Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?

Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.

Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.

Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:26 PM

Overall Evaluation

7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear argument that urban migration contributes to rising crime rates in cities. Your structure is coherent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your thesis, and a concise conclusion. However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, the assertion that the rural population is mostly 'illiterate' and lacks 'manners' could be perceived as overly general and potentially offensive. It's important to present arguments in a balanced and sensitive manner. Additionally, while your examples are relevant, incorporating more diverse evidence or studies could strengthen your argument. Pay attention to spelling ('illietrate' should be 'illiterate') and avoid sweeping generalizations. Aim for a more nuanced discussion of the challenges faced by urban migrants and consider including potential solutions to mitigate crime rates. Overall, your essay is on the right track but refining your argument and evidence could enhance its impact. Your current performance aligns with a band score of around 6.5. With refinement in argumentation, evidence presentation, and sensitivity, there is potential to reach higher band scores.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with each paragraph logically flowing into the next. The use of transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Another' helps guide the reader through your arguments. However, to further improve, consider linking back to your thesis more explicitly throughout the essay to reinforce the central argument. Additionally, providing specific examples or data to support your claims could enhance the overall cohesion and persuasiveness of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with a logical flow from introduction through to conclusion. The progression from identifying the issue to providing reasons and concluding remarks is coherent. Your argument is easy to follow, which is essential for the reader's understanding. Overall, the logical organization is strong.

Good Sentence(s)

Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively transitions the discussion from education-related issues to employment challenges, maintaining a logical flow in your argument.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression, consider introducing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea. This will help readers grasp the key points more quickly. Additionally, using more varied transitional phrases can smooth the flow between sections.

Paragraphing

Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all distinct, making your essay easy to navigate.

Good Sentence(s)

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
This sentence effectively concludes your essay, summarizing the argument clearly and reinforcing the essay's structure.

Suggestions

For creating more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea. Use examples or data to support your points where possible. This will add depth to your analysis and help maintain the reader's interest.

Cohesive Devices

Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision to enhance the overall coherence of your essay.

Suggestions

To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' and 'Consequently.' This will not only vary your language but also clarify the relationship between ideas. Practicing with different types of transitions can help you understand which ones best fit different contexts within your essay.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences effectively set up the main points of each paragraph, clearly indicating the direction of your arguments.

Good Sentence(s)

Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main argument by linking rural migration with the rise in urban crime, focusing on the education aspect.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
It clearly transitions to a new, yet related, cause of urban crime, making the structure of your argument easy to follow.

Suggestions

To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph’s main point. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey the argument or analysis you will discuss. Avoid vague or overly broad statements.

Counter Points

Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting your agreement with the statement. Including a paragraph that acknowledges and refutes potential counterarguments could strengthen your essay by showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Bad Sentence(s)

Your essay lacks a sentence that directly addresses counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that urban crime rates are influenced more by factors such as economic inequality or ineffective policing rather than rural migration, the evidence suggests that the influx of uneducated and unemployed individuals from rural areas significantly contributes to the problem.
Consider adding a paragraph or a few sentences that acknowledge potential arguments against your position, then refute them or explain why your argument still holds stronger.

Suggestions

To effectively address and integrate counterarguments, first, acknowledge the existence of differing viewpoints. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to refute these counterpoints or demonstrate why your argument is more compelling. This approach not only strengthens your position but also demonstrates critical thinking and a deep understanding of the topic.

Task Achievement

6.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task well by presenting a clear argument that urban migration contributes to a rise in urban crime rates. Your essay is structured logically, with each paragraph developing your position further. However, to improve, consider incorporating counterarguments to show a more balanced view and using more specific examples or data to back up your claims. Additionally, watch out for minor spelling errors (e.g., 'illietrate' should be 'illiterate') and generalizations about rural populations that could be seen as oversimplified or offensive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

You've directly addressed the question by agreeing with the statement that urban migration contributes to a rise in urban crime rates. Your stance is clear throughout the essay.

Good example(s)

Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades.
This sentence effectively sets the context for your argument.

Development of Position

Your argument is coherent and follows a logical structure, making your point clear. However, it could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments.

Good example(s)

As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
This sentence effectively introduces the rationale behind your argument.

Supporting Details

Your examples are relevant but could be enhanced with more specific data or studies to support your claims. Consider diversifying your examples to cover a broader range of factors.

Good example(s)

However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This detail supports your argument by linking urban migration to unemployment and crime.

Conclusion

Your conclusion reiterates your main points but could be strengthened by summarizing how these points interact to support your overall argument more dynamically.

Good example(s)

To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
This sentence effectively concludes your essay by restating your agreement with the initial statement.

Lexical Resources

6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are areas where word choice could be improved for accuracy and to avoid repetition. Enhancing your lexical resource with more varied expressions and precise terms can contribute to a more compelling argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

MistakeCorrectionReason
illietrate illiterateSpelling error.
ancestrol homes ancestral homesSpelling error.
levelled up crime rates increased crime ratesThe phrase 'levelled up' is more informal and less precise in this context.

Repeated Words

Repeated WordsAlternative Words
urban migrations, crimes 4 times
urbanization, criminal activities

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase
urbanization The process by which towns and cities are formed and become larger as more people begin living and working in central areas.
demographic shift A change in the characteristics of a population over time.
socioeconomic factors Social and economic experiences and realities that influence an individual's or group's perspective and behaviors.
marginalized communities Groups that are excluded from mainstream social, economic, educational, or cultural life.
disenfranchised populations People stripped of power, rights, and access to resources and opportunities.

Grammatical Range

7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite strong, with only minor errors such as misspellings and missing articles. Paying attention to these details will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Your sentence structure is varied and complex, which is excellent for an academic essay. Keep focusing on maintaining this variety and on the accuracy of word choice and spelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences, which enhances readability and coherence.

Good example(s)

However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves.
This sentence effectively uses inversion for emphasis and combines multiple ideas smoothly, showcasing complexity.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is generally consistent and appropriate for an academic essay. You have successfully maintained a balance between present simple for general statements and past simple for historical context.

Good example(s)

Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect to describe a trend that started in the past and continues to the present.

Grammatical Errors

inhabitants are mostly illietrate
Correction:
inhabitants are mostly illiterate
Spelling mistake.
resulting in increasing unemployment rate
Correction:
resulting in an increasing unemployment rate
Missing article 'an' before a singular noun phrase.
rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question
Correction:
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question
Spelling mistake in 'ancestral' and missing article 'the'.