Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Cause/Effect Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the use of alternative energy sources is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it have on the environment and society?
In contemporary society, the use of the environment friendly energy sources has become a trend. I would argue that this phenomenon is filled with the privileges. In this essay, I will discuss revolving around the causes, and its impacts on the nature.
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns such as global warming,airpollution, etc. It is clear that these types of impediments have endangered our lives and poeple ought to find solutions for these circumstances. For instance, airpollution has a deleterious effect on individual's health status and can make countless horrible diseases such as lung cancer. The increasing of global warming has sparked a hot debate thesedays due to its terrible sequences on the nature , such as, deforestation, desertation, lack of water, etc. these problems that I mentioned have straightforward relations with the amount of fossil-fuels usage. Subsequently, in this case, replacment of fossil-fuels with alternative sources can be practical solution.
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particels in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life. additionally, in the light of these alternative energies, there will be a significant decrease in the amount of money that people have to pay for gasoline and gas bills . For instance solar energy can be produced in various regions with solar planners and this process is cheaper in contrast with oil extraction. in the result, the government and indidividuals can save more money and invest it on various crucial subjects.
Taking everything into account, These alternative energies can preserve our invaluable environment by reducing the amount of pollutions and declining the global warming. Besides that they can boost our economy situation by affording cheaper ways to produce various types of energies.
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns such as global warming,airpollution, etc. It is clear that these types of impediments have endangered our lives and poeple ought to find solutions for these circumstances. For instance, airpollution has a deleterious effect on individual's health status and can make countless horrible diseases such as lung cancer. The increasing of global warming has sparked a hot debate thesedays due to its terrible sequences on the nature , such as, deforestation, desertation, lack of water, etc. these problems that I mentioned have straightforward relations with the amount of fossil-fuels usage. Subsequently, in this case, replacment of fossil-fuels with alternative sources can be practical solution.
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particels in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life. additionally, in the light of these alternative energies, there will be a significant decrease in the amount of money that people have to pay for gasoline and gas bills . For instance solar energy can be produced in various regions with solar planners and this process is cheaper in contrast with oil extraction. in the result, the government and indidividuals can save more money and invest it on various crucial subjects.
Taking everything into account, These alternative energies can preserve our invaluable environment by reducing the amount of pollutions and declining the global warming. Besides that they can boost our economy situation by affording cheaper ways to produce various types of energies.
Submitted on August 9, 2024 at 4:23 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing the causes of the increasing use of alternative energy sources and their effects on the environment and society. Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, there are several areas that could be improved for a higher IELTS band score:
1. **Coherence and Cohesion**: While your essay has a logical flow, the use of linking words and transitions could be enhanced to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your argument.
2. **Lexical Resource**: You've used a range of vocabulary related to the topic, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies in word choice. Expanding your vocabulary and ensuring accuracy would strengthen your essay.
3. **Grammatical Range and Accuracy**: There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with verb tense, article usage, and sentence structure. Careful proofreading and revision are necessary to minimize these errors.
4. **Task Response**: You have addressed both parts of the question, but your development of ideas could be deeper. Providing more specific examples and elaborating on how alternative energy sources impact society beyond economic benefits would provide a more comprehensive response.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but would benefit from improvements in coherence, vocabulary, grammar, and depth of analysis to achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, particularly in outlining the causes and effects of the trend towards alternative energy sources. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced for greater clarity and impact. Overall, your organization is coherent but could benefit from deeper analysis and more explicit connections between points. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particles in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life.
This sentence effectively links the use of alternative energy sources to environmental and health benefits, showcasing a clear understanding of cause and effect.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns such as global warming,airpollution, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns, including global warming and air pollution, among others.
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns, including global warming and air pollution, among others.
Clarify and expand on the 'etc.' to provide specific examples or additional details to strengthen the argument.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, focus on developing each point with specific examples and clear explanations. Transition smoothly between ideas by using phrases that indicate cause, effect, contrast, and addition. This will help in building a more compelling argument.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, which aids in clarity. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to fully explore their topics. Band: 6.5
Bad Sentence(s)
in the result, the government and indidividuals can save more money and invest it on various crucial subjects.
Corrected Sentence:
As a result, the government and individuals can save more money, which could then be invested in various crucial areas.
As a result, the government and individuals can save more money, which could then be invested in various crucial areas.
Start a new paragraph to discuss the economic benefits in detail, providing a clearer separation of ideas.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus and coherence by dedicating each paragraph to a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the paragraph’s main idea and concluding sentences to summarize or indicate the significance of the information presented.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for more varied and precise use of these devices to enhance the flow of your essay. Band: 6.5
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of transition words and phrases that specifically indicate relationships between ideas, such as contrast (however, on the other hand), addition (furthermore, moreover), and cause-effect (therefore, as a result). Practice using these in sentences to become more familiar with their application.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear direction for each paragraph, effectively outlining the causes and effects of the increasing use of alternative energy sources. However, they could be enhanced by directly linking to both the environmental and societal impacts in a more explicit manner.
Good Sentence(s)
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns such as global warming, air pollution, etc.
This sentence effectively sets the stage for discussing the causes of the trend towards alternative energy sources by highlighting the urgency of environmental issues.
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particles in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life.
It clearly introduces the positive effects of alternative energy sources on the environment, leading into the discussion on societal benefits.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by explicitly stating the main idea of the paragraph. Follow this by a brief outline of how this idea will be developed. Ensure each topic sentence directly addresses the essay question, linking back to both causes and effects on society and the environment.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address counterpoints or contrasting viewpoints, focusing primarily on the advantages of alternative energy sources. Including a discussion on potential challenges or criticisms could provide a more balanced view and enhance your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences that address counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue that the initial investment in alternative energy sources is high, the long-term savings and environmental benefits far outweigh these initial costs.
While some argue that the initial investment in alternative energy sources is high, the long-term savings and environmental benefits far outweigh these initial costs.
Consider including a paragraph that discusses potential drawbacks or criticisms of alternative energy sources, and then refute these points or provide solutions.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common criticisms or challenges associated with your main points. Address these counterpoints head-on by acknowledging their validity and then refuting them with evidence or by presenting a balanced perspective. This approach will strengthen your argument and demonstrate critical thinking.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a good attempt at addressing the question, but your essay would benefit from clearer argumentation, more specific examples, and a more structured approach to discussing causes and effects. Paying attention to grammar and punctuation (e.g., capitalization errors, run-on sentences) will also improve your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing the causes and effects of the increase in alternative energy sources. However, your essay could benefit from a clearer structure and more direct answers to the question.
Good example(s)
For instance, air pollution has a deleterious effect on individual's health status and can make countless horrible diseases such as lung cancer.
This sentence effectively highlights a cause for the shift towards alternative energy sources.
Bad Example(s)
I would argue that this phenomenon is filled with the privileges.
This sentence is vague and does not clearly contribute to answering the question.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks strength due to the absence of a well-structured argument and specific examples.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays, humankind is faced with enormous environmental concerns such as global warming, air pollution, etc.
This sentence introduces your argument but fails to strongly develop your position due to its generality.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but too general. Including specific studies, statistics, or countries where alternative energy has had a positive impact could strengthen your argument.
Bad Example(s)
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particles in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life.
This sentence is too general and lacks specific details or examples to support your claim.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points but could be more impactful with a stronger call to action or a more definitive statement on the benefits of alternative energy.
Bad Example(s)
Taking everything into account, These alternative energies can preserve our invaluable environment by reducing the amount of pollutions and declining the global warming.
This sentence is repetitive and does not add a strong closing argument to your essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of alternative energy sources and their impact on society and the environment. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and avoid repetition. Paying attention to the accuracy of word choice and exploring synonyms could enrich your lexical resource score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| environment friendly | environmentally friendly | Compound adjective should be hyphenated for clarity. |
| airpollution | air pollution | Should be two separate words. |
| poeple | people | Spelling error. |
| thatsedays | these days | Spelling and spacing error. |
| desertation | desertification | Incorrect term usage. |
| replacment | replacement | Spelling error. |
| indidividuals | individuals | Spelling error. |
| solar planners | solar panels | Incorrect term. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
alternative 5 times | renewable, sustainable, substitute, secondary |
energy 9 times | power sources, power, electricity |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| mitigate Make less severe, serious, or painful. | Make less severe, serious, or painful. |
| sustainable development Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. | Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. |
| renewable resources Natural resources that can be replenished naturally with the passage of time. | Natural resources that can be replenished naturally with the passage of time. |
| carbon footprint The total amount of greenhouse gases produced to directly and indirectly support human activities, usually expressed in equivalent tons of carbon dioxide (CO2). | The total amount of greenhouse gases produced to directly and indirectly support human activities, usually expressed in equivalent tons of carbon dioxide (CO2). |
| ecological balance A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. | A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good effort in addressing the topic, but there are several areas for improvement in grammar. Pay attention to spelling errors and the correct use of space between words. Additionally, work on using the correct form of nouns (e.g., 'pollution' instead of 'pollutions'). Enhancing punctuation and capitalization (e.g., starting sentences with a capital letter) will also improve the overall quality of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety but could benefit from more complexity and variation in structure to enhance readability and engagement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
Good example(s)
These types of modern energy sources enable to reduce the amount of carbon-dioxide in the air which can reduce the numbers of polluted particles in the air and it is beneficial for a healthy life.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with a complex structure, showing a good use of conjunctions and clauses.
Bad Example(s)
in the result, the government and indidividuals can save more money and invest it on various crucial subjects.
The sentence starts with a lowercase letter and 'in the result' is a less common phrase that could be replaced with 'as a result' for clarity and correctness.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, focusing on the present simple to discuss current trends and situations. However, attention to detail is needed to ensure tense consistency throughout.
Grammatical Errors
poeple
Correction:
people
people
Spelling mistake.
airpollution
Correction:
air pollution
air pollution
Should be two separate words.
thesedays
Correction:
these days
these days
Should be two separate words.
replacment
Correction:
replacement
replacement
Spelling mistake.
indidividuals
Correction:
individuals
individuals
Spelling mistake.
pollutions
Correction:
pollution
pollution
The word 'pollution' is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural.