Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Problem/Solution Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: With advancements in automation and artificial intelligence, there is growing concern that many jobs will be lost to machines. What potential problems could this cause for society, and what solutions can be proposed to address these issues?
Inargueabely, the most miraculous technological creation of this century is artificial intelligence, commonly called AI. This life altering invention is rapidly spreading out in all the areas of digital realm that has become a part of our mundane lives. While automation in even the smallest digital aspect has been extremely helful, the intellectuals are seriously concerned that artificial intelligence will transit from helping humans to replacing humans by overtaking their jobs.
This looming threat of replacing humans at workplaces that expanding automation has posed could have grave repercussions. The most immediate problem this could cause is unemployment. It will not be the first time that a scientific invention will overtake a task that humans used to perform, that is what history teaches us. Today, a company's archive which people used to mantain are saved on computers, libraries are not functioning because of ebooks. If we are to learn something from these examples, it is that accelerating use of automation is totally capable of substituting the workforce of industries. This could lead to absence of jobs and subsequent unemployment in society.
Another problem that growing advancement of artificial intelligence could result in is declined health standards and mental capability. With the rate that people are getting relied on automated machines, even for the simlplest of chores, could have catastrophic effects on their physical health along with mental strength. Work is a crucial source of fitness, a person who is dependent on artificial intellingence could grow lethargic with deteriorating health. A student who prefers to refer to AI to solve a simple maths problem will eventually grow inable to solve that on his own.
Regardless of the above stated consequences of being overdependent on automation, it has somehow become a necessity and will continue to advance. However, there are collective as well as individual steps that can be taken to tackle these issues. To deal with possible unemployment, government should make sure that even with widespread automatization in industries there are sufficient positions available for employees.
To avoid decline in health and fitness, both bodily and mental, individuals should conciously avoid being overly dependent on artificial intelligence. Only then can they curb the negative impacts of automization.
This looming threat of replacing humans at workplaces that expanding automation has posed could have grave repercussions. The most immediate problem this could cause is unemployment. It will not be the first time that a scientific invention will overtake a task that humans used to perform, that is what history teaches us. Today, a company's archive which people used to mantain are saved on computers, libraries are not functioning because of ebooks. If we are to learn something from these examples, it is that accelerating use of automation is totally capable of substituting the workforce of industries. This could lead to absence of jobs and subsequent unemployment in society.
Another problem that growing advancement of artificial intelligence could result in is declined health standards and mental capability. With the rate that people are getting relied on automated machines, even for the simlplest of chores, could have catastrophic effects on their physical health along with mental strength. Work is a crucial source of fitness, a person who is dependent on artificial intellingence could grow lethargic with deteriorating health. A student who prefers to refer to AI to solve a simple maths problem will eventually grow inable to solve that on his own.
Regardless of the above stated consequences of being overdependent on automation, it has somehow become a necessity and will continue to advance. However, there are collective as well as individual steps that can be taken to tackle these issues. To deal with possible unemployment, government should make sure that even with widespread automatization in industries there are sufficient positions available for employees.
To avoid decline in health and fitness, both bodily and mental, individuals should conciously avoid being overly dependent on artificial intelligence. Only then can they curb the negative impacts of automization.
Submitted on July 19, 2024 at 11:00 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a clear argument on the potential problems caused by advancements in automation and artificial intelligence, as well as proposing solutions. The structure of your essay is coherent, with a logical flow from introduction to problems and then solutions. Your introduction sets up the topic well, and you have developed paragraphs that focus on specific issues, such as unemployment and health concerns, followed by relevant solutions. However, there are areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and demonstrate lexical resource. Secondly, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure sentence structures are varied to enhance readability. Lastly, incorporating examples or evidence could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Overall, your essay is on the right track but refining these aspects could improve its impact and clarity.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. You effectively use transitions to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'Regardless of the above stated consequences' to shift from problems to solutions. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures and a clearer distinction between paragraphs to enhance readability and flow. Additionally, integrating more explicit signposting phrases could help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical progression of ideas from the introduction of AI and its implications to discussing potential problems and solutions. The flow from one paragraph to the next is smooth, ensuring that the reader can easily follow your arguments. Overall, the organization is effective. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
While automation in even the smallest digital aspect has been extremely helpful, the intellectuals are seriously concerned that artificial intelligence will transit from helping humans to replacing humans by overtaking their jobs.
This sentence effectively transitions from the benefits of automation to the core issue of job displacement, setting the stage for the essay's main argument.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider explicitly stating your main arguments in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion. This will reinforce your essay's structure and make your position clearer to the reader.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue at hand. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all distinct, facilitating an easy read. Band: 7.5
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This will help the reader grasp the key points more effectively.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes good use of cohesive devices, linking ideas smoothly and helping to guide the reader through your arguments. However, there's room for more varied use of these devices to enhance coherence further. Band: 7
Good Sentence(s)
Regardless of the above stated consequences of being overdependent on automation, it has somehow become a necessity and will continue to advance.
This sentence effectively contrasts the problems with the inevitability of automation's advancement, using 'regardless' to pivot the argument towards solutions.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider variety of them, such as 'moreover' for adding information, 'consequently' for showing results, and 'for instance' for giving examples. This will enrich your essay's connectivity and readability.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the paragraphs effectively, outlining the key issues and solutions related to the impact of automation and AI on society.
Good Sentence(s)
This looming threat of replacing humans at workplaces that expanding automation has posed could have grave repercussions.
This sentence effectively introduces the problem of job displacement due to automation, setting a clear direction for the paragraph.
Regardless of the above stated consequences of being overdependent on automation, it has somehow become a necessity and will continue to advance.
This sentence adeptly transitions the essay from discussing problems to exploring solutions, maintaining the essay's structure.
Suggestions
To improve your topic sentences, focus on clarity and specificity. Begin each paragraph with a sentence that not only introduces the topic but also hints at the argument or perspective you will be discussing. Avoid general statements and aim for precision in your topic sentences to guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
Counter Points
Your essay briefly acknowledges the necessity of automation and AI, but it lacks a thorough exploration of contrasting viewpoints. Addressing and refuting counterarguments could strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Regardless of the above stated consequences of being overdependent on automation, it has somehow become a necessity and will continue to advance.
Corrected Sentence:
Although automation and AI are often justified as necessary for progress and efficiency, this perspective overlooks the significant social and economic challenges they pose, which require careful mitigation.
Although automation and AI are often justified as necessary for progress and efficiency, this perspective overlooks the significant social and economic challenges they pose, which require careful mitigation.
Expand on this idea by explicitly stating common counterarguments for the necessity of automation and AI, and then provide reasons why these arguments might be flawed or not entirely convincing.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, first, clearly identify common or potential arguments that might oppose your main points. Then, directly address these by acknowledging their validity before explaining why your argument still holds stronger or how these counterpoints can be mitigated. This approach not only shows a deep understanding of the issue but also strengthens your position by preemptively addressing potential criticisms.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a commendable effort to address the task, identifying significant problems and proposing viable solutions. To improve, focus on providing more concrete examples and evidence to support your arguments, and ensure a stronger connection between the problems and solutions. Additionally, pay attention to minor spelling and grammar issues ('mantain' should be 'maintain', 'inable' should be 'unable') to enhance clarity and professionalism.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by discussing potential problems caused by advancements in automation and AI, as well as proposing solutions. However, a more direct link between these advancements and their societal impacts could strengthen your response.
Good example(s)
This looming threat of replacing humans at workplaces that expanding automation has posed could have grave repercussions.
It directly addresses the concern of job displacement due to automation, which is central to the question.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and presents a logical progression from identifying problems to suggesting solutions. However, it could be enhanced by providing more detailed examples and exploring the implications of these problems further.
Good example(s)
Another problem that growing advancement of artificial intelligence could result in is declined health standards and mental capability.
This sentence effectively introduces a new dimension to the argument, showing good development of position.
Supporting Details
The examples you used are relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments. Consider incorporating statistics or studies to strengthen your points.
Bad Example(s)
Today, a company's archive which people used to mantain are saved on computers, libraries are not functioning because of ebooks.
This example is somewhat relevant but oversimplifies complex issues without providing a clear link to the argument about job loss and societal impact.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more impactful by summarizing the potential long-term implications of the issues discussed and the proposed solutions.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of automation and artificial intelligence, effectively conveying your arguments. However, there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to enhance the overall impact and clarity of your message.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| Inargueabely | Inarguably | Spelling error. |
| helful | helpful | Spelling error. |
| mantain | maintain | Spelling error. |
| simlplest | simplest | Spelling error. |
| intellingence | intelligence | Spelling error. |
| automatization | automation | Incorrect term usage. |
| conciously | consciously | Spelling error. |
| automization | automation | Consistency in term usage. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
automation 5 times | automatization, mechanization, computerization |
artificial intelligence 4 times | AI, machine intelligence, synthetic intelligence |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Technological proliferation The rapid spread of technology in various sectors. | The rapid spread of technology in various sectors. |
| Workforce displacement The process through which employees lose their jobs due to automation. | The process through which employees lose their jobs due to automation. |
| Cognitive atrophy The decline in mental ability due to underuse or neglect. | The decline in mental ability due to underuse or neglect. |
| Sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity, often linked to automation. | A way of life that involves little physical activity, often linked to automation. |
| Proactive measures Actions taken in advance to deal with an expected difficulty. | Actions taken in advance to deal with an expected difficulty. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, contributing to a clear and coherent argument. However, attention to detail in spelling and the correct use of terms will further improve your writing. The occasional spelling errors and slight misuse of terms (e.g., 'automization' instead of 'automation') are areas for improvement. Ensuring consistency in verb forms will also enhance the clarity of your arguments.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your writing.
Good example(s)
While automation in even the smallest digital aspect has been extremely helpful, the intellectuals are seriously concerned that artificial intelligence will transit from helping humans to replacing humans by overtaking their jobs.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to contrast two ideas, showing a good command of language.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a mostly present tense narrative that suits the essay's exploratory and argumentative nature.
Good example(s)
This looming threat of replacing humans at workplaces that expanding automation has posed could have grave repercussions.
It correctly uses the modal verb 'could' to discuss future potentiality, which is appropriate for the speculative nature of the essay.
Grammatical Errors
mantain
Correction:
maintain
maintain
Spelling mistake.
simlplest
Correction:
simplest
simplest
Spelling mistake.
relied on automated machines, even for the simlplest of chores, could have catastrophic effects
Correction:
relying on automated machines, even for the simplest of chores, could have catastrophic effects
relying on automated machines, even for the simplest of chores, could have catastrophic effects
Grammatical consistency; 'relying' fits better with the sentence structure.
inable
Correction:
unable
unable
Incorrect word usage.
conciously
Correction:
consciously
consciously
Spelling mistake.
automization
Correction:
automation
automation
Incorrect term usage; 'automation' is the correct term.