Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the potential benefits and drawbacks of including more local and regional history in school curricula. How does studying local history connect students to their communities?
In my opinion including local and regional history and culture can help students who plan to study in their own country and don't plan on living abroad the most but it still has some benefits for students who plan to study in different countries.
For students who plan on staying in their mother country, it helps to connect with the people in their communities and help raise their love for their own country. Local and regional history doesn't stop at just teaching you the history of your country but also helps by teaching you many things about your environment and how to interact and survive. The things you learn from them aren't just made up on the stop it has been tested and proven for hundreds of years by your ancestors and also have the highest possibility of being the best way of living when considering the natural environment around you.
On the other hand for students who are to study overseas, there are many events and other chances for foreign students to share their very own local history and traditions. Sometimes for fun sometimes even for extra points in some classes. And if when you decide to go back to your home country you won't feel fully alienated.
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned. But that in itself is a stretch and most likely will not happen. Overall as I see it, having a little bit of knowledge about your local history can help you exponentially in the long run. Although not all, you should still have a small amount of knowledge of your history and religion. In conclusion, schools teaching children about their own local and regional history is an excellent thing.
For students who plan on staying in their mother country, it helps to connect with the people in their communities and help raise their love for their own country. Local and regional history doesn't stop at just teaching you the history of your country but also helps by teaching you many things about your environment and how to interact and survive. The things you learn from them aren't just made up on the stop it has been tested and proven for hundreds of years by your ancestors and also have the highest possibility of being the best way of living when considering the natural environment around you.
On the other hand for students who are to study overseas, there are many events and other chances for foreign students to share their very own local history and traditions. Sometimes for fun sometimes even for extra points in some classes. And if when you decide to go back to your home country you won't feel fully alienated.
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned. But that in itself is a stretch and most likely will not happen. Overall as I see it, having a little bit of knowledge about your local history can help you exponentially in the long run. Although not all, you should still have a small amount of knowledge of your history and religion. In conclusion, schools teaching children about their own local and regional history is an excellent thing.
Submitted on April 9, 2024 at 9:18 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question by discussing the potential benefits and drawbacks of including more local and regional history in school curricula. You provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples and explanations. Your argument that studying local history connects students to their communities and enhances their understanding of their environment is well-made. However, your essay could be improved by exploring a wider range of drawbacks, as the discussion on potential negatives is somewhat limited. Additionally, consider enhancing your essay with more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to better demonstrate your language skills. To further strengthen your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments. Overall, your essay is coherent and addresses the task prompt, but there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis and language use.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with paragraphs dedicated to discussing the benefits for both students remaining in their country and those studying abroad, as well as a brief mention of potential drawbacks. However, the coherence could be improved by more explicitly linking these sections together and providing a more detailed exploration of the drawbacks to balance the discussion. Additionally, including specific examples or evidence to support your points would enhance the cohesion and persuasiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, with a logical flow from the benefits to the drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula. Your argument is structured well, making it easy to follow. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence. Overall, your logical organization is commendable, scoring around 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
Local and regional history doesn't stop at just teaching you the history of your country but also helps by teaching you many things about your environment and how to interact and survive.
This sentence effectively connects the study of local history to practical, everyday benefits, showing a deep understanding of the subject matter.
Bad Sentence(s)
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned.
Corrected Sentence:
A potential drawback of focusing heavily on local and regional history could be the risk of developing a perspective that might not fully embrace modern advancements or global viewpoints.
A potential drawback of focusing heavily on local and regional history could be the risk of developing a perspective that might not fully embrace modern advancements or global viewpoints.
Clarify and expand on the potential drawbacks to provide a more balanced argument.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and focused on specific aspects of the topic. However, the transition between paragraphs could be improved to better signal shifts in focus and to enhance the overall structure of your essay. Your paragraphing is around a 6.5.
Bad Sentence(s)
And if when you decide to go back to your home country you won't feel fully alienated.
Corrected Sentence:
Furthermore, studying local history ensures that students who study abroad can reintegrate into their home countries without feeling alienated.
Furthermore, studying local history ensures that students who study abroad can reintegrate into their home countries without feeling alienated.
This sentence could be clearer and more directly connected to the essay's main argument.
Suggestions
Consider using clearer transition phrases at the beginning and end of each paragraph to better signal changes in topic or focus. This will help create more coherent and focused paragraphs.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas within and between sentences. However, there's room for more varied and sophisticated use of these devices to strengthen the overall cohesion of your essay. Your performance in this area is around a 6.5.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result.' This will not only enhance the flow of your essay but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion effectively, outlining both the benefits and drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula.
Good Sentence(s)
For students who plan on staying in their mother country, it helps to connect with the people in their communities and help raise their love for their own country.
This sentence effectively introduces the benefits of studying local history for students remaining in their country, highlighting the connection to community and patriotism.
On the other hand for students who are to study overseas, there are many events and other chances for foreign students to share their very own local history and traditions.
This sentence smoothly transitions to discuss the benefits for students studying abroad, showing a balanced view.
Bad Sentence(s)
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned.
Corrected Sentence:
A potential drawback of focusing heavily on local and regional history is the risk of developing a perspective that may not fully encompass global or current viewpoints, possibly leading to outdated opinions.
A potential drawback of focusing heavily on local and regional history is the risk of developing a perspective that may not fully encompass global or current viewpoints, possibly leading to outdated opinions.
Clarify and expand on the potential drawbacks to provide a more balanced argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, ensure they directly address the question posed and clearly state the main idea of the paragraph. Start with a strong statement and follow it with a concise explanation that sets up the argument or discussion for that section.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, particularly with the mention of potential drawbacks. However, the exploration of counterpoints could be more thorough to strengthen the argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
But that in itself is a stretch and most likely will not happen.
Corrected Sentence:
However, this concern is mitigated by the comprehensive curriculum that balances historical insights with contemporary knowledge, making the likelihood of becoming outdated minimal.
However, this concern is mitigated by the comprehensive curriculum that balances historical insights with contemporary knowledge, making the likelihood of becoming outdated minimal.
Provide evidence or reasoning to support why this drawback is unlikely, to strengthen the argument.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, consider acknowledging the validity of opposing viewpoints before presenting evidence or reasoning that supports your stance. This not only shows a balanced understanding of the issue but also strengthens your argument by directly addressing potential criticisms.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
You've made a good attempt at addressing the task, presenting both benefits and drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula. However, your essay would benefit from deeper analysis, more balanced arguments, and richer examples. Ensure your drawbacks are as well explored as the benefits to provide a more rounded argument. Strengthening your conclusion and providing more detailed supporting details could elevate your essay further.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula, as well as its connection to community. However, the analysis could be deeper.
Good example(s)
For students who plan on staying in their mother country, it helps to connect with the people in their communities and help raise their love for their own country.
This sentence effectively highlights a key benefit of studying local history, connecting it to personal and communal identity.
Bad Example(s)
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned.
This sentence presents a drawback but lacks depth and fails to explore the complexity of the potential negative impacts.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat clear but lacks strength due to insufficient exploration of both sides. More detailed examples and a balanced view could improve it.
Good example(s)
Local and regional history doesn't stop at just teaching you the history of your country but also helps by teaching you many things about your environment and how to interact and survive.
This sentence shows good development by linking local history education to practical knowledge about the environment.
Bad Example(s)
But that in itself is a stretch and most likely will not happen.
This sentence undermines the development of your position by dismissing the drawback too quickly without thorough examination.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need to be more specific and detailed to strengthen your argument. Consider adding statistics, studies, or historical examples.
Good example(s)
Sometimes for fun sometimes even for extra points in some classes.
This detail adds a practical benefit of learning local history, though it could be expanded for clarity.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but lacks a strong final punch. Summarizing key points more forcefully could enhance its impact.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, schools teaching children about their own local and regional history is an excellent thing.
This sentence clearly states your position, effectively concluding your essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of local and regional history's inclusion in school curricula. You effectively communicate your points, showing both benefits and drawbacks, and how it connects students to their communities. However, there's room for improvement in diversifying your vocabulary to avoid repetition and to make your argument more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
history 5 times | heritage, past, chronicles |
students 4 times | learners, pupils, scholars |
country 4 times | nation, homeland, motherland |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Cultural identity The feeling of belonging to a group that shares the same cultural background. | The feeling of belonging to a group that shares the same cultural background. |
| Pedagogical value The importance or usefulness of something in terms of teaching and education. | The importance or usefulness of something in terms of teaching and education. |
| Intercultural exchange The sharing of cultural experiences, values, and knowledge between people from different backgrounds. | The sharing of cultural experiences, values, and knowledge between people from different backgrounds. |
| Ancestral wisdom Knowledge and principles handed down through generations within a family or community. | Knowledge and principles handed down through generations within a family or community. |
| Global perspective An understanding and consideration of the diverse cultures, histories, and viewpoints from around the world. | An understanding and consideration of the diverse cultures, histories, and viewpoints from around the world. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite strong, with only minor errors that don't significantly hinder understanding. However, paying attention to the use of prepositions and conjunctions can further refine your writing. Additionally, watch out for overly long sentences that could be simplified for better clarity and impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication to make your writing more engaging.
Good example(s)
Local and regional history doesn't stop at just teaching you the history of your country but also helps by teaching you many things about your environment and how to interact and survive.
This sentence effectively uses a compound structure to connect related ideas, enhancing the flow of information.
Bad Example(s)
The only drawback I can think of when learning about your local and regional history is that it may cause you to get too involved in the past and your opinions may become outdated and old-fashioned.
This sentence is overly long and could be broken into two for clarity and improved readability.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning well with the narrative and analytical style of the essay.
Good example(s)
For students who plan on staying in their mother country, it helps to connect with the people in their communities and help raise their love for their own country.
This sentence correctly uses the present tense to discuss ongoing or general truths.
Grammatical Errors
The things you learn from them aren't just made up on the stop
Correction:
The things you learn from them aren't just made up on the spot
The things you learn from them aren't just made up on the spot
The correct expression is 'on the spot,' meaning immediately or at the moment of speaking.
And if when you decide to go back to your home country you won't feel fully alienated.
Correction:
And if you decide to go back to your home country, you won't feel fully alienated.
And if you decide to go back to your home country, you won't feel fully alienated.
The original sentence contains an unnecessary 'when' which makes the sentence awkward. Removing it improves clarity.