Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Cause/Effect Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many countries, the use of alternative energy sources is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it have on the environment and society?
Nowadays, various sources of energy are emerging in different countries due to depletion of non-recoverable resources and also their severe effect on climate is started to occur. Climate change is major concern of societies as they are concerned about the after effects of these situations in the form of severe flooding, heavy rainfall and air pollution. This essay will discuss the reason of innovation of different enegry resources for coming generations and their ultimate effects on climate globally.
It is undeniable factor that energy is the main requirement of a country to flourish in many aspects of life. Sources of energy are being scarced and new resources are essential for to cope up with this requirement of energy. As natural sources such as coal, oil and gas reservoirs are going to extinct in coming years, therefore, it is the need of time to look for alternative ways to tackle this pressing issue. People are aware of this situation and have tried to limit the use of non recoverable resources and they are seeking various suggestions from environmentalists and scientist to provide a regulatory framework that can be followed by common man. We can take an example of Japan, in 1999, faced a major climate issue of smog and it ultimately affects the health of people such as outbreak of eye and lung diseases. They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources for coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the require electricity to indutrial and domestic zones. Thus, reproducible energy resources are mandatory for nations.
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.This is one of the major reason severe climate change and global warming, that is started to show its traits by intense rainfall and deadly floods in various parts of world. Ice bergs of Arctic are being melting and fear of viral diseases is hanging on heads. Therefore, different type of energy sources are essential to preserve the environment globally. In 2021, South Korean has launched a electric vehicle with no smoke and there is no need of fuel refil, as it will be charged on electric stations. It is reported that they reduced the carbon emission by 34% due to the inclusivity of electric cars. Hence, new resources of energy are basic need to compete with other nations and maintain image globally.
In conclusion, different types of energy resources are under research, as non recoverable means are threat for the safety of enviroment and society. Solar panel, nuclear power plants and electric cars are one of the major energy resources for coming era as they are economical and better for nature.
It is undeniable factor that energy is the main requirement of a country to flourish in many aspects of life. Sources of energy are being scarced and new resources are essential for to cope up with this requirement of energy. As natural sources such as coal, oil and gas reservoirs are going to extinct in coming years, therefore, it is the need of time to look for alternative ways to tackle this pressing issue. People are aware of this situation and have tried to limit the use of non recoverable resources and they are seeking various suggestions from environmentalists and scientist to provide a regulatory framework that can be followed by common man. We can take an example of Japan, in 1999, faced a major climate issue of smog and it ultimately affects the health of people such as outbreak of eye and lung diseases. They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources for coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the require electricity to indutrial and domestic zones. Thus, reproducible energy resources are mandatory for nations.
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.This is one of the major reason severe climate change and global warming, that is started to show its traits by intense rainfall and deadly floods in various parts of world. Ice bergs of Arctic are being melting and fear of viral diseases is hanging on heads. Therefore, different type of energy sources are essential to preserve the environment globally. In 2021, South Korean has launched a electric vehicle with no smoke and there is no need of fuel refil, as it will be charged on electric stations. It is reported that they reduced the carbon emission by 34% due to the inclusivity of electric cars. Hence, new resources of energy are basic need to compete with other nations and maintain image globally.
In conclusion, different types of energy resources are under research, as non recoverable means are threat for the safety of enviroment and society. Solar panel, nuclear power plants and electric cars are one of the major energy resources for coming era as they are economical and better for nature.
Submitted on July 4, 2024 at 4:51 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the causes and effects of the increasing use of alternative energy sources, highlighting the depletion of non-recoverable resources and the adverse impacts of traditional energy sources on the climate. You provide relevant examples, such as Japan's shift to nuclear power and South Korea's introduction of electric vehicles, to support your arguments. However, your essay could benefit from a more structured approach to improve clarity and coherence. It's important to pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic could strengthen your argument and potentially increase your band score. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your writing style and addressing the mentioned areas could lead to a higher evaluation.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, particularly in how you connect the causes and effects of the shift towards alternative energy sources. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. Overall, your organization is strong but with room for improvement. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.
This sentence effectively introduces a new cause-effect relationship, linking population growth to environmental issues.
Bad Sentence(s)
Sources of energy are being scarced and new resources are essential for to cope up with this requirement of energy.
Corrected Sentence:
Sources of energy are becoming scarce, and new resources are essential to cope with this energy requirement.
Sources of energy are becoming scarce, and new resources are essential to cope with this energy requirement.
Clarify and correct grammatical errors for better readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use more explicit transition phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect or contrast. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed and supported throughout.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and well-structured, with each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be further developed with more detailed examples and analysis. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
It is undeniable factor that energy is the main requirement of a country to flourish in many aspects of life.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph topic, setting a clear focus for the discussion that follows.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that provide evidence or examples, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main point or links to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link sentences and ideas throughout the essay. However, there are opportunities to use a wider range of devices to enhance coherence further. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Therefore, different type of energy sources are essential to preserve the environment globally.
The use of 'Therefore' effectively signals a conclusion drawn from the preceding argument, enhancing the logical flow.
Bad Sentence(s)
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources for coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the require electricity to indutrial and domestic zones.
Corrected Sentence:
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources from coal power plants to nuclear power plants, thereby providing the required electricity to industrial and domestic zones.
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources from coal power plants to nuclear power plants, thereby providing the required electricity to industrial and domestic zones.
Clarify the sentence and correct the typo for better coherence.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety, such as comparison and contrast connectors ('however', 'on the other hand'), and cause and effect connectors ('because', 'as a result'). Also, ensure that each device is used appropriately to accurately reflect the relationship between ideas.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the content of the paragraphs effectively, indicating the direction of your argument regarding the causes and effects of the increase in alternative energy sources.
Good Sentence(s)
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.
This sentence effectively introduces the cause of increased alternative energy use related to population growth and its environmental impact.
It is undeniable factor that energy is the main requirement of a country to flourish in many aspects of life.
This sentence sets the stage for discussing the necessity of finding alternative energy sources effectively.
Bad Sentence(s)
This essay will discuss the reason of innovation of different enegry resources for coming generations and their ultimate effects on climate globally.
Corrected Sentence:
The innovation of different energy resources is driven by the depletion of non-renewable resources and their severe effects on the global climate.
The innovation of different energy resources is driven by the depletion of non-renewable resources and their severe effects on the global climate.
Rewrite to directly state the causes and effects without announcing the essay structure.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that directly addresses the cause or effect you will discuss in the paragraph. Avoid vague language and ensure the sentence guides the reader to what they should expect in the following text.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the trend towards alternative energy sources.
Bad Sentence(s)
Corrected Sentence:
To improve, consider integrating a paragraph that acknowledges potential downsides or criticisms of alternative energy sources, then refute or mitigate these points.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common criticisms or challenges related to alternative energy sources. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to show why these points are either manageable or outweighed by the benefits.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have a solid grasp of the topic, with relevant examples and a clear argument. To enhance your essay, focus on directly linking causes and effects, providing more varied and detailed examples, and strengthening your conclusion to leave a lasting impression. Additionally, watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your argument's progression.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing the causes of the trend towards alternative energy sources and its effects on the environment and society. However, the connection between causes and effects could be more explicitly articulated to directly hit the mark.
Good example(s)
In 2021, South Korean has launched an electric vehicle with no smoke and there is no need of fuel refill, as it will be charged on electric stations.
This example effectively illustrates a practical implementation of alternative energy sources and its positive impact.
Development of Position
Your argument is generally clear, focusing on the necessity of alternative energy sources due to the depletion of non-recoverable resources and their environmental impact. However, the development of your position could benefit from more varied examples and a clearer linkage between them.
Good example(s)
People are aware of this situation and have tried to limit the use of non recoverable resources and they are seeking various suggestions from environmentalists and scientist to provide a regulatory framework that can be followed by common man.
This sentence shows a clear understanding of societal shifts towards alternative energy sources, underlining the cause part of the essay question.
Supporting Details
The examples used, such as the shift to nuclear power in Japan and the introduction of electric vehicles in South Korea, are relevant and support your argument. However, the essay would benefit from additional details or statistics to strengthen these points further.
Good example(s)
It is reported that they reduced the carbon emission by 34% due to the inclusivity of electric cars.
This detail provides a quantifiable effect of adopting alternative energy sources, making your argument more persuasive.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points but could be strengthened by more directly addressing the future implications of the continued use of alternative energy sources on society and the environment.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of alternative energy sources and their impact. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be enhanced to strengthen your argument and clarity. Paying attention to the accurate use of terminology and avoiding repetition will make your essay more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| enegry | energy | Spelling mistake. |
| scarced | scarce | Incorrect form of the word; 'scarce' is the correct adjective form. |
| indutrial | industrial | Spelling mistake. |
| reproducible | renewable | Incorrect terminology. 'Renewable' is the correct term for energy resources that can be replenished. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
energy 15 times | power, resources, fuel sources |
climate 5 times | environmental conditions, atmosphere |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| depletion Reduction in the number or quantity of something. | Reduction in the number or quantity of something. |
| sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level; causing little or no damage to the environment and therefore able to continue for a long time. | Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level; causing little or no damage to the environment and therefore able to continue for a long time. |
| innovation The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. | The action or process of innovating; a new method, idea, product, etc. |
| alternative energy Energy generated in ways that do not deplete natural resources or harm the environment, especially by avoiding the use of fossil fuels and nuclear power. | Energy generated in ways that do not deplete natural resources or harm the environment, especially by avoiding the use of fossil fuels and nuclear power. |
| carbon emission Carbon dioxide that is released into the atmosphere, especially by human activities. | Carbon dioxide that is released into the atmosphere, especially by human activities. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of grammar, but there are several areas that need attention. Issues such as missing articles, incorrect verb forms, and spelling errors detract from the overall quality. Focusing on these errors will not only clarify your arguments but also enhance the professionalism of your writing. Additionally, paying closer attention to preposition use and sentence structure will greatly improve readability.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety in structure, but there's room for improvement in complexity and clarity. Incorporating more complex sentences and varying your sentence beginnings could enhance readability and engagement.
Good example(s)
It is undeniable factor that energy is the main requirement of a country to flourish in many aspects of life.
This sentence effectively introduces a point with clarity and a degree of complexity.
Bad Example(s)
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.
This sentence lacks clarity and misses words ('a dramatic increase'). It disrupts the flow and makes the intended meaning unclear.
Tense Usage
Your essay mostly uses appropriate tenses, maintaining a balance between present and future implications. However, consistency in tense, especially when discussing current trends versus future predictions, could be improved.
Bad Example(s)
Sources of energy are being scarced and new resources are essential for to cope up with this requirement of energy.
The phrase 'are being scarced' is incorrectly formed and disrupts the tense flow. It should reflect a state ('are becoming scarce') or a passive action.
Grammatical Errors
Sources of energy are being scarced and new resources are essential for to cope up with this requirement of energy.
Correction:
Sources of energy are becoming scarce, and new resources are essential to cope with this energy requirement.
Sources of energy are becoming scarce, and new resources are essential to cope with this energy requirement.
Incorrect verb form ('are being scarced') and redundant preposition ('for') used.
Due to increase in population, there is dramatic in traffic and smoke from vehicles.
Correction:
Due to the increase in population, there is a dramatic increase in traffic and vehicle emissions.
Due to the increase in population, there is a dramatic increase in traffic and vehicle emissions.
Missing articles ('the', 'a') and noun ('increase') after 'dramatic'.
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources for coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the require electricity to indutrial and domestic zones.
Correction:
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources from coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the required electricity to industrial and domestic zones.
They addressed this issue by converting their energy resources from coal power plants to nuclear power plants and provided the required electricity to industrial and domestic zones.
Misuse of preposition ('for' instead of 'from'), missing 'd' in 'required', and spelling error ('indutrial' should be 'industrial').