Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people argue that governments should allocate resources to promote arts and cultural activities. Others believe that funding should be directed towards more practical areas. What is your view on this matter?
There are two different perspectives on utilizing the fund; in detail some condemn that the money collected from tax payers should be used on cultural events, whereas others criticize it and argue that country's budget should be used on different social patches. In this essay, I will support the idea of spending funding on empirical issues due to there are many sections that in need of authorities eye and spending money on art and culture might be unnecessary owing to these social institutes would always exist with or without governor's aid.
Firstly, the reason why government was built in the first place was because of people needed someone who is able to maintain public relations, and also for tackling the social concerns. Suffice to say that, everyone knows there are certain kind of areas that need money more than cultural venture such as poverty, education and economy. If the governors pay too much attention on cultural aspects, those who living in need of economical assistance would oppose individuals who is in charge of power. One prime example is that, if the parliament approve the law that means to spend government fund on cultural events, those who live in poverty would likely to rebel against it.
Secondly, the art and culture is deeply related to people's mind, consciousness and craftiness so therefore it doesn't need much from financial plan. Even though government supports it none can measure its efficiency. Neither do authorities help cultural events nor do they leave it well enough alone it would always subsist. For instance, despite living in harsh and though life our ancestors preserved their culture and traditions.
In summary, government should not use money on cultural engagement because of they need to spend it on different issues and although authorities use resources on it or not tradition, culture and art will always be there and will be developing for thousands of years.
Firstly, the reason why government was built in the first place was because of people needed someone who is able to maintain public relations, and also for tackling the social concerns. Suffice to say that, everyone knows there are certain kind of areas that need money more than cultural venture such as poverty, education and economy. If the governors pay too much attention on cultural aspects, those who living in need of economical assistance would oppose individuals who is in charge of power. One prime example is that, if the parliament approve the law that means to spend government fund on cultural events, those who live in poverty would likely to rebel against it.
Secondly, the art and culture is deeply related to people's mind, consciousness and craftiness so therefore it doesn't need much from financial plan. Even though government supports it none can measure its efficiency. Neither do authorities help cultural events nor do they leave it well enough alone it would always subsist. For instance, despite living in harsh and though life our ancestors preserved their culture and traditions.
In summary, government should not use money on cultural engagement because of they need to spend it on different issues and although authorities use resources on it or not tradition, culture and art will always be there and will be developing for thousands of years.
Submitted on January 20, 2024 at 3:12 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic by presenting arguments against spending government funds on cultural events in favor of addressing more empirical social issues. You have structured your essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, clarity and coherence could be enhanced by refining your argument's presentation and avoiding overly complex sentences. Secondly, your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your arguments. Additionally, attention to grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary usage is needed to improve readability and professionalism. Lastly, consider exploring the counterargument more deeply to provide a balanced view before concluding. Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear stance on the issue but requires polishing for clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6 Bands
Your essay maintains a consistent argument against government funding for cultural events in favor of addressing social issues. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the relationship between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be more clearly defined to enhance coherence. For instance, linking sentences at the end of each paragraph to the next point would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, maintaining a consistent argument throughout. However, the flow of ideas between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the reason why government was built in the first place was because of people needed someone who is able to maintain public relations, and also for tackling the social concerns.
This sentence effectively introduces the first argument, providing a logical starting point for the discussion on government responsibilities.
Bad Sentence(s)
In this essay, I will support the idea of spending funding on empirical issues due to there are many sections that in need of authorities eye and spending money on art and culture might be unnecessary owing to these social institutes would always exist with or without governor's aid.
Corrected Sentence:
In this essay, I will argue that funding should focus on practical issues because many areas need government attention, and spending on art and culture may be unnecessary as these sectors can survive without government support.
In this essay, I will argue that funding should focus on practical issues because many areas need government attention, and spending on art and culture may be unnecessary as these sectors can survive without government support.
Clarify and simplify the sentence structure for better readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that ties back to your main argument. Use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around distinct ideas, which is good. However, some paragraphs could be further developed with more supporting details and examples.
Good Sentence(s)
Suffice to say that, everyone knows there are certain kind of areas that need money more than cultural venture such as poverty, education and economy.
This sentence effectively summarizes the argument of the paragraph, highlighting the priority areas for government spending.
Suggestions
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported by examples or evidence. Use clear topic sentences to introduce the paragraph's main idea and concluding sentences to wrap up the argument or connect to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay uses some cohesive devices, but there's room for improvement in their variety and effectiveness.
Bad Sentence(s)
Neither do authorities help cultural events nor do they leave it well enough alone it would always subsist.
Corrected Sentence:
Whether or not authorities support cultural events, they will always continue to exist.
Whether or not authorities support cultural events, they will always continue to exist.
Revise the sentence for clarity and to improve the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, vary your linking words and phrases to show contrast, addition, cause and effect, and sequence. Practice using them in sentences to ensure they fit naturally and enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear stance on the issue, but they could be more engaging and specific to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the reason why government was built in the first place was because of people needed someone who is able to maintain public relations, and also for tackling the social concerns.
This sentence effectively introduces the argument that government's primary role is to address social concerns, setting a foundation for arguing against spending on cultural events.
Bad Sentence(s)
Secondly, the art and culture is deeply related to people's mind, consciousness and craftiness so therefore it doesn't need much from financial plan.
Corrected Sentence:
Secondly, since art and culture inherently enrich people's minds and creativity, they require less financial support from the government.
Secondly, since art and culture inherently enrich people's minds and creativity, they require less financial support from the government.
Clarify and specify how art and culture's intrinsic value to humanity reduces its need for government funding.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the argument or point you will discuss in the paragraph. Use active voice and specific language to directly address the essay question.
Counter Points
You acknowledged contrasting viewpoints but did not fully explore or refute them. Providing more detailed counterarguments and evidence would strengthen your essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
Even though government supports it none can measure its efficiency.
Corrected Sentence:
Although the government supports cultural events, the lack of clear metrics to measure their impact makes it challenging to justify their funding.
Although the government supports cultural events, the lack of clear metrics to measure their impact makes it challenging to justify their funding.
Expand on this point by explaining why the efficiency of government support for cultural events is difficult to measure, and why this matters.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, explicitly state the opposing viewpoint, then use evidence and reasoning to explain why your stance is more valid or beneficial. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
6 Bands
Overall, you have a clear stance and address the task. However, your argumentation would benefit from more precise examples and a clearer development of ideas. The essay's structure is appropriate, but watch out for grammatical errors and unclear sentences that could hinder your score. Aim for more depth in your supporting details and a more impactful conclusion.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by presenting a clear stance on the issue of government spending on cultural events versus social concerns. Your essay aligns with the task by discussing both perspectives before stating your own.
Good example(s)
In this essay, I will support the idea of spending funding on empirical issues due to there are many sections that in need of authorities eye
This sentence clearly states your position and introduces the direction of your argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but could be strengthened with more detailed examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of your stance.
Good example(s)
everyone knows there are certain kind of areas that need money more than cultural venture such as poverty, education and economy.
This sentence effectively highlights the priority areas for government spending.
Bad Example(s)
Neither do authorities help cultural events nor do they leave it well enough alone it would always subsist.
This sentence is confusing and undermines the clarity of your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but lack specificity and depth. Including more concrete examples or statistics could enhance your argument.
Bad Example(s)
For instance, despite living in harsh and though life our ancestors preserved their culture and traditions.
This example is too vague and does not strongly support your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but lacks a strong closing impact. A more compelling summarization or a call to action could make it more effective.
Bad Example(s)
government should not use money on cultural engagement because of they need to spend it on different issues
This sentence is repetitive and doesn't add new insight or a strong closing to your essay.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of government spending priorities. However, there are areas where word choice and phrasing could be improved to enhance clarity and precision. Consider varying your language more to avoid repetition and to more accurately convey your arguments.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| condemn | argue | 'Condemn' suggests a strong disapproval, which may be too harsh in this context. 'Argue' is more neutral and appropriate for discussing differing viewpoints. |
| social patches | social issues | 'Social patches' is unclear and not a common phrase. 'Social issues' is widely understood and more precise. |
| empirical issues | practical issues | 'Empirical' refers to something based on observation or experience rather than theory or pure logic. 'Practical issues' better conveys the idea of real-world problems that need solving. |
| governor's aid | government support | 'Governor' typically refers to the leader of a state or province, not the entire government. 'Government support' is more accurate for discussing funding at the national level. |
| though life | tough life | 'Though' is a conjunction or adverb, not an adjective. 'Tough' means difficult or challenging, which is the intended meaning. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
cultural 5 times | artistic, heritage-related |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| allocate To distribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose. | To distribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose. |
| fiscal Related to government revenue, especially taxes. | Related to government revenue, especially taxes. |
| socioeconomic Relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors. | Relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors. |
| sustain To support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of, as a structure. | To support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of, as a structure. |
| philanthropy The desire to promote the welfare of others, expressed especially by the generous donation of money to good causes. | The desire to promote the welfare of others, expressed especially by the generous donation of money to good causes. |
Out of Context
governors
Corrected Sentence:
government officials
government officials
Discussing the role of government and spending priorities.
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Overall, your grammar needs some attention, particularly with word choice and sentence structure. Some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, making them difficult to follow. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word usage that could confuse readers. Focusing on simplifying your sentences and ensuring correct word usage would significantly improve the clarity and effectiveness of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a moderate variety in sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in complexity and coherence. Some sentences are overly long and could be broken down for clarity.
Good example(s)
Firstly, the reason why government was built in the first place was because of people needed someone who is able to maintain public relations, and also for tackling the social concerns.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity.
Bad Example(s)
In this essay, I will support the idea of spending funding on empirical issues due to there are many sections that in need of authorities eye and spending money on art and culture might be unnecessary owing to these social institutes would always exist with or without governor's aid.
This sentence is overly complex and confusing due to its length and structure. It could be split into two or more sentences for clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, with a good use of the present simple to discuss general truths and opinions. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved.
Good example(s)
Suffice to say that, everyone knows there are certain kind of areas that need money more than cultural venture such as poverty, education and economy.
This sentence correctly uses the present simple tense to state a general opinion.
Bad Example(s)
Neither do authorities help cultural events nor do they leave it well enough alone it would always subsist.
The tense usage here is awkward and confusing, disrupting the flow of the argument.
Grammatical Errors
in detail some condemn that the money collected from tax payers should be used on cultural events,
Correction:
in detail, some argue that the money collected from taxpayers should be used for cultural events,
in detail, some argue that the money collected from taxpayers should be used for cultural events,
Clarity and correctness; 'condemn' is not the right word here, and 'tax payers' should be one word.
due to there are many sections that in need of authorities eye
Correction:
because there are many sections in need of the authorities' attention
because there are many sections in need of the authorities' attention
Improper use of 'due to' and a lack of possessive form and clarity.
those who living in need of economical assistance
Correction:
those living in need of economic assistance
those living in need of economic assistance
Incorrect verb form and word choice ('economical' should be 'economic').