Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Encouraging physical education in schools can contribute to students' overall health. What strategies can schools adopt to promote physical activity, and how might it influence students' well-being?
Physical health is undeniably a crucial part of the over-all fitness of a person. Therefore, physical education should be focused on in schools as much as mental education. This essay will discuss the ways in which educational institutions can play a major part in physical development of students, along with the impacts it can have on them.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recognize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for their higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recognize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for their higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
Submitted on August 8, 2024 at 3:51 PM
Overall Evaluation
7.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, outlining clear strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and its potential impact on students' well-being. Your introduction sets a strong foundation for the discussion, and your conclusion effectively wraps up your argument, reinforcing the importance of physical education. Your examples of weekly physical education classes and sports events are relevant and support your argument well. However, to enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Additionally, providing specific examples or evidence could strengthen your arguments. Overall, your essay is well-organized and addresses the task prompt directly, but refining your language use and incorporating more detailed examples could improve its effectiveness. Your essay would likely score around 7.0, as it meets the criteria for a well-developed response but has room for language and example enhancement.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, effectively outlining the strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and its impact on students' well-being. Your introduction sets a solid foundation for the discussion, and the subsequent paragraphs are well-aligned with the essay's main points. Overall, the flow of ideas is smooth, contributing to an easy-to-follow argument. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence effectively introduces a practical strategy with clear, direct language, making the organization's role in promoting physical health understandable.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression in future essays, consider using more varied transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. Additionally, developing each strategy with specific examples or data could further strengthen the logical flow.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is elaborated with explanations and examples. The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the essay's main points and arguments. Band: 8.0
Good Sentence(s)
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to the impacts of physical well-being, maintaining clarity and focus within the paragraph.
Suggestions
For creating more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader. Subsequent sentences should then elaborate on this idea. Using more explicit linking words at the beginning of paragraphs could also help in signaling shifts in focus or introducing new ideas.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link sentences and ideas smoothly throughout the essay. Devices such as 'To begin with,' 'Another way,' and 'As for' guide the reader through your argument coherently. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils.
This cohesive device effectively introduces the first main point of the essay, clearly signaling the start of a new section of the argument.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of expressions to demonstrate contrast, cause and effect, and addition. This can make your writing even more nuanced and sophisticated. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition to,' 'Consequently,' or 'Despite this,' can add depth to your argumentation.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively introduce the main ideas of each paragraph, guiding the reader through your argument in a structured manner.
Good Sentence(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence clearly outlines a strategy for promoting physical education, making it easy for the reader to understand the paragraph's focus.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
It effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to exploring the impacts of physical education, maintaining a logical flow.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey your argument or perspective.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the thesis statement. Including counterpoints could strengthen your argument by showing a balanced perspective.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments effectively, identify potential objections to your thesis and address them directly in your essay. This can be done by dedicating a paragraph to discuss and refute these counterpoints, or by acknowledging them briefly before presenting evidence that supports your original stance.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you did well in addressing the task, presenting a clear argument with relevant examples. To improve, consider adding more specific evidence or studies to back up your claims. Also, a bit more depth in exploring the implications of physical education on mental health and academic performance could provide a more comprehensive view.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question effectively by discussing strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and its influence on students' well-being.
Good example(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence clearly outlines a practical strategy for promoting physical education.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and well-structured, effectively conveying the importance of physical education alongside academic education.
Good example(s)
A healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
This sentence effectively connects physical well-being with academic performance, strengthening your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples and explanations are relevant and support your argument well. However, incorporating more specific examples or data could strengthen your position further.
Good example(s)
If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recognize their talents, and provide them the options to pursue for their higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
This detail effectively illustrates how physical education can benefit students beyond immediate health improvements.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points but could be enhanced by a stronger call to action or by highlighting the broader implications of your argument.
Good example(s)
By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
This concludes your essay on a positive note, reinforcing the importance of physical education.
Lexical Resources
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary pertinent to the topic, effectively conveying your arguments and ideas. The use of specific terms related to physical education and its benefits enhances the clarity and persuasiveness of your discussion. However, diversifying your vocabulary further could strengthen your essay by avoiding repetition and making your points more vivid.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
physical 8 times | bodily, corporeal, fitness-related |
students 6 times | pupils, learners, participants |
schools 5 times | educational institutions, academies, educational organizations |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| holistic development The overall growth of a person, including physical, mental, emotional, and social aspects. | The overall growth of a person, including physical, mental, emotional, and social aspects. |
| endorse To support, or approve of something, often used in the context of promoting ideas or policies. | To support, or approve of something, often used in the context of promoting ideas or policies. |
| vigor Physical strength, good health, or energy. | Physical strength, good health, or energy. |
| cognitive performance The ability of the brain to think, learn, and remember. | The ability of the brain to think, learn, and remember. |
| extracurricular activities Activities that fall outside the realm of the normal curriculum of school education, often sports or clubs. | Activities that fall outside the realm of the normal curriculum of school education, often sports or clubs. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Your grammar is generally good, with a strong grasp of sentence structure and tense usage. However, there are minor areas for improvement, such as avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring clarity in your sentences. Paying attention to these details will make your writing even more effective.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences, which enhances readability and keeps the reader engaged.
Good example(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to introduce a new idea, showing variation in sentence construction.
Tense Usage
Overall, your use of tenses is consistent and correct, maintaining a clear and coherent narrative throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
This sentence correctly uses the present tense to describe a general truth, illustrating effective tense usage.
Grammatical Errors
physical education should be focused on in schools as much as mental education.
Correction:
physical education should be as much a focus in schools as mental education.
physical education should be as much a focus in schools as mental education.
The original sentence was awkwardly phrased and could be made more direct and clear.
programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
Correction:
programs like these can not only attract students to attend and participate but also encourage them to strive to win.
programs like these can not only attract students to attend and participate but also encourage them to strive to win.
The original sentence structure was slightly awkward and could be streamlined for clarity.
each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports.
Correction:
each of them has his own unique potential, and for some, it might be sports.
each of them has his own unique potential, and for some, it might be sports.
Missing comma for clarity and a slight repetition error.