Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In some cultures, individuals are encouraged to marry within their own community or social class. Discuss the impact of this practice on relationships and society.
In some nations in the world it is encouraged to marry and or date in the community or social class.
in parts of the world it is still a tradition to marry and or develop relationships within the community or social standing although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
A 2016 study made by the University of Oxford it has shown that children born of inbreeding and or incest had a drastic genetic difference from children born of nonbreeding the children born of inbreeding were missing one hundred more cells than the normal children who had all of there cells as a result incest and or inbreeding has drastically lowered in the following years although inbreeding still persists in Alabama.
in conclusion although marrying and or dating in the community is a good thing that preserves tradition and helps with social standing there are negative outcomes from it such as breeding and or incest
in parts of the world it is still a tradition to marry and or develop relationships within the community or social standing although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
A 2016 study made by the University of Oxford it has shown that children born of inbreeding and or incest had a drastic genetic difference from children born of nonbreeding the children born of inbreeding were missing one hundred more cells than the normal children who had all of there cells as a result incest and or inbreeding has drastically lowered in the following years although inbreeding still persists in Alabama.
in conclusion although marrying and or dating in the community is a good thing that preserves tradition and helps with social standing there are negative outcomes from it such as breeding and or incest
Submitted on April 8, 2024 at 10:21 AM
Overall Evaluation
4.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing the impacts of marrying within one's own community or social class. However, there are several areas that require improvement for a higher IELTS band score. Firstly, your essay lacks clear structure and coherence. It's important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each serving a distinct purpose. Secondly, the use of examples, such as the 2016 study by the University of Oxford, is good, but ensure you present these examples more clearly and accurately to support your arguments. Thirdly, your essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. Additionally, addressing both sides of the argument more distinctly and providing a more nuanced discussion would strengthen your essay. Lastly, pay attention to punctuation and grammar to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity in your writing. Improving these areas could significantly enhance the quality of your essay and your IELTS writing score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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4.5
Coherence & Cohesion
4 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks a clear structure and idea flow. The arguments are presented in a somewhat haphazard manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow your line of reasoning. Band: 4.0
Bad Sentence(s)
in parts of the world it is still a tradition to marry and or develop relationships within the community or social standing although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
Corrected Sentence:
In parts of the world, it is still a tradition to marry within the community or social standing. Although it is considered an outdated practice, it helps maintain tradition and culture. This, in turn, strengthens the bonds and relationships between families and the community. However, it may lead to inbreeding, resulting in genetic mutations and deformities.
In parts of the world, it is still a tradition to marry within the community or social standing. Although it is considered an outdated practice, it helps maintain tradition and culture. This, in turn, strengthens the bonds and relationships between families and the community. However, it may lead to inbreeding, resulting in genetic mutations and deformities.
Break down the sentence into multiple sentences to improve clarity and coherence.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your essay into clear sections: introduction, body paragraphs (each with a single main idea), and conclusion. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea and concluding sentences to summarize or transition smoothly to the next point.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are not clearly defined, making it challenging to distinguish between different sections and ideas. Band: 3.5
Bad Sentence(s)
Your entire essay appears as a single paragraph.
Corrected Sentence:
Introduction: Present the topic and your thesis statement. Body Paragraph 1: Discuss the positive aspects of marrying within one's community. Body Paragraph 2: Explore the negative consequences, such as genetic issues. Conclusion: Summarize your arguments and state your final opinion.
Introduction: Present the topic and your thesis statement. Body Paragraph 1: Discuss the positive aspects of marrying within one's community. Body Paragraph 2: Explore the negative consequences, such as genetic issues. Conclusion: Summarize your arguments and state your final opinion.
Divide your essay into an introduction, at least two to three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Suggestions
Focus on creating distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding or transitional sentence where appropriate.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is minimal and, when present, often misapplied, leading to a lack of coherence between ideas. Band: 3.0
Bad Sentence(s)
although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
Corrected Sentence:
Although it is considered an outdated practice, it helps maintain tradition and culture. Consequently, this strengthens the bonds and relationships between families and the community. However, it may also lead to inbreeding, resulting in genetic mutations and deformities.
Although it is considered an outdated practice, it helps maintain tradition and culture. Consequently, this strengthens the bonds and relationships between families and the community. However, it may also lead to inbreeding, resulting in genetic mutations and deformities.
Use a variety of cohesive devices correctly to link ideas and sentences.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases to show contrast (however, on the other hand), addition (furthermore, moreover), cause and effect (therefore, as a result), and sequence (firstly, secondly). Practice using these devices in sentences to ensure their correct application.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences need improvement to better introduce and structure the main ideas of each paragraph.
Bad Sentence(s)
In some nations in the world it is encouraged to marry and or date in the community or social class.
Corrected Sentence:
In various cultures, the practice of marrying within one's own community or social class is promoted, reflecting deep-rooted traditions and societal norms.
In various cultures, the practice of marrying within one's own community or social class is promoted, reflecting deep-rooted traditions and societal norms.
Clarify the significance of marrying within one's community or social class and its impact.
A 2016 study made by the University of Oxford it has shown that children born of inbreeding and or incest had a drastic genetic difference from children born of nonbreeding.
Corrected Sentence:
Research by the University of Oxford in 2016 highlights the genetic risks associated with marrying within close communities, underscoring the need for broader societal awareness.
Research by the University of Oxford in 2016 highlights the genetic risks associated with marrying within close communities, underscoring the need for broader societal awareness.
Introduce the study in a way that directly relates to the essay's topic of community or social class marriage.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by stating the main idea directly and clearly. Ensure that each topic sentence introduces the focus of the paragraph and relates back to the essay question. Avoid broad or vague statements; be specific about what the paragraph will discuss.
Counter Points
Your handling of contrasting viewpoints is limited. While you mention potential negatives of in-community marriages, such as genetic risks, the essay lacks a balanced discussion of contrasting viewpoints.
Bad Sentence(s)
in conclusion although marrying and or dating in the community is a good thing that preserves tradition and helps with social standing there are negative outcomes from it such as breeding and or incest
Corrected Sentence:
In conclusion, while marrying within one's community can preserve traditions and social cohesion, it is crucial to consider and address the potential genetic and societal risks associated with this practice.
In conclusion, while marrying within one's community can preserve traditions and social cohesion, it is crucial to consider and address the potential genetic and societal risks associated with this practice.
Rephrase to acknowledge contrasting viewpoints more effectively and provide a balanced conclusion.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, ensure that each paragraph acknowledges a potential counterpoint to the argument being made. Use phrases like 'However,' 'On the other hand,' or 'Conversely' to introduce these viewpoints. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to discuss these counterpoints, which will strengthen your overall argument.
Task Achievement
4 Bands
Overall, your essay touches upon the topic but lacks depth, coherence, and proper structure. The argument is not fully developed, and the essay would benefit from clearer organization, more detailed examples, and thorough analysis. The writing style could be improved by shorter, clearer sentences and correct punctuation. To enhance your score, focus on fully addressing the question, developing your argument with clear reasoning and support, and organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your essay partially addresses the question by discussing the impact of marrying within one's community or social class on relationships and society. However, the argument lacks depth and breadth in exploring both positive and negative impacts comprehensively.
Bad Example(s)
in parts of the world it is still a tradition to marry and or develop relationships within the community or social standing although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
This sentence is overly long, lacks clarity, and punctuation, making it difficult to follow.
Development of Position
Your argument's development is weak. The essay presents a viewpoint but fails to thoroughly analyze or explain the reasoning behind the impacts of the practice on relationships and society.
Bad Example(s)
so the practice has been outdated .
This statement is abrupt and lacks a clear explanation or evidence to support the claim.
Supporting Details
The examples provided, such as the study by the University of Oxford, are relevant but not elaborated upon sufficiently. More details and a variety of examples could strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
although inbreeding still persists in Alabama.
This detail is too specific, lacks context, and could be seen as an unsupported generalization.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong final statement that encapsulates the overall impact of the practice on relationships and society.
Bad Example(s)
in conclusion although marrying and or dating in the community is a good thing that preserves tradition and helps with social standing there are negative outcomes from it such as breeding and or incest
The conclusion is too simplistic and does not effectively summarize the essay's argument or implications.
Lexical Resources
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, but the lexical resource usage needs improvement for clarity and coherence. The essay lacks variety in sentence structure and vocabulary, which could enhance the overall quality and readability. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding repetition would significantly benefit your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| nonbreeding | non-inbreeding | Clarifies the meaning, distinguishing it from 'inbreeding'. |
| breeding | inbreeding | 'Breeding' is too general and does not accurately convey the intended meaning of genetic issues within a closed community. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
inbreeding 4 times | genetic mixing, consanguinity |
community 5 times | society, group, social circle |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Consanguinity The property of being from the same kinship as another person. | The property of being from the same kinship as another person. |
| Genetic diversity The total number of genetic characteristics in the genetic makeup of a species. | The total number of genetic characteristics in the genetic makeup of a species. |
| Social cohesion The willingness of members of a society to cooperate with each other in order to survive and prosper. | The willingness of members of a society to cooperate with each other in order to survive and prosper. |
| Cultural preservation The act of maintaining and preserving the cultural heritage of a group or society. | The act of maintaining and preserving the cultural heritage of a group or society. |
| Socioeconomic status The social standing or class of an individual or group, often measured as a combination of education, income, and occupation. | The social standing or class of an individual or group, often measured as a combination of education, income, and occupation. |
Out of Context
missing one hundred more cells
Corrected Sentence:
having a significant number of genetic differences or anomalies
having a significant number of genetic differences or anomalies
Referring to genetic issues arising from marrying within a close community.
Grammatical Range
4.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fundamental understanding of grammar, but there are significant areas for improvement. The most pressing issues include run-on sentences, lack of proper punctuation, and inconsistent capitalization. These errors make the essay difficult to follow and detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Incorporating varied sentence structures and adhering to grammatical conventions, such as proper use of commas and conjunctions, would greatly enhance your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences lack variety and complexity. Most of your sentences are run-on, missing proper punctuation and conjunctions to connect ideas more clearly. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences could enhance readability and coherence.
Bad Example(s)
in parts of the world it is still a tradition to marry and or develop relationships within the community or social standing although it is an outdated practice it helps maintain tradition and culture as a result it helps build the community and strengthen the bonds and relationships between families and the community although it may lead to inbreeding and or incest as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
This sentence is overly long and combines multiple ideas without proper punctuation or connectors, making it difficult to follow.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, sticking to the present simple to discuss general truths and practices. However, the essay's overall clarity suffers from the lack of sentence variety and proper structure, not specifically from tense misuse.
Grammatical Errors
in some nations in the world it is encouraged to marry and or date in the community or social class.
Correction:
In some nations around the world, it is encouraged to marry and/or date within the community or social class.
In some nations around the world, it is encouraged to marry and/or date within the community or social class.
Capitalization at the beginning of the sentence is missing, and 'and/or' should be used for clarity. A comma is needed for better pacing.
as a result it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed so the practice has been outdated .
Correction:
As a result, it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed, so the practice has become outdated.
As a result, it may lead to their kin being genetically mutated and deformed, so the practice has become outdated.
Capitalization at the beginning of the sentence is missing, and commas are needed for clarity. 'Has been outdated' should be 'has become outdated' for correct verb tense.
A 2016 study made by the University of Oxford it has shown that children born of inbreeding and or incest had a drastic genetic difference from children born of nonbreeding
Correction:
A 2016 study by the University of Oxford has shown that children born of inbreeding and/or incest have a drastic genetic difference from children born of non-inbreeding.
A 2016 study by the University of Oxford has shown that children born of inbreeding and/or incest have a drastic genetic difference from children born of non-inbreeding.
The phrase 'made by' is awkward; 'by' is sufficient. 'And/or' should be used for clarity, and 'nonbreeding' should be 'non-inbreeding' for consistency. Present perfect tense 'has shown' suggests ongoing relevance, so present tense 'have' fits better.