Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illietrate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:45 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear argument that urban migration contributes to rising crime rates in cities. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore different reasons, and a concise conclusion summarizing your stance. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, the spelling of 'illiterate' is incorrect in your essay. Attention to spelling and grammar is crucial for a higher IELTS score. Secondly, while your arguments are clear, they could be strengthened by providing specific examples or citing studies that support your claims. This would add credibility to your arguments. Additionally, be cautious with generalizations about rural populations being 'uneducated' and 'lacking manners,' as these statements could be seen as overly broad or offensive. Instead, focus on the systemic issues that lead to crime, such as lack of access to education and employment opportunities. Finally, consider exploring counterarguments to provide a more balanced view, which could enrich your analysis. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your arguments and supporting them with evidence could enhance its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason why urban migration may lead to increased crime rates. The use of linking words like 'Firstly' and 'Another' helps in maintaining the flow of your argument. However, the coherence could be improved by more effectively integrating examples or data to support your claims, which would also enhance the cohesion between your main points and the overall thesis. Additionally, addressing counterarguments, as mentioned, would not only strengthen your argument but also improve the essay's coherence by showing how your points fit within the broader debate.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, effectively presenting and supporting your argument. The introduction sets up the topic well, and the body paragraphs each address a distinct reason supporting your thesis, leading to a concise conclusion. Overall, your essay demonstrates good logical organization. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea, linking urban migration to unemployment and crime, showing good organization.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader. Additionally, using more varied transitional phrases could help in making the progression of ideas even smoother.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a single main idea. The use of paragraphs to separate different ideas helps in maintaining clarity and aids in the essay's overall readability. Band: 7.5
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, consider developing your ideas further with examples or data where possible. This will not only add depth to your analysis but also make your arguments more persuasive.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision in their use. Band: 7
Good Sentence(s)
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight.
This sentence effectively concludes the essay, summarizing the argument and reinforcing the essay's main points.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of expressions to show contrast, cause and effect, and addition. This will not only make your writing more sophisticated but also help in clearly delineating your arguments.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly stating the main argument that urban migration leads to an increase in crime rates due to specific reasons.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's main argument by linking the rise in crime rates to the migration of uneducated populations from rural to urban areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This topic sentence clearly transitions to a new, yet related, cause of increased crime rates, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Suggestions
To further improve your topic sentences, consider directly addressing potential counterarguments within them. This could make your argument more nuanced and show a deeper understanding of the issue. For example, 'While some may argue that urban migration brings economic growth, it also exacerbates job competition, leading to higher crime rates.'
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, which could strengthen your argument by showing awareness of different perspectives.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences addressing counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may see urban migration as a catalyst for economic development and cultural diversity, the resulting strain on urban resources and job markets often leads to increased crime rates, overshadowing potential benefits.
While some may see urban migration as a catalyst for economic development and cultural diversity, the resulting strain on urban resources and job markets often leads to increased crime rates, overshadowing potential benefits.
Consider including a paragraph that acknowledges and refutes common counterarguments to your thesis. This could involve discussing how some might argue that urban migration has positive effects on cities and then explaining why these benefits do not outweigh the negatives.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or possible objections to your main points, and dedicate at least one paragraph to addressing these. Use evidence or logic to refute these counterpoints, or acknowledge their validity but argue why your thesis still holds stronger. This approach will make your essay more persuasive and balanced.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job of addressing the task, presenting a clear argument, and supporting it with relevant examples. However, be cautious of making sweeping generalizations without evidence. Enhancing your essay with data or references could improve its persuasiveness. Additionally, a more impactful conclusion could further strengthen your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question directly and presented a clear stance agreeing with the statement. Your essay consistently supports this view throughout.
Good example(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence effectively illustrates the direct link you're making between rural-to-urban migration and increased crime rates.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and progresses logically. You've made your point strong by discussing the lack of education and job opportunities as primary causes.
Good example(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence expands your argument by introducing a new, relevant factor contributing to the issue, showing good development of your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples and explanations are on point, but they could be strengthened by including more specific data or studies to support your claims.
Bad Example(s)
However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves.
This statement could be perceived as overly generalized and potentially offensive without specific evidence to support it.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well but could benefit from a stronger final statement that reinforces your position.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with mostly appropriate usage. However, there are areas where word choice could be improved to enhance clarity and precision. Additionally, some phrases and expressions do not align perfectly with formal academic writing standards expected in IELTS essays. Enhancing these aspects could contribute to a more polished and compelling argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
Mistake | Correction | Reason |
---|---|---|
illietrate | illiterate | Spelling error. |
ancestrol homes | ancestral homes | Spelling error. |
levelled up crime rates | increased crime rates | 'Levelled up' is more colloquial and less formal; 'increased' is more appropriate for formal writing. |
Repeated Words
Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
---|---|
urban migrations, crimes, rural 5 times | urban relocation, criminal activities, countryside |
Vocabulary Suggestions
Word Phrase | Meaning |
---|---|
demographic shift A change in the population structure. | A change in the population structure. |
socioeconomic factors Social and economic elements that influence individuals' lives. | Social and economic elements that influence individuals' lives. |
marginalized communities Groups that are pushed to the edge of society and are often overlooked or discriminated against. | Groups that are pushed to the edge of society and are often overlooked or discriminated against. |
disenfranchised Deprived of power or rights. | Deprived of power or rights. |
urban sprawl The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. | The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. |
Out of Context
skyrocketed legal offenses
Corrected Sentence:
dramatically increased criminal offenses
dramatically increased criminal offenses
Describing the consequences of urban migration on crime rates.
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with only minor errors in spelling and article usage. Your ability to construct complex sentences and use tenses appropriately greatly contributes to the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument. However, paying attention to spelling and minor grammatical details will further enhance your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Good example(s)
However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas through the use of commas and coordinating conjunctions, showcasing your ability to construct complex sentences that convey detailed information.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses throughout the essay is consistent and appropriate for the context. You have successfully maintained the present tense when discussing current trends and general truths, which is suitable for this type of essay.
Good example(s)
This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense ('has led', 'have risen') to discuss actions that began in the past but continue to affect the present, which is a key aspect of effective tense usage in this context.
Grammatical Errors
the inhabitants are mostly illietrate.
Correction:
the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
The original sentence contained a spelling mistake. 'Illietrate' should be spelled as 'illiterate'.
rendering returning back to their ancestrol homes out of question.
Correction:
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question.
rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of the question.
The original sentence contained a spelling mistake ('ancestrol' should be 'ancestral') and was missing the article 'the' before 'question'.