Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: The internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of this knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
In the past two decades the growth of internet is increasing throughout the world due to the advancement of technologies. As a result, people gain knowledge by using the internet through computers, laptops, and mobilephones. Is this a positive or negative for humanity? In this essay, I will explore the pros and cons of using internet and try to draw some conclusions.
I will start by looking at the benefits. One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessable for each and everyone in the globe, furthermore individual can communicate with others by using the smartphones or computers from one place. Additionally, internet provide a wide range of job opportunities such as program developer, data analyst, and so on. For instance, millions of people find they interest by the advancement of technology and it helps people to contact a person far away from their native.
On the other hand, the internet have some drawbacks that has detrimental effect on juvenile and youngsters. In this modern era most of the children are addicted to online games that are provided by mobilephones, these software application affects the mental health of the children. Secondly, as I mentioned earlier that internet is easy to access, thus it has less security and hackers can access public data's without their permission. For example, senior citizens have less knowlegde about the technology, so they are easily brainwashed by cyber hackers and they stole their personal details like bank account
To conclude, there are both positive and negative to this internet. In spite of the fact that people can communicate from one place to another and the job opportunities, I believe that everyone should be aware about the hackers before posting our personal details in social media also make awareness about usage mobilephones to childrens those who are addicted to games.
I will start by looking at the benefits. One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessable for each and everyone in the globe, furthermore individual can communicate with others by using the smartphones or computers from one place. Additionally, internet provide a wide range of job opportunities such as program developer, data analyst, and so on. For instance, millions of people find they interest by the advancement of technology and it helps people to contact a person far away from their native.
On the other hand, the internet have some drawbacks that has detrimental effect on juvenile and youngsters. In this modern era most of the children are addicted to online games that are provided by mobilephones, these software application affects the mental health of the children. Secondly, as I mentioned earlier that internet is easy to access, thus it has less security and hackers can access public data's without their permission. For example, senior citizens have less knowlegde about the technology, so they are easily brainwashed by cyber hackers and they stole their personal details like bank account
To conclude, there are both positive and negative to this internet. In spite of the fact that people can communicate from one place to another and the job opportunities, I believe that everyone should be aware about the hackers before posting our personal details in social media also make awareness about usage mobilephones to childrens those who are addicted to games.
Submitted on June 26, 2024 at 10:34 AM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the task of discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread availability of knowledge through the internet. You have structured your essay well, with clear paragraphs for introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. However, there are areas for improvement to reach a higher band score. Firstly, your essay would benefit from more precise language and careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity ('accessable' should be 'accessible', 'internet have' should be 'internet has', 'data's' should be 'data', 'knowlegde' should be 'knowledge', 'childrens' should be 'children'). Additionally, providing more specific examples and elaborating on your points could strengthen your arguments. While you mention job opportunities and mental health issues, deeper analysis and evidence would make these points more compelling. Finally, your conclusion could more explicitly weigh the pros and cons to make a stronger, more nuanced argument. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but could be improved with attention to detail and depth of analysis.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing pros and cons, and a conclusion, which is good for logical organization. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow. Overall, your structure is solid but could benefit from more explicit connections between points. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessible for each and everyone in the globe.
This sentence effectively introduces the advantages of the internet, setting a positive tone for the argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
In this essay, I will explore the pros and cons of using internet and try to draw some conclusions.
Corrected Sentence:
This essay will discuss the advantages of immediate and free access to information via the internet and its disadvantages, including security concerns and its impact on mental health.
This essay will discuss the advantages of immediate and free access to information via the internet and its disadvantages, including security concerns and its impact on mental health.
Make your thesis statement more specific to directly address the essay question.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use more explicit transition phrases that connect your ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing an advantage, you could introduce a disadvantage by saying, 'However, despite these benefits, the internet also presents certain challenges.'
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the conclusion could be more detailed, summarizing the points made more thoroughly. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, the internet have some drawbacks that has detrimental effect on juvenile and youngsters.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing advantages to disadvantages, maintaining a clear structure.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Then, develop this idea with examples or evidence, and conclude the paragraph by linking back to the essay question or leading into the next point.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Band: 6
Bad Sentence(s)
millions of people find they interest by the advancement of technology
Corrected Sentence:
Millions of people find their interests through advancements in technology.
Millions of people find their interests through advancements in technology.
Clarify the sentence and correct grammatical errors to improve coherence.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases that clearly show the relationship between ideas, such as 'consequently,' 'in contrast,' and 'as a result.' Also, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to specific nouns to avoid confusion.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear structure for discussing the advantages and disadvantages of internet use. However, they could be more specific to directly address the impact on knowledge accessibility.
Good Sentence(s)
One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessable for each and everyone in the globe.
This sentence effectively introduces the advantages of internet accessibility.
On the other hand, the internet have some drawbacks that has detrimental effect on juvenile and youngsters.
It clearly signals a shift to discussing the disadvantages, maintaining a balanced argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Is this a positive or negative for humanity?
Corrected Sentence:
This essay will explore the positive and negative impacts of this accessibility for humanity.
This essay will explore the positive and negative impacts of this accessibility for humanity.
Rewrite to make it a statement rather than a question to provide a clearer stance from the beginning.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a statement that directly addresses the essay question. Ensure each topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph that follows.
Counter Points
You have made an attempt to address contrasting viewpoints by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of internet use. However, the integration of these viewpoints could be improved for a more cohesive argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
In this modern era most of the children are addicted to online games that are provided by mobilephones, these software application affects the mental health of the children.
Corrected Sentence:
While the internet facilitates unprecedented access to knowledge, it also leads to challenges such as the addiction among children to online games, which can detract from educational pursuits and affect mental health.
While the internet facilitates unprecedented access to knowledge, it also leads to challenges such as the addiction among children to online games, which can detract from educational pursuits and affect mental health.
Clarify and expand on the counterpoint by directly linking it to the broader discussion on knowledge accessibility.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, explicitly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint before presenting your argument. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect these points and reinforce the relevance of each counterargument to your main thesis.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you've made a commendable effort to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the internet's role in knowledge dissemination. To improve, focus on providing a more balanced argument, clearer thesis statement, and more detailed examples. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and professionalism.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the internet's impact on knowledge accessibility. However, your argument could be more balanced by equally elaborating on both sides.
Good example(s)
One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessable for each and everyone in the globe
This sentence effectively highlights a significant advantage of the internet.
Bad Example(s)
In this essay, I will explore the pros and cons of using internet and try to draw some conclusions.
This sentence is overly general and does not provide a clear thesis statement or preview of your arguments.
Development of Position
Your argument's development is somewhat uneven, with more focus on the negative aspects. Strengthening your position requires more balanced discussion and clearer transitions between points.
Good example(s)
internet provide a wide range of job opportunities such as program developer, data analyst, and so on.
This sentence effectively supports the argument by illustrating a clear benefit of the internet.
Bad Example(s)
To conclude, there are both positive and negative to this internet.
This conclusion is vague and does not effectively summarize the essay's arguments.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need further development and detail to strengthen your argument. More specific instances or data could enhance your points.
Good example(s)
For instance, millions of people find they interest by the advancement of technology and it helps people to contact a person far away from their native.
This example provides a specific advantage of the internet, though it could be articulated more clearly.
Bad Example(s)
Secondly, as I mentioned earlier that internet is easy to access, thus it has less security and hackers can access public data's without their permission.
This sentence introduces a critical disadvantage but lacks specificity and elaboration on how it directly impacts individuals.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong final statement that encapsulates the overall argument or suggests implications for the future.
Bad Example(s)
also make awareness about usage mobilephones to childrens those who are addicted to games.
This sentence in the conclusion is awkwardly phrased and detracts from the overall effectiveness of your closing remarks.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic of internet usage and its implications. However, there's room for improvement in terms of accuracy, avoiding repetition, and expanding your lexical resources to enhance clarity and precision in your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| accessable | accessible | Spelling error. |
| mobilephones | mobile phones | Incorrect compound word usage. |
| internet have | internet has | Subject-verb agreement error. |
| data's | data | Incorrect use of apostrophe for plural. |
| knowlegde | knowledge | Spelling error. |
| childrens | children | Incorrect plural form. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
internet 9 times | web, digital platforms, online networks |
children 2 times | youngsters, minors, youths |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| proliferation Rapid increase in numbers; rapid spread or growth. | Rapid increase in numbers; rapid spread or growth. |
| detrimental Tending to cause harm. | Tending to cause harm. |
| cybersecurity Measures taken to protect a computer or computer system (as on the Internet) against unauthorized access or attack. | Measures taken to protect a computer or computer system (as on the Internet) against unauthorized access or attack. |
| digital literacy The ability to use information and communication technologies to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information. | The ability to use information and communication technologies to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information. |
| virtual Existing or occurring on computers or on the Internet. | Existing or occurring on computers or on the Internet. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of grammar, but there are several areas that need attention. Firstly, pay close attention to the use of articles ('the' with 'internet') and correct verb forms ('has' instead of 'have' for singular subjects). Spelling errors ('knowledge' instead of 'knowlegde') and pluralization ('children' not 'childrens') also detract from the overall quality. Enhancing your grammatical accuracy will significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety in structure, but there's room for improvement in complexity and variation to enhance readability and engagement.
Good example(s)
One of the major plus points of using internet is that it is easy to accessible for each and everyone in the globe, furthermore individual can communicate with others by using the smartphones or computers from one place.
This sentence effectively combines two points with the use of a conjunction, adding variety to the sentence structure.
Bad Example(s)
To conclude, there are both positive and negative to this internet.
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity in its structure, making the conclusion seem rushed and incomplete.
Tense Usage
Overall, your use of tenses is fairly consistent, with a good match between the subject matter and the tense used. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved.
Bad Example(s)
millions of people find they interest by the advancement of technology
The tense usage here is awkward and incorrect. It should reflect either ongoing action or a general truth.
Grammatical Errors
easy to accessable
Correction:
easy to access
easy to access
'Accessible' is an adjective, but after 'to' you should use the verb form.
internet have some drawbacks
Correction:
the internet has some drawbacks
the internet has some drawbacks
'Internet' is a singular noun and needs a definite article and singular verb form.
childrens
Correction:
children
children
'Children' is already plural and does not need an 's' at the end.
less knowlegde
Correction:
less knowledge
less knowledge
Spelling mistake.
internet is easy to access, thus it has less security
Correction:
the internet is easy to access, thus it has less security
the internet is easy to access, thus it has less security
Missing definite article before 'internet'.