weakens your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance against urbanization but lacks a strong, compelling closing argument.
Good example(s)
Finally, i conclude that moving to a urban city creates a disruptable problem and preventing the rise in urbanization can help the society in maintaining population and increase vegetation.
It summarizes your main points and restates your position.
Lexical Resources
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, but the lexical resource usage could be enhanced to improve clarity and impact. There are instances of incorrect word usage and opportunities to vary your vocabulary to better express your ideas.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| disagree | disagrees | To maintain subject-verb agreement, 'disagrees' should be used to match the singular subject 'This essay'. |
| n number | a number | 'n number' is not standard; 'a number' is the correct expression. |
| benefical | beneficial | Spelling error. |
| deforestation and destruction of water areas | deforestation and the destruction of aquatic habitats | More precise language improves clarity. |
| comfortable leaving | comfortable living | Incorrect word usage; 'living' is the correct term for the context. |
| disruptable problem | disruptive problem | 'Disruptable' is not the correct term; 'disruptive' better conveys the intended meaning. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
urbanization 5 times | city growth, urban growth, metropolitan expansion |
problem 3 times | issue, challenge, dilemma |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sustainable development Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. | Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. |
| ecological balance A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species, and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. | A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species, and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. |
| urban sprawl The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. | The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. |
| demographic shift A change in the demographics of an area, such as those seen when populations move from rural to urban areas. | A change in the demographics of an area, such as those seen when populations move from rural to urban areas. |
| agricultural sustainability Farming in sustainable ways based on an understanding of ecosystem services, the study of relationships between organisms and their environment. | Farming in sustainable ways based on an understanding of ecosystem services, the study of relationships between organisms and their environment. |
Out of Context
destroying the nature
Corrected Sentence:
destroying nature
destroying nature
Describing the impact of urbanization on natural resources.
In times of india
Corrected Sentence:
In the Times of India
In the Times of India
Discussing the consequences of urbanization on climate.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, typographical errors, and incorrect word usage. Focusing on proofreading and revising your essay could significantly improve your grammar. Additionally, paying attention to the correct use of contractions ('it's' vs. 'its') and ensuring proper capitalization ('I' instead of 'i') are small but impactful ways to enhance your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
Good example(s)
Firstly, it leads to deforestation and destruction of water areas which will eventually cause drought.
This sentence effectively combines cause and effect with a future prediction, showcasing an attempt at a complex structure.
Bad Example(s)
Its mandatory that the residents look for a comfortable leaving else were.
This sentence is confusing due to a lack of clarity and incorrect word usage ('leaving' should be 'living', 'were' should be 'where'), indicating a structural flaw.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is mostly consistent, focusing on present implications of ongoing issues. However, attention to tense agreement in complex sentences could be improved to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Bad Example(s)
if people are more attracted to the desk jobs, we might suffer food scarcity.
The shift from a hypothetical condition ('if people are') to a future consequence ('we might suffer') is slightly awkward. A more consistent use of the conditional tense could improve clarity.
Grammatical Errors
This essay disagree with this trend
Correction:
This essay disagrees with this trend
This essay disagrees with this trend
Subject-verb agreement error; the subject 'essay' is singular, so the verb should be 'disagrees'.
if its benefical for the society
Correction:
if it's beneficial for the society
if it's beneficial for the society
Typographical error ('benefical' should be 'beneficial') and missing apostrophe in 'it's' (contraction for 'it is').
Its mandatory that the residents look for a comfortable leaving else were.
Correction:
It's mandatory that the residents look for comfortable living elsewhere.
It's mandatory that the residents look for comfortable living elsewhere.
Incorrect use of 'Its' (should be 'It's' for 'It is'), 'leaving' (should be 'living'), and 'else were' (should be 'elsewhere').
Finally, i conclude
Correction:
Finally, I conclude
Finally, I conclude
The pronoun 'I' should always be capitalized.