Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Problem/Solution Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the potential impact of busy work schedules on the quality of family relationships and suggest possible solutions.
In this modern era, professional life has no preset boundaries leading to busy work schedules. This has an extreme negative impact on the relationships.
This essay examines the problems of hectic work schedules and the possible solutions to solve the misunderstandings caused among families.
The primary concern is that the individuals are so pre-occupied with work, that they forget to spend quality time with their family, thus creating rifts in relationships. Heavy work schedules also affect the physical and mental health of people causing stress,depression and no peace of mind. This leads to misunderstanding among individuals in the family. Also, lack of communication results in lack of expressing emotions, experiences and thoughts which further creates conflicts. For instance, parents fail to spend enough time with children which leads to various problems like children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, being depressed,etc,.
These issues can be solved by different approaches. Since, work is the utmost source of a living in today's world, it is important to maintain a work-life balance. As communication plays a significant role here, companies must initiate plans for employees to get sufficient amount of time as leisure which will positively enhance the relationship among the family members. Additionally, people should learn to give importance to both work and life by balancing them. This would not only reduce conflicts but also will improve the bond they share.
In conclusion, even though problems of conflicts, misunderstandings, breaking of relationships and lack of communications are caused by the busy work schedules, they can be solved by proper work-life balance and appropriate initiatives taken by companies to improve the welfare of the employees.
This essay examines the problems of hectic work schedules and the possible solutions to solve the misunderstandings caused among families.
The primary concern is that the individuals are so pre-occupied with work, that they forget to spend quality time with their family, thus creating rifts in relationships. Heavy work schedules also affect the physical and mental health of people causing stress,depression and no peace of mind. This leads to misunderstanding among individuals in the family. Also, lack of communication results in lack of expressing emotions, experiences and thoughts which further creates conflicts. For instance, parents fail to spend enough time with children which leads to various problems like children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, being depressed,etc,.
These issues can be solved by different approaches. Since, work is the utmost source of a living in today's world, it is important to maintain a work-life balance. As communication plays a significant role here, companies must initiate plans for employees to get sufficient amount of time as leisure which will positively enhance the relationship among the family members. Additionally, people should learn to give importance to both work and life by balancing them. This would not only reduce conflicts but also will improve the bond they share.
In conclusion, even though problems of conflicts, misunderstandings, breaking of relationships and lack of communications are caused by the busy work schedules, they can be solved by proper work-life balance and appropriate initiatives taken by companies to improve the welfare of the employees.
Submitted on July 2, 2024 at 12:15 PM
Overall Evaluation
7.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, outlining the negative impacts of busy work schedules on family relationships and proposing solutions. You have a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems and solutions, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. However, to enhance your essay and potentially increase your score, consider the following:
1. Develop your ideas further with more detailed examples and explanations. While you mention the consequences of not spending enough time with family, such as children indulging in illegal activities, expanding on these points with more specifics could strengthen your argument.
2. Work on coherence and cohesion. Linking words and transition phrases are used, but more varied expressions could improve the flow of your essay.
3. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and punctuation, as these can impact the clarity of your message.
4. Consider discussing a wider range of solutions, including societal or governmental initiatives, to present a more comprehensive view.
Overall, your essay is on the right track. With refinement and deeper analysis, you could achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, effectively discussing the impact of busy work schedules on family relationships and suggesting solutions. The progression from problem to solution is smooth, making your argument easy to follow. Overall, the organization of your essay is strong. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
This essay examines the problems of hectic work schedules and the possible solutions to solve the misunderstandings caused among families.
It effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly outlining the essay's structure.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the paragraph’s main idea. Additionally, use more varied transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue at hand. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct, aiding in the overall readability of the essay. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
The primary concern is that the individuals are so pre-occupied with work, that they forget to spend quality time with their family, thus creating rifts in relationships.
This sentence effectively introduces the main problem discussed in the paragraph, providing a clear focus.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea. Use examples to support your points, and consider integrating counterarguments to provide a more balanced discussion.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs together. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Band: 7.0
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' and 'On the other hand,' to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Also, be mindful of overusing certain phrases, which can make your essay seem repetitive.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively introduce the main ideas of each paragraph, setting a clear direction for the discussion.
Good Sentence(s)
The primary concern is that the individuals are so pre-occupied with work, that they forget to spend quality time with their family, thus creating rifts in relationships.
This sentence clearly outlines the problem being discussed and directly relates to the essay question.
These issues can be solved by different approaches.
It effectively transitions the essay from discussing problems to exploring solutions.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and ensure each topic sentence directly addresses the essay question. Avoid vague language to make your point more compelling.
Counter Points
Your essay primarily focuses on outlining problems and solutions without explicitly addressing contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences that specifically address counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that busy work schedules can strengthen family bonds by highlighting the value of the limited time families spend together, the overwhelming evidence suggests that it more often causes emotional distance and misunderstanding.
While some may argue that busy work schedules can strengthen family bonds by highlighting the value of the limited time families spend together, the overwhelming evidence suggests that it more often causes emotional distance and misunderstanding.
Consider including a paragraph that acknowledges potential disagreements or alternative views on the impact of work schedules on family life, and then refute or reconcile these views with your argument.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or plausible opposing viewpoints related to your topic. Acknowledge these views early in your essay, and then use evidence or reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more compelling or comprehensive solution to the problem.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job in addressing the task. You've clearly discussed the impact of busy work schedules on family relationships and proposed viable solutions. To further improve, consider adding more varied sentence structures, incorporating specific examples or data to support your points, and possibly a stronger call to action in your conclusion. Paying attention to minor grammatical errors and ensuring clarity in your argument will also help.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question effectively by discussing the impact of busy work schedules on family relationships and suggesting solutions. Your essay directly responds to the task requirements.
Good example(s)
Heavy work schedules also affect the physical and mental health of people causing stress, depression and no peace of mind.
This sentence effectively highlights the direct impact of busy work schedules on individual well-being, which is crucial for understanding the broader effects on family relationships.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and progresses logically through the essay. You've maintained a consistent position throughout, which strengthens your overall argument.
Good example(s)
Since, work is the utmost source of a living in today's world, it is important to maintain a work-life balance.
This sentence effectively ties the necessity of work to the importance of balancing it with family life, reinforcing your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples and supporting details are relevant and illustrate your points well. However, incorporating more specific examples or data could enhance your argument further.
Good example(s)
For instance, parents fail to spend enough time with children which leads to various problems like children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, being depressed, etc.
This provides a concrete example of the consequences of neglecting family due to work, making your argument more persuasive.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay and reinforces the solutions to the problem. It effectively wraps up your argument but could be enhanced with a stronger call to action or reflection on the implications of not addressing the issue.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, even though problems of conflicts, misunderstandings, breaking of relationships and lack of communications are caused by the busy work schedules, they can be solved by proper work-life balance and appropriate initiatives taken by companies to improve the welfare of the employees.
This sentence effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates the proposed solutions.
Lexical Resources
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying the negative impacts of busy work schedules on family relationships and suggesting feasible solutions. However, enhancing the variety of expressions and avoiding repetition could further improve your lexical resource score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
problems 3 times | issues, challenges, difficulties |
solutions 2 times | remedies, measures, strategies |
work 5 times | employment, job, occupation |
family 4 times | household, relatives, kin |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| work-life balance The equilibrium between personal life and career work. | The equilibrium between personal life and career work. |
| communication The exchange of information or news between people. | The exchange of information or news between people. |
| conflict resolution The process of resolving a dispute or a conflict. | The process of resolving a dispute or a conflict. |
| mental health A person's condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. | A person's condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. |
| leisure time Free time spent away from business, work, job hunting, domestic chores, and education. | Free time spent away from business, work, job hunting, domestic chores, and education. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is quite solid with minor errors that can be easily corrected. Paying attention to adverb usage and ensuring clarity in complex sentences can further enhance your writing. Additionally, watch out for run-on sentences and strive for precision in your language to improve coherence and cohesion in your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a decent variety in sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences effectively. However, to further enhance your writing, incorporating more compound-complex sentences could add depth and sophistication.
Good example(s)
Since, work is the utmost source of a living in today's world, it is important to maintain a work-life balance.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure, integrating a subordinate clause at the beginning to add context and depth to the statement.
Bad Example(s)
This has an extreme negative impact on the relationships.
The structure is overly simplistic and could be integrated into a more complex sentence to enhance flow and detail.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses throughout the essay is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the standard expectations for academic writing. You effectively use the present simple to discuss current issues and general truths.
Good example(s)
Heavy work schedules also affect the physical and mental health of people causing stress, depression and no peace of mind.
This sentence correctly uses the present simple tense to describe ongoing or habitual actions, which is appropriate for the context.
Grammatical Errors
This has an extreme negative impact on the relationships.
Correction:
This has an extremely negative impact on relationships.
This has an extremely negative impact on relationships.
Adverb 'extremely' should be used to modify the adjective 'negative', not 'extreme'. Also, 'the' before 'relationships' is unnecessary unless specifying particular relationships previously mentioned.
For instance, parents fail to spend enough time with children which leads to various problems like children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, being depressed,etc,.
Correction:
For instance, parents' failure to spend enough time with children leads to various problems, such as children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, and becoming depressed.
For instance, parents' failure to spend enough time with children leads to various problems, such as children indulging in illegal activities, being inspired by immoral values, and becoming depressed.
The original sentence is run-on and lacks clarity. Restructuring improves readability and eliminates grammatical errors such as the unnecessary comma before 'etc.' and the misuse of 'like' in place of 'such as'.