Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree that governments should implement stricter regulations on industries to reduce their environmental impact?
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Nowadays many industries are the major reason for environmental pollutions such as water, air, and soil. I agree with the notion that higher officials should strictly impose some rules toward industial agents to prevent the global warming.
To begin with, Two third of pollutions are coming from industries this may damage our earth's atmoshere and lead to global warming. Industries produces more wastages that affect the climate and public's health . For example, few decades ago , in India nuclear power plant in bhopal was blasted, in that incident over five thousand peoples' were died and so many childrens were injured and some lost their residents. This is happened because of unaware of the control department.
On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
By implementing laws , industries would follow and repond to the governments. The laws such as reducing work time, recycling process . For instance ,in USA some industries are banned because they produces excess amount of pollution gases and also couldn't follow the rules and regulations implemented by the authority,from this after that pollutions are drastically reduced.
In conclusion, protecting environment is our important goal and industries should consider that to reduce their pollution to avoid global warming ,although governments should take action towards the pollution causing induries to reduce the environmental impacts on planet.
Submitted on June 20, 2024 at 12:15 PM
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Overall Evaluation

6 Bands
Your essay addresses the question directly and presents a clear stance on the importance of governments implementing stricter regulations on industries to reduce environmental impact. Your examples, such as the incident in Bhopal, India, and the actions taken by the USA, effectively illustrate the consequences of lax regulations and the potential benefits of stricter controls. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, 'industial agents', 'Two third of pollulations', and 'childrens were injured' should be corrected for accuracy and grammatical correctness. Additionally, your argument would benefit from a more structured development, with clearer transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your points. Finally, expanding on how these regulations could be implemented and addressing potential counterarguments would strengthen your essay. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but needs refinement in language use and argumentation structure. With attention to these areas, your writing can achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay has a clear stance and attempts to follow a logical structure, but it sometimes jumps from one idea to another too quickly. Overall, the flow of ideas could be smoother. Band: 6.0

Good Sentence(s)

Industries produces more wastages that affect the climate and public's health.
This sentence effectively highlights a key issue with industrial pollution.

Bad Sentence(s)

On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
Corrected Sentence:
On the other hand, the government should be responsible for overseeing industrial developments. It should implement strict laws to protect the nature of our planet.
Clarify the connection between government responsibility and industrial development, and separate ideas into more coherent sentences.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points before you begin writing. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and use transition words to connect paragraphs and ideas smoothly.

Paragraphing

Your paragraphs are structured around different points, but some paragraphs could be more focused. Band: 6.0

Bad Sentence(s)

By implementing laws , industries would follow and repond to the governments. The laws such as reducing work time, recycling process .
Corrected Sentence:
By implementing laws, industries are more likely to comply with government regulations. Such laws could include reducing operational hours and mandating recycling processes.
Clarify and expand on how laws could lead to compliance and the specific types of laws you're suggesting.

Suggestions

Focus each paragraph on a single main idea, supported by examples or evidence. Use a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.

Cohesive Devices

You've made an effort to use cohesive devices, but their use is sometimes incorrect or repetitive. Band: 5.5

Bad Sentence(s)

To begin with, Two third of pollutions are coming from industries this may damage our earth's atmoshere and lead to global warming.
Corrected Sentence:
To begin with, two-thirds of pollution comes from industries, which may damage our Earth's atmosphere and lead to global warming.
Revise for clarity and correct use of cohesive devices.

Suggestions

Improve your use of cohesive devices by varying them more and ensuring they accurately connect ideas. Study examples of effective use in high-scoring essays.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences generally set up the content of the paragraphs effectively, but they could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.

Good Sentence(s)

To begin with, Two third of pollutions are coming from industries this may damage our earth's atmoshere and lead to global warming.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph by stating a problem related to the essay question.
On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
It transitions well to discussing the government's role, although it could be clearer and more direct.

Bad Sentence(s)

By implementing laws , industries would follow and repond to the governments.
Corrected Sentence:
By implementing stricter regulations, industries would be compelled to adopt sustainable practices, thereby reducing their environmental impact.
Clarify the expected outcome of law implementation and its direct impact on industries.

Suggestions

To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and specific language. Ensure each topic sentence directly addresses the essay question and logically connects to the overall argument.

Counter Points

You briefly mentioned contrasting viewpoints but did not fully explore or refute them, which could strengthen your argument.

Bad Sentence(s)

On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
Corrected Sentence:
Although some argue that stricter regulations on industries could hinder economic development, the long-term benefits of a healthier planet and sustainable economic practices far outweigh the initial economic setbacks.
Expand on this by acknowledging potential counterarguments, such as the economic impact of stricter regulations, and then refute them with evidence or further reasoning.

Suggestions

To effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge potential criticisms of your viewpoint directly and provide evidence or reasoning to refute them. This not only strengthens your position but also demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Task Achievement

5.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task by stating your position and providing examples. However, your essay would benefit from more precise language, better organization, and deeper analysis to clearly develop your argument. Paying attention to grammar and punctuation will also improve the clarity of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

You addressed the question directly by stating your agreement with the need for governments to implement stricter regulations on industries. Your position is clear throughout the essay.

Good example(s)

I agree with the notion that higher officials should strictly impose some rules toward industrial agents to prevent global warming.
This sentence clearly states your position and directly responds to the essay question.

Development of Position

Your argument is generally clear, but it could be strengthened by more detailed reasoning and a wider range of examples.

Good example(s)

By implementing laws, industries would follow and respond to the governments.
It shows a clear line of thought on how government action could lead to industry compliance.

Bad Example(s)

On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
This sentence is vague and does not provide a strong argument or specific examples to support the claim.

Supporting Details

Your examples are relevant but lack depth and specificity. Including more detailed examples and explaining how they support your argument would strengthen your essay.

Good example(s)

in India nuclear power plant in Bhopal was blasted, in that incident over five thousand peoples' were died and so many children were injured and some lost their residents.
This historical example supports your argument about the dangers of inadequate regulation.

Bad Example(s)

The laws such as reducing work time, recycling process.
This is too vague and does not clearly explain how these laws would reduce environmental impact.

Conclusion

Your conclusion reiterates your position but lacks a strong final statement that emphasizes the significance of your argument.

Bad Example(s)

protecting environment is our important goal and industries should consider that to reduce their pollution to avoid global warming, although governments should take action towards the pollution causing industries to reduce the environmental impacts on planet.
This sentence is repetitive and does not add a compelling closing thought to your essay.

Lexical Resources

6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of environmental regulation and industry impact. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and coherence. Attention to word choice and avoiding repetition can make your argument more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

MistakeCorrectionReason
industial agents industrial agentsSpelling error.
atmoshere atmosphereSpelling error.
wastages wasteIncorrect term usage; 'waste' is the correct term.
peoples' people'People' is already plural and does not require an apostrophe.
childrens children'Children' is already plural and does not need an 's' at the end.
residents residencesMisused word; 'residences' means homes.
repond respondSpelling error.
induries industriesSpelling error.

Repeated Words

Repeated WordsAlternative Words
industries 5 times
corporations, firms, enterprises, manufacturers
pollution 4 times
contamination, pollution levels, environmental degradation
laws 3 times
regulations, statutes, rules, directives

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase
mitigate Make less severe, serious, or painful.
sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level without exhausting natural resources or causing severe ecological damage.
enforce Compel observance of or compliance with (a law, rule, or obligation).
ecological footprint A measure of human impact on Earth's ecosystems.
carbon emissions Carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide released into the atmosphere, produced by vehicles and industrial processes.

Grammatical Range

5.5 Bands
Your essay shows a fundamental understanding of grammar, but there are several areas for improvement. Issues such as subject-verb agreement, correct noun forms, and the use of tenses need attention. Additionally, run-on sentences and punctuation errors disrupt the flow of your writing. Focusing on these areas can significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your sentences show some variety but lack complexity. There's a tendency to use simple and compound sentences without delving into more complex structures that could enhance the argument's depth.

Good example(s)

By implementing laws, industries would follow and respond to the governments.
This sentence effectively uses a conditional structure, indicating a cause-and-effect relationship that adds depth to your argument.

Bad Example(s)

On other hand, Government should be responsible for industrial developments,they should implement strict laws to control the nature of our planet.
This sentence is a run-on sentence with missing conjunctions and improper punctuation, making it hard to follow.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is mostly consistent, sticking to the present simple to discuss general truths. However, there are instances where past tense is used unnecessarily, disrupting the flow.

Bad Example(s)

in India nuclear power plant in bhopal was blasted, in that incident over five thousand peoples' were died
The shift to past tense here is awkward and incorrect. It should maintain a consistent narrative tense, and the phrase 'were died' is grammatically incorrect.

Grammatical Errors

Two third of pollutions are coming from industries
Correction:
Two thirds of pollution comes from industries
Subject-verb agreement error and incorrect noun form.
industries produces more wastages
Correction:
industries produce more waste
Subject-verb agreement error and incorrect noun usage.
so many childrens were injured
Correction:
so many children were injured
Incorrect plural form of 'children'.
some lost their residents
Correction:
some lost their residences
Incorrect noun choice.
pollutions are drastically reduced
Correction:
pollution was drastically reduced
Incorrect noun form and tense agreement.